Popular Post khunpa Posted March 25, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Coming from an expat family, I was raised abroad and have lived in many different countries as a kid. I only went home briefly to my home-country to study and finish my university degree, before I again ended up living and working abroad. Now after so many years away from my home-country, I feel kind of "root-less" - like I have no real "nationality-feeling". I could basically live in any country and feel that is my "home". But at the same time, I do also not feel that I am e.g. Thai. I feel more like I do not truly belong anywhere, but at the same time could live anywhere in the world and still feel fine about that. Its kind of a strange feeling. The times I have visited my home country, I actually feel like a complete stranger and feel stupid when there, because I e.g. do not even know how the train system works there anymore. Can anyone relate to this kind of root-less feeling, of being kind of not really belonging to the country your passport is from? Edited March 25, 2014 by khunpa 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post inthepink Posted March 25, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yes 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunpa Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yes Don't you sometimes envy people that have a real nationality feeling of belonging to a certain country and being proud of it? I sometimes wish I had that feeling. But I just don't... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inthepink Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Well, not really. I was not brought up overseas like yourself so perhaps I still have a stronger sense of national identity but it's not something of which I would be envious. I have been here about 11 years and now find that neither Thailand nor the UK feels like my home, which as you say, makes me feel rootless. So, while I no longer feel like I belong in / to the UK, I maybe feel more British than I would if I had been raised abroad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benalibina Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Do you know why this comes up now ? I guess that u are around mid 40s of age. If you know the answer of the why question.....u can get the solution.....soulsearching...... I dont have same background as you but i can understand the feeling...i.e...living it..... I know though if i could be with my kids on a daily basis i could not care where it is......but better here in europe than in thailand. Edited March 25, 2014 by benalibina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fatdrunkandstupid Posted March 25, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 25, 2014 Being rootless is a much safer outlook than being nationalistic. Rootless people don't rally under swashstickers or burning crosses. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post wym Posted March 25, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 25, 2014 yes and it's a good thing would trade my native passport for a better one in a heartbeat would love to see all borders eliminated 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Just dropped by to say ... nice OP ... I can sympathise, though not emphasise with your situation ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToddWeston Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I'm fortunate I think, I was born in England and spent most of my life in Canada and love both. I feel connection with Aussies and Kiwis because of the Commonwealth and I often find myself feeling nationalistic for my cousins as well as my two home nations. I wouldn't like the feeling of being rootless. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daoyai Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 I want to go home... if I knew where it was, I would go there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmo88 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Yes. Although one can worry about it at times, in the end I think it is a strength, especially if you are multi-lingual. Edited March 26, 2014 by Cosmo88 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nautilus05 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Yep, but I view it as a good thing. You end more more open minded, more accepting of differences in people / culture, everyone ends up on the same level playing field in your mind as we're all human, etc. Plus as you mentioned, settling into a new country is quite a bit easier compared to someone who has never left their home country. Besides, I'd much rather be like that versus some tourists you see in say Cancun, Mexico. You know the type... all frustrated and screaming, because they're American, and the poor Mexican servants aren't at their beck and call exactly like they want. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post khunpa Posted March 26, 2014 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 26, 2014 Do you know why this comes up now ? I guess that u are around mid 40s of age. If you know the answer of the why question.....u can get the solution.....soulsearching...... I dont have same background as you but i can understand the feeling...i.e...living it..... I know though if i could be with my kids on a daily basis i could not care where it is......but better here in europe than in thailand. I guess it has come up, because I recently have met with tourists and expats from my home country here and talked with them. When talking with them I just feel completely different somehow; like I can not relate to their feelings about our home country. I have simply lost touch with the culture, traditions etc. of my home country and as mentioned I do not even enjoy visiting it. I could find dozens of other countries, I would rather spend my money and holiday on. I know many fellow expats and countrymen here, who spend a great deal of time interacting will fellow countrymen in clubs/events etc. They always ask me if I do not want to join them, but I always find an excuse to not go. I just do not have the need for it and also feel I do not have much in common besides the ability to speak the same language. Our mindsets are mostly completely different. They talk about the news back home, politics etc. I have no idea of what has been going on there for years. I can't even sing along, if people get drunk and start singing a song from my home country, because mostly I never heard the damn song before. In other words I feel strange and out of place somehow. One of my favorite farang-foods is a big english breakfast with real greasy english sausages and baked beans, and I am not even from England (but lived there before.) Besides that the food, I miss most is the food from the other countries I lived before. How fxxked up is that? :-) Before, I thought it was nice to meet a fellow countryman abroad, but now I really can not be bothered much. I guess it is because I have meet so many people abroad and each time it ends up with 1-3 years of friendship before someone moves on. So I lost the energy to pursue this, because it always ends up as a short term thing and the "friendships" are mostly based on us being at the same place at the same time, with the same passport and not e.g. personal interests. I always get the "Don't you miss this and that at home?" I really don't, but sometimes say "Yes", just to keep the conversation going. And most of the time, they have to explain if the conversation involves news, politics or something like that. I can only recall stuff that happened more than 20 years ago and feel like a 120 year old person with Alzheimers most of the time. People have to feed me with info, before I can understand or join the debate. I have a few good friends from my own country that I met abroad and I really enjoy when they come to Thailand and visit. But they are all also people that have lived most of their life abroad and still do. Besides that we have common experiences from the countries we met in. But I guess I should not worry too much about this. Because, I really have a good life and I am truly happy here. But I sometimes think it would be nice to have some kind of emotional connection to the place I was born and where my passport is from. But you are right, it is a kind of soul searching... I hope Thailand is my end-destination. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisinth Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Although I wasn't from an expat family, I have been travelling since I was 15, leaving home at this age. After being dragged up through the troubles in Belfast in the 60's and early 70's, travel was the only option available that would get me in the least trouble at the time.............. Since then to now, after travelling the world, I actually feel settled; I have lived static in Thailand longer than any other period in my life! I do still have family living in the UK, but apart from that (and my bank accounts & passport) these are the only roots remaining for me. However, this has never troubled me, and if circumstances dictated, visas approved, I could probably adapt anywhere in the world. IMHO, it is not everyone that can be an expat. If your mind is not free to adapt, and accept, other people's ways of life, if you have trouble unhitching the life style and customs you have been taught as a child, if you are unwilling to solve problems by yourself without reliance of protective bodies, then you are going to have trouble starting your new adventure or continue living it happily. Oh, and getting involved in the politics of your host country, in most cases to be seen to fit, doesn't actually help either. Again, IMHO.................... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebluewater Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Show me the way to go home boom boom boom . . . . I think you can all fill in the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Suradit69 Posted March 26, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) I feel more like I do not truly belong anywhere, but at the same time could live anywhere in the world and still feel fine about that. Its kind of a strange feeling. Belonging somewhere is largely an illusion anyway. Many people have spent their entire lives within 50 miles of where they were born and they may or may not really belong. Depends on a lot more than just a location or nationality. I left the US 40 years ago. Lived and worked in 4 different countries. The first time I went back to the US for a short visit I really felt alien, but subsequent visits were no big deal. When I'm with people I know and who know me, it doesn't matter much where we are. And these days it's easy to "be with" people wherever you happen to be, thanks to the Internet. If I ever feel a twinge of homesickness, it's for one of many combinations of people, locations and certain times in my life, and those particular combinations can no longer exist except in the memories I share with those people at those special times. Locations change, people move on and time is lost forever: The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it. Just in the past week I reconnected with 8 fraternity brothers from nearly 50 years ago at the University of Illinois and the number is increasing literally by the day. Although they now live all over the US and we connected by email, they give me a sense of belonging. Even if I were in the US I doubt we'd all ever manage to get together, but I still belong to the time and place that we all shared once, even if that time and place are gone forever. Don't look for reasons to feel you don't belong. Some of the those people who never ventured very far from where they were born probably envy you and you probably belong to more people/places/times than they could imagine. Edited March 26, 2014 by Suradit69 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goatfarmer Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Yes Don't you sometimes envy people that have a real nationality feeling of belonging to a certain country and being proud of it? I sometimes wish I had that feeling. But I just don't... No! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unanimosity Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Yes Don't you sometimes envy people that have a real nationality feeling of belonging to a certain country and being proud of it? I sometimes wish I had that feeling. But I just don't... That could have a lot to do with where you were born. So many countries have nothing to be proud about, thus instill little pride in native born. But, you have too much time on your hands. Do you overthink everything like this? No offense, but you must be a woman, or if not, should have been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ggt Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You do not belong here...you do not feel at home there...just go somewhere...and stay put for a little while...it will soon feel like home... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expat888 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You will never feel at home in Thailand because the Thais don't want you. They want your money then you need to get out. It may feel familiar but that is the best it gets. What you are feeling is just a phase that we all go through after being in a different country especially Thailand. Frankly I like it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abhaya Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 we are all just passing through this life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CapeCobra Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion, too. John Lennon said it all. I love my planet. Take a trip to space, and you will no longer suffer under a lack of belonging. Home is where I hang my hat. It is my choice. Being born somewhere was not my choice. Don't let Dawkins' meme control your choices. Cape Cobra 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearbearjohn Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Home is where your heart is. It has nothing to do with dirt. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sewell Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Technically within the same country, but I grew up in Scotland to English parents. We then moved to London in my early teens. The two places were pretty different in terms of culture. Through childhood I was always the English kid. In my teens I was always the Scottish kid. Continually an outsider. I think it contributed to me having a slightly less patriotic or nationalistic outlook than those around me. There are certain things I love about all parts of the UK, but there are many things I'd like to see changed. This is the same way I now view Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Razer64 Posted March 26, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 26, 2014 Absolutely can relate to you. You sound a lot like me. Like a nomad. I felt pretty bruised most of my life not fitting in anywhere nor with anyone. I always thought it was I who was rejected by everyone. But now I realize that it was always the other way around. I never wanted to stick around in anyone place for too long, because I knew I would get an anchor placed around my neck and end up stuck there. I wouldn't allow anyone to accept me even if I could. I love my experimental, adventurous lifestyle. I go where I want with whomever I want and do whatever I want whenever I want. I wouldn't trade any of that for anything in the world. I love being a nomad. Proud to be a nomad. Sooner or later, I'll be leaving Thailand, too. The world is my home. When you think about it, we're all nomads, really. No one, no matter how hard they try, will be sticking around here for too bloody long. We're here, then we're gone. And that's that. Nomads, one and all. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjules007 Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You will never feel at home in Thailand because the Thais don't want you. They want your money then you need to get out. It may feel familiar but that is the best it gets. What you are feeling is just a phase that we all go through after being in a different country especially Thailand. Frankly I like it. Bit Cynical Expat!! OP, buy yourself a bottle of Sang Som, a pack of Krong Tip's, get smashed, smoke all the fags and then wait for your girlfriend to come home after she's been abused by some dirty old farang, beat her with a stick and then go to bed so you can start the whole process over again the next day. There, do you feel like a Thai now:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benalibina Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 You will never feel at home in Thailand because the Thais don't want you. They want your money then you need to get out. It may feel familiar but that is the best it gets. What you are feeling is just a phase that we all go through after being in a different country especially Thailand. Frankly I like it. Bit Cynical Expat!! OP, buy yourself a bottle of Sang Som, a pack of Krong Tip's, get smashed, smoke all the fags and then wait for your girlfriend to come home after she's been abused by some dirty old farang, beat her with a stick and then go to bed so you can start the whole process over again the next day. There, do you feel like a Thai now:) Cynical followed by ....cynical... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiang mai Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Yes, as will many life long expats, you are not alone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post dotpoom Posted March 26, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) I never understood the idea of "Patriotism". It seemed to me that whatever country a person was born in he reckoned it was head and shoulders above all other countries and if questioned why they felt that way I think that they would not be able to tell you. George Bernard Shaw wrote "Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it" For me, where I was born had nothing to do with me, so the whole world is where I belong , not any particular part of it. I don't have a sense of loss, but a sense of belonging to it all. Edited March 26, 2014 by dotpoom 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neilcnx Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Tug McGraw was an amazing pitcher who was instrumental in the Phillies winning the '80 World Series after coining the battle cry "ya gotta believe" for the Mets. He was once asked which he liked better; grass or astroturf to which he replied, "I never smoked astroturf". The grass always seems greener until you get to the other side and find it's astroturf. If you're happy where you are, life is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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