People actually let there wife control all the finances?

[JAFO]

People have some really bizarre relationships.

[n210mp]

I have an acquaintance, friend and occasional golfing buddy who is married to lovely Thai lady.

They are somewhat unusual as she is the dominant (Boss) person in the relationship, this to the extent that whilst everything they have is mostly (75%) from his finances she controls day to day and indeed all future financial planning like Margaret Thatcher would if she were still around.

The lady also has a terrible temper which she occasionally loses control over and then gets at her quiet peace loving husband with child like slapping and the poor sap just takes it without moaning or groaning

I believe the above is much more common here than farangs want to admit.

What surprised me was the use of the word...lovely....referring to his friends wife.

Every controlfreak suffers from serious disorders. That marriage will not end well, most likely....little boys get older.

Mainly to those who quoted from an edited and abridged version of my post

By doing this devious act you then open an abridge version of my post to posters who are not in fact answering my post but a "doctored " version of my post which is grossly unfair!

Quoting a post is great if you do not abridge, highlight, edit or change the context of the quote to make a point that seemingly you are too lazy to make yourself in your own words!

Why did you use parts of my post in a manner that does not answer my post in its entirety?

could it be that unless you altered my post your comments would not make any sense and in any event unless you were prithy to this couples situation could have no justification in making any negative comment.

But to give your reply some cred I will offer this;

People do change and adapt themselves to situations

Control freaks mentioned in your response where did I mention that the man or woman for that matter was a control freak?

I mentioned that He was a decision maker and that the lady was a dominent personality.

In my experience I have encountered many Thai ladies who exhibit this trend and still are excellent wives and Mothers, just the same characters as my friends wife and I have also had the acquaintance of many successful western business men who tired of the cut and thrust in their working lives and now in their twilght years are happy within sensible constraints to pass on leadership to a person who is both up to the job, loyal and trustworthy

Edited November 3, 2014 by n210mp

[mesquite]

I have an acquaintance, friend and occasional golfing buddy who is married to lovely Thai lady.

They are somewhat unusual as she is the dominant (Boss) person in the relationship, this to the extent that whilst everything they have is mostly (75%) from his finances she controls day to day and indeed all future financial planning like Margaret Thatcher would if she were still around.

The lady also has a terrible temper which she occasionally loses control over and then gets at her quiet peace loving husband with child like slapping and the poor sap just takes it without moaning or groaning

I believe the above is much more common here than farangs want to admit.

What surprised me was the use of the word...lovely....referring to his friends wife.

Every controlfreak suffers from serious disorders. That marriage will not end well, most likely....little boys get older.

Mainly to those who quoted from an edited and abridged version of my post

By doing this devious act you then open an abridge version of my post to posters who are not in fact answering my post but a "doctored " version of my post which is grossly unfair!

Quoting a post is great if you do not abridge, highlight, edit or change the context of the quote to make a point that seemingly you are too lazy to make yourself in your own words!

Why did you use parts of my post in a manner that does not answer my post in its entirety?

could it be that unless you altered my post your comments would not make any sense and in any event unless you were prithy to this couples situation could have no justification in making any negative comment.

But to give your reply some cred I will offer this;

People do change and adapt themselves to situations

Control freaks mentioned in your response where did I mention that the man or woman for that matter was a control freak?

I mentioned that He was a decision maker and that the lady was a dominent personality.

In my experience I have encountered many Thai ladies who exhibit this trend and still are excellent wives and Mothers, just the same characters as my friends wife and I have also had the acquaintance of many successful western business men who tired of the cut and thrust in their working lives and now in their twilght years are happy within sensible constraints to pass on leadership to a person who is both up to the job, loyal and trustworthy

I altered it to save space as it was so long. Didn't change anything. Hardly devious.

Edited November 3, 2014 by mesquite

[n210mp]

To mesquite

You completely changed all of what I had to say by your omitting parts of my post.

You highlighted (Emboldened) and edited out

You changed the emphasis or context on a most important point that I was making by Emboldening a phrase that I had not emboldened thereby changing the original emphasis.

You say my post was too long for your purpose so why didnt you take/quote sentences out of my post and then answer them in the context that they were written, at the same time attributing them to me?

on a lighter note thanks for the mental stimulation on ths wet Pattaya morning

[garrya]

Op, there are lots of chaps like that here that need mummying. I find it all rather sad for these guys and for those that have to seek permission to go out, even though they are the breadwinner and their wives do nothing. These blokes need to grow up and grow a pair of bolllocks.

How about instead of think of it as a permission seeking, think of it as a form of respect. Maybe they want to give their wife a respect and let the wife know where they are going so that the wife does not need to be worried. "Happy wife is a happy life."

So handing over the money means respect. Kind of a weird concept.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Op, there are lots of chaps like that here that need mummying. I find it all rather sad for these guys and for those that have to seek permission to go out, even though they are the breadwinner and their wives do nothing. These blokes need to grow up and grow a pair of bolllocks.

How about instead of think of it as a permission seeking, think of it as a form of respect. Maybe they want to give their wife a respect and let the wife know where they are going so that the wife does not need to be worried. "Happy wife is a happy life."

So handing over the money means respect. Kind of a weird concept.

Are you serious? Did you read what I said?

Yep, hand over your money cause I know how to spend your money better than you. Some women are more responsible and more frugal than men. It would make sense for men to let their women take care of their money and their financial situations.

Although, aside from having jointing funds, I believe husband and wife should still have their separate emergency funds.

[mesquite]

To mesquite

You completely changed all of what I had to say by your omitting parts of my post.

You highlighted (Emboldened) and edited out

You changed the emphasis or context on a most important point that I was making by Emboldening a phrase that I had not emboldened thereby changing the original emphasis.

You say my post was too long for your purpose so why didnt you take/quote sentences out of my post and then answer them in the context that they were written, at the same time attributing them to me?

on a lighter note thanks for the mental stimulation on ths wet Pattaya morning

Report it to the mods, then please get over it.

[Kudel]

Op, there are lots of chaps like that here that need mummying. I find it all rather sad for these guys and for those that have to seek permission to go out, even though they are the breadwinner and their wives do nothing. These blokes need to grow up and grow a pair of bolllocks.

How about instead of think of it as a permission seeking, think of it as a form of respect. Maybe they want to give their wife a respect and let the wife know where they are going so that the wife does not need to be worried. "Happy wife is a happy life."

So handing over the money means respect. Kind of a weird concept.

Are you serious? Did you read what I said?

Yep, hand over your money cause I know how to spend your money better than you. Some women are more responsible and more frugal than men. It would make sense for men to let their women take care of their money and their financial situations.

Although, aside from having jointing funds, I believe husband and wife should still have their separate emergency funds.

After reading about Thai household debt and seeing myself how Thais live way beyond their means i would think twice before handing over my hard earnt to people who still need a calculator to do simple maths a six year old can do without a calculator in my home country.

[mesquite]

How about instead of think of it as a permission seeking, think of it as a form of respect. Maybe they want to give their wife a respect and let the wife know where they are going so that the wife does not need to be worried. "Happy wife is a happy life."

So handing over the money means respect. Kind of a weird concept.

Are you serious? Did you read what I said?

Yep, hand over your money cause I know how to spend your money better than you. Some women are more responsible and more frugal than men. It would make sense for men to let their women take care of their money and their financial situations.

Although, aside from having jointing funds, I believe husband and wife should still have their separate emergency funds.

After reading about Thai household debt and seeing myself how Thais live way beyond their means i would think twice before handing over my hard earnt to people who still need a calculator to do simple maths a six year old can do without a calculator in my home country.

Exactly. Hell, I've seen a twenty five year old college graduate use a calculator to determine 10 percent of 500 THB.

[David48]

After reading about Thai household debt and seeing myself how Thais live way beyond their means i would think twice before handing over my hard earnt to people who still need a calculator to do simple maths a six year old can do without a calculator in my home country.

Exactly. Hell, I've seen a twenty five year old college graduate use a calculator to determine 10 percent of 500 THB.

Well, in the Thai world the answer will depend on ...

If my Thai gf owes me, then 10 percent of 500 THB = Tb 25

However, I owe her then 10 percent of 500 THB = Tb 100

Flexible maths, Thai Style ...

.

[SoiBiker]

Seems to me this person doesn't want a wife, he wants a mother..

I believe the above is much more common here than farangs want to admit.

[n210mp]

To mesquite

You completely changed all of what I had to say by your omitting parts of my post.

You highlighted (Emboldened) and edited out

You changed the emphasis or context on a most important point that I was making by Emboldening a phrase that I had not emboldened thereby changing the original emphasis.

You say my post was too long for your purpose so why didnt you take/quote sentences out of my post and then answer them in the context that they were written, at the same time attributing them to me?

on a lighter note thanks for the mental stimulation on ths wet Pattaya morning

Report it to the mods, then please get over it.

There you go again, now inferring that I am something of a snitch because I dare correct you in your errors and implying that in some way that your complete desecration of my other post somehow upset me, boy you know how to wind a person up or in this case get an enjoyable conversation going.

IMO You read, see and interpret only what aligns with your jaundiced opinion or strengthens your twisted point of view you, you massacred my post by dishonest means and then ignored anything that I said in rebuttal of your singularly simple interpretation of quite an interesting thread and differencing arguments or simple points of view.

You sound/ read like a typical keyboard warrior adding nothing to this great thread, except of course your own narrow minded prejudice.

Had a bad experience somewhere along the line have we and maybe a little bitter and twisted because of that experience?

There is push and pull, give and take in any normal happy relationship.

To those relationships that have been mentioned in this thread where the woman takes a leading role in the finances department there are a few damaged like you who can only see the wife as some conniving and sly person out to do the simple minded soul out of his hard worked for life savings

I think it must be the company that you keep in the bars or maybe too much time on this forum reading all the B&T rants about Thai ladies ETC,

if you are not careful you could soon become an honorary member of the TV old farts B&T club

It takes all sorts to make this merry world go around including having to read the nonsense that you proscribe in your attempts to sound like an experienced, intelligent and well rounded individual but heck up to a point I find your attitudes consistent with a misogynist old fart and recognise in your words things about myself that could do also do with some updating.

So carry on please and stimulate and entertain me , listening to you makes me believe with that even with all my warts and all there are those like you who make me look half sensible

Please reply with more than a one liner and if you wish to quote this post do it in full and not edit or embolden any of my sentences so that my words will not be taken out of their intended context

Aeee thank yew!

[AnotherOneAmerican]

There is push and pull, give and take in any normal happy relationship.

To those relationships that have been mentioned in this thread where the woman takes a leading role in the finances department there are a few damaged like you who can only see the wife as some conniving and sly person out to do the simple minded soul out of his hard worked for life savings

I think it must be the company that you keep in the bars or maybe too much time on this forum reading all the B&T rants about Thai ladies ETC,

Three points from your post,

1. Normal happy relationships usually don't involve a woman 20+ years younger than the man.

2. In Thailand, conniving and sly, may often be used accurately to describe foreigners wives.

3. Most of us, that have been here years, don't frequent bars (I don't drink alcohol at all).

[mesquite]

Please reply with more than a one liner and if you wish to quote this post do it in full and not edit or embolden any of my sentences so that my words will not be taken out of their intended context

Nope. One liner is all you get.

[n210mp]

Please reply with more than a one liner and if you wish to quote this post do it in full and not edit or embolden any of my sentences so that my words will not be taken out of their intended context

Nope. One liner is all you get.

OK thanks

[CharlieH]

RE: quoting others......

16) You will not make changes to quoted material from other members posts, except for purposes of shortening the quoted post. This cannot be done in such a manner that it alters the context of the original post.

Please observe forum rules.

[Kenny202]

Found it convenient to let her pay for the bills in Thailand. I keep a spreadsheet of upcoming bills, travel and purchase plans for the year. That money is sent directly to her account here. Our savings (emergency funds) remain in my home country..accessible only to me. We are not married, but lived together for 4 years.

I show her the spending plan for the upcoming month, and just ask for receipts for the rent, car payment, and utilities. Her allowance is tied in with the food money....so she shops wisely. As long as the money left in her account is the same as we predicted, I do not worry about things. Best part, all bills are paid during the first 3 days of the month.

This setup suits me fine, as it does her. She is able to show a steady income (from bank deposits), should she apply for a visa. Another thing...I have freedom. If I need to leave Thailand for more than a few months, there is no worry or argument about money or bills. It just carries on.

She gets a big smile on her face, when she is notified of a bank deposit. (Even the the majority of the money is for necessities). I think it is the feeling of security/control, or perhaps her "face" of going to the bank and having more then 400 baht in her account. For me, I do not stress out about the next month or two. There have been times, in the past, where I could not get hold of my money in the states for weeks. That is all being handled. And, should I wind up in a hospital, she can put some cash up front.

This might not work in every single relationship. It works fine for us. My girl was a manager at a Handbag/shoe outlet in bangkok, with several employees under her....and a Chinese boss micromanaging her purchases and receipts. I do not micromanage, but just insist that the bottom line match our plans.

I actually work on a similar program and since we have never looked back. I don't think you can have the attitude that she has nothing, I have everything therefore she will be do as she is told and be grateful. It just doesn't work like that. No human being can be happy getting hand outs from someone else. There will always be lazy people who are happy sitting around bludging but why would you choose a partner like that? Most people (anywhere) want to feel some sense of worth and achievement. I give my girl enough money for expenses and there is some incentive there for her to have a balance remaining. She always has money in her pocket and I imagine it gives her some feeling of independence. She has never been one for shopping, asking for money or excessive spending but now she is even more careful with our money. I never give her serious amounts of money and all of my main money is offshore and only accessible to me. The other thing I have noticed with Thai people in general is you can never give them money to budget for more than a couple of weeks....month at best. Give a Thai 40,000 baht for expenses for the month and 37000 baht of it will be gone by the first few days. The idea thinking they can live on the remaining 3000 baht for the rest of the month, and probably could too...providing nothing else crops up. Some of the best and simplest advice I have had is that Thais are opportunists. The trick is to make sure you don't provide them with opportunities. Other one is poor people that grow up and have nothing will grab anything.

I find more and more many of the stereo types we put on Thai woman (even though I have just cited some :-) can so easily apply to western women too. In other cases you just exchange one lot of headaches for another.

Edited November 3, 2014 by Kenny202

[n210mp]

There is push and pull, give and take in any normal happy relationship.

To those relationships that have been mentioned in this thread where the woman takes a leading role in the finances department there are a few damaged like you who can only see the wife as some conniving and sly person out to do the simple minded soul out of his hard worked for life savings

I think it must be the company that you keep in the bars or maybe too much time on this forum reading all the B&T rants about Thai ladies ETC,

Three points from your post,

1. Normal happy relationships usually don't involve a woman 20+ years younger than the man.

2. In Thailand, conniving and sly, may often be used accurately to describe foreigners wives.

3. Most of us, that have been here years, don't frequent bars (I don't drink alcohol at all).

Yes

generally I would agree with you AOA but specifically and my posts were related to specific people whom I know and have contact with I do not agree

I take the point also that in terms of volumes alone, the amount of ExPat sex tourist who found their loves in a bar and then married then account for (generally) most of the wives you mention in paragraph 2 of your post but of course not all.

[harryfrompattaya]

I had to friends in America 27 years ago that gave their wife their paycheck every 2 weeks they are still married Today 27 years they do the same however they been getting pay every week for the last 27 years

I believe that is the only way to go

[mesquite]

post deleted

Edited November 4, 2014 by mesquite

[Boxclever]

My wife controls the family finances and has done for the pasty 10 years. does a hell of a better job than I do. Then again my wife is university educated and when I met her she was the administration manager for a large MEP company that I worked for. I married my boss! How many of you here can say that? The problem with the OP is the standard of woman he clearly mixes with so I can sort of understand his reasoning. Dude, we don't all marry bar girls hell bent on stealing our money.

[Soutpeel]

My wife controls the family finances and has done for the pasty 10 years. does a hell of a better job than I do. Then again my wife is university educated and when I met her she was the administration manager for a large MEP company that I worked for. I married my boss! How many of you here can say that? The problem with the OP is the standard of woman he clearly mixes with so I can sort of understand his reasoning. Dude, we don't all marry bar girls hell bent on stealing our money.

so your suggesting its only BG's are hell bent on stealing money ?

I know of two cases directly in last 10 years, of Thai ladies, one was a masters degree engineer and the other a dentist who where dipping their hands in their husbands wallets, so to speak before they got caught out and the subsequent divorce invoked.

must be nice living in such a black and white, "I am better than you world"

BG = bad

University educated/manager or Non-BG = good

The fact is greedy people are just that greedy people, it typically has very little to do with their social standing, education or very little else...

I can see why your wife was the manager, you not very good with logical, rational common sense thinking...

Edited November 4, 2014 by Soutpeel

[Boxclever]

Where did I say all bar girls were bad? I referred to " bar girls hell bent on stealing our money". I don't believe all are like that but come on dude...your chances of being ripped off are far more likely if you drag a girl out of the bar and marry her...Agreed?

[mesquite]

Representative family pic

https://www.dropbox.com/s/92nv53wzg5k8iom/faranghusbandrelatives.jpg?dl=0

[hellohello123]

This is exactly how its done in japan!

man comes home, gives paypack to wife, and wife allocates a monthly allowance for you to be able to spend on your lunches at work etc.

most of the time it can be really low, like $10 US per day,

its because they work so damn hard and the hours, they have no choice but to let the wife to be the financial controller of the family

[willyumiii]

you have to love it when there are more replies stating how poor the thread, the OP and his previous threads are than there are about the current thread he has posted.

But, I must agree with the OP....

If you know who he is and know you do not like his topics....why even open them and read them?

Unless you are just one of those who only come to TV to criticize others!

Jai Yen

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Where did I say all bar girls were bad? I referred to " bar girls hell bent on stealing our money". I don't believe all are like that but come on dude...your chances of being ripped off are far more likely if you drag a girl out of the bar and marry her...Agreed?

No, I disagree,

Your chances with them are likely exactly the same.

If they marry or date much older (foreign) men, they have a plan.

Edited November 4, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[BSJ]

My wife and I work as a team. I can't see a downside to that!

[Gecko123]

My neighbors tell me that in 70-80% of Thai husband/Thai wife households the wife manages the money.

Personally, if my wife manages the household finances conscientiously, I don't see a problem with that.

Adding her name to individually owned accounts...well that's another story.

I'm open to discussing this down the road, perhaps after our 40th wedding anniversary.

George Bush Sr.: 'Must be prudent, now, must be prudent.'

[khunpa]

Look around and you can find loads of farangs here, who give away houses, cars, gold and money to their Thai-girlfriends/wifes, until they end up completely broke. Its really nothing to spend much energy or time on.

You will find stupid and naive people anywhere in the world - not just Thailand.