One Observation Where I Admire Thai Culture Over My Own

[belg]

no thai will deny a free meal

[thailandbeachisland]

Why some people need a so complicated social life and pretend to have so many friends ?

I need noone except if they work for me, or they are totally useless especially expats.

[bonobo]

To the OP:

Congratulations !!!

You seem to be very well of. Guess you have a great house in an even greater subdivision.

You have more friends than I know people. (I'm not a very social type.)

If I had to accomodate/entertain/feed 600 people, I'd be broke for the rest of my life.

Your future wife must be very beautiful and for sure she is very happy/lucky.

My sincerest congratulations again !

The 600 people was for the ceremony down south in Narathiwat. The venue was the village. We put up tents in the front yards of several adjoining homes, and just abut the entire village turned out for two days to prepare the meal. Most of the guests left a small envelope of money, so while I still had a cost associated with the ceremony, it was not as if I was just entertaining 600 people with food, drink, and music. All of this, except for the envelope thing has been posted here, as well as the fact that it was not my friends who made the journey south (nor many who are coming to the Bangkok ceremony), but my wife's, so I am not sure why your dig on how well off or not well off I am.

[BuffaloRescue]

Free beer?

[wym]

Sting Wais at 1:00 minute. Is Sting daft?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWC4bvU1PpY#t=1m26s

[nithisa78]

It is perception and we get what we give. That is what we've earned. All over the Planet. Same rules. Love towards God, love towards neighbor.

Edited March 17, 2014 by nithisa78

[jacnl2000]

One of the previous stories reminds me of a wedding planner who organized a wedding located quite close to the border of France and Belgium. She should not have told me what to do, which was, sitting down all evening at a specific table of her choice. That made me feel furious, and so I lost my appetite for attending more of those weddings. Maybe more people felt that way and now I see she's probably at work somewhere in Bangkok lol ...

[desdeash]

Most of my friends who have remarried in their later years have had small, intimate ceremonies. A second, third or fourth marriage is rarely seen as a momentous occasion. I suspect that, to some, marrying a Thai lady puts the event even further down the scale.

[JohnDodd]

ask yourself why these foreigners came to this country. Would they be part of the community where they came from or are they outcasts, rebels or social misfits. Many of the farang I meet here are, including myself.

Nice post Neeranam, I'm all 3 Myself.

[nithisa78]

Not sure about Thai culture, but Thais will be very glad to go at any party.

And if you invited 120, I bet you will have 250 coming to you.

Anyway, congratulations for your wedding and wish you a happy life together.

“If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”

- Mother Teresa

[ravip]

The information on this site helps to understand many comments and behaviour too.

[Loles]

Congratulation for your wedding and my best wishes.

[Thai at Heart]

Personally I LOVE weddings, particularly upcountry ones that go on for days.

A few times a year I head out on pre-arranged tours, attending up to a dozen in a row, often bringing along a gang of relatively noob guys sick of the bar scene looking for a nice girl. When the locals here we're coming it boosts the party numbers by a LOT, which our hosts love since everyone contributes to the pig & whisky fund, definitely win-win-win and a LOT of fun!

Several dozen further weddings have resulted, so far pretty good results of them lasting, at least among those that have kept in touch.

I agree. I like simple thai weddings. Cheap whiskey and 1000 year old eggs. The ones I hate Although are where they rent a massive room at the local 4 star hotel and the family count the envelopes. Ghastly.

[The Usual Suspect]

There is no doubt Thais are more social, and community oriented than westerners, one of the things I also really enjoy and appreciate about Thailand. this difference with the west can be exemplified with the following observation.

Homes in the west are build in the front oh the property leaning a back yard where the occupants can live in privacy. Homes in Thailand are for the most part build in the back of the property, with the occupants living in the front where they can socialize with their neighbors and community.

I wish you were living here and not just sample Thai life once in a while.

Then you would experience this socialization with your neighbours being drunk, having the music blowing till 4 in the morning and shouting at the top of their voices.

Then you would have appreciated Thai culture better.

Don't think the OP lives in Isaan where I live and you sometimes visit.

I'm glad I don't live in your village! I live in Isaan and yes, there are the occasional times when there is loud music and drunkeness (new monks, festival times, house blessings, weddings, etc.) but only on the average of once a month. The rest of the time it is quiet and peaceful. The older neighbors on my soi do sit out front most every day. They chat with passers by, eat, play cards, work on crafts or nap. In the evenings, a lot of times whole families are out there doing much the same. I seldom hear anyone shouting or being vulgar. The local (working age) men get together at my next door neighbor's house a few days a week after working in the fields or whatever and knock down a few Leo's and either listen to or play a bit of music, but it's all low key and not offensive at all. I guess it's the luck of the draw where you live and the kind of experiences you have here in LOS. I've been lucky I guess. So far so good.

[wym]

And things can change from time to time, may be great for years and then become awful.

And the obvious precaution is. . .

[ABCer]

Dear bonobo.

Just read your OP.

I can feel your pain, indignation, bewilderment and something akin to 'loss of face'.

But, did you consider the differences between the West and East culture and ways of life?

West:

- social services look after old;

- individualism runs amok;

- personal space is inviolate;

- my house is my castle;

- grown up kids have their own life;

- friends are scarce and far between;

- life is generally good with plenty of food, drinks, music etc.

East:

OPPOSITE to everything above (especially in some Narathivan village).

And finally, maybe, just maybe(?) your definition of 'friends' needs a revision?

As to who likes which 'culture' more - believe me both West and East cultures have pro's and con's.

Wishing you a happy life.

[enyaw]

Once visited a friend in Si Saket who I had known from childhood in the Uk, while there I took a ride around the area on a scooter and I swear one lovely sunny afternoon I was in the middle of nowhere taking a rest sat on the bike on a country lane sipping orange juice sitting back and saw a figure from a distance riding up the lane, fairly isolated just me and them prepared my pleasant smiley face. Was only looking for a nod or a gesture.

It turned out the up coming figure was a male a similar age to me and western peddling away, looked him in the eye with a nod was expecting at least a hello back. Nothing. A complete blank like I wasn't even there?

It's like I am the only farang in the village type F U "king bollo"ks.

Not sure why this is with certain parts of Thailand but you get the sense i am not sure how to put it "lack of camaraderie"

Mosey on through and get off my patch!

Edited March 19, 2014 by enyaw

[thailiketoo]

Once visited a friend in Si Saket who I had known from childhood in the Uk, while there I took a ride around the area on a scooter and I swear one lovely sunny afternoon I was in the middle of nowhere taking a rest sat on the bike on a country lane sipping orange juice sitting back and saw a figure from a distance riding up the lane, fairly isolated just me and them prepared my pleasant smiley face. Was only looking for a nod or a gesture.

It turned out the up coming figure was a male a similar age to me and western peddling away, looked him in the eye with a nod was expecting at least a hello back. Nothing. A complete blank like I wasn't even there?

It's like I am the only farang in the village type F U "king bollo"ks.

Not sure why this is with certain parts of Thailand but you get the sense i am not sure how to put it "lack of camaraderie"

Mosey on through and get off my patch!

So, you are saying that culture is better at acknowledging people riding on bicycles? I kind of agree with that.

[The Usual Suspect]

Once visited a friend in Si Saket who I had known from childhood in the Uk, while there I took a ride around the area on a scooter and I swear one lovely sunny afternoon I was in the middle of nowhere taking a rest sat on the bike on a country lane sipping orange juice sitting back and saw a figure from a distance riding up the lane, fairly isolated just me and them prepared my pleasant smiley face. Was only looking for a nod or a gesture.

It turned out the up coming figure was a male a similar age to me and western peddling away, looked him in the eye with a nod was expecting at least a hello back. Nothing. A complete blank like I wasn't even there?

It's like I am the only farang in the village type F U "king bollo"ks.

Not sure why this is with certain parts of Thailand but you get the sense i am not sure how to put it "lack of camaraderie"

Mosey on through and get off my patch!

I have experienced the same thing in many parts of Thailand, not just in the big cities. Never could figure it out. These guys were ICE COLD, no reaction at all, as if you weren't even there. I don't know if it's fear, arrogance, or just plain mean spirited, but it sucks. Almost without exception (except for some really old folks who just look bewildered), when I pass a Thai person and nod or smile, I always get a reciprocal action.

[elzach]

To the OP, a few points in summary form (and a disclaimer, I didn't read all 4 pages of replies).

A. How many friends accept and show up at a wedding ceremony is a sign of community support?!

No, I think a much better indication would be how many Thais vs. Foreigners here would come to rescue a local girl being beat up by a drunk boyfriend, or save a neighbor from a fire/burglary/flood etc. I think you already know the answers to the above situations and it ain't pretty for the Thai (frankly, Asian outside of Japan) side.

B. As a few have pointed out, this ceremony represents a party to most Thais, a gathering for food and drinks, so why not.

You want a true test of community support? Organize a gathering to support local orphan children with AIDS and count how many Thais vs. foreigners show up.

C. Why do you need to have lots of friends and acquaintances at your wedding in the first place? I believe in private ceremonies with the presence of people who really matter.

Edited March 19, 2014 by elzach

[daveAustin]

Given that traditional weddings here are typically very boring, Thai-orientated and involve the obligatory giving of monies, I think some of your 'friends' could be forgiven for not attending. Have your wedding in your homeland and I'd wager a far higher turnout from your Western friends. Reckon it's not as clear-cut cultural as it appears.

Having said that, I've attended all but one wedding (sickness) I've been invited to here over the years, so perhaps it's just you.

[thailandbeachisland]

Given that traditional weddings here are typically very boring, Thai-orientated and involve the obligatory giving of monies, I think some of your 'friends' could be forgiven for not attending. Have your wedding in your homeland and I'd wager a far higher turnout from your Western friends. Reckon it's not as clear-cut cultural as it appears.

Having said that, I've attended all but one wedding (sickness) I've been invited to here over the years, so perhaps it's just you.

Yes, exactly ! It's even amazing that any foreigner accept to attend any over-boring wedding as they are here, even if it's his own wed !

[Od Bangkok]

Congratulation for your wedding !

- former old sparrow

[teatree]

Thais (and orientals in general) have a strong sense of working as part of a group.

Westerners are very much more individual.

Pros and cons to both ways of thinking.

[GuestHouse]

I think the problem is not Thais are more friendly or more committed friends, rather expats are by definition a self selected group of people who place a lower importance on close relationship ties.

If we did not we could not be expats.

Going back to my home where I grew up, I can organise a bbq and have dozens of old friends I've not seen for years turn-up, the years melt away as if it was only yesterday we met.

I'd never expect that kind of connection across expats, one or two close friends out of all the expats I've met - I think that is quite typical.

[kannot]

anything for free, and the whole village will turn out and the neighbouring villages too...charge em 100 baht each and see how many come then.

How on Earth do you get so many "friends"

Seriously, I can count all mine on maybe 2-3 fingers.

Edited July 4, 2014 by kannot