Woodentop Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 (edited) And prey, what was your contribution to this discussion? Edit: Typo Edited October 9, 2006 by Woodentop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtoad Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Playing Cricket Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil_Jon Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Playing Cricket Where do you play cricket???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 my typical day in Thailand after building a house: 04.00 getting up 04.05 exercise - carrying my coffee mug from the kitchen to my study 04.06 exercise - switching on modem/router 04.07 tension - will the ADSL light stay on or blink 04.08 exercise - switching on my PCs 04.08 tension relieved - internet connection available 04.09 exercise - lifting coffee mug and taking a few sips 04.10 meditation - till windows has loaded all drivers and misc. programs 04.11 exercise - lifting coffee mug and taking a sip 04.12 checking DOW, Bovespa, IPC and Europe 04.15 checking EUR, THB, MXN, INR, IDR, ISK, TRY vs. USD and feeding it in my spreadsheet 04.20 checking mail 04.25 answering mail 05.00 finished answering mail 05.01 new mail arrived 05.05 answering new mail 05.30 finished answering new mail 05.31 reading news 06.00 downloading and reading a zillion attachments 07.00 feeding my fish 07.10 walking around my garden 07.30 exercise - getting 2nd cup of coffee from kitchen 07.45 EXERCISE! - punching my punching bag like a madman 07.50 out of breath (heavy smoker) taking a dip in the pool 07.51 considering whether to swim two or four full pool lengths 07.52 deciding that swimming might not be good for my health 07.53 evaluating the interest fact why i always have the urge to pee when in pool 07.54 suppressing the urge to pee in the pool although pH-level is quite low 08.00 climbing out of pool and cursing because there is no towel 08.02 walking very carefully with wet feet over highly slippery tiles to my study 08.04 thanking the GODs that i did not slip 08.05 calling angrily for the housemaid 08.08 calling even angrier for the housemaid 08.10 housemaid turns up and remarks cooly "at this time i serve madame coffee in bed!" 08.11 asking housemaid why no towels in pool area? 08.15 giving up asking housemaid why no towels in pool area 08.16 08.30 meditation - why are we still a long way from generating energy like the sun? 08.45 checking EUR, THB, MXN, INR, IDR, ISK, TRY vs. USD and feeding it in my spreadsheet 08.50 checking asian markets 09.15 shall we buy anything today? if yes, then what? 09.45 shall we sell anything today? i yes then what? 10.00 checking a transatlantic forum and making a few posts 10.30 checking thaivisa forum and shaking my head with disbelief 10.45 wife turns up and we are having breakfast and a morning chat 10.55 wife and me cannot agree how the situation in Iraq should be handled 11.00 wife leaves to spent an hour or two in her bathroom (so i think) 11.01 wife catches me while pouring a (tiny) glass of portwine 11.02 "do you really have to drink alcohol in the mornings???" 11.03 withdrawing with my glass to my study 11.30 checking EUR, THB, MXN, INR, IDR, ISK, TRY vs. USD and feeding it in my spreadsheet 11.40 checking asian markets 11.50 giving some chores to the gardener to be continued! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sibeymai Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 I used to think I was playing chess when I went out to bars, One Night In Bangkok style, but then someone explained that I was mistaken and I was really playing "chest". Only problem was the the pawns kept turning out to be Porns. Gave up when I kept loosing the Queen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 I am doing research for an MA. It is supposed to lead me to mastery of the arts of the social sciences, but if it doesn't, I will have enjoyed the day a week that I spend down at Khon Kaen University amongst all those flirtatious young ladies. The phenomenon-to-come that I am looking into is the small proportion of those of the next generation of 'mia farang' who are now having houses built in the villages ahead of retiring there with their 'baby-boomer' husbands. They look like being very formidable women, equipped with a strong set of the 'building blocks of power': experiential learning from years in the West (bringing up kids and seeing them through Uni, and so on), plus income, plus capital, plus a supportive husband. In twenty years time, Thailand may well draw a woman prime minister from amongst their ranks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 I am a RPG geek so I Play Dungeons & Dragons with friends on the weekends and I play a online Role Playing Game called World of Warcraft. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chantal Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 my typical day in Thailand after building a house:04.00 getting up 04.05 exercise - carrying my coffee mug from the kitchen to my study 04.06 exercise - switching on modem/router 04.07 tension - will the ADSL light stay on or blink 04.08 exercise - switching on my PCs 04.08 tension relieved - internet connection available 04.09 exercise - lifting coffee mug and taking a few sips 04.10 meditation - till windows has loaded all drivers and misc. programs 04.11 exercise - lifting coffee mug and taking a sip 04.12 checking DOW, Bovespa, IPC and Europe 04.15 checking EUR, THB, MXN, INR, IDR, ISK, TRY vs. USD and feeding it in my spreadsheet 04.20 checking mail 04.25 answering mail 05.00 finished answering mail 05.01 new mail arrived 05.05 answering new mail 05.30 finished answering new mail 05.31 reading news 06.00 downloading and reading a zillion attachments 07.00 feeding my fish 07.10 walking around my garden 07.30 exercise - getting 2nd cup of coffee from kitchen 07.45 EXERCISE! - punching my punching bag like a madman 07.50 out of breath (heavy smoker) taking a dip in the pool 07.51 considering whether to swim two or four full pool lengths 07.52 deciding that swimming might not be good for my health 07.53 evaluating the interest fact why i always have the urge to pee when in pool 07.54 suppressing the urge to pee in the pool although pH-level is quite low 08.00 climbing out of pool and cursing because there is no towel 08.02 walking very carefully with wet feet over highly slippery tiles to my study 08.04 thanking the GODs that i did not slip 08.05 calling angrily for the housemaid 08.08 calling even angrier for the housemaid 08.10 housemaid turns up and remarks cooly "at this time i serve madame coffee in bed!" 08.11 asking housemaid why no towels in pool area? 08.15 giving up asking housemaid why no towels in pool area 08.16 08.30 meditation - why are we still a long way from generating energy like the sun? 08.45 checking EUR, THB, MXN, INR, IDR, ISK, TRY vs. USD and feeding it in my spreadsheet 08.50 checking asian markets 09.15 shall we buy anything today? if yes, then what? 09.45 shall we sell anything today? i yes then what? 10.00 checking a transatlantic forum and making a few posts 10.30 checking thaivisa forum and shaking my head with disbelief 10.45 wife turns up and we are having breakfast and a morning chat 10.55 wife and me cannot agree how the situation in Iraq should be handled 11.00 wife leaves to spent an hour or two in her bathroom (so i think) 11.01 wife catches me while pouring a (tiny) glass of portwine 11.02 "do you really have to drink alcohol in the mornings???" 11.03 withdrawing with my glass to my study 11.30 checking EUR, THB, MXN, INR, IDR, ISK, TRY vs. USD and feeding it in my spreadsheet 11.40 checking asian markets 11.50 giving some chores to the gardener to be continued! Can't wait for the rest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexth Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 I don't play chess, but would love to play monopoly, I used to find it on www.games.com, but now it's gone. Is anyone else playing monopoly? If yes, where? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
game4shame Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 10.30 checking thaivisa forum and shaking my head with disbelief I think we've all done that before!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siddv Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 You gotta be kidding me! None of you go bar hoping or do any mongering any longer? Are you guy really beyond all that!!! Tell me it ain't so!!! I still have a few years before officially retiring in Thailand but do already own house there with the TGF. I'm there every 3 months for 2-3 weeks. In exchange..I am allowed boys night equal to 1 day per week..no questions asked as long as I'm in by 2-3am..no overnights, no mia noys. I accept the trade as fair. Nobody there has a similar better deal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ta22 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 (edited) First i would list the hobby that i am most enage in and then slowly into thoe that i enjoy doing . My current Hobby , i spend most of my days . restoring my Classic cars . i won 4 classic cars now . 3 of them is Celica ( Ta22 ) 1970s model . - so is between workshop and hunting of parts ect ect . almost everyday i play game online , used to be counter strike , and slowly move to War craft (DOTA) about 3-4 time a week me and my groupy would go Drinking , usually beer , and of cos chasing young thai girl at the local bar and resturant , usually PG who is working for certian beer company . - Recently i am very much into Car audio . and had spend alot of time at the car audio shop .. i just installed a mid grade Bostwick , 6.5 inches . multi componet System , a pair of 10 inches sub woofer , . Ads Amp , and alphard Amp , total 8 ch , the whole car now have a total of 10 speaker in it . making it a impressive sound machine . MOVIE !!! is a daily thing for me .. usually i am at the local DVD shop buying some Movie title . lucky that the title keep coming and i used to visit MAJOR cineplex once a week . but now i spend more on DVD instead of Movie tix , I do enjoy Bowling , and have friendly match between my pal .. i am a below average player . score range between 120-180 - I have my own Car club , with about 30 member - and we do have meeting once in a while . used to be every week and it get boring . and now ismroe like once every bluemoon . i am online everyday . reading world news , seeing how bush screw up is kinda fun , i make it a point that i read up about all the news for about 1-2 hour everyday . just to have a mild topic when i chat up with anyone currrent affair thing . looking for good foods had also been a enjoying hobby , as it come with the bar and resturant visit .which run late into the night usually coming home 5-6 am in the morning . Bussiness planning . i spend part of my time . working work bussiness plan . and looking for all kinda resources and income from my contact and oversea connection . i do enjoy this also . but is more ike a task and hobbything . i am recently trying to pick up Golf > but had yet find time for it . i would be starting off maybe at the local driving range . which charge like 30 balls for 45 baht . i play Sanooker . with my younger brother almost every week . .. usually spending about 3 hour at the palour . i enjoy , chess ( suck at it ) - by my brother and father is good at chinese chess . Photography is also one of my hobby . usually taking work progress of my restoration . learning something everyday . i just learn how to Mix a clearer for washing oily surafce for cars whahah . searching for DIY junky online . jewellery design , handicraft , is also omething which i spend time on weekly . riding my cars around town , rising my Honda dream ( 100 cc ) bike around town . watching TV. satalite channel again listening to world news . recently on taiwan and north korea , as well as the amish school shotting and yesterday kids who fire a ak47 in his school . what i would love to do soon , learn to speak a thai better , as well as write it . i can speak decent thai but yet to learn the ABC of it . so would be putting sometime on it . Cooking is also a daily hobby . which i enjoy . so come with eating i do get bored easily . so if you are in chiangmai . do PM meif you wanna go Snooker , bowling , just riding around town , photography , movie , drinking beer ( thai resturant and bars ) , or any other hobby . i am keen to learn . Oh yeh i do enjoy MONOPOLY . and i think i got a Set of the full version some where if i try to find . is a good time killer and enjoy winning whhaha Ta22 Edited October 10, 2006 by Ta22 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terry57 Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 You gotta be kidding me! None of you go bar hoping or do any mongering any longer? Are you guy really beyond all that!!! Tell me it ain't so!!! I still have a few years before officially retiring in Thailand but do already own house there with the TGF. I'm there every 3 months for 2-3 weeks. In exchange..I am allowed boys night equal to 1 day per week..no questions asked as long as I'm in by 2-3am..no overnights, no mia noys. I accept the trade as fair. Nobody there has a similar better deal? hope you have that in writing mate as it sounds a little bit to good to me. let me get this right as i might be reading you wrong. ? you still get with the trollups is that right. ? if you do, chances are very good that she wont be around for too long and that house you bought will no longer be available to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tornado Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 I think you migt be right Terry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siddv Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 (edited) I didn't mean to drip on this thread. It was pretty good and for someone who is not in Thailand on a full time basis just yet it was interesting to hear what you guys really do with some of your time. The deal I have is with me. Will it last? I don't know but I'll tell you the fact that this is what I am allowed to enjoy is part of the reason Thailand even appeals to me. If not, what is the point of even being there? I might as well jsut stay in the US and live the same quite life of desperation most of my suburban friends live. Its a two way street. She gets the nice home and financial security and I get a beautiful young TG who I can bee seen in public with and travel with to nice places (ie non bar girl type). I was just wondering if others are allowed a little recreation as well. I'm here to learn from some of you long timers ok and I repect your opinions. I was just wondering. I I offended anyone...sorry. Edited October 10, 2006 by siddv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Each to their own, 'siddv'. If you and she are happy with the arrangement and are doing no harm to each other or to anyone else, then (in my book, at least) you are fine, and good luck to you. If there is a Judgment Day, I can't see that being brought up against you, but I can see "Disapproving of others who were different" being a sin that a lot of folk will have to answer for. I was brought up in a society that had been shaped in its views by the Victorian 'mechanical-era' belief that there was One Right Way to behave. I gradually saw the error of that belief and Thailand has completed (I hope) the process. Live and let live! (And if it doesn't last: mae pen rai, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you had enough 'go' about you to try out something that seemed a good idea at the time.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terry57 Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I didn't mean to drip on this thread. It was pretty good and for someone who is not in Thailand on a full time basis just yet it was interesting to hear what you guys really do with some of your time. The deal I have is with me. Will it last? I don't know but I'll tell you the fact that this is what I am allowed to enjoy is part of the reason Thailand even appeals to me. If not, what is the point of even being there? I might as well jsut stay in the US and live the same quite life of desperation most of my suburban friends live. Its a two way street. She gets the nice home and financial security and I get a beautiful young TG who I can bee seen in public with and travel with to nice places (ie non bar girl type). I was just wondering if others are allowed a little recreation as well. I'm here to learn from some of you long timers ok and I repect your opinions. I was just wondering. I I offended anyone...sorry. your leaving me hanging mate, do you get with the trollups or just have a giggle with the boys. ? there's a big difference when you got a nice young lady at home as you have just told us. sounds like you love your thai lady and i was just curious if you trollup it up on your nights out as im sure this could determine the future with your partner. cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 "08.00 climbing out of pool and cursing because there is no towel." No towel in the pool area!!! Whatever is the world coming to??? This must preage the end of civilisation as we have known it!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
borracho Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Shaking the dewdrops off my liver and raising gerbils. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceBlondie Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I swim a lot; just bought a one-year (200 baht) membership so each visit just costs me sip baht more. I am on the internet way too much, forums, news, etc. Walk around the block occasionally. No real "hobbies" as such. Maybe need to find some. I never have played golf, tennis, rugby. Never enjoyed American major sports. I have followed Formula I car racing and motoGP in the past. Several of my friends knew Kevin Schwantz.... My partner and I go out about twice a week in evenings. Sometimes go on short day trips, like Doi Inthanon last Sunday, with his family. Cinema; my partner brings VCD's of movies that we watch at home. I meet an expat friend maybe once a week (trying to get more friends). Thanks for all these ideas, folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruittbatt Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 (edited) so much to do, so little time! basically reclusive.... read heaps: fiction, history, academic texts, newspapers, online blogs, TV. historical research and writing drafts of my historical novel (about colonial Ceylon). study for my MA online part time. discuss many topics of mutual interest with my best friend: my husband. Lots of laughs and jokes as well as serious analysis. study Thai language at home with my husband: sporadically! learn new publishing skills. yoga, fitness. write my blog & replies to TV. meet friends at dinner or at various interest groups. Edited October 11, 2006 by fruittbatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetjock Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 My favorite hobby in Thailand ??? So much to do--to so many--with so little--and so little time left to do it in ! Oops ! Sorry guys, I must have dozed off and been dreaming about my good old days ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sego Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 workout in the morning or go to yoga before work go to night class twice a week, or speeches, or operas / ballet/ concerts... but save a little time for bars as well yoga, runs (1/4 marathons) and waterski saturdays and booze cruises on sundays... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaiboxer Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 My avatar says it all:) I like traveling too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terry57 Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 so much to do, so little time!basically reclusive.... read heaps: fiction, history, academic texts, newspapers, online blogs, TV. historical research and writing drafts of my historical novel (about colonial Ceylon). study for my MA online part time. discuss many topics of mutual interest with my best friend: my husband. Lots of laughs and jokes as well as serious analysis. study Thai language at home with my husband: sporadically! learn new publishing skills. yoga, fitness. write my blog & replies to TV. meet friends at dinner or at various interest groups. cricky's fruitty, and all this time i thought you had a pair of gonads. sorry about that mate, err, umm, sorry again as i mean miss. anyway, cheers, you cracking top sheila. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 "08.00 climbing out of pool and cursing because there is no towel."No towel in the pool area!!! Whatever is the world coming to??? This must preage the end of civilisation as we have known it!!! it is indeed end of civilisation and/or broken bones if your pool area is tiled with highly polished marble like mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruittbatt Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 (edited) cricky's fruitty, and all this time i thought you had a pair of gonads. sorry about that mate, err, umm, sorry again as i mean miss. anyway, cheers, you cracking top sheila. Cheers, Terry. And you can call me "mate" if you want to: a few of my Aussies mates do. And as for the gonads, never had 'em, never envied them. Happy to be a gal. Happy to be alive and in Thailand. Edited October 11, 2006 by fruittbatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kan Win Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Maybe if we are really lucky, we can get Kan Win to give us a chat about simple stuff "Yes one Kan" like framing a picture, and rule of thirds etc. Wel-come to my hobby and to Kan But I am more of a Panoramic Photo Person, Landscape and all…. And I love it, to just step out of this little town and try to capture the sheer beauty of this Province (once the weather clears up that it). Now that is a Hobby of Great Magnitude Yours truly, Kan Win P.S. "Khutan" beers are nice and cold, just waiting for you to arrive with your camera P.S.S. Another Hobby of mine is to post silly things on ThaiVisaDotCom, but that is another "Never Ending Story". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sakeopete Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 I am a RPG geek so I Play Dungeons & Dragons with friends on the weekends and I play a online Role Playing Game called World of Warcraft. LOL I play World of Warcraft in the evenings when the wife and kids sleep, I'm on the Euro Teranis server. The rest of the time I'm usualy breaking things trying to fix them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backflip Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 How to Have a Mid-Life Crisis Sometimes a man has to lose his bearings to find his way. By Hugh O'Neill Here are some new ambitions we should strive toward. 1. Give Lancelot Love Handles Some psychologists advise moving beyond what they call heroic thinking. By that, they mean the phallic, ride-to-the-rescue, assert-your-will inclination of young manhood. There's probably wisdom in this thought. But why give up that beloved word, "heroic." Better to tweak the ideal a touch, cast Lancelot as older and wiser, less jouster than judge. Granted, it's no snap to see middle age as swashbuckling. The cliché of the diminished middle-aged man -- ineffectual, riddled with doubt -- is deep-rooted. But it's also ridiculous. Try swapping the merely muscular, boyish traits of youth for this anthology of autumnal virtues: prudence, patience, experience, wisdom, kindness, temperance, judiciousness, tenacity, perspective, coolness, and style. You could build a big shot from these beatitudes. 2. Throw the Boy Overboard Hey, dingdong, the boy is dead. And so are his dreams. It's important to admit they're gone, sit shivah for a while, and then move on. Yes, grieving is required. But if we cling to the persona of youth (in Jung's phrase, "prop up the corpse"), we'll find ourselves trapped in regret and nostalgia for the past. Wrap the lad in an oilskin, slip him over the gunnels, salute a helluva fella, and chart a new course. 3. Write a New Mission Statement We've got to find a new motivating mythology. "As he attempts to reappraise his life, a man discovers how much it has been based on illusions," says Levinson, "and he is faced with the task of de-illusionment." Levinson is careful not to use the word "disillusionment," with its implication of cynicism and despair. De-illusionment is not surrender, but rather a modification of our long-held dreams. "The challenge for the midlife man," adds Brim, "is to adapt to the closing down of possibilities, to the new realities of his life. It's perfectly okay to lower your level of aspiration, to give up an early goal and substitute something else." Okay, maybe the Oval Office is a reach, but school board may still be on the radar screen. Adapt. Modify. Don't panic. Invent new goals. Remember that '60s slogan: "Think globally, act locally." Aspire to achievements in your backyard, small ambitions that are within your arms' reach. Bad Idea #1: Plastic Surgery. No hair weave. No lobe lifting, eye nipping, wrinkle smoothing. Consider this list of names: Churchill, Tutu, Lombardi, Einstein, Schwarzkopf, Pope John Paul II. Not a liposucker among them. Cautionary Thought: Try small changes before you blow up your life. It could be that to find happiness, you'll have to move to Montana, become polygamous, and start tagging wolves. But more likely, nothing so drastic will be required. After all, if your house needs a coat of paint, you don't tear it down and start from scratch. So your first self-seeking step shouldn't be to quit your job and blow your nest egg on berets, smocks, and easels. Take baby self-steps first. Spend a Saturday working on the seascape that's been calling you for years. See where it leads. Sometimes little fixes can mean a lot. It's important to resist the inclination to just bug out, says Brim. "It can be a useful illusion, a daydream to carry one through, but it doesn't solve the problem." 4. Dance with Darth Vader, Turn Into a Soul Man The move to selfhood requires a genuflection in the direction of our dark sides, all of our most severe secrets. Enough of this prissy Pollyanna pose. You've got to cop to the hurtful stuff, both the pain you've endured and the pain you've caused. Maybe your old man didn't give a ###### about you, diminished you daily with that deadly glance. Maybe you've done the same to your boy. Maybe you wasted your youth in a stupid job or married the wrong girl or betrayed your brother. Maybe you're not real bright or brave or blessed. Whatever your confession, make it. Swallow what's bitter in the cup, and move ahead bearing all the burdens that are yours. Our wounds are our uniqueness. Remember Tolstoy's wisdom that "all happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The psychotherapist Thomas Moore argues in his book Care of the Soul, "Soul power may emerge from failure, depression, and loss." To deny our dark feelings is to cut ourselves off from what he calls "the gifts of depression." He's not recommending the pall of diagnosable depression but simply saying that a Rotarian, sunny-side-up persona is false and traps us in a limiting innocence. "The sadness of growing old is part of becoming an individual," he writes. "Melancholy thoughts carve out an interior space where wisdom can take up residence." Gail Sheehy puts it this way in her best-selling book New Passages: "The spirit finds an opening in the brokenness." 5. Express Yourself, Anger and All Nobody is suggesting that every hostile thought should get fired across the port bow. We've got to live together. But part of becoming a fully grown man is saying what's on your mind, respectfully, without rancor, straight up, no ice. It may not be a good idea to be completely honest with your boss; the phrase "odious autocrat" can be a bad career move. Ditto "spineless sea slug" and "obese cuckold." But when the mortgage payment isn't at risk, it might help to be ever-so-slightly less eager to please. Speak your piece. Forgo an excess of politeness. Conflict is rarely catastrophic; it's just the sound of life happening. 6. Become a Girlie Man Listen for a second. No need to develop an obsession with shoes, but take a second look at some virtues normally associated with our mothers, sisters, and wives. It's a psycho-truism that, as we age, women and men get more like each other. They get more assertive; we get more interested in relationships. Pardon the expression, but go with that flow. Start to move from conquesting to caretaking. Consider Thoreau's wimpy wisdom: "The weapons with which we have gained our most important victories, which should be handed down as heirlooms from father to son, are not the sword and the lance, but the bushwhack, the turf cutter, the spade, and the bog hoe." Slowly segue from hunter to farmer. Practice husbandry. Encouraging Thought: Sadat and Begin got to Camp David. In youth, Anwar and Menachem were fighters, sworn ancestral enemies, fierce on behalf of their cause. And yet when their arcs ended on the White House lawn with a handshake and an olive branch replacing an Uzi, nobody questioned their cojones. Aspire to make the transition from warrior to wise man. Psychotherapist Erikson suggests that middle-aged men aspire to "generativity," meaning they should find ways to be of use to the next generation. But it can work in the other direction, too. Start to see your mother and father as the old and vulnerable people they are. Step up, pally boy. You're a grown man. 7. Leave a Legacy At middle age, we start to think about our legacy. A fellow wants to leave a footprint or two on the beach. A good-natured child is a legacy. So is a multinational company or the O'Neill Center for Public Policy and Baseball Studies at Yale. But legacies don't have to be carved in granite or traded on the big board. At midlife, it helps to start working on what you'll leave behind. Get started on that novel. You're no wordsmith? Okay, build that deck off the kitchen. You're all thumbs? Okay, fire the guy who blows the leaves around and do it yourself. Apply your effort, your muscles, your sweat, not just your money, to your home's care. Anything you do to resist the Second Law of Thermodynamics -- the one that says things tend to fall apart -- is an assertion of your presence on this earth and so, self-celebrating. A well-tended house is a legacy. So is a story your children pass on to your grandchildren. The key, wrote Ernest Becker in the landmark book The Denial of Death, "is to fashion something -- an object or ourselves -- and drop it into the confusion, make an offering, so to speak, to the life force." 8. Throw Out the Map Men take flak for being goal-oriented. You've probably heard that we should enjoy the journey (foreplay) more and stop focusing so much on the destination (hallelujah). Best defense: If Lewis and Clark hadn't had a goal, the French would own Vegas. Still, the charge is not without merit. We do tend to barrel by some scenic overlooks that would be worth a glimpse. Don't be so straight ahead, so sure you know where you're going. Be like free-market capitalists, pro-growth but not determined to grow in any particular direction. Sheehy cites the Chinese notion that a mature person is a ball, rolling with life's ups and downs but always centered unto itself. Levinson argues that it's continuing evolution, and "not the attainment of any particular final state," that is "the essence of human development." Jung used the image of the tree, growing around rocks and purposelessly up toward the sun, to describe this open-minded growth. 9. Stop Making Sense We're a cause-effect bunch of guys. We like things that make sense. If the Lakers have 97 and the Bucks 96, Lakers win. Rules are clear. But the fact is, if we're ever going to fully appreciate this trip called being human, we're going to have to learn to swim around in more ambiguous waters. If we constantly cut to the chase, are always bottom-lining everything, we're going to miss some intriguing steps along the way. Don't get flummoxed by illogical things or expect people to make sense. Love and hate make no sense. Why should the stuff in between? The young man is undone by uncertainty; the middle-aged sage is not. He savors the oddness of other humans. Don't be so sure that the Western, Aristotelian, mechanistic rendition of reality tells you all you need to know. 10. Seek Sensuality Nope, sorry, this is not permission to act on those frisky feelings about Fiona from finance; just a reminder that the routinization of life saps our energy. Jolt yourself awake with jaunts off the tracks. Seek new textures, tastes. Try new foods (enough with the chili -- eat a kiwi, or something from Africa). Try reading a book, maybe two, maybe even one written by a woman. Or better yet, by a Latina woman. Get respectful of legends in areas other than sports, war, and money. You're bored because you haven't learned anything new since the Ayatollah put the kibosh on Carter. Take up a new sport. (If it's whitewater kayaking, try a sit-on-top first, and get a good helmet.) Any new skill or competence -- cooking, gardening, carpentry, car care, golf, guitar, or origami -- makes the spirit more receptive. Get outside. Fluorescent light is stealing your spunk. Walk in the woods or even down your street at dusk or dawn. There is consolation in nature, inspiration in oblique angles of light. Bad Idea #2: Don't throw money at midlife. The Ferrari won't help. Nor will that titanium driver with the huge sweet spot. There's no talismanic cure. "We deny our own sense of failure," says Levinson, "by using narcissistic pleasures as a device for reassurance." Put away the credit card; it'll just add double-digit interest rates to the other stressors. The only answer, wrote Jung, is to turn directly toward the approaching darkness and "find out what it wants from you." 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