My gf wants to have an abortion.

[umbanda]

Looks to me that she is very mature and focus for a young woman. Let her to decide about her life and future.....and specially about her family customs. What may be not very important for you, may be very serious for her, and she is a Thai woman living here, not a foreigner in "transit".

Help her financially if need it, to get a good doctor and a good clinic. Use protection next time, and consult a pharmacist if an "accident" happens. Pharmacies sells "next day pills"...one called Madonna.

[Sheryl]

" Really hard situation.

Abortions have a very high rate of "problems" later

Perhaps first you should decide how you really feel about the girl.

If you do really love her and ready for the baby, i would sit down with her, express my love for her and desire for the baby and proposal to marry.

Also show her evidence, that abortion may lead to her never being able to have another baby or baby could be born disabled.

Offer to meet her parents and try to explain that you are there for her, she can still finish uni and live full life with your moral and physical support.

If on the other hand you do not want to be with her or have the baby, then its a different story, but the health warnings are still the same

Good luck"

(the above is a quote from post by whoisyourdaddy, for some reason the quote function does not appear to be working)

There is no such evidence because this is simply not true. A safely performed abortion does NOT increase risks to future pregnancy nor cause sterility.

As to long-term psychological effects this depends entirely on the individual and their reasons for having the abortion, personal beliefs etc etc. Studies have consistently shown that most women who choose to have abortions do nto suffer any long-term psychological adverse effects. And, having an unwanted baby can certainly cause long-term social and psychological problems.

The situation the OP describes is complex and difficult, primarily because the two parties involved have different wishes in the matter and likely different beliefs as regards abortion. But it cannot be solved by recourse to "dangers" of abortion.

As to the risk of fetal damage from the medication taken earlier, the simple truth is that no-one knows. There is no data on the possible effects of these "traditional" remedies. Serious abnormalities will not be evident on sonogram until later in the pregnancy, and if she is going to abort it is best to do so as early in the pregnancy as possible.

Bottom line is, it is the woman's decision. And it must be made with the possibility of fetal abnormality from the medication taken remaining an unknown.

OP, all you can do is sit down with her and express your desire to have the baby and explain what commitments you are prepared to make in that regard. If despite this, she remains determined to have an abortion, there is nothing you can do but chalk it up to experience and in future make certain adequate contraception is used. As you will have done your best to dissuade her and she will have made the choice nonetheless, there is no need for you to feel personally responsible for the decision to abort, though you do of course bear some responsibility for having allowed an unplanned pregnancy to occur. While you are both responsible for the occurrence of the pregnancy, given that it happened the decision to abort will have been hers and hers alone. It appears that she not only can live with that but can live with more easily than with continuing the pregnancy. This is a difference between you that you may have to accept.

Do however make sure that she has a safe legal abortion rather than resorting to any more unsafe measures. You don't want to have both an abortion and the death of this young women to deal with.

As to legality, under Thai law it is up to the physician to determine whether or not in a particular case there is justification for abortion under Thai law, and a second physician has to concur. It sounds as if the physician who was already consulted is of the opinion that it does. None of us has sufficient information nor authority to second guess that. (if by some chance that physician later is unable/unwilling to perform the abortion, then please refer to the pinned notice as it is important that any abortion be performed safely and legally.)

[iamariva1957]

I'm all for having kids 'for the right reasons'.

We've just had TWINS.

But, when you are blessed with the pregnancy that is unwanted by one of the two parents ... obviously difficult issues do arise.

If you convey the reasons and motives for your Thai GF to abort ... they are certainly logical.

While you have some input into the discussion to physical power remains with your Partner.

If you decide to go ahead with the procedure ... while one life will be lost, presuming that she goes on to have children in the future ... others will be created.

Good luck with your collective decision.

OH ... as a newbie Dad and knowing the amazing amount of work that goes into raising a child (two actually) ... my gut feeling would be to delay till you are both ready for this life changing experience.

David, as a newbie dad, as well as the amazing amount of work involved, you also know the joy and happiness your twins bring to you and your wife.

God forbid, you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to your kids.

So why are you advising the OP to terminate the life of his kid?

He is not advising anything in reality. He has just pointed out the underlining question... are the parents ready and therefore understand all the work and the following responsibilities for said child they will have to contend with throughout its life.

Women have aright over their bodies. No matter what the law has to say about it. Switch roles for a minute and ask yourself what would you do. But regardless of all of that... it is up to both sides to discuss the matter and come to a resolution that is best. It is not easy at all, and requires a great deal of thought and planning and realization that the carefree life will end and a new chapter begins.

But to those here that have mentioned the dangers of abortions... yes there can be as with any surgery (which is what it is though without physical scarring) or some medical procedures. However, this is 2014 and not 1924. If done at a proper hospital or medical facility the likelihood of any complications is extremely low, at the most.

An abortion is not an easy choice to make for any reason no matter what the condition of the fetus. It tears at the heart and the soul. Puts into question the religious aspects that one might have and can tear a couple or even a family/ies apart. So tread softly and talk it through. I do agree, however, that if the two of you are not ready to be parents it is perhaps wise.

This is just my opinion... so, please no responses required as this is a volatile subject that holds a great deal of passion for both sides.

[kennypowers]

You are in your 40s so the right thing to do is man up and let her live her life. You've had your 20's and 30's, now let her have her chance to study, flourish and grow into whatever person she decides to become.

If you really love her then swallow your emotion, say you're fully behind her and carry on. If it breaks you up so be it – that will prove it was inevitable anyway, and better broken up without a child than with, especially for her!

She is still very young and the next 10 years will probably be the best of her life. Don't take that from her by laying your emotional burden on her shoulders.

[HooHaa]

it is her body. it is her decision. you can feel whatever you want, but your religion should not determine her next choice.

[Mobi]

As a young man I could see nothing wrong with abortions for women who wanted them, whatever the reason.

Now, in my twilight years, I have become much more 'pro-life' and strongly feel that abortions should only be carried out in certain, extreme circumstances - although if the woman lives in a country where abortions are legalised, then I would never dream of stopping her exercising her legal rights.

But as far as the OP's girlfriend is concerned, abortions are clearly illegal in Thailand, and I for one am amazed that we are discussing and advising someone to commit an illegal act in open forum.

[Sheryl]

it is her body. it is her decision. you can feel whatever you want, but your religion should not determine her next choice.

Should not and can not, as a matter of both practicality and law. Thai law on abortion is complex and nuanced but at no point does it require the consent of the father.

[thepool]

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As a young man I could see nothing wrong with abortions for women who wanted them, whatever the reason.

Now, in my twilight years, I have become much more 'pro-life' and strongly feel that abortions should only be carried out in certain, extreme circumstances - although if the woman lives in a country where abortions are legalised, then I would never dream of stopping her exercising her legal rights.

But as far as the OP's girlfriend is concerned, abortions are clearly illegal in Thailand, and I for one am amazed that we are discussing and advising someone to commit an illegal act in open forum.

That last statement is wrong !

See here

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/143682-abortion-in-thailand/

[Sheryl]

As a young man I could see nothing wrong with abortions for women who wanted them, whatever the reason.

Now, in my twilight years, I have become much more 'pro-life' and strongly feel that abortions should only be carried out in certain, extreme circumstances - although if the woman lives in a country where abortions are legalised, then I would never dream of stopping her exercising her legal rights.

But as far as the OP's girlfriend is concerned, abortions are clearly illegal in Thailand, and I for one am amazed that we are discussing and advising someone to commit an illegal act in open forum.

Not the case. Abortion is legal in a variety of circumstances, including fetal abnormality and danger to the physical or mental health of the mother. See the pinned notice.

[Mobi]

As a young man I could see nothing wrong with abortions for women who wanted them, whatever the reason.

Now, in my twilight years, I have become much more 'pro-life' and strongly feel that abortions should only be carried out in certain, extreme circumstances - although if the woman lives in a country where abortions are legalised, then I would never dream of stopping her exercising her legal rights.

But as far as the OP's girlfriend is concerned, abortions are clearly illegal in Thailand, and I for one am amazed that we are discussing and advising someone to commit an illegal act in open forum.

Not the case. Abortion is legal in a variety of circumstances, including fetal abnormality and danger to the physical or mental health of the mother. See the pinned notice.

It seem to me that the reasons given by the OP for his GF wanting an abortion do not fit the "fetal abnormality and danger to the physical or mental health of the mother" categories and is therefore de facto illegal.

Anyway, I won't belabour the point. Presumably there are doctors who can be 'persuaded' to agree that the woman's mental health may be at risk.

In Thailand anything is available for a price, but I'm still surprised that a discussion on the 'circumvention of the law' is permitted on Thai Visa.

But so be it, and I will butt out....

Edited March 17, 2014 by Mobi

[Sheryl]

The OP was not able to understand much of what was said between his Gf and the doctor and it appears that the doctor was of the opinion that an abortion would be legal under Thai law in this instance. Whether because of emotional factors the OP is unaware of/doers not understand, or the risk of fetal deformity (which does exist given that she took a "poison" to self abort), or the risk to her physical health given that she has already demonstrated a determination to abort and willingness to use unsafe means of doing so, we have no way of knowing. But it hardly sounds like the doctor was "persuaded" to fudge anything.

I personally cannot imagine of a situation wherein being forced to continue an unwanted pregnancy would not be severely injurious to a woman's mental health. But then I am a woman and have actually experienced these things as well as worked with hundreds of other women in that situation. I don't think men really comprehend what goes into being pregnant. Continuing a pregnancy is not simply refraining from abortion. It is completing giving over your body, 24 hours a day every day for 9 months, to an immense, all-consuming process that is outside of anything men ever undergo. If for whatever reason a woman's pysche is unable to accept this process and this pregnancy, the effects are devastating. Which is why women will risk their lives with illegal abortions.

[belg]

if the child is unwanted, why keep it and complicate things???

you will resent her if she does an abortion, but she might resent her own child for killing her future ?

if this comment ok with the moderators or will i get another 1 week ban for posting my opinion?

[Mobi]

If every woman who wanted an abortion could do so under the mental health provision then there seems little point in having an abortion law at all.

Yes I am a man and maybe I am not as qualified to speak as those who have to carry babies for 9 months.

However it does beg the question why women who are not ready or are unwilling to be pregnant dont think it through and take appropriate precautions. Ok accidents can happen etc but surely taking precautions up front is preferable to destroying a new life down the line?

Also as far as mental health is concerned, there can be serious issues with some women who go through with abortions. Which is worse?

[juggernaut]

So much for the OP not wanting this topic in the daily email......

[tigergrl]

Ultimately, the decision is hers as it affects her life the most, her body, her parents, her life. it takes two to get

pregnant, but the vast majority of the physical burden falls on the woman.

If you love her enough to want to marry her, and help support a child.. tell her so, ask to meet her parents,

and change your priorities for your new life. If you feel in any way that this is not possible for you, let her

make her own decisions.

Her parents may be strict. They may not approve of a foreign boyfriend/husband, there may be many things

you don't know about her...

But if you decide to step up and take responsibility, tell her. Tell her you support her choices, that you wish

to support her decision to better herself with her education, that you will be there to help her and you want

to keep the child and get married. You will still have to live with her final decision.

Having children when all the pieces fall into place is ideal.. but few things are ideal in this world, the pieces

fall where they may. Best of luck to you.

[ggt]

1. She wants to pursue her university Masters degree. 2. I have not met her parents yet. 3. We do not know each other long enough yet. She has always said that her parents are number one in her life and that if they did not approve of me then we would be finished.

4. She may be pregnant with a Thai male...would be obvious at birth...just saying...

[seancbk]

Killing a baby is a very sensitive topic.

why should she want to kill a baby..

Let's dispense with the highly charged terms, shall we?. The OP's GF is about 5 weeks along. It's a collection of cells, not a baby.

As to the OP's situation, IMO he should make his position on the matter clear and then come to terms with the reality that she is going to do whatever she wants to do.

It's the beginning of a NEW LIFE, of a human being.

That has no awareness of its own existence. So although technically alive (if you insist on calling cells 'alive'), if it is never born it will have never known life so it won't have any 'thoughts' on the subject.

It is the girl's body so the decision is entirely HERS.

[whoisyourdaddy]

" Really hard situation.

Abortions have a very high rate of "problems" later

Perhaps first you should decide how you really feel about the girl.

If you do really love her and ready for the baby, i would sit down with her, express my love for her and desire for the baby and proposal to marry.

Also show her evidence, that abortion may lead to her never being able to have another baby or baby could be born disabled.

Offer to meet her parents and try to explain that you are there for her, she can still finish uni and live full life with your moral and physical support.

If on the other hand you do not want to be with her or have the baby, then its a different story, but the health warnings are still the same

Good luck"

(the above is a quote from post by whoisyourdaddy, for some reason the quote function does not appear to be working)

There is no such evidence because this is simply not true. A safely performed abortion does NOT increase risks to future pregnancy nor cause sterility.

As to long-term psychological effects this depends entirely on the individual and their reasons for having the abortion, personal beliefs etc etc. Studies have consistently shown that most women who choose to have abortions do nto suffer any long-term psychological adverse effects. And, having an unwanted baby can certainly cause long-term social and psychological problems.

The situation the OP describes is complex and difficult, primarily because the two parties involved have different wishes in the matter and likely different beliefs as regards abortion. But it cannot be solved by recourse to "dangers" of abortion.

As to the risk of fetal damage from the medication taken earlier, the simple truth is that no-one knows. There is no data on the possible effects of these "traditional" remedies. Serious abnormalities will not be evident on sonogram until later in the pregnancy, and if she is going to abort it is best to do so as early in the pregnancy as possible.

Bottom line is, it is the woman's decision. And it must be made with the possibility of fetal abnormality from the medication taken remaining an unknown.

OP, all you can do is sit down with her and express your desire to have the baby and explain what commitments you are prepared to make in that regard. If despite this, she remains determined to have an abortion, there is nothing you can do but chalk it up to experience and in future make certain adequate contraception is used. As you will have done your best to dissuade her and she will have made the choice nonetheless, there is no need for you to feel personally responsible for the decision to abort, though you do of course bear some responsibility for having allowed an unplanned pregnancy to occur. While you are both responsible for the occurrence of the pregnancy, given that it happened the decision to abort will have been hers and hers alone. It appears that she not only can live with that but can live with more easily than with continuing the pregnancy. This is a difference between you that you may have to accept.

Do however make sure that she has a safe legal abortion rather than resorting to any more unsafe measures. You don't want to have both an abortion and the death of this young women to deal with.

As to legality, under Thai law it is up to the physician to determine whether or not in a particular case there is justification for abortion under Thai law, and a second physician has to concur. It sounds as if the physician who was already consulted is of the opinion that it does. None of us has sufficient information nor authority to second guess that. (if by some chance that physician later is unable/unwilling to perform the abortion, then please refer to the pinned notice as it is important that any abortion be performed safely and legally.)

You may well be right, i can only speak from experience.

My cousin had an abortion at the age of 21.

10 or so years later she had a child who is disabled.

Doctors advised reason for problem with child is an abortion(true or not i do not know)

My mother had an abortion due to medical complication.,Later when she was pregnant with me, i was born dead and had to be revived.

She had another abortion later, after me as parents were splitting up, had female problems for the rest of her life.

I do not need to read or see any studies, i have seen 2 women close to me and both ended up with complications

While the decision does rest with a woman, i do not agree it is entirely up to her.

Man is also part of the equation, and despite what many women think or men admit, men also have heart, feelings and emotions.

Clearly girl has a lot on her shoulders right now, but things need to be worked out and thought through prior to making such a life changing decision.

[HooHaa]

As a young man I could see nothing wrong with abortions for women who wanted them, whatever the reason.

Now, in my twilight years, I have become much more 'pro-life' and strongly feel that abortions should only be carried out in certain, extreme circumstances - although if the woman lives in a country where abortions are legalised, then I would never dream of stopping her exercising her legal rights.

But as far as the OP's girlfriend is concerned, abortions are clearly illegal in Thailand, and I for one am amazed that we are discussing and advising someone to commit an illegal act in open forum.

abortion in thailand is not illegal. There are criteria, and some are draconain, but legal abortion is performed in the kingdom daily.

[Berkshire]

Though I am pro-choice and agree with the law that abortion is the best choice in rape/incest pregnancy or if necessary to save the life of the woman, proceeding with an abortion based on economic or social reasons is not grounds for which abortion is permitted.

You're pro-choice? You sound very much anti-choice/pro-life.

I believe the father does have a say, but ultimately, it's the woman's choice. It's her body. And the reasons for her choice doesn't really matter as she is the one who has to live with it. As such, she doesn't have to justify her reasons to anyone. The OP should respect her decision. If in the future they ever decide to start a family, they can still do it. Why do it now if she's not ready?

[dotx]

Those of you here who are pro-life, I'm just going to say one thing: It's very easy to be pro-life when you're a man.

As a woman, things are very different. She's the one who will be stuck with the kid if the relationship ends. Even if it doesn't, most women become the primary caretakers of children, with their partners "chipping in." Yes, I know that's not always the case, but it happens a lot. Plus, she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy!

Plus, you do NOT bring an unwanted child into the world. If she wants to focus on her career, having a kid is only going to make her resentful. That's a horrible place to be for a child. It's crap that she'll end up loving the kid once it's here and all that. A lot of unloved, unwanted kids in the world. It's a very unfair decision unless it's her decision -- because, again, she's the one who has to have the baby.

[whoisyourdaddy]

Those of you here who are pro-life, I'm just going to say one thing: It's very easy to be pro-life when you're a man.

As a woman, things are very different. She's the one who will be stuck with the kid if the relationship ends. Even if it doesn't, most women become the primary caretakers of children, with their partners "chipping in." Yes, I know that's not always the case, but it happens a lot. Plus, she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy!

Plus, you do NOT bring an unwanted child into the world. If she wants to focus on her career, having a kid is only going to make her resentful. That's a horrible place to be for a child. It's crap that she'll end up loving the kid once it's here and all that. A lot of unloved, unwanted kids in the world. It's a very unfair decision unless it's her decision -- because, again, she's the one who has to have the baby.

Not all men are heartless pigs and to think most are is simply ignorant.

Many men raise children alone for variety of reasons.

But you hardly hear about this cases, because men do not go around crying about it.

I have 5 friends, all single fathers and all raising children alone, while ex-wives/mothers are too busy searching for a new man or living a new life.

[Sheryl]

You may well be right, i can only speak from experience.

My cousin had an abortion at the age of 21.

10 or so years later she had a child who is disabled.

Doctors advised reason for problem with child is an abortion(true or not i do not know)

My mother had an abortion due to medical complication.,Later when she was pregnant with me, i was born dead and had to be revived.

She had another abortion later, after me as parents were splitting up, had female problems for the rest of her life.

I do not need to read or see any studies, i have seen 2 women close to me and both ended up with complications

While the decision does rest with a woman, i do not agree it is entirely up to her.

Man is also part of the equation, and despite what many women think or men admit, men also have heart, feelings and emotions.

Clearly girl has a lot on her shoulders right now, but things need to be worked out and thought through prior to making such a life changing decision.

There is absolutely no physiological mechanism whereby a past abortion will cause a deformity in a subsequent child. None, zero.

Many women who have never had an abortion have gynecological problems. If her abortion was safely performed, it is very unlikely it had anything to do with whatever the specific "female problems" that she subsequently had were.

Illegal abortions, of course, are often unsafe and may cause long term physical problems for the woman.

[dotx]

Those of you here who are pro-life, I'm just going to say one thing: It's very easy to be pro-life when you're a man.

As a woman, things are very different. She's the one who will be stuck with the kid if the relationship ends. Even if it doesn't, most women become the primary caretakers of children, with their partners "chipping in." Yes, I know that's not always the case, but it happens a lot. Plus, she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy!

Plus, you do NOT bring an unwanted child into the world. If she wants to focus on her career, having a kid is only going to make her resentful. That's a horrible place to be for a child. It's crap that she'll end up loving the kid once it's here and all that. A lot of unloved, unwanted kids in the world. It's a very unfair decision unless it's her decision -- because, again, she's the one who has to have the baby.

Not all men are heartless pigs and to think most are is simply ignorant.

Many men raise children alone for variety of reasons.

But you hardly hear about this cases, because men do not go around crying about it.

I have 5 friends, all single fathers and all raising children alone, while ex-wives/mothers are too busy searching for a new man or living a new life.

That's not even close to what I said. Don't put words in my mouth.

The woman is still the one who has to go through the pregnancy and delivery -- and she shouldn't be asked to do it if she doesn't even want the baby in the first place.

Edited March 17, 2014 by dotx

[ozyjon]

Blah blah blah, yawn yawn yawn, wrap your head around the fact that this is Thailand,, put you Thai rosy glasses on and look at things their way, STOP thinking like a westerner with emotion, new dad, living human being, love love vomit, wake up, you are in Thailand, they are smarter than you, look at all the bar girls, and those that love you for money, how many don't care if you wear a rubber or not, then tell you OH darling i not have period this month, give me 15,000 baht for an abortion, so in your manly western way feel guilty and you fork out the money so you can "do the right thing" and so on and on it goes, the reality is.... now listen, in Thailand you can buy in any pharmacy, village convenience shop and over the counter an abortion pill, many girls carry this pill with them, just in case, they know the score, any way they get pregnant is if they want to, so they can scam the falang (probably) so getting pregnant by mistake is highly unlikely and getting an abortion is illegal in Thailand and so are pirated movies, get it. (wake up)

[Berkshire]

STOP thinking like a westerner with emotion, new dad, living human being, love love vomit, wake up, you are in Thailand,

Are you suggesting that abortions don't occur in the west? What planet are you from?

[Sheryl]

Though I am pro-choice and agree with the law that abortion is the best choice in rape/incest pregnancy or if necessary to save the life of the woman, proceeding with an abortion based on economic or social reasons is not grounds for which abortion is permitted.

You're pro-choice? You sound very much anti-choice/pro-life.

I believe the father does have a say, but ultimately, it's the woman's choice. It's her body. And the reasons for her choice doesn't really matter as she is the one who has to live with it. As such, she doesn't have to justify her reasons to anyone. The OP should respect her decision. If in the future they ever decide to start a family, they can still do it. Why do it now if she's not ready?

I was at one time an abortion counsellor. In my (large) experience, the decision to have an abortion can not be encapsulated into a set of specific "reasons", though women are often compelled (by law or society) to come up with such lists to explain themselves.

Whatvere the ostensible reason(s) there will be some woman, somewhere, with the same factor(s) who does not seek an abortion.

Bottom line is that it is gut feeling of the woman that she, as she is right now, simply is not able to tolerate/sustain this specific pregnancy. You either have it in you or you don't, and what has to be in you is a lot. It is posisble to be physically pregnant but psychologically incapable for accepting either any pregnancy at this time or this particular pregnancy in these particular circumstances (and any attempt to explain that will at best be incomplete).

Only the woman knows if she is able to continue a pregnancy. No-one else can know this for her.

Opinion polls on abortion consistently show drastically different results depending in how the question is phrased. "Under what circumstances is abortion justified?" gets very different (and more conservative/pro-life-ish) responses than does "Under what circumstances, if any, should a woman be forced to continue a pregnancy against her will?" which gets far more pro-choice answers even when asked of the same people.

This is not the contradiction it may appear to be as these are in fact very different questions. The problem is people apply the wrong ones to the wrong circumstance.

As regards an abortion decision that you as an individual have to make, "Under what circumstances is abortion justified?" is indeed the question to ask.

But as regards what the law should be, or what someone else should somehow be made to do, the question is: ""Under what circumstances, if any, should a woman be forced to continue a pregnancy against her will?".

One can certainly believe that the OP's gf, or any other woman, is not morally justified in deciding to abort without having to advocate that she/they be forceably prevented from doing so. (Though it might be wise to consider that you are not in her shoes and may not fully know just what those shoes are).

Since making abortion illegal not only does not prevent it or even reduce its frequency (though it does make it dangerous to the woman), effectively forcing a woman to continue a pregnancy would likely entail imprisoning her for a full 9 months, and perhaps (since she could still attempt to self-abort in jail) keeping her spread-eagled in physical restraints for that entire time. While there are some extremists who would indeed advocate this most people would back away from such an egregious infringement of human liberty, even if they find the idea of abortion distasteful or morally repugnant.

[whoisyourdaddy]

You may well be right, i can only speak from experience.

My cousin had an abortion at the age of 21.

10 or so years later she had a child who is disabled.

Doctors advised reason for problem with child is an abortion(true or not i do not know)

My mother had an abortion due to medical complication.,Later when she was pregnant with me, i was born dead and had to be revived.

She had another abortion later, after me as parents were splitting up, had female problems for the rest of her life.

I do not need to read or see any studies, i have seen 2 women close to me and both ended up with complications

While the decision does rest with a woman, i do not agree it is entirely up to her.

Man is also part of the equation, and despite what many women think or men admit, men also have heart, feelings and emotions.

Clearly girl has a lot on her shoulders right now, but things need to be worked out and thought through prior to making such a life changing decision.

There is absolutely no physiological mechanism whereby a past abortion will cause a deformity in a subsequent child. None, zero.

Many women who have never had an abortion have gynecological problems. If her abortion was safely performed, it is very unlikely it had anything to do with whatever the specific "female problems" that she subsequently had were.

Illegal abortions, of course, are often unsafe and may cause long term physical problems for the woman.

From my understanding of both cases i mentioned, something was done wrong or something went wrong, some bleeding or some damage.

Again, i do not know the full details, as i also can not comment on if these were illegal or not as this was long time ago.

[Sheryl]

Blah blah blah, yawn yawn yawn, wrap your head around the fact that this is Thailand,, put you Thai rosy glasses on and look at things their way, STOP thinking like a westerner with emotion, new dad, living human being, love love vomit, wake up, you are in Thailand, they are smarter than you, look at all the bar girls, and those that love you for money, how many don't care if you wear a rubber or not, then tell you OH darling i not have period this month, give me 15,000 baht for an abortion, so in your manly western way feel guilty and you fork out the money so you can "do the right thing" and so on and on it goes, the reality is.... now listen, in Thailand you can buy in any pharmacy, village convenience shop and over the counter an abortion pill, many girls carry this pill with them, just in case, they know the score, any way they get pregnant is if they want to, so they can scam the falang (probably) so getting pregnant by mistake is highly unlikely and getting an abortion is illegal in Thailand and so are pirated movies, get it. (wake up)

This is not correct. Possibly you are confused with the morning after pill, which is not the same thing.

And in both Thailand and every other country in the world, women do become pregnant without having intended it.

Since the woman in the OP is not seeking anyhting from the man -- not marriage, not money, nada -- it is very unlikely she wanted to get pregnant.

[whoisyourdaddy]

Those of you here who are pro-life, I'm just going to say one thing: It's very easy to be pro-life when you're a man.

As a woman, things are very different. She's the one who will be stuck with the kid if the relationship ends. Even if it doesn't, most women become the primary caretakers of children, with their partners "chipping in." Yes, I know that's not always the case, but it happens a lot. Plus, she's the one that has to go through the pregnancy!

Plus, you do NOT bring an unwanted child into the world. If she wants to focus on her career, having a kid is only going to make her resentful. That's a horrible place to be for a child. It's crap that she'll end up loving the kid once it's here and all that. A lot of unloved, unwanted kids in the world. It's a very unfair decision unless it's her decision -- because, again, she's the one who has to have the baby.

Not all men are heartless pigs and to think most are is simply ignorant.

Many men raise children alone for variety of reasons.

But you hardly hear about this cases, because men do not go around crying about it.

I have 5 friends, all single fathers and all raising children alone, while ex-wives/mothers are too busy searching for a new man or living a new life.

That's not even close to what I said. Don't put words in my mouth.

The woman is still the one who has to go through the pregnancy and delivery -- and she shouldn't be asked to do it if she doesn't even want the baby in the first place.

Interesting theory.

So if the man does not want the baby in the first place, then i guess he should NOT be asked or made to support it?