Am I too old to have more children and do it all again?

[larsjohnsson]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

 
No one laughs at me and my wife and daughter when we are out together. In fact it's exactly the opposite. Yes when I am older my daughter will be a teenage ... so what!!!

How do you know? They probably not do it when you are looking at them. But how old are you? And is yout wife 30+ years younger than you? Edited August 10, 2014 by larsjohnsson

[Tony125]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

Ah but that's the point--  " Proud "old farang walking with his young wife and child---he does.'t  f-**%%ing care what you and others think !  As long as you can provide for the family and child even if your gone  and you don't have a problem with kids I don't see a problem . 

All these bitter old guys who don't like kids or say it looks bad  because they were raised in a society that maybe looks down on that , thats their problem. My father was 51---mom 36 when I was born. Both lived to 95 and 91 respectively and were active up to their last year.

 

And for those that say oh if you die soon  kid will be left without a dad  ,so . As long as you leave a will with finances taken care of it will be ok. How many kids in USA are without a dad because of our wars or young father dying in car accident?     They will have hopefully fond memories of dad and thankful for their life and what he left for them.

[rtco]

 

 

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

 
No one laughs at me and my wife and daughter when we are out together. In fact it's exactly the opposite. Yes when I am older my daughter will be a teenage ... so what!!!

How do you know? They probably not do it when you are looking at them.

 

 

How do I know ... easy. They engage in active conversation with us, they smile at my daughter (no not laugh), they ask my wife questions, they ask me questions, they take pictures of us together, they take pictures of my daughter ... need anymore proof? 

[larsjohnsson]

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

Ah but that's the point--  " Proud "old farang walking with his young wife and child---he does.'t  f-**%%ing care what you and others think !  As long as you can provide for the family and child even if your gone  and you don't have a problem with kids I don't see a problem . 
All these bitter old guys who don't like kids or say it looks bad  because they were raised in a society that maybe looks down on that , thats their problem. My father was 51---mom 36 when I was born. Both lived to 95 and 91 respectively and were active up to their last year.
 
And for those that say oh if you die soon  kid will be left without a dad  ,so . As long as you leave a will with finances taken care of it will be ok. How many kids in USA are without a dad because of our wars or young father dying in car accident?     They will have hopefully fond memories of dad and thankful for their life and what he left for them.

I wrote with a wife 30+ years younger. Your mother was not even close to that

[larsjohnsson]

 

 

Why would an old man that already have two children with two different mothers and one stepchild, have more children? Every day here in Thailand I see some proud old farang walking with his baby carriage and 30+ year younger Thai wife. And everyone around them talk and laugh at them. Both Thai and foreigners. When you are 75 your child is a teenager in school.....

 
No one laughs at me and my wife and daughter when we are out together. In fact it's exactly the opposite. Yes when I am older my daughter will be a teenage ... so what!!!

How do you know? They probably not do it when you are looking at them.
 

 
How do I know ... easy. They engage in active conversation with us, they smile at my daughter (no not laugh), they ask my wife questions, they ask me questions, they take pictures of us together, they take pictures of my daughter ... need anymore proof? 

And everyone that see you do that. Yes sure.....

[gemguy]

Yes sir...a difficult situation to make a decision on.

 

If you do have a Child here in Thailand ( half Thai and half foreigner ) you will have to live with the fact that the child will be relatively young when you pass away.

 

Meantime, no one here in Thailand will ever question you and or your age and or the age of your young wife or mother of the child.

 

If you think into it too much certainly there are some aspects of the whole affair that you or other people may find questionable...but here in Thailand you are more or less free of any remorse or scrutiny concerning a child and how that child came to be.

 

The child will be loved by everyone and you can be assured the child will be taken care of even if you are not around to do your part.

 

Meantime you will be somewhat worn out but not to worry as the Mother and her family and all the relatives and friends will take care of the child.

 

If you want to be the most active father in the world you can do so ....or if you want to be the most lazy father in the world  you can do so...either way the child will be adored and loved and taken care of more than well enough.

 

Of course if you have the money to raise the child then all the better and or leave the child with an inheritance then you can sleep soundly at night knowing that the child will be OK and probably never suffer any real hardships, rather just heartbreaks during the child's life being raised in Thailand amongst the Thais.

 

Cheers

[phuketandsee]

Another point to consider - how will the kid feel when you are 75? A friend of mine is 75 and has a 46 year old Asian wife. They live in the US and have 10 year old twins. Recently the son told my friend not to come to the "Bring your Dad to School Day" because he looked too old. Heartbreaking.

[rtco]

@ larsjohnsson ... And everyone that see you do that. Yes sure....

 

Sorry don't understand ... please clarify. Are you calling me a liar?

[jacksam]

Ok don't throw stones. I am prob an extreme case but am prepared to post. I'm 60 and the live in gf is 24. No, that's not a typo.
Point is if we had a kid ( yes even 60 yr olds shag ever day) ,the reality is I wont be around far past them at 15.
I think most important thing is you have the finances to support your lady and child and that includes after you go to Soi 4 in the Nanna heaven. Your only 57. Go with how you feel.
I love the looks I sometimes get from farang women. Point is I couldn't give a flying *******.

[Pattaya Pat]

Some medical stuff ...

 

If you do deicide to commit to having a Family ... where are the 3 of you going to live?

 

If that's Thailand ... do you have enough coin to support the Family?

If that's going to be the West ... has she visited your Country ... she may not like it there.

 

If you have decided to stay in Thailand ... have you asked where your gf will want to live once the child is born?

A move back to her home village or surrounds might be a request by her.

Again, not by every woman ... but a common occurrence.

 

Ignore the naysayers who say that you are to old to have kids.

My Dad was around your age when I was born ... and boy ... was I glad for that decision ... 

 

That's the technical stuff I can help with.

 

The question is then you have to look into your Heart and see what the answer is in there.

 

My Partner and I had Twin boys earlier this year ... and I / We are over the moon with joy.

 

 

If you want to take part of this conversation into a PM ... my doors open for you.

 

It's such a big decision, it's always good to chew the fat.

.

 

You are pinning pics up of your kids on here??

 

That is simply tragic.

[khunerik]

Another point to consider - how will the kid feel when you are 75? A friend of mine is 75 and has a 46 year old Asian wife. They live in the US and have 10 year old twins. Recently the son told my friend not to come to the "Bring your Dad to School Day" because he looked too old. Heartbreaking.

 

In my home country the father went to the school with his kid. But the teacher belived it was the kids grandfather. It was very embarrasing.

[bkkjames]

I am 45++ wife is 30.

 

I have two young sons 5 and 2. Go for it***  - gave me a new lease on life and much better than sitting around bars drinking the rest of my days away. Should I have had children earlier? Might have been easier however would I trade the two i have now to go back in time. Never in a million years.

 

*** I changed my lifestyle quite a bit so I can keep up with my sons. Get my exercise, eat a bit better and so on. I work out harder than anyone else in our gym and it shows. My weight is down, muscle tone up, I have more energy and don't need viagra lol - just back from the zoo with the kids this morning, gonna have lunch and head to the gym, if the boys take a nap this afternoon, look out mrs...I may come around looking to burn off more energy ) 

Edited August 10, 2014 by bkkjames

[transam]

 

Some medical stuff ...

 

If you do deicide to commit to having a Family ... where are the 3 of you going to live?

 

If that's Thailand ... do you have enough coin to support the Family?

If that's going to be the West ... has she visited your Country ... she may not like it there.

 

If you have decided to stay in Thailand ... have you asked where your gf will want to live once the child is born?

A move back to her home village or surrounds might be a request by her.

Again, not by every woman ... but a common occurrence.

 

Ignore the naysayers who say that you are to old to have kids.

My Dad was around your age when I was born ... and boy ... was I glad for that decision ... 

 

That's the technical stuff I can help with.

 

The question is then you have to look into your Heart and see what the answer is in there.

 

My Partner and I had Twin boys earlier this year ... and I / We are over the moon with joy.

 

 

If you want to take part of this conversation into a PM ... my doors open for you.

 

It's such a big decision, it's always good to chew the fat.

.

 

You are pinning pics up of your kids on here??

 

That is simply tragic.

 

 

Why's that....?
 

[ttthailand]

I am going through the same thing as the OP. I have a daughter who is now in her twenties and my gf is same. I am mid fifties. I really care about my gf and want to make her happy. She is a great girl, goes to collage, works hard in her job and is just an all around nice person. We are both very much in love with each other. She wants to get married after she finishes school next year and have a baby. We talked about the age thing and that I will be in my seventies before my child finishes school and all the other issues that she will have to face. She says she understands and that it is ok. Her father died when she was 19 and she turned out just fine.
I see so many ( sooo many) Thai kids who do not even stay with the mother or father. They go to Public Thai school and live a normal life. This seems to be the norm in Thailand.
Something I think about.... If we have children at least I would be there for most of their young life ( unless something unexpected happened). They would get the benefit of growing up middle class and learning English. They would have white skin, the farang nose and perhaps be taller than the normal Thai. This would make them attractive in Thai eyes. I think they would get a better start than most Thai kids.
So what do I do ? Tell her no and move on? Tell her no and stay with hopes that she changes her thinking? Or do I let nature take its course and just see where it goes and play the cards as they fall ?
Everyone just looks at the negative points and not the positive ones. A young father and mother spends little time with their kids and are always worried about money. Perhaps my child would not have those worries and my mission in my remaining years would be to spend all my time loving and taking care of my family.... Is that so bad ?

[jacksam]

Larsjohnsson pic depicts a clown. Uuuuummmm

[larsjohnsson]

@ larsjohnsson ... And everyone that see you do that. Yes sure....
 
Sorry don't understand ... please clarify. Are you calling me a liar?

Everyone that see you and the kid don't engage in active conversation, ask questions and take pictures of you and your daughter.
If you are happy, good for you. But not all have to agree with you or? Edited August 10, 2014 by larsjohnsson

[rtco]

 

@ larsjohnsson ... And everyone that see you do that. Yes sure....
 
Sorry don't understand ... please clarify. Are you calling me a liar?

Everyone that see you and the kid don't engage in active conversation, ask questions and take pictures of you and your daughter.
If you are happy, good for you. But not all have to agree with you or?

 

 

You are not there when these things happen or understand the reason they do happen so you are commenting on a situation you know nothing about. Perhaps next time we are out I shoud invite you along so you can have first hand proof. 

[dotpoom]

George Burns (that famous old American comedian) was asked on his 90th birthday....."Have you any regrets looking back over your life"...."Yes".... he said?....."I regret I didn't realize how young i was when I was 80".

 

I like to remind myself of this when at times I think I'm getting to old to do something....(I'm 65)

[nickcar]

Yes sir...a difficult situation to make a decision on.
 
If you do have a Child here in Thailand ( half Thai and half foreigner ) you will have to live with the fact that the child will be relatively young when you pass away.
 
Meantime, no one here in Thailand will ever question you and or your age and or the age of your young wife or mother of the child.
 
If you think into it too much certainly there are some aspects of the whole affair that you or other people may find questionable...but here in Thailand you are more or less free of any remorse or scrutiny concerning a child and how that child came to be.
 
The child will be loved by everyone and you can be assured the child will be taken care of even if you are not around to do your part.
 
Meantime you will be somewhat worn out but not to worry as the Mother and her family and all the relatives and friends will take care of the child.
 
If you want to be the most active father in the world you can do so ....or if you want to be the most lazy father in the world  you can do so...either way the child will be adored and loved and taken care of more than well enough.
 
Of course if you have the money to raise the child then all the better and or leave the child with an inheritance then you can sleep soundly at night knowing that the child will be OK and probably never suffer any real hardships, rather just heartbreaks during the child's life being raised in Thailand amongst the Thais.
 
Cheers

Couldnt agree more. I first came to live in Thailand 38 years ago with my 3 young daughters as their mother couldnt raise them and i couldnt manage in NZ on my own. It was a wonderfull decision as even though i didnt know anyone here we soon settled down with maids etc to look after them.

Best place in the would to bring up a child. All thais seem to love kids and indulge them. Your age is the least of your worries. I am 70 now and wouldnt hesitate if my wife wanted it. Sure i might not live for long but that happens to many childrens fathers anyway. And the beauty of Thailand is that there will be a good surogate father (maybe even her father) to help with the upbringing. Adequate finance is important though.

Their are many farangs on this site who will have strong anti feelings. Dont worry about them, they really havnt yet understood the beauty of living in Thailand.

[Rorri]

AnotherOneAmerican, on 09 Aug 2014 - 23:23, said:

No relationship is complete without your own children, under 60 and you're still good to go.
Lots of old guys on these forums will tell you different, but it isn't true.

Your choices,
Live alone, it's not so bad.
Get married and have a baby, that's good too.
It's better than all the sad old guys with essentially a live in maid.

A lot of "old" guys are wrong, but you, as one guy, are right..mmmm. Ok, I'm one of those "old" guys and here my two cents worth, you need to think not only of yourself or your wife, you need to take into consideration the kid and how you will be able to interact with him/her when they are, mmm say 10 years old, and very active, will you be able to give them the time and energy they seek, or, seeing you will be approaching seventy, be a lethargic, grumpy old man. How will you deal with the kid when he/she enters mid-teens. Also, if living in Thailand, how will your wife and kid/s survive if you go to meet your maker.

[khunerik]

Nothing looks more silly than seing the old retired farang on the BTS skytrain with his young baby and 30-40 years younger wife. And yes people laugh and talk. At least here in Bangkok. Especially when his children from his home country are a lot older than his wife. And his grandchildren are 10 years old

 

Agree, and I see it every week both at the BTS and MRT here in Bangkok

[lensta]

Yes, just like me, you are too old to start having kids. When the kid
turned 15 you would be about 70, that's the age for his/her grandfather
not his/her father. Just enjoy your freedom for the remaining time that
you have left on this earth.

[RBOP]

By all means have another child. Especially in Thai culture, your children will look after you when you are old and can't look after yourself. In Western culture, we send our parents to a retirement home to keep them out of our hair and I'm sure it's visa-a-versa. I'm 52 and trying to have another child with my 40 year old Lao wife. We have one 12 year old child together. But looking to the future at 15-20 K $ per year for international school it means I'll be working until I'm 70 years old.

[lorbhaim]

Very interesting.

My POV:

1. Remove your age from the eqation. No one knows his days.

2. Do as you feel.

3. A child will give you a lot on energy.

4. Life is not an insurance company - Happiness of a child/fater does nothing to do with age.

5. I'm sure you''ll do the best.

Good luck.

Haim

[12DrinkMore]

Get a dog.

[bangkoklasse]

Yes, just like me, you are too old to start having kids. When the kid
turned 15 you would be about 70, that's the age for his/her grandfather
not his/her father. Just enjoy your freedom for the remaining time that
you have left on this earth.

 

Very true

[GOLDBUGGY]

Well, I personally don't think you are too old. I had my last child when I was 50.Y.O. Best days of my life as I finally had time I could spend with her. Or at least for awhile. Just make sure you have a strong relationship first. Mine wasn't strong enough with a Western Woman.  You don't want to get stuck with Child Support living on a Government Pension.

 

I think Thai Women view children a bit differently than Western Women as well. To her, they are not only her child to love, and to help around the house if it is a female, but also future security, as in someone who will look after them when they are old. This is very important to Thais and also a very important part of their culture and religion. They are raised to expect to look after parents, and that their child will look after them.  

 

If you decide not to have a Child, suggest to your Live-in Thai G.F. (or wife) that you will buy a Life Insurance Policy for her, so that when she is old she will get money from them to see her through the rest of her life. If she doesn't make it that far, well, you get your money back and more. It doesn't replace the child she may want, but it does give her some security in old age.

[ToYoungToRetire]

A girl I slept with about 3 times in a week and never saw again called me a few months later. Without letting me speak she in a very angry tone told me how she was pregnant, she then started yelling at me telling me how I was going to give her money and pay child support or "she would have my a$$ in court"... I let her rant on for about 20 minutes.... The whole time her threatening me with everything under the sun...  She finally realized that I wasnt even trying to talk..... Thats when she finally stopped yelling and told me I'd better answer her....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats when I let her know that I'd had a vasectomy several years prior  . She then admitted she'd slept with another guy around the same time, and she was really hoping I was father because the other guy didnt have as much money. She started crying and begging for help, this is after yelling at me stop with every threat she could think of for 20 minutes.. I laughed at her and hungup and blocked her phone number. 

[spidermike007]

One of the wonderful things about having a western mind, is that you have the discrimination to ask yourself these questions. Should I, or shouldn't I? It is a big question. An important question. But, it is something you need to decide for yourself. Doing it for her is the wrong reason for having a child. Nearly all Thai women want children. The only thing wrong with that, is that there is nothing conscious about the decision. It is an instinctive, and cultural decision. Society has basically made the decision for them. Am I ready for children? Can I support them? Will I be able to give them a great life? Do I have the necessary funds to insure that? No reason for you to get stuck in that rut, if it is not your calling. Have a kid if it is something you are really feeling, not because you are with a woman who is incapable of making that conscious decision for herself.

 

I have not wanted children since I was 20. Now, in my late 50's, there is no way I would even consider it. I had a vasectomy, after I was with my woman for two years. It was the smartest thing I have ever done. And then  I told her about it afterwards. She had to live with it, or walk. I had told her prior to that I did not want to have kids. I do not think she took me seriously. After I got cut, she did! She decided to stay, and now we are getting married, after being together for years. She has never had any children. She has decided this is ok for her. She is showing a lot of independence of mind by doing this, and I realize it is not an easy decision for a Thai woman to make. But, it shows guts, will, fortitude, the ability to stand up to the crowd, and the ability to demonstrate some vision. She realizes how much easier our lives will be, without the huge responsibility of children. The freedoms that come with making that decision are enormous. Would I want to put my kids through college, when I am in my late 70's? No way on earth I would inflict that upon myself. But, that is just me. Having kids is a very good and noble thing to do with your life, if you are really feeling it, and are willing to really be there for your kids. But, it is not for everyone, and choosing to not have kids is a wonderful, healthy, smart, and visionary thing to do, for some people. In reality, the last thing the earth needs right now is more children, so if you are going to bring them into the world, make sure you have the stuff required to insure they have the most opportunity possible to grow up as healthy, happy, fulfilled, talented, worthy members of society. 

[David48]

 

I really feel like the odd man out here.  I have never had nor wanted children.  I spent the first twenty years in Thailand as a very happy single man.  

 

At 43 I met my wife to be, who was 23 at the time.  We married two years later.  We recently turned 60 and 40 respectively and have a great life with no children.  We are both active and healthy with barely enough hours in the day for us, let alone taking care of an infant.

 

Clearly our life does not represent the norm but I offer it as an alternative.  There is more than one way of doing things, and those who insist on only one way, are wrong in my opinion.  Just be honest with your partner and be aware that it helps if you have an active lifestyle which would leave little time for children.

 

 

VF is a respected member of the Forum ... been in this Kingdom  loooooooong time.

 

His stuff is worth reading, I often defer to his experience.

 

His solution works for him.

 

 

Wasa ... find the solution that works for you

 

 

VF ... you are never the odd man out ... 
.