I Need Some Advice, Please!

[HB2010]

thanks "trouble" and "boonkan" for your comments. much appreciated. it's been awhile since i originally wrote this posting, so i guess i need to give you an update on my relationship. we're still emailing, still calling each other, still chatting on the cam......just about every day. not bad for a long distance romance and it's been almost 7 months since we last saw each other. hopefully i can hold out for another 3 months till we meet on december 24th. i don't have the best patience, but i have no choice. i'm in love and i know in my heart my bf loves me.

i have been reading as much as i can about thai culture, the country, the people, thai/farang gay relationships. i'm reading, thinking, more thinking, more reading about this whole thai/farang relationship and i've come to this conclusion. this was said by someone at the very beginning....i have to follow my heart. its that simple. sometimes you have to take a chance.

there's a 25 year age difference, so what. if one looks, acts, performs in bed like a 2 year age difference, thats me. its all about attitude, personality, sense of humor and have an open mind. i'd much rather be with my younger friends, than my older ones. my old friends are no fun! and to be honest, i'm more attracted to younger guys. there has to be a "spark" somewhere, if not, the relationship is doomed.

right now all i can say is that i'm moving come march 1st. maybe something might change that after my 3 week vacation with my bf, but i have this feeling i'll be living in bkk.

as far as "how will i survive here". "how will you arrange your visa". "how will you cope with daily thai life"........hel_l, i don't know! well, the visa thing i know, but the other 2......i'll take it one day at a time when i get there. one thing i hope to have is an american friend that i can hang out with. that would be so nice.

i have to tell you this. i sent my bf a basket of fresh flowers with a white teddy bear to his office. he went nuts......but his co-workers, mostly women......all want to meet me in december. is this some thai thing?? ah well.

once again, thanks for your comments!! take care.

[Trouble]

You go for it. You have heard the comments here and you know better than us what's in your heart.

Good Luck to you

Bob

[-jr-]

i have to tell you this. i sent my bf a basket of fresh flowers with a white teddy bear to his office. he went nuts......but his co-workers, mostly women......all want to meet me in december. is this some thai thing?? ah well.

once again, thanks for your comments!! take care.

I could understand why his colleagues wanted to meet you. If my colleague got a basket of flowers and a teddy bear, I'm sure almost every one in the office would like to know who was his secret (at least to them) admirer. Some do want to know, so that they can look out for him (about you) and sadly, some just want to compare you with their own guys/girls, depends on how popular your guy is. One thing is for sure, they're serious about wanting to see you.

Isn't it the same thing over there? I don't think you'll just nod if your colleague got a basket of flower. Small talk/comment is usually expected but would you want to see the basket sender? Or just don't care at all?

[boybrat]

u surprised him with flowers and a white TEDDY BEAR?? o dear o dear o dear. a much nicer surprise is a more subtle gesture, methinks.

a trip to a nice spa, a great dinner, a tiffany silver ring, etc. now ALL the guys i know scream in delight when they see that one of their presents is a white be-ribboned blue box. be still my heart! thats why i give my very close friends tiffany and co presents..

btw id rather receive a silver tiffany ring than something nasty in YELLOW gold. one of my exs from some years ago, tried to surprise me when he bought me this ugly thick gold chain for my birthday. it was hideous. YELLOW gold. ugh.

i dont know whatever made him think that i like gold chains. maybe its cos he noticed that i wear no jewelry, except for a little ring on my ring finger, and silver hoops/studs in my ears. but still...

i guess the disappointment and horror showed on my face when i unwrapped the box. he noticed it and then asked if the chain's too SMALL. *chuckle* forced myself to wear it out to dinner (gawd, it clashed with everything i wore), reached home and immediately ripped it away from my neck.

met up with him again a few days later and he noticed i wasnt wearing the chain. so i LIED (i know!!!*hangs head in shame*) and told him i forgot. and i conveniently failed to wear it for future meetings. but he didnt say a thing so i thought all was well. but i didnt know that his trust in me had faded somewhat when i failed to turn up wearing the chain everytime i meet him. but i thought all was ok...

then one day we fought, and he accused me of PAWNING the chain???!!!!! and he said the fatal thing " ALL YOU ASIAN BOYS ARE THE SAME". i was livid. how livid? LIVID. (trust me, i get real ugly when im really pissed off)

i rushed home, unearthed the chain, went back to his place and threw the stinking chain back in his face. and out tumbled some very hurtful words that i regretted saying even till now. i hurt him, bad. i hit where it hurt most, and i criticised his taste in presents, etc etc. im not proud of this incident. and i made him cry. he was too shocked to react. it turned real ugly. but my heart hardened and i stormed off. o gawd.

i should have just told him from the day i unwrapped the chain that i dont like yellow gold chains, etc, then he wouldnt have thought i pawned the chain, and said what he did which then spurred me to do and say what i did.

havent heard from him since. i heard he's returned to europe. wonder what he's doing now. sighhhh...

o well. tough.

Edited September 25, 2006 by boybrat

[PeaceBlondie]

A sad story, boybrat. It reminds me that, on a trip to the Burmese border, I decided to be thoughtful, and bought my boyfriend a jade bracelet. The real thing,, not cheap, either. Well, stupid me. Men don't wear jade bracelets. Also, they're fragile as a bracelet. And, it was a bit small. We still have it around here somewhere. Yet, my Thai b/f was honest enough to tell me the problem, so I understood. If he had just wanted a different shade of green, or another size or style of jade, we would have worked that out, too.

I'm not good at selecting presents. Does that mean I'm inadequate as a gay man? Is it the thought that counts? How about if one were to take his boyfriend shopping at birthday time and say, "You choose exactly what you want." You might have to put a monetary limit on the purchase, of course. Or is that crass or not up to date?

[boybrat]

A sad story, boybrat. It reminds me that, on a trip to the Burmese border, I decided to be thoughtful, and bought my boyfriend a jade bracelet. The real thing,, not cheap, either. Well, stupid me. Men don't wear jade bracelets. Also, they're fragile as a bracelet. And, it was a bit small. We still have it around here somewhere. Yet, my Thai b/f was honest enough to tell me the problem, so I understood. If he had just wanted a different shade of green, or another size or style of jade, we would have worked that out, too.

I'm not good at selecting presents. Does that mean I'm inadequate as a gay man? Is it the thought that counts? How about if one were to take his boyfriend shopping at birthday time and say, "You choose exactly what you want." You might have to put a monetary limit on the purchase, of course. Or is that crass or not up to date?

now, i will just tell people to give me book vouchers from good bookshop or a day pass at a swish spa. i will also tell people exactly what i want to avoid receiving bad presents. in fact, every xmas, my good frens and i will exchange wish lists and we will discuss who gives whom what.

im still wondering whatever made my ex think that i like gold jewelry?? *shudder*

Edited September 25, 2006 by boybrat

[jdinasia]

A sad story, boybrat. It reminds me that, on a trip to the Burmese border, I decided to be thoughtful, and bought my boyfriend a jade bracelet. The real thing,, not cheap, either. Well, stupid me. Men don't wear jade bracelets. Also, they're fragile as a bracelet. And, it was a bit small. We still have it around here somewhere. Yet, my Thai b/f was honest enough to tell me the problem, so I understood. If he had just wanted a different shade of green, or another size or style of jade, we would have worked that out, too.

I'm not good at selecting presents. Does that mean I'm inadequate as a gay man? Is it the thought that counts? How about if one were to take his boyfriend shopping at birthday time and say, "You choose exactly what you want." You might have to put a monetary limit on the purchase, of course. Or is that crass or not up to date?

There are always "other" uses for a bracelet that is wrist sized .......

[endure]

i guess the disappointment and horror showed on my face when i unwrapped the box.

One of the reasons why Thais won't open presents in front of the giver.

[HB2010]

thanks boybrat for your comments!

"a trip to a nice spa,( PLANNED ) a great dinner, ( CONFIRMED ) a tiffany silver ring, ( BOUGHT )etc. now ALL the guys i know scream in delight when they see that one of their presents is a white be-ribboned blue box. be still my heart! thats why i give my very close friends tiffany and co presents.. "

since i don't live in bangkok, yet....i just wanted to surprise my bf at his office at that time. indeed, it worked. the spa, dinner, ring.....all will be given to him this december.

thanks!

[boybrat]

thanks boybrat for your comments!

"a trip to a nice spa,( PLANNED ) a great dinner, ( CONFIRMED ) a tiffany silver ring, ( BOUGHT )etc. now ALL the guys i know scream in delight when they see that one of their presents is a white be-ribboned blue box. be still my heart! thats why i give my very close friends tiffany and co presents.. "

since i don't live in bangkok, yet....i just wanted to surprise my bf at his office at that time. indeed, it worked. the spa, dinner, ring.....all will be given to him this december.

thanks!

o gawd, a present OVERLOAD, no? just pick ONE. or else he will erxpect it from u all tht time.

either a spa, OR a dinner OR a ring. all 3 and its an overkill. you now appear too ready to impress. u now look like you're trying too hard...

now before i go on... what has he given YOU?

[HB2010]

thanks boybrat for your comments!

"a trip to a nice spa,( PLANNED ) a great dinner, ( CONFIRMED ) a tiffany silver ring, ( BOUGHT )etc. now ALL the guys i know scream in delight when they see that one of their presents is a white be-ribboned blue box. be still my heart! thats why i give my very close friends tiffany and co presents.. "

since i don't live in bangkok, yet....i just wanted to surprise my bf at his office at that time. indeed, it worked. the spa, dinner, ring.....all will be given to him this december.

thanks!

o gawd, a present OVERLOAD, no? just pick ONE. or else he will erxpect it from u all tht time.

either a spa, OR a dinner OR a ring. all 3 and its an overkill. you now appear too ready to impress. u now look like you're trying too hard...

now before i go on... what has he given YOU?

hi,

i never thought of this as being an "overkill". it's just something i want to do and i have the monies to do it. plus, it's fun to give gifts. i'm not out to impress anyone, certainly not my bf. i don't need to. "what has he given me"?........in january he bought several lunches, quite a few dinners, boat trips while in krabi, couple of movies, little things that i needed from the mini-mart.......all little things that you might think are trivial as far as worth, but to me, its the thought that counts and since he is living on a limited budget, everything he has given me i deeply appreciate.

[TopChinese]

I like giving presents, and not a single present at one sitting. Its the "fawning" effect, that you feel the love and the consideration that comes from the giver. The problem is to know the person so well so that the present will be appreciated and meaningful to avoid the "Not-another-Tiffanys-voucher" look.

It IS the thought that counts, it doesn't ever have to be expensive. The best birthday present I have so far is this card signed by my friends in Thailand. The card has a photo of me naked while diving and this friend actually had it printed in a shop with girls giggling and blushing at the pic. I've since had it framed.

And that was almost as good as the present from another friend of a sample pack of lube in 10 assorted flavours and his offer to let me try Pina Colada and Raspberry (both) on him that weekend...

Trouble - would you like Coconut? or Chocolate?

[boybrat]

ahh gabriel: even though im the horrid old thing that i am, i think u might have scored jackpot with this new partner of yours. good luck, boys. (i seldom say this, btw)

speaking of presents, i remember this abfab episode, its eddy's birthday and saffy gave her a pair earrings...im sure many of u boys have seen this episode. anyway, quote of the day:" "i'll like them if they're LACROIX".

one of my shallow exes and i used to have this banter,based on this episode. its awfully SHALLOW but its quite fabulous really. it goes something like this: (clears throat)

a: i bought u something fabulous for yr birthday/ xmas, etc !!!!and i know ull like it!!

b: is it EXPENSIVE?

a. yup.

b: does it come in a box with a fabulous ribbon?

a: of course!!!

b: then i'll like it.

*SCREEAAAAMMMM!!!* i know. its quite cringe-worthy now...ugh.*hangs head in shame*

topchinese: o dear. i avoid flavoured lube like the plague. they smell kinda sweet and we all know that coconutty smells combined with orifice aroma can be rather unpleasant.

call me old fashioned, but i prefer using good old topgel or ky. they dont drip easily....and they dont smell.

Edited September 27, 2006 by boybrat

[Chaz1819]

hello,

first let me say, i'm from the usa and traveled to thailand twice in 2 years. late last year i met a young thai via the gay.com site. chatted for months before we met in january of this year. side note here, the first time we chatted on gay.com, not 1 thing was mentioned about sex or how big is your cock! okay, we spent 2 fantastic weeks together. laughing, talking, kidding, tickling, swimming, dancing, eating and of course, making love ( no sex, just making love, big difference!) i'm coming back this december for 3 weeks. i love this guy. and he loves me. i also like ( not in love though) thailand. i have the financial opportunity to move there. i'll get a job, but i can afford to make the move. my question, am i moving for the "Right" reason(s)?? i feel afterall, you only live once, so make the best of it!

i'd appreciate any response. thank you!

I think your already correct - You only live once

My one similar experience was with a Hong Kong guy - head over heals in love when we met - lots of communication afterwards and boy did we want to be together!!! Why didn't I? Fear. All my life taught to be "stable" "do the "smart" thing" .... blah blah!

What did I lose by not just "doing it" --- I'll never know - I know I lost him - I know he is with someone now that "just like me". in his words.

Am I sorry? Now that I ask myself - boy this forum is good for making you think through things! --- I guess no I am not sorry, because I am happy where I am now ....... But I am sorry that I maybe missed an oppertunity to be with someone I had such strong feelings for.

I do know that choosing to "do the right thing" by being "stable" will not prevent me again in the future!

I say run with it! What is the worst that can happen .... you make a mutual decision that it just isn't where you want to be in life and come back .... so much to gain and so little to lose!

Ok - I am rambling now

[Chaz1819]

thanks "trouble" and "boonkan" for your comments. much appreciated. it's been awhile since i originally wrote this posting, so i guess i need to give you an update on my relationship. we're still emailing, still calling each other, still chatting on the cam......just about every day. not bad for a long distance romance and it's been almost 7 months since we last saw each other. hopefully i can hold out for another 3 months till we meet on december 24th. i don't have the best patience, but i have no choice. i'm in love and i know in my heart my bf loves me.

i have been reading as much as i can about thai culture, the country, the people, thai/farang gay relationships. i'm reading, thinking, more thinking, more reading about this whole thai/farang relationship and i've come to this conclusion. this was said by someone at the very beginning....i have to follow my heart. its that simple. sometimes you have to take a chance.

there's a 25 year age difference, so what. if one looks, acts, performs in bed like a 2 year age difference, thats me. its all about attitude, personality, sense of humor and have an open mind. i'd much rather be with my younger friends, than my older ones. my old friends are no fun! and to be honest, i'm more attracted to younger guys. there has to be a "spark" somewhere, if not, the relationship is doomed.

right now all i can say is that i'm moving come march 1st. maybe something might change that after my 3 week vacation with my bf, but i have this feeling i'll be living in bkk.

as far as "how will i survive here". "how will you arrange your visa". "how will you cope with daily thai life"........hel_l, i don't know! well, the visa thing i know, but the other 2......i'll take it one day at a time when i get there. one thing i hope to have is an american friend that i can hang out with. that would be so nice.

i have to tell you this. i sent my bf a basket of fresh flowers with a white teddy bear to his office. he went nuts......but his co-workers, mostly women......all want to meet me in december. is this some thai thing?? ah well.

once again, thanks for your comments!! take care.

Good luck - I've been in love long distance for 5 years now - doing the same thing your coming into - and its worth it! For us the distance adds to what we have - and we have some great stuff to look forward to and plan for

[Trouble]

BB: "we all know that coconutty smells combined with orifice aroma can be rather unpleasant" Thank god you have already tried this and found it to be unacceptable. I could have made a serious faux pas with TC. I am not a big coconut fan anyway and chocolate (I do like my sweets) seems a bit over the top. Actually pina colada seems the best choice as I do like that tropical drink, but only with the little umbrella stuck to a cherry. Since my cherry was popped a long time ago I think maybe you are right and maybe the plain old ky is just as good.

So TC: let's make it easy and go for the gallon size tub of Lube. Sorry I'm just not very exciting am I?

[vreemd13]

Talking about material gifts,

The best true gift I can give to some-one is the presence of myself. When spare time is limited to your busy life, this being presence at the occasion is more worth to real friends of mine as any (expensive) gift. I never buy gifts, I just give my presence of time to people. All my true friends understand this view of me. I never transfer material gifts to people anymore, because it is an easy way out for me to show gratitude. It is very easy for me to buy expensive gifts. In fact, I might as well give cash money (which is so unpersonal). But it is difficult to find a very cheap small gift, which fits exactly to the receiver needs. A gift, which is from your heart, which suits the occasion. You all try this very cheap gift thing to some-one you care about and you find out it cost you a lot of time and headache to make the gift perfect. Eventually you will get to know who are your real friends! If they accept your very cheap gift as perfect, you know. If they accept you without a gift, but just your presence, you really know it is allright. Who do you rely on in difficult times? That is my experience. The same way around, I do not want to receive material gifts. Material gifts are crap!!! Material gifts just tells the receiver you buy his attention and the giver/donor expect something back.

Indeed, lasting yellow gold is very ugly to my opinion. Easy to buy (for giver) and easy to exchange (for receiver).

Yes! Send your cards, non-lasting fresh flowers, personally little teddy-bears, etc...! It tells so much more about your personality and feelings to the receiver than any other "great material" gift. Even these gifts are still over-done for my make believe. It is the thought which counts. Do not over-kill people with your material gifts. Your presence should be enough to express feelings to the other person.

Just being able to spent time with eachother is the best gift forever!

Edited September 28, 2006 by vreemd13

[boybrat]

hear hear, u do have a point there, veermd. though id rather get more practical gifts now. vouchers are good! ive never received flowers before, but they are such a waste of $ cos u can do nothing with them but stand them in a vase and watch them wilt.

am not the sentimental type, so i abhor ALL soft toys. am over the designer phase now and expensive gifts dont really impress me much ( i must be getting old). i now love gift vouchers! LURVE them.

tho i must add that ive rejected a few gifts before.they are:

1. cash. gifts of cold hard cash is tacky.( i will accept it if im straight and its my wedding, but NO on all counts). i find receiving cold hard cash a HUGE insult, like <deleted>????

2. an amex centurion sub-card from one of my exes.yes, its the black one. he hid it in a card and had my name across it, but i couldnt accept it. i just couldnt. so i turned it down, gave him a peck and said no. he was surprised and a little bit hurt. but he understood. i dont want to live my life owing somebody a living. everythings fine when things are good. but tables can turn when it all turns sour.

[HB2010]

i want to give everyone who posted comments to my original question, "i need some advice", my recent experinces with my bf and an update. just got back home in the usa after spending 3 1/2 weeks in bangkok, phuket, pattaya. had a good time and my 3rd trip to thailand in 3 years. spent every day with my bf and got to know him better and vice versa and i'm so glad i took this trip. we're in love more now than ever.

i did make some decisions after the trip; for one, i really do need to just retire ( not into the teaching thing ) and spend a couple of months back home each year to be with family and friends. some time away from each other makes the heart grow fonder and make my transition to thai life gradual. second, ruled out living in bkk, phuket, and pattaya! nice to visit, but. one purpose of this trip was to find a place that i'd want to live. it has to be close to water, not too touristy, and somewhere that i can meet some english speaking people. maybe hau hin would be good.

i met his parents, and his close friends. meeting his parents was interesting. i know i had a great time that evening on the dinner cruise, not sure if they did considering they can't speak a word of english. speaking of that, if there's one problem that might interfere with our relationship, its trying to understand his english. he trys hard, but sometimes i have a real hard time understanding what he's trying to tell me. since i'll have all this free time whereever we live, i'll need to take some thai language lessions.

let me ask this, is there anyone out there that has a thai bf in thailand, but lives part of the year elsewhere? maybe you can share some advice?

thanks!

[RAMPAGE]

i want to give everyone who posted comments to my original question, "i need some advice", my recent experinces with my bf and an update. just got back home in the usa after spending 3 1/2 weeks in bangkok, phuket, pattaya. had a good time and my 3rd trip to thailand in 3 years. spent every day with my bf and got to know him better and vice versa and i'm so glad i took this trip. we're in love more now than ever.

i did make some decisions after the trip; for one, i really do need to just retire ( not into the teaching thing ) and spend a couple of months back home each year to be with family and friends. some time away from each other makes the heart grow fonder and make my transition to thai life gradual. second, ruled out living in bkk, phuket, and pattaya! nice to visit, but. one purpose of this trip was to find a place that i'd want to live. it has to be close to water, not too touristy, and somewhere that i can meet some english speaking people. maybe hau hin would be good.

i met his parents, and his close friends. meeting his parents was interesting. i know i had a great time that evening on the dinner cruise, not sure if they did considering they can't speak a word of english. speaking of that, if there's one problem that might interfere with our relationship, its trying to understand his english. he trys hard, but sometimes i have a real hard time understanding what he's trying to tell me. since i'll have all this free time whereever we live, i'll need to take some thai language lessions.

let me ask this, is there anyone out there that has a thai bf in thailand, but lives part of the year elsewhere? maybe you can share some advice?

thanks!

[/quote

Not sure if I can be of help or not but I live in Hua Hin. My bf lives in Bangkok and either I commute to Bangkok or he commutes to HH on weekends. I live permanently in Thailand so don't qualify as someone who lives elsewhere for a significant part of the year but if you'd like to quiz me more on the subject send me a pm and we'll follow up.

[BigSnake]

hello,

first let me say, i'm from the usa and traveled to thailand twice in 2 years. late last year i met a young thai via the gay.com site. chatted for months before we met in january of this year. side note here, the first time we chatted on gay.com, not 1 thing was mentioned about sex or how big is your cock! okay, we spent 2 fantastic weeks together. laughing, talking, kidding, tickling, swimming, dancing, eating and of course, making love ( no sex, just making love, big difference!) i'm coming back this december for 3 weeks. i love this guy. and he loves me. i also like ( not in love though) thailand. i have the financial opportunity to move there. i'll get a job, but i can afford to make the move. my question, am i moving for the "Right" reason(s)?? i feel afterall, you only live once, so make the best of it!

i'd appreciate any response. thank you!

Hi,

A lot depend on your age and financial STATUS, by that I mean some that are over 50 years old and can your proof of Bt800000, yes Bt800000 in a Thai bank MAY be able to get a Retirement Visa or if you are married with a Thai lady you must show an iincome of BT400000. My Humble opinion best you check with the nearest Thai Immigration office in the USA, informed this of your status and desire to live in Thailand, they should be the very best source for all the UP to date requierments,

[HB2010]

i want to give everyone who posted comments to my original question, "i need some advice", my recent experinces with my bf and an update. just got back home in the usa after spending 3 1/2 weeks in bangkok, phuket, pattaya. had a good time and my 3rd trip to thailand in 3 years. spent every day with my bf and got to know him better and vice versa and i'm so glad i took this trip. we're in love more now than ever.

i did make some decisions after the trip; for one, i really do need to just retire ( not into the teaching thing ) and spend a couple of months back home each year to be with family and friends. some time away from each other makes the heart grow fonder and make my transition to thai life gradual. second, ruled out living in bkk, phuket, and pattaya! nice to visit, but. one purpose of this trip was to find a place that i'd want to live. it has to be close to water, not too touristy, and somewhere that i can meet some english speaking people. maybe hau hin would be good.

i met his parents, and his close friends. meeting his parents was interesting. i know i had a great time that evening on the dinner cruise, not sure if they did considering they can't speak a word of english. speaking of that, if there's one problem that might interfere with our relationship, its trying to understand his english. he trys hard, but sometimes i have a real hard time understanding what he's trying to tell me. since i'll have all this free time whereever we live, i'll need to take some thai language lessions.

let me ask this, is there anyone out there that has a thai bf in thailand, but lives part of the year elsewhere? maybe you can share some advice?

thanks!

here's another update from the one dated back in january. since then, my bf decided he needed to earn more money for his family, and its always about the family, got a job in the UK making some decent money. i spent i few days with him in may and had a great time in london. i decided not to move later this year and instead put that decision off until late 2008. i need more time in thailand and not just the 2 or 3 week vacation types, but rather this year i'll spend 2 months there. that'll be my 4th visit to thailand. we'll both be together those 2 months and hopefully explore more of thailand. he'll go back to the UK early next year and work through 2008. i find it very interesting that he wants to pay off his family debt by himself, even though the amount isn't much and i was more than willing to loan it, so that we can live together somewhere in thailand without worrying about his families debt. it's not going to be easy living apart next year, but in the end i'm sure it'll all be worth it.

[peekint]

"What to do with advice? Listen to it, then forget about it and follow your bliss."

So, here's my forgettable advice:

Be romantic and be practical. That is, don't destroy your life in the US if you don't have to. Come to Thailand for a year, move in with your BF after a month, and take it from there. Be prudent about finances, and imprudent about love. A broken heart will mend, and, without the risk of a broken heart, you'll never find the love of your life.

Tom (Somsak) and I have been together now for fifteen years, and more in love than ever as we look forward to the next fifteen (and the next, and the next ... )

[neilrob]

here's another update from the one dated back in january. since then, my bf decided he needed to earn more money for his family, and its always about the family, got a job in the UK making some decent money. i spent i few days with him in may and had a great time in london. i decided not to move later this year and instead put that decision off until late 2008. i need more time in thailand and not just the 2 or 3 week vacation types, but rather this year i'll spend 2 months there. that'll be my 4th visit to thailand. we'll both be together those 2 months and hopefully explore more of thailand. he'll go back to the UK early next year and work through 2008. i find it very interesting that he wants to pay off his family debt by himself, even though the amount isn't much and i was more than willing to loan it, so that we can live together somewhere in thailand without worrying about his families debt. it's not going to be easy living apart next year, but in the end i'm sure it'll all be worth it.

This development must have been disappointing for you. However, the fact that your b/f is determined to deal with family finances by himself is really a positive, particularly in view of the financial component that forms part of many relationships here (not that there is anything wrong with the latter such relationships, provided you go in with your eyes open). Your b/f sounds like someone to be treasured. You might consider Chiang Mai as a possible location to settle. It is more livable than Bangkok, yet has the advantages of a sizeable city, where your b/f may be able to continue his career at a suitable level. It also has an active gay farang population, so you'd have no problem finding farang friends and support. Good luck to you both, Neil

[sierrablanca]

Well as some here have suggested

DONT throw your away your life in USA away one day you are greatful ...you are from the USA.

Come down on long....vacation 6 months and LIVE here with its good and bad. Look for job...bla bla ...then you know

should we say 80-20%

Of cource you should give it a try and bee impulsive and romantic...but with a plan2

Good LUCK

<br />hello,<br />first let me say, i'm from the usa and traveled to thailand twice in 2 years. late last year i met a young thai via the gay.com site. chatted for months before we met in january of this year. side note here, the first time we chatted on gay.com, not 1 thing was mentioned about sex or how big is your cock! okay, we spent 2 fantastic weeks together. laughing, talking, kidding, tickling, swimming, dancing, eating and of course, making love ( no sex, just making love, big difference!) i'm coming back this december for 3 weeks. i love this guy. and he loves me. i also like ( not in love though) thailand. i have the financial opportunity to move there. i'll get a job, but i can afford to make the move. my question, am i moving for the "Right" reason(s)?? i feel afterall, you only live once, so make the best of it!<br />i'd appreciate any response. thank you!<br />

<br /><br /><br />

[sierrablanca]

<br />

i want to give everyone who posted comments to my original question, "i need some advice", my recent experinces with my bf and an update. just got back home in the usa after spending 3 1/2 weeks in bangkok, phuket, pattaya. had a good time and my 3rd trip to thailand in 3 years. spent every day with my bf and got to know him better and vice versa and i'm so glad i took this trip. we're in love more now than ever. <br />i did make some decisions after the trip; for one, i really do need to just retire ( not into the teaching thing ) and spend a couple of months back home each year to be with family and friends. some time away from each other makes the heart grow fonder and make my transition to thai life gradual. second, ruled out living in bkk, phuket, and pattaya! nice to visit, but. one purpose of this trip was to find a place that i'd want to live. it has to be close to water, not too touristy, and somewhere that i can meet some english speaking people. maybe hau hin would be good. <br />i met his parents, and his close friends. meeting his parents was interesting. i know i had a great time that evening on the dinner cruise, not sure if they did considering they can't speak a word of english. speaking of that, if there's one problem that might interfere with our relationship, its trying to understand his english. he trys hard, but sometimes i have a real hard time understanding what he's trying to tell me. since i'll have all this free time whereever we live, i'll need to take some thai language lessions. <br />let me ask this, is there anyone out there that has a thai bf in thailand, but lives part of the year elsewhere? maybe you can share some advice?<br />thanks!

<br /><br />here's another update from the one dated back in january. since then, my bf decided he needed to earn more money for his family, and its always about the family, got a job in the UK making some decent money. i spent i few days with him in may and had a great time in london. i decided not to move later this year and instead put that decision off until late 2008. i need more time in thailand and not just the 2 or 3 week vacation types, but rather this year i'll spend 2 months there. that'll be my 4th visit to thailand. we'll both be together those 2 months and hopefully explore more of thailand. he'll go back to the UK early next year and work through 2008. i find it very interesting that he wants to pay off his family debt by himself, even though the amount isn't much and i was more than willing to loan it, so that we can live together somewhere in thailand without worrying about his families debt. it's not going to be easy living apart next year, but in the end i'm sure it'll all be worth it. <br /><br />

<br /><br /><br />Hello gabriel...

Read yor last mail... well u have to c that EVERYTHING is about the money

You ( despite that maybe he loves u) will never come as the most important, never

maybe down ...13-14 on the list

Should bee gretat to hear how u doing

[randytimm]

hi pal

m getting a bit worry for u as him working in uk that mean the chance of him knowing a farang there is higher cuz now he is the special one( more farang less asian)that get to choose and pick who he wanna be with and with so many farang to choose from it might be a bit too difficult to resist the tempation after sometime ....

and btw what he work as in uk and how he get the job since u say he is not very good in his english , did he get help from someone that

sponor him there that he dont wanna u to know

hope i m wrong

[scorecard]

I think you may well have answered your own question.

There's already a lot of good advice/commentary on the long preceding thread.

Initialy getting himself to England, the cost of visa, airfare, getting established, is way way beyond the means of the average Thai (meaning average income). This is not just three months savings.

Hopefully also you have become aware that he may well be under strong family pressure to produce money. 90% of Thais you or I will meet MUST send money home, MUST occasionally present some gold, etc. This is normal and is a strong part of the way society works in this country.

Hopefully also you have educated youself in terms of how differently Thais think about everything in life. The way you or I analyse a situation is totally different to the way Thais analyse things. He is quite likely thinking about this whole sitatuation in a quite different way to whaich you are thinking about it.

Have you carefully tried to discuss/understand him current thinking, his motives for being in England, how he sees the near future etc? How/where he sees you in all of this?

Take care...

become , a

hi pal

m getting a bit worry for u as him working in uk that mean the chance of him knowing a farang there is higher cuz now he is the special one( more farang less asian)that get to choose and pick who he wanna be with and with so many farang to choose from it might be a bit too difficult to resist the tempation after sometime ....

and btw what he work as in uk and how he get the job since u say he is not very good in his english , did he get help from someone that

sponor him there that he dont wanna u to know

hope i m wrong

[HB2010]

I think you may well have answered your own question.

There's already a lot of good advice/commentary on the long preceding thread.

Initialy getting himself to England, the cost of visa, airfare, getting established, is way way beyond the means of the average Thai (meaning average income). This is not just three months savings.

Hopefully also you have become aware that he may well be under strong family pressure to produce money. 90% of Thais you or I will meet MUST send money home, MUST occasionally present some gold, etc. This is normal and is a strong part of the way society works in this country.

Hopefully also you have educated youself in terms of how differently Thais think about everything in life. The way you or I analyse a situation is totally different to the way Thais analyse things. He is quite likely thinking about this whole sitatuation in a quite different way to whaich you are thinking about it.

Have you carefully tried to discuss/understand him current thinking, his motives for being in England, how he sees the near future etc? How/where he sees you in all of this?

Take care...

become , a

hi pal

m getting a bit worry for u as him working in uk that mean the chance of him knowing a farang there is higher cuz now he is the special one( more farang less asian)that get to choose and pick who he wanna be with and with so many farang to choose from it might be a bit too difficult to resist the tempation after sometime ....

and btw what he work as in uk and how he get the job since u say he is not very good in his english , did he get help from someone that

sponor him there that he dont wanna u to know

hope i m wrong

there has been great advice, comments and i appreciate all of it.

he saved money for several years, about half and i loaned him the remainder he needed to work overseas. his desire is to quickly pay off the family debt before we live together. in my eyes, the debt isn't much but he feels its his obligation to pay it off on his own. to me that shows alot of character.

as far as trusting him while he's in england, i have no choice but to trust him. i know he loves me very much and has proved that to me for a long time. he calls every day, sends me sweet cards and letters and so on. we'll be together in december for 2 months and i'm sure we'll discuss more of our future plans; every month we talk about our future. communication is so important in any relationship. thanks again for your comments.

[neilrob]

As I said before, from all you have written in your posts, I think you have found yourself a treasure. Trust him and follow your desire to be with him. Neil