Are You Friends With Any Thai Men?

[vtjforyou]

I do not speak to guys, Thai or not, and women usually can be my friends only few hours until they become my lovers <3

[wym]

I speak Thai fairly well from a functional POV, not well enough to discuss D&M topics though.

So my relationship with Thai men tends to be pretty functional, we get along fine can chat socially, go out have some good times, but most importantly they often help me recruit new talent among their friends and extended family, not as much as my older female contacts maybe 70/30.

[pistachios]

Do you speak Thai?I think this is a huge different between those can speak Thai and those can't.

I do not speak Thai, my Thai chum understands very little English but we get by with our eyes and face stuff. Good fun, course Mrs.Trans helps out too with the difficult translation stuff. Must admit, we have one thing in common though which I cannot reveal here.

No, we are not gay............

You call a guy you can barely communicate with "a friend"?

[Pops]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

I'd say your the odd one. You have lived in a country for 14 years and haven't made one friend from that country.

No, I agree with Pat.

I've made many friends here, none of them Thai.

Probably says more about you than about them.

Been here for 20 years and have a only few people I would call real friends (just like back home).

Thai as well as Farang.

Question for the people who do not have any Thai friends:

Did you have any Asian, Black, Arab, or whatever other race then your own, friends back in your home country ?

If yes, were these friends fully integrated in your society, spoke your language and had a western way of thinking ?

Well down here, you're like this Asian, Black or Arab friend back home.

My experience is that if you integrate in this society, speak the language and adapt to (or at least understand) their way of thinking, you can have Thai friends as well.

Just like everywhere else.

[EyesWideOpen]

I have been here for 14 years. I speak Thai reasonably well. And I do not have any

male Thai friends........ Yet I am considered a pretty friendly person. Like someone

posted, Thai friend relationships are more about connections. And since the world of a

Thai male, and my world are vastly different, with very few connections between the two,

it sort of makes sense that we would not be friends.

[taiping]

I've been in the LoS a looong time but don't have any Thai male friends, perhaps because I'm quite reserved and mostly stick to myself. Some years ago I was friends with the local KTB bank manager and several times we partied out the back of the bank during working hours (!), but we went out one evening and he drove his car like a stupid maniac after a few beers - I vowed never to be his passenger again. The only other times I've been fairly friendly with Thai men, I felt I was being used as the farang pinup. Education, cultural differences, language difficulties, and lack of trust, prevent closer friendships.

[Suradit69]

I have plenty of Thai male friends both younger and older. They are not much different from expat friends except type of activity relax and location. My Thai male friends do like to hang around in large groups and drink. Some groups regularly play golf or go to massages. Other groups like to play football or tennis.

They do tend to get quite chatty but mainly in Thai.

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

Yes, I know several Thai men fairly well ... probably as well as I know all but a very few friends that I made before coming to Thailand. Others more at the acquaintance level or people with whom I do business regularly. One of the bigger hurdles is their ability to speak English because my ability to speak Thai has not reached the casual conversation level ( and probably never will).

In general, when you're younger and working it's far easier to make and lose friends. When you're much older (and I am much older) your interests are more entrenched and your patience for the interests of others diminishes, thus making it difficult to form new friendships that have any depth ... and that has little to do with race or nationality. I don't really know, nor am I especially eager to know, any farangs in Thailand beyond the passing acquaintance level.

I'm pretty sure that's one reason so many farang seem to spend all their time glued to a bar stool. Booze brings down barriers and may allow the illusion/delusion that one has some close friends at some bar "where everybody knows my name" (a reference to the TV show Cheers.).

It's probably also the reason so many older, retired farang seem so pi__ed off about everything in Thailand. Back in Farang Land they had a support group of friends and family that they may have not fully appreciated. It gave them the feeling of belonging and being liked. In Thailand that support is missing and is never likely to reach the same point that it was back home. So naturally they get depressed and blame all the woes in the world on Thailand and Thais.

Close friends in Boston and in Pattaya ??

Edited March 13, 2014 by Suradit69

[JDGRUEN]

I have only been in Thailand for about three months. But I am fairly well schooled in Thai Culture. I did as much homework as possible. I also spent a year here in what seems a life time ago.

Quite frankly I get along much better with women. The best example of that is at a bank where I worked for three years before retiring. I had good work friend relationships with the women - just friends - both single and married women. Men at the bank on the other hand remained mostly as acquaintances ... I am not sure why... I suppose it was related to not being a hunter or wanting to buy off road ATVs and that sort of thing which the men at work were interested in.

Here in Thailand the men I have encountered for the most part do not exude signals of friendship. I do get the feelings at times that the men are jealous of my leisure time (retired) and that I don't have to work. They seem to think I'm rich which I am not. And I believe some resent me having a lovely Thai girlfriend (please note she is a real grown up woman - not a young plaything). Only yesterday a government school official tried to talk to me in the afternoon - he was drunk in the hotel lobby at 4:30 p.m. He was certainly friendly enough but not much could transpire. The other men at the government school administration office are friendly but it wanes when I decline to teach their supervisory staff English for FREE. One fellow who works at the hotel seems to think it is great sport to announce to anyone in ear shot if I should happen to get a beer and sit on the veranda that - "he is drinking beer AGAIN!" This same fellow wanted to inspect my wallet when I paid for a beer - even tried sticking his hand in it. So far here at the hotel I have only had about six beers over a two month time period so this fellow is now on my 'sh_t' list. When going about the town women are friendly - men are stone faced. I do have a friendly nodding relationship with a sidewalk shoe repair guy. He smiles and talks of the hot weather a lot when I pass by. This started after I praised him for his constant hard work. I did meet one interesting Thai gentleman the other day at this huge wedding (about 1000 guests). This guy was around mid 50's, well spoken, a real gentleman but he was taken off by some friends and got lost in the crowd. I was hoping to meet this guy again - but my g/f said she knew of him but did not really know him or how to get back in touch.

It is going to take a long time to find a Thai fellow that may turn out to be a 'friend' but I have always kept my friend list short most of my life and don't see it changing much. I have always had a lot of male acquaintances with whom I have frequently exchanged small talk with but even that may be challenging in Thailand as the social circles that I can become involved in are limited - so far..

[thailampang2012]

One of the reasons I move to Thailand was because I had a wonderful friendship with a Thai owner of a small Homestay in Chiang Mai. I rented a cabin in his property for 3 months and I become part of his family. He speaks English. We were very close like brothers, and he introduce me to Thai life and customs. I really liked him very much. When I was back for good in Chiang Mai, after 2 months in my country, he was separated from his wife and moved out, and I cannot contact him by phone or e-mail. Her wife didn't want to give me any info, just saying that he was very sick. I was very worry. He had my e-mail and phone, but never make contact with me. I kept looking for him for months, thinking that something very wrong happened with him. Just by luck and coincidence I bumped with him in a restaurant. He was distant and cold like we never met before. I never saw him again, and I never understood what happens. Makes me very sad. Sometimes I think he was nice and friendly with me just because I was good deal for his business. Still wondering about....

[orpheus454]

Something wrong with me? ...

Let me count the ways...

[uptheos]

Had what I thought were a few friends, in my earlier, more naive days here.

Now an unequivocal NO.

[transam]

Do you speak Thai?I think this is a huge different between those can speak Thai and those can't.

I do not speak Thai, my Thai chum understands very little English but we get by with our eyes and face stuff. Good fun, course Mrs.Trans helps out too with the difficult translation stuff. Must admit, we have one thing in common though which I cannot reveal here.

No, we are not gay............

You call a guy you can barely communicate with "a friend"?

Why not ?

Are you saying if I were deaf and dumb I cannot have friends.?...................

[Faranguy]

Facts: male indigenous, hetrosexual friends

Skipping western and english speaking countries

2 years in an Arabic country, 3 close friends

3 months in China, 1 close friend

1 day in Taiwan, 1 close friend

5 years in Thailand, 0 close friends

We are the competition here and that's it period.

[n210mp]

Maybe the post title should have read;

Are you "friendly" with any Thai men?

I say this because surely for a person to be considered a friend he or she must be like one of your family.

Remember the old saying "you can choose your friends but not your family."

So really for a person to be a friend then you would have little trouble in him or her being referred to as "family"

I remember a time in the long distant past when tragedy had struck in my life and one of my most close friends said that I wasn't just a good friend but part of the family.

What a simply wonderful thing to say to me at that time and now 50 years later that person still considers me, as I do her and her family part of my family.

The word "Friend" is really bandied about a little too freely in the perspective that it is being used in this post and possibly the word "Mates" should be more appropiate.

Friends are like the best gardens, they need love and patience, time and effort to make them prosper.

[n210mp]

Maybe the post title should have read;

Are you "friendly" with any Thai men?

I say this because surely for a person to be considered a friend he or she must be like one of your family.

Remember the old saying "you can choose your friends but not your family."

So really for a person to be a friend then you would have little trouble in him or her being referred to as "family"

I remember a time in the long distant past when tragedy had struck in my life and one of my most close friends said that I wasn't just a good friend but part of the family.

What a simply wonderful thing to say to me at that time and now 50 years later that person still considers me, as I do her and her family part of my family.

The word "Friend" is really bandied about a little too freely in the perspective that it is being used in this post and possibly the word "Mates" should be more appropiate.

Friends are like the best gardens, they need love and patience, time and effort to make them prosper.

[captnhoy]

Oh my, how ostentatious can one be. And on an anonymous forum, no less. So your requirement of your so-called "friends" is that they must live a jet-set lifestyle (while you're exempted, of course). I can tell you why you don't have any male Thai friends. They find you uninteresting, boring, and pretentious beyond belief.

This is probably my problem too. I sometimes see that I am recreating the role of Cliff on the American TV series Cheers. The know-it-all and I've always had more women friends than men friends.

I did have two male Thai friends who are brothers. As I was building my boat I happened across them building a boat too. As luck would have it their English was passable and we got on well talking boats and fishing. Then when the boats were finished we'd frequently fish together on theirs or mine. 4 years on the elder brother borrowed 20,00 baht of my money from my gf. I would have turned him down because I knew it was not coming back and I don't need to buy my friends. What she did is another story for another time. I let this ride for 2 years until he sold his boat. My money put his boat back to condition to sell. He sold it for 150,000 baht and was so happy. I waited for him to offer the 20,000 back and when he did not I told him I wanted it. He went away like he was embarrassed but invited me to a party at his house a few days later. I asked the brother at the party what's the occasion? Selling the boat? No, he won 120,000 in the lottery. My money was never repaid and neither of them speak to me any more. Where's the friendship?

[anthobkk]

Have some male friends from work, we like to go party together, play music or drink beer after work, but they are just friends not that close. About 6 month ago a new guy join my company, his english is much better than the other guys at work and we are really good friend by now, he introduced me to his other friends and I did the same with my farang friends. We have discussed about the fact i didn't have a real thai friend for the 3 years i spent here but he told me that my thai is not good enough yet and other guy might feel uncomfortable to speak english with me. That's totally understandable. In France I don't think I would be close to someone who can't really speak english and french, I could be friend and have some drink with him but that's all. So let's practice our thai then we will have much more to share with them !

[choochoo]

A farang boy having thai man friend is just as common as farang marrying hi-so thai chinesee....lol.

I just dont see either very often ouside in public.

[thailiketoo]

Absolutely spot on post. I would concede it may be possible but then it's also possible to win the lottery on 3 consecutive months. Even then you're probably just a farang novelty who they take the piss out of behind your back. To consider someone a friend where you can't speak each others language is ridiculous. Then there's those who try to kid everybody they only came for the temples and the culture. You've seen the type , those going around with a wai for everybody looking like a complete prat. They tend to reckon they've got loads of Thai mates.

Just because they play golf or take you out on the piss doesn't mean they're friends. No matter the class or level of education all Thais consider a farang a sex tourist , which of course we all are or we're before we met darling.

Simple fact is Thai men don't like farangs unless there's something in it for them but some farangs are too stupid to see through the falseness.

Through business over a decade I've met about 10,000 Thai men. I'd say 5% don't like Farang because they are Farang. My feelings are in stark contrast to your feelings. How many Thai men do you base your suppositions on? You must have lived here for a long time and met a lot of Thai males but I'm wondering how long and how many?

[ronaldo0]

Most of my friend here are thai. I have about 4 farangs i would class as friends,all therest are just people i know to meet when im out in a bar or restaurant. I prefer to hang out drinking with thais compared to farangs as they seem more fun and they dont just sit about talking as if they are the best thing since sliced bread.Too many people i see in bars seem to think they are Mr Big until they get beat up by someone half their size!

[transam]

Most of my friend here are thai. I have about 4 farangs i would class as friends,all the rest are just people i know to meet when im out in a bar or restaurant. I prefer to hang out drinking with thais compared to farangs as they seem more fun and they dont just sit about talking as if they are the best thing since sliced bread.Too many people i see in bars seem to think they are Mr Big.

Yep,

[OxfordWill]

Oh my, how ostentatious can one be. And on an anonymous forum, no less. So your requirement of your so-called "friends" is that they must live a jet-set lifestyle (while you're exempted, of course). I can tell you why you don't have any male Thai friends. They find you uninteresting, boring, and pretentious beyond belief.

This is probably my problem too. I sometimes see that I am recreating the role of Cliff on the American TV series Cheers. The know-it-all and I've always had more women friends than men friends.

I did have two male Thai friends who are brothers. As I was building my boat I happened across them building a boat too. As luck would have it their English was passable and we got on well talking boats and fishing. Then when the boats were finished we'd frequently fish together on theirs or mine. 4 years on the elder brother borrowed 20,00 baht of my money from my gf. I would have turned him down because I knew it was not coming back and I don't need to buy my friends. What she did is another story for another time. I let this ride for 2 years until he sold his boat. My money put his boat back to condition to sell. He sold it for 150,000 baht and was so happy. I waited for him to offer the 20,000 back and when he did not I told him I wanted it. He went away like he was embarrassed but invited me to a party at his house a few days later. I asked the brother at the party what's the occasion? Selling the boat? No, he won 120,000 in the lottery. My money was never repaid and neither of them speak to me any more. Where's the friendship?

Classic mistake- all you had to do was ask to borrow 20 000 baht and it would likely have been returned. By not engaging in this very Thai mutual delusion (you must always allow the other party to be "doing something for you"- fostering grenjai) you broke a social taboo and as such the awkwardness resulted in the misunderstanding, and ultimate destruction of your relationship. Don't get tempted to judge it by non-thai norms.

Edited March 13, 2014 by OxfordWill

[Card]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

Same with me - been here for 10 years and travelled here since 1987. No one Thai friend that lasted very long so have given up. Apart from my Thai partner - the best friend I ever had! I've never figured out why but most farangs I know say the same. Maybe it's a lack of shared interests, although my membership of a Thai cycling club ended up the same. Anyway. I've given up, can't miss what you never really had.

[bander]

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Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

I'd say your the odd one. You have lived in a country for 14 years and haven't made one friend from that country.

You must either be joking or most of the falang male population in Thailand are odd people, I don't know anybody who have thai male friends, except a few gay men of course

[bander]

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I've encountered a lot of resistance from farangs both back at home in the UK and in Thailand when I've talked about how it is here, generally between Thais and foreigners. A farang who came here in 1985, still here, lives in Chon Buri said to me that 'in the early days' he sensed an exotic interest from the Thai in Johnny Foreigner but that disappeared probably about 15 years ago and since then it's really only the money.

When I asked another farang about ten years ago, he'd been here then for about 20 years, if he thought there was a Thai class system he said with a straight face 'yes', there's those that go down on you and those that don't. Foreigners apart from the Chinese who've bought their way in and from a long time hitherto are a 'section' of the population, legally, socially, pyscologically, educationally and physically different; there's basically no integration; it could be something to do with the fact that the Thai's have never been colonised.

Thailand's not just a S.E. Asian country it's more another planet. I remember many years ago visiting Kao Wang in Phetchaburi during the year that I was teaching English and a Thai teacher recognised me and came running towards me; I was flabaghasted, I honestly thought, just for a minute that she wanted to speak to me as friend/associate/fellow teacher only to discover she'd got a new teaching job in another area and wanted to know if I'd teach for free there on Saturdays.

I think a valid comparison with the Thais is 'the police'; I think most people know that in the main, police mix only with other police - as a farang instead of imagining or 'liking to think' that Thais are your friends better to imagine them as police.

I'm still here because I love it here but there's a lot of 'accepting' to be done and it takes time.

What a well written post, and I couldn't agree more with everything written here :-)

[expatbrat]

Obviously there are many expats here who only think with their dicks, Karma and natural selection will sort them out, I have noticed that, they ! are the ones that complain most about the Thais and therefor the ones less likely to succeed here. Pattaya Beach is full of expat men who have screwed themselves into bankruptcy. because of these sex addicts, it is unfortunate however that Thais think that we are all the same.

Apart from some cultural differences, Thais are the same as everyone else, what I mean by that is, they are all different, not clones. Treat them with the respect they deserve, as you would anyone else and you will receive respect back. I have only been here for a few months, but have been an expat since birth, so very used to being the Falang. Ive made many Thai male friends, there are of course some I don't want to know, I use the first impression rule, which has always got me by in the past. Generally I find Thais much more trust worthy than most nationalities I have known over the years.

May I suggest that you ask your Thai friends out for a drink or a meal and see what happens, you only get out of life what you put into it, so go ahead take the initative, you will probably be surprised. Good luck Tony

PS while im here I have just rented a very nice 2 bed condo with pool at the riverside apartments for the next 5 1/2 months and would like to fill the other room to help with the rent, it has everything including wifi, hot and cold water, 24 hour security, parking, 2 bathrooms with great showers, TV, proper kitchen and quite large. 7,500 BHT pm, no bills.

[NoshowJones]

Been here 14 years and never had or highly unlikely to ever have a Thai male friend.

Absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever. Anyone who says they have 'Thai friends' are very odd people IMO.

There are not any Thai men who I socialise with, the reasons already been documented, but there are some aquaintences.

[uptheos]

Obviously there are many expats here who only think with their dicks, Karma and natural selection will sort them out, I have noticed that, they ! are the ones that complain most about the Thais and therefor the ones less likely to succeed here. Pattaya Beach is full of expat men who have screwed themselves into bankruptcy. because of these sex addicts, it is unfortunate however that Thais think that we are all the same.

Apart from some cultural differences, Thais are the same as everyone else, what I mean by that is, they are all different, not clones. Treat them with the respect they deserve, as you would anyone else and you will receive respect back. I have only been here for a few months, but have been an expat since birth, so very used to being the Falang. Ive made many Thai male friends, there are of course some I don't want to know, I use the first impression rule, which has always got me by in the past. Generally I find Thais much more trust worthy than most nationalities I have known over the years.

May I suggest that you ask your Thai friends out for a drink or a meal and see what happens, you only get out of life what you put into it, so go ahead take the initative, you will probably be surprised. Good luck Tony

PS while im here I have just rented a very nice 2 bed condo with pool at the riverside apartments for the next 5 1/2 months and would like to fill the other room to help with the rent, it has everything including wifi, hot and cold water, 24 hour security, parking, 2 bathrooms with great showers, TV, proper kitchen and quite large. 7,500 BHT pm, no bills.

Got it all sorted during your first week or two in Thailand.......well done.

What's the apartment have to do with Thai male friends?

[techboy]

Yeah. Irionically enough some of my best pals are tuk tuk drivers. We talk about girls, Thai food, a bit about sports (but I am not a big fan)- One is also a Thai Boxing instructor who tries to show me a few moves but for these events I am usually in no condition. They watch my back when I hit the girlie bars. Sometimes when the girls that I know at the massage shop down the street are having a slow day we round up a few of them and head out to Lake Huay Tung Thao with beer and eats that we pick up at a market. The tuk tuk gets loaded too so the ride home is a little rough. At times the ride is free and the driver contributes some real smooth lao kao.

[nanapong]

Absolutely spot on post. I would concede it may be possible but then it's also possible to win the lottery on 3 consecutive months. Even then you're probably just a farang novelty who they take the piss out of behind your back. To consider someone a friend where you can't speak each others language is ridiculous. Then there's those who try to kid everybody they only came for the temples and the culture. You've seen the type , those going around with a wai for everybody looking like a complete prat. They tend to reckon they've got loads of Thai mates.

Just because they play golf or take you out on the piss doesn't mean they're friends. No matter the class or level of education all Thais consider a farang a sex tourist , which of course we all are or we're before we met darling.

Simple fact is Thai men don't like farangs unless there's something in it for them but some farangs are too stupid to see through the falseness.

Through business over a decade I've met about 10,000 Thai men. I'd say 5% don't like Farang because they are Farang. My feelings are in stark contrast to your feelings. How many Thai men do you base your suppositions on? You must have lived here for a long time and met a lot of Thai males but I'm wondering how long and how many?

I've been here 12 years. I don't honestly know how many Thai men i've met but certainly not as many as your average of 3 a day. I'm quite well travelled and a very easy going type of person whose never had any problems making friends wherever i've been or lived. In Thailand it's different for some reason. My experience here of Thai men is not good. Most i've met seem to have a fixation on money or how they can get their hands on mine. In fact the whole country has a fixation on money , the system is rotten to the core where most of the indigenous people think corruption it's acceptable so long as they're getting their cut somewhere along the line. Everybodys perception is aquired through experience. I find Thais the most racist people i've ever met where openly calling the black guy " chocolate man " is the norm. They're obsessed with skin color , the more white the better. I had to laugh the other day , the women now have pussy whitening cream. Do you think this obsession is normal ? If you reckon only 5% of Thai men don't like farangs maybe your business is a mamma / pappa shop in the village and don't see the ulterior motive behind those fake smiles.