qualtrough Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 Seriously if it was one of my brother in laws that did that to me i would kick his a$$ This is the Thai way and i would save face even if i lost. By doing nothing I have lost face with everyone. This is upcountry "face" protocol, BKK may differ. Good luck nam I expect we will be reading about 'Nam Kao' in the News forum one day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donz Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 Dont boycott family gathering because of him, go if he is there just be cold to him. Dont laugh at his jokes etc. be nice to the family and like I said before. Dont penalise the family because of him. Thais have strong family ties and you should not boycott them as they may think you are bitter at them for there son not paying you back Why not boycott the family? Who do you think it was that raised him to be like this? Do you really think they are any different? If this debt was owed to a Thai you can be certain that the entire extended family would come together to make sure it got repaid one way or another. Where is the family? Bangkok? Suburb of Bangkok? Countryside? I am going out on a limb here. I agree with Donz and most of the other posters in saying what is done is done and learn the lesson well. I will disagree with fxm88 totally. Your attitude shows a complete lack of understanding of Thai culture. Point by point - because it would be rude to the family who seem to accepted you as one of the family and who don't look at you as a money point. - Nobody raised him to be like this. He thought of this all by himself. He is (ir)responsible for himself. From personal experience Yes, I do think they are different. It's amazing what life teaches us. We all lose a bit of the optimism and responsibility our parents tried to install in us as time goes on and as life goes on. If the debt wasto a Thai, the whole family would gather round. Come on man, the guy is 30 plus. Time to stand on your own two feet. Many parents think like that. What difference where the family is from. Middle class, reasonable jobs, trying to get by honestly. That what it sounds like to me. Poor, scraping to make a baht, ATM machine, it doesn't sound like it. Try to be a little less cynical fxm88, please. You chose the place to live. Swagman > agree with you 100 percent. Donz > Agree with you too (except I would treat him in a civil manner so the family doesn't lose face, everyone knows already so no need to re-enforce it). Arr people agreeing with me, whats this place comming too now jk So fxm88 if a child turns out to be gay does that mean the parents are gay too? thats what you seem to think what happens here, I mean in your view the parants cant be any differnt? If the a girl is a prostitue the mother is a prostitute? you way of thinking is abit warped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chingching Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 I guess i've learnt a lot though. It's proved that my gf isn't the type to agree to any demands by family members as she flatly turned him down. I wanted to help her try and gain face in the family So you tried to "help her gain face" by dismissing her. I can see why tho, after all you met him "ONCE" and he "seemed" like a nice guy, and she has only known him for Twenty years or so. So you embarass your GF bc now her brother knows that you disrespect her. You ought to take the 15K and 1K for interest, put it in an envelope and give it to him as a present. Then you have shown that 31K means nothing to you and you are a gentleman and u have big face. (Tho can't help the small brain much) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the swagman Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Seriously if it was one of my brother in laws that did that to me i would kick his a$$ This is the Thai way and i would save face even if i lost. By doing nothing I have lost face with everyone. This is upcountry "face" protocol, BKK may differ. Good luck nam I seriously doubt if that is the 'thai' way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Seriously if it was one of my brother in laws that did that to me i would kick his a$$ This is the Thai way and i would save face even if i lost. By doing nothing I have lost face with everyone. This is upcountry "face" protocol, BKK may differ. Good luck nam I seriously doubt if that is the 'thai' way. It is if you are one of the up-country types who sit around drinking Lao kao shouting "จน" "เครียด" "จน" "เครียด" all day long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the swagman Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 It is if you are one of the up-country types who sit around drinking Lao kao shouting "จน" "เครียด" "จน" "เครียด" all day long. I seriously doubt if that kind of people would have the nerve to ask for a loan. And if you did provide the loan for them then you don't deserve to have any money left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 It is if you are one of the up-country types who sit around drinking Lao kao shouting "จน" "เครียด" "จน" "เครียด" all day long. I seriously doubt if that kind of people would have the nerve to ask for a loan. And if you did provide the loan for them then you don't deserve to have any money left. That was the point really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the swagman Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 It is if you are one of the up-country types who sit around drinking Lao kao shouting "จน" "เครียด" "จน" "เครียด" all day long. I seriously doubt if that kind of people would have the nerve to ask for a loan. And if you did provide the loan for them then you don't deserve to have any money left. That was the point really. That wasn't the point of the OP. It didn't sound like the family was that inclined. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backflip Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 The fact that your GF wouldn't lend him money should have told you you should not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enuff said Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 . Hello womble, You have not lost any face. Someone came and asked for help and you gave it to them. You were able to help and you did. No matter what happens now, you have shown you have a good heart. Your girlfriend is fortunate to have you and she prolly realizes that. You don't know what will happen in the fullness of time. As hard as it may be to imagine it, something may happen that will reflect on your generosity and you will be paid back many fold for your good deed. I really don't want to come off sounding all mystical but "what goes around, comes around". Best of luck to you, 'nuff said ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patex Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 womble, did you got the "I told you not to lend him the fukcing money, you stupid... " - treatment? Yes! = Marry her! No = Keep an open eye... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Dogster Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 OP, sorry to hear about this. There is something you do need to realize though, when u gave the guy the 15K, you were making a donation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ding Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 I lent money to my ex wife's dad. He never repaid it. Now he's dead. I didn't do it. Right then, there's my attempt to wax philisophical... So much good stuff has been posted that I couldn't add to it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
womble Posted September 16, 2006 Author Share Posted September 16, 2006 womble,did you got the "I told you not to lend him the fukcing money, you stupid... " - treatment? Yes! = Marry her! No = Keep an open eye... No she hasn't said that, but then if she did that would be blaming me for something her brother has done which is unlikely. Since the time she said she had told her Mum (who said she would pay me back, I refused) it hasn't been mentioned in the house. she never told me not to lend it, but she told him on the phone that she didn't have it and that she wouldn't ask me. When she put down the phone I said I would lend it, she said are you sure, and I said yes providing he promises to pay it back. It's my fault for lending it, but if I could turn back the clock, I'd lend it again, now I don't have to be charitable anymore, i've already proved I have a good heart, and that's been taken advantage of. So providing I don't make a scene, and pass it off as nothing major, I come out of this with the family thinking I smell of roses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tartempion Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 That asside, my congratulations, Bht15K is pretty cheap to get rid of all future loans from the brother. LOL, Gf's brother came over (when I was away) to ask 2k baht (yes 2000 baht) to finish his house!!! She knew he would never pay back so said to him: Ok just for once, here's 2k and never come back to ask money ever again. That was pretty cheap to get rid of all future loans from the brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 About eleven years ago, I ‘lent’ my then girlfriend’s brothers ฿5,000 between them; they were both builders. Although it was ostensibly a loan, I mentally wrote the money off there and then as a gift, which was just as well as no effort was made to repay. About a year later, the brothers came down to Pattaya and stayed in my house when we went on a week’s holiday. The idea was that they would look after the house, take care of the dogs and also have a holiday of their own with their wives. I had recently been toying with the idea of having a car port built. The day they arrived, I watched with interest as they set about measuring up outside. I asked my girlfriend as to what was going on, and she casually told me that they could build the car port whilst we were away. All I had to do was pay for the materials and they would do the work for free in lieu of the ‘debt’. She simply told them that they owed me money and if they could not come up with the cash they must work it off. When we returned, they had built the car port (excellent job too) and carried out several other odd jobs and repairs around the house as per my girlfriend’s instructions. It makes me wonder why we ever split up. Aah yes, now I remember: she was an utter bitch... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 When the parents offered to pay back the loan, they were doing what was expected of them, by both the community and their son. Speaking from personal experience, a close family relative regularly "borrows" money from people with the full knowledge that she cannot pay it back. The people who loan her the money know that not only does she not have the money to pay it back but they can go to her father and he will be forced to pay it back. She did this for about 15 years before he finally said enough. That said, I would ask your gf to offer the payment plan, no Thai person would let a loan of that magnitude go unpaid without some serious repercussions. Granted, you are not a Thai person, but, perhaps it would be better for all if you behaved as if you were one. (and no, I don't mean gun him down if he doesn't pay you back ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 >>>I expect we will be reading about 'Nam Kao' in the News forum one day arrr you pansies, get a spine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meadish_sweetball Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 arr you pansies, get a spine So we can have it broken? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Cmon this is a family matter, violence is quite the norm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Cmon this is a family matter, violence is quite the norm That sounds like some family you have married into Nam Kao. Good luck with that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Some are good, some are bad but thanks nam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhys Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Guest House has the right ops... Follow the man's advice.. Then of course...this could happen in any country as well not Thailand exclusively... As for you loaning out money.. Well.. you did it.. now it is out on the Family Bamboo Network..Stand you ground... do it.. as matter of factly.... Sorry I don't do that.. As the Brother in Law for the money.. Sorry to hear about the troubles.. Do see the family.. And let the GF know.. she is OK.. but do know.. You have the "WHOLE family Business" now.. Cheers Mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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