Medical Question

[a2396]

I am not sure if theis is the place to ask this, but I will give it a try. I have a friend who has a baby now 4 months old. This is the second one in about 2 years time. She says she cannot have sex for another 3 months due to abnormalities in her uterus, etc. This would make a total of 7 months that she cannot have sex after birthing. She says it is relaterd to some genetic predisposition in her family. Anyone heard of this type of contition or similar?? Thanks.

[leisurely]

I imagine she is exhausted. Never heard of any abnormality that would stop you pursuing normal marital relations. Maybe she is scared of another pregnancy?

[a2396]

I imagine she is exhausted. Never heard of any abnormality that would stop you pursuing normal marital relations. Maybe she is scared of another pregnancy?

I don't think exhaustion is the problem. She is 21 & good health & has energy to go disco dancing. I think the problem is one of a B. S. story. Her mother takes care of the babies back home.

[Sheryl]

Yes, B.S. She wants to avoid sex for some other reason.

[leisurely]

Must have overlooked the (non existant) reference to disco dancing. I think you are full of BS to be frank.

[cathyy]

And after two babies in two years, who can blame her? Get her some reliable contraception and see if her attitude improves.

[taxexile]

This is the second one in about 2 years time. She says she cannot have sex for another 3 months

thats stretching it a bit.

[tangoll]

To the question: How soon after wife gives birth can the husband have sex with her? The answer is:...

Depends on whether she is in a common ward or in a private room in the hospital where she give birth....

[Sheryl]

To the question: How soon after wife gives birth can the husband have sex with her? The answer is:...

Depends on whether she is in a common ward or in a private room in the hospital where she give birth....

I realize this is supposed to be a joke, but to a woman it is not funny. In fact it's rather offensive, because we know what giving birth is actually like and how it feels afterward. And being as this is the Ladies Forum, I feel entitled to object. Most women have sutures in place and all of them are quite sore, not to mention tired -- and deserving of respect and consideration -- after giving birth.

While abstaining for 7 months cannot be due to physical effects of delivery, women do need and want to abstain for a while. 3-6 weeks being common and depending on factors such as whether there was an episiotomy or any vaginal tears as a result of the delivery.

[sbk]

To the question: How soon after wife gives birth can the husband have sex with her? The answer is:...

Depends on whether she is in a common ward or in a private room in the hospital where she give birth....

I absolutely agree with Sheryl on this post. Have some respect and obtain yourself a better attitude towards women before posting in the Ladies forum again.

[bina]

if she went by jewish religious law, it would be only after two months or so, depending on when a woman becomes 'clean' i.e. has no more vaginal bleeding of any sort... many of my friends have a baby every 11 months (they are orthodox) dont know how they manage!!!

but with two babies practically at the same age, who has energy? if she uses her womb as an excuse its just to help have the man save face instead of saying, too tired, etc etc....

[a2396]

Thanks for your comments, but nothing to helpful so far. I have read some regarding such a possible scenario on the internet and don't come up with any definitive information either. This is of interest to me because the lady is a possible serious girlfriend. But, her excuses sound in a similar note to other ladies I have known recently here in LOS. I hate to call her a liar and march her off to a doctor of my own choosing, but that may be next.

[leisurely]

Just to clarify, you have had other women saying similar things to you in Thailand. Have you considered the possibility that they may just not find you attractive?

[a2396]

Just to clarify, you have had other women saying similar things to you in Thailand. Have you considered the possibility that they may just not find you attractive?

I have never had them use this as a reason for not having sex. There are plenty who are willing swindle money and dole out as little sex as possible and perhaps no sex. If she doesn't find me attractive, she shoulden't be wasting my time and her time. She is beautiful enough that she she can find plenty richer, younger and more handsome gents than I. I suspect that she has a Thai husband hidden away somewhere, to whom she owes her sexual loyalties. It is possible that she may be telling the truth about her condition, but it is rather far fetched. I will soon be asking for some verification.

[Sheryl]

the lady is a possible serious girlfriend....I hate to call her a liar and march her off to a doctor of my own choosing, but that may be next.

That hardly sopunds like the way to proceed with someone you care for!

Have you tried a sympathetic approach, telling her that you respect the fact that she doesn't want to have sex just now? That will get you further than detective work will. After all, the point is not her reason -- which she really does not have to tell you or anyone else -- but the fact that she jdoesn't want to have sex with you at this time. Seems to me the pertinent questions are (1) is she seriously interested in you or not? (2) if she is, do you care enough for her to respect her wishes and wait it out?

Sorry but from a woman's viewpoint it is sounding like she has some "obligation" to "give" you sex and has to produce an excuse -- the legitimacy of which you will judge -- for not doing so. That is hardly the kind of relationship that a woman wants.

I don't have any way of knowing how she feels about you, but if there is any possible future for the two of you it will lie in your taking a patient and symoathetic approach.

Would be a good idea to have a serious discussion of contraception too, if you haven't already.

[a2396]

the lady is a possible serious girlfriend....I hate to call her a liar and march her off to a doctor of my own choosing, but that may be next.

That hardly sopunds like the way to proceed with someone you care for!

Have you tried a sympathetic approach, telling her that you respect the fact that she doesn't want to have sex just now? That will get you further than detective work will. After all, the point is not her reason -- which she really does not have to tell you or anyone else -- but the fact that she jdoesn't want to have sex with you at this time. Seems to me the pertinent questions are (1) is she seriously interested in you or not? (2) if she is, do you care enough for her to respect her wishes and wait it out?

Sorry but from a woman's viewpoint it is sounding like she has some "obligation" to "give" you sex and has to produce an excuse -- the legitimacy of which you will judge -- for not doing so. That is hardly the kind of relationship that a woman wants.

I don't have any way of knowing how she feels about you, but if there is any possible future for the two of you it will lie in your taking a patient and symoathetic approach.

Would be a good idea to have a serious discussion of contraception too, if you haven't already.

Thank you for your reply. I am not an insensitie person and I am mindfull of her feelings about this. But, after 2 years of living in LOS, my experiences have shown me NOT to give (on-going) money to women if they ae not willing to have sex. She seems to think I have an obligation to give her money. If she has other issues, such as fear of another pregnancy, she should discuss this and not hide behind some medical falsehoods, which is perhaps what she is doing.

[sbk]

the lady is a possible serious girlfriend....I hate to call her a liar and march her off to a doctor of my own choosing, but that may be next.

That hardly sopunds like the way to proceed with someone you care for!

Have you tried a sympathetic approach, telling her that you respect the fact that she doesn't want to have sex just now? That will get you further than detective work will. After all, the point is not her reason -- which she really does not have to tell you or anyone else -- but the fact that she jdoesn't want to have sex with you at this time. Seems to me the pertinent questions are (1) is she seriously interested in you or not? (2) if she is, do you care enough for her to respect her wishes and wait it out?

Sorry but from a woman's viewpoint it is sounding like she has some "obligation" to "give" you sex and has to produce an excuse -- the legitimacy of which you will judge -- for not doing so. That is hardly the kind of relationship that a woman wants.

I don't have any way of knowing how she feels about you, but if there is any possible future for the two of you it will lie in your taking a patient and symoathetic approach.

Would be a good idea to have a serious discussion of contraception too, if you haven't already.

Thank you for your reply. I am not an insensitie person and I am mindfull of her feelings about this. But, after 2 years of living in LOS, my experiences have shown me NOT to give (on-going) money to women if they ae not willing to have sex. She seems to think I have an obligation to give her money. If she has other issues, such as fear of another pregnancy, she should discuss this and not hide behind some medical falsehoods, which is perhaps what she is doing.

well, the text quoted in red answers your questions, I think.

[Sheryl]

after 2 years of living in LOS, my experiences have shown me NOT to give (on-going) money to women if they ae not willing to have sex. She seems to think I have an obligation to give her money. ....

Sounds to me like there is some confusion between BF/GF relationships and commercial transactions in your relationships with women.

I think you may need to get clear on the difference and on which you want.

Either it is a caring relationship, in which case sex is based on mutual needs and wishes, or it is a commercial relationship in which sex is exchanged for money.

You might give money or gifts in a caring relationship but are not obligated to do so. The woman may have sex with you, but is not obligated to do so...it's up to you to get her in the mood and make it enjoyable for her.

In a commercial relationship, the woman has chosen to provide sex for money and you chose to purchase it.

In neither case does the sort of situation you describe (woman "excused" from sex if she can establish a valid medical reason) arise.

Sounds like your problem is that what you have now is neither fully one nor the other. And also that you and she have different understandings of the terms of the relationship.

For what it's worth my advice is: make up your mind as to whether you want a prostitute or a GF, and act accordingly.

With respect to this particular woman the implications are obvious: if you decide you want a prostitute, drop her and get one. If you decide you want a GF, stop giving her money and see if she's still around (probably not -- in which case, start anew with someone else.)

Edited November 7, 2006 by Sheryl