How To Say Goodby

[PeaceBlondie]

Say you are gay.

That's what I should have done...

It worked for me.

Now we compare notes on our boyfriends.

[Beavis and Butthead]

Actually after 20 yrs instead of growing apart you should have grown together. At this point you both know each other to the point that nothing either of you do should be a sore point let alone enough to make you fight. It should roll off as you are so USED to each other.

Maybe one or both of you have some other underlaying issues that you have not talked about, or keep pushing under the carpet or plain just do not know how to broach. Maybe if you can find out the real root of your fights, then you will be able to return to a more loving period of your life.

Ohh and has she started menopause? You say her idea of things is not the same anymore.. could she have a chemical imbalance? I am being serious here. Could there be something affecting her brain. In which case, maybe she just needs some treatment.

In the US I married a lady 42 and I was 31. It lasted 3 years. She had massive mood changes and I think it was the meno thing mentioned above. She would scream and yell wildly about nonsensical stuff. She became also a wild jealous person who thought I was cheating when I was not. After 3 years of total insanity with this person, I filed for divorce which she did not want. The year waiting for finalization she would not leave my home. After divorce finaled, she stalked me for 3 years; calling on phone, driving by my house, ringing my bell, watching me where I hung out and even coming to my work. She was obsessed. She'd leave countless messages on my answer machine over the 3 years about wanting to have sex with me. She was unbearable. It finally stopped when I sold my house and moved 1000 miles away. Then 2 years after that I moved here. I blame it all on that menopause. I couldn't take it. purified hel_l. Now I'm 45 in BKK and meno free with my 21 y/o gf of 3 years. As far as assets go, we agreed on $33,000 after she tried to rape me for $50,000. I also agreed to give her my fairly new car and I agreed to take her jalopy. She took care of my son for 4 years of marriage and a year prior. I'd have paid her 100K to get out of that nitemare. Looking back on it I'd have done anything, turn gay or anything

Edited October 20, 2006 by Beavis and Butthead

[plachon]

i have to admit,

divorced after 20 yrs, cross cultural marriage as maizefarmer puts it; actually, after three/four years kind of knew it wastn it, but somehow life was ok more or less and then kids, and etc so we just plodded along . 20 yrs later, we parted ways : different ideas, no longer had same goals, rows every day about socks in the living room, cap on the toothpaste; did the counselling routine etc.

bina

You weren't married to Fish out of Marrillion were you Bina? Bet he forgot to flush the loo often too?

By the way, congrats on the marriage, hope the honeymoon goes well and the in-laws are as friendly as true Isaanites.

Find any goats round that part of NR Province and are you planning on moving to LOS in the foreseeable future?

[Unknown]

Ladies and Gentlemen, here's the scenario.

Married 20 yrs..your idea, and wifes idea about many things in not the same anymore. You fight occasionally about stupid stuff.

You really don't care anymore, and you realized about 3 yrs ago that you love her, but you are not in love with her.

How do you say goodby?

You love her but are not in love with her?

Something I'm missing here.

Anyway, why do you want to say goodbye to somebody you love...?

[GracelessFawn]

Keep it real, keep it simple, sit and talk to your wife, and walk away for good.

Move on........ Life's too short to be stuck with someone you are not inlove with!

Relationships are like circles. Once a circle is completed, a relationship ends. It's simply the cycle of things in life. Soon............. another cycle will begin.

I don't see the point in holding-on to a relationship just for the sake of being together for a number of years, or because of kids, or because society expects you to. Those are very wrong reasons to be with someone.

Good luck, dude.

Edited October 20, 2006 by GracelessFawn

[Beavis and Butthead]

Good advice there Scamp

[Unknown]

I don't see the point in holding-on to a relationship just for the sake of being together for a number of years, or because of kids

Right, you probably do not have kids...

[leftcross]

pack all you can carry and get the bus to pattaya

[GracelessFawn]

Good advice there Scamp

I ain't scampy OK? Pls. stop calling me Scampy!

[meadish_sweetball]

How do you say goodby?

Add an 'e' at the end and you'll be right as rain.

[Unknown]

How do you say goodby?

Add an 'e' at the end and you'll be right as rain.

[NovaBlue05]

Say you are gay.

That's what I should have done...

I have to admit.... your post with the Skippers smiling face avatar next to it just made me laugh

[Nam Kao]

I would just say i was going to the store and i'd jump on a plane to Phnom Penh

At this point my marriage, if i lost her i wouldnt have much to live for, i really love her alot

[Unknown]

At this point my marriage, if i lost her i wouldnt have much to live for, i really love her alot

Well, not sure you're in the right thread, Nam Kao...

[GracelessFawn]

I don't see the point in holding-on to a relationship just for the sake of being together for a number of years, or because of kids

Right, you probably do not have kids...

But parents are the first teachers............... if you stay for the wrong reasons in a relationship, your kids are bound to notice it, or maybe get used to the idea. Kids are smarter than we think. They can sense these things. They might not understand it currently, but the input is there. (The thought and understanding process takes a bit of time. It comes with maturity.)

[Unknown]

I don't see the point in holding-on to a relationship just for the sake of being together for a number of years, or because of kids

Right, you probably do not have kids...

But parents are the first teachers............... if you stay for the wrong reasons in a relationship, your kids are bound to notice it, or maybe get used to the idea. Kids are smarter than we think. They can sense these things. They might not understand it currently, but the input is there. (The thought and understanding process takes a bit of time. It comes with maturity.)

So let me rephrase my comment, do you have kids?

[GracelessFawn]

I don't see the point in holding-on to a relationship just for the sake of being together for a number of years, or because of kids

Right, you probably do not have kids...

But parents are the first teachers............... if you stay for the wrong reasons in a relationship, your kids are bound to notice it, or maybe get used to the idea. Kids are smarter than we think. They can sense these things. They might not understand it currently, but the input is there. (The thought and understanding process takes a bit of time. It comes with maturity.)

So let me rephrase my comment, do you have kids?

No, but I am the very product of what I was talking about, in the above paragraph.

Any more questions?

[VanZam]

Good effort on the part of the OP... one single post generates 4 pages in a day.. still with no reply from him.

[BKK90210]

I too have been married for 20 yrs (actually we’re getting closer – not further apart). And I know if you have lived/slept with someone for 20 yrs, you’re not thinking about a divorce because just simply of growing apart with no apparent good reason.

At this point – after 20 yrs together – there’s always or sure to be involving the external factor, not the internal one.

Be a man!..... Why don’t you just tell her the truth in details that you’re having an affair with a thai uni girl and have been wiring money to this new love of your life all this times? In addition you’re planning to buy a condo in BKK (to live with this girl), and planning to travel the world with her also. This is the truth isn’t it – judge by your previous posts in various threads? I guess the old shoes is now too ugly to wear?

Guess you’re not a man enough to end your marriage first before begin with the next one. What kind of a man are you? I feel sorry for your wife for putting up with you for 20 yrs and not even getting to hear the true reason why you’re leaving her!

I have nothing else further to say

All you posters out there can give him advices as much as you want about protecting HIS assets. But the fact remain the same - he's having an affair with a much much younger univ girl -while still being married to her. I guess he will not be walking away that much from the divorce court.

Edited October 20, 2006 by BKK90210

[LaReina]

You know, I felt sorry for you and your predicament. I thought it has to be really tough. But now I understand.

For the life of me, I did not know why people were accusing you of having a gf already on the side. Your previous posts are going to bite you in the rear.

So you found someone new and you are ready to move on.. bully for you.

But I am willing to bet that all the fights and arguments in your marriage began AFTER you began your affair or affairs. Your guilt is most likely what caused all those arguments, and instead of just letting your wife go after 17 yrs of marriage, you held on to her as a back up plan in case your trips to Thailand did not yield a suitable replacement. And now it has.

How do you say goodbye? Easy.. tell her you have found someone else, and you want to move on. I am pretty sure that will kill whatever fight SHE MIGHT have in preserving your marriage.

It will hurt her like hel_l, but your carrying on behind her back hurts more!

She deserves a right to move on with her life with no fantasies of getting back with you.

and for all you asset hiders... don't worry.. he can't hide his social security retirement benefits which she will claim and his military retirement benefits.. she gets half.

Edited October 21, 2006 by LaReina

[bodypaul]

and for all you asset hiders... don't worry.. he can't hide his social security retirement benefits which she will claim and his military retirement benefits.. she gets half.

Oh really?

[bluedragon]

Not that it matters but is she farang or thai? Just curious.

There is no really good way to say goodbye. You have a lot of years together and no doubt a lot of happy times and memories to go with it. You say you love her, but are no longer "in love" with her. Is there someone else in the picture?

If there is no-one else, do you want to try and fall back in love with her? Or are you really ready to toss in the towel and start your life again? Twenty years of "to have and to hold" and "for better or for worse" these are the worse times. Are the things you no longer like about her correctable? Would a trial separation to find yourselves be better?

I think JingJoes approach might be the best. But I think you might want to try and talk it out first in a serious manner.. and if she is not willing to compromise.. then tell her.. she no longer makes you happy.

There really is no easy way.

You are not my husband are you??

No, I don't think I am your husband!!!!! Regards, BD

[bluedragon]

All, I appreciate some or your well thought out replys. The other comments are just what they are and don't need a response from me. I have been a member of thaivisa for awhile, and have learned, I think, that it just doesn't pay to respond to some people.

Regards, BD

[Douggie Style]

well, whatever way you say good bye, you have to live with it for a long time and those 20 years of memories won't be that easy to forget, it's not like wiping a hard disk, so give it the respect it deserves even if it causes short term pain.

[Dakhar]

The grass aint always greener. The point is, whatever problems you have with your current wife will still be there with your next... Just a different face. Rather than loosing all of your assets, why not learn to cope, improve things and keep on keeping on.

I love the story about the MD half degree..... For some reason folks think justice was served when the male gets nailed to the wall. But if you reverse the situation, and the male supports his wife through college (which is what I did) I garuntee you no judge is going to say... "OK you get half of her future earnings."

and if that did happen, every female would jump up and down and gripe about how unfair things are. Nope, no matter how it is sliced, women end up the winners in divorce and they are proud of that fact.