Uncertain Future

[mark henry]

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

[helicoptor]

Offer to send just her to Thailand with spending money, buy her a RETURN ticket, come up with some excuse that you have to work etc, sell it on the idea that it will be good for her to 'have some time to think/evaluate the relationship.

I bet she doesnt use the return leg of that ticket mate

I wouldnt go to Thailand and def not with your son - If you didnt disappear, your son would

The result obviously would be you are then a single parent family, but im guessing you would rather have that than what you presently have.

Whatever you decide to do - I wish you the best of luck.

[mark henry]

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

Was it a fantasy when she tried to stab you the other day??? (as per your description on another thread)

Mark, what you do is your business, but when you sit back and see the general advice from people who are over here and have had good and bad relationships with Thai girls, then the common denominator is DONT COME!!!! until you have resolved the problem. The reason I am so persistant is that for some reason, you are NOT thinking of the welfare of your child

No it was'nt fantasy and your quite right.

I do consider the welfare of my child. If he were to grow up in LOS i don' know what will happen. My wife has a Daughter from a previous relationship, she's 18 now and soon to start Uni. which is great and she's a nice kid if a little cold and withdrawn.

[a2396]

Another example of what I've been talking about. I'd stay out of Thailand if I were you and keep the kid in UK, if you can.

[aussiestyle1983]

Your wife said she would consider "loosing you in Thailand" so why dont you adopt the same line of thinking about her? You know many crazy Thai girls kill their Farang BF's or husbands as well. You need to look out for yourself and your son. From the sounds of what she wants if her relationship with you is to continue, that is a no no......................staying with your wife but under those conditions is hardly considered to be a relationship.

Maybe you take out a life insurance policy on her and take that trip to Thailaland, and maybe you could " loose her" in Thailand.

At the end of the day, I get the feeling that your son is more important to you than her, and you son is more important to her than you, so you need to make sure you take care of yourself and your son first, because if something happens to you, I doubt your son would have a good a life in LOS as he would of had if her were to grow up with you in the Uk.

Edited November 6, 2006 by aussiestyle1983

[helicoptor]

Your wife said she would consider "loosing you in Thailand" so why dont you adopt the same line of thinking about her? You know many crazy Thai girls kill their Farang BF's or husbands as well. You need to look out for yourself and your son. From the sounds of what she wants if her relationship with you is to continue, that is a no no......................staying with your wife but under those conditions is hardly considered to be a relationship.

Maybe you take out a life insurance policy on her and take that trip to Thailaland, and maybe you could " loose her" in Thailand.

At the end of the day, I get the feeling that your son is more important to you than her, and you son is more important to her than you, so you need to make sure you take care of yourself and your son first, because if something happens to you, I doubt your son would have a good a life in LOS as he would of had if her were to grow up with you in the Uk.

Aussiestyle, I, among others do not think it is good advice to for him to travel to Thailand - what is the point? Her in-laws will gang up on him (or worse) God knows what yarns his wife has been spinning about him (horrible husband, beats me etc etc) to them.

If he can convince her to go to Thailand alone for 'A month break', he gives her enough money to live well for a couple of months, If she is as black hearted as she sounds then I doubt she would come back, that will give the OP a chance to 'loose' himself and his son in the UK, change jobs etc -

That has got to be a better solution than going to LOS with her and son.

[Douggie Style]

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

It's interesting I am just reading a book regarding parents staying in the relationship for the childrens sake. It makes the point any break up is going to more damaging the older the child is. At 18 months they are less aware and less likely to blame themselves. This is not my field, but the book is by a supposedly well known psychiatrist.

Anyway, it may be the best value of these forums is simply to vent, get it all off your chest, clear your mind and later come to your own conclusions?

[mark henry]

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

It's interesting I am just reading a book regarding parents staying in the relationship for the childrens sake. It makes the point any break up is going to more damaging the older the child is. At 18 months they are less aware and less likely to blame themselves. This is not my field, but the book is by a supposedly well known psychiatrist.

Anyway, it may be the best value of these forums is simply to vent, get it all off your chest, clear your mind and later come to your own conclusions?

Your right thats what i love about this forum you can say pretty much what you like, very cathartic (i believe to be the right expression), although i do occasionally cringe at what i'v written afterwards!

Quick thought regarding this subject; i still don't know for sure if my wife is bad'un or not or just very misunderstood by myself?? This is what is preventing me from doing anything rash.

Women are hard to understand at the best of times but Thai women....i just don't get her.

[JacknDanny]

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

It's interesting I am just reading a book regarding parents staying in the relationship for the childrens sake. It makes the point any break up is going to more damaging the older the child is. At 18 months they are less aware and less likely to blame themselves. This is not my field, but the book is by a supposedly well known psychiatrist.

Anyway, it may be the best value of these forums is simply to vent, get it all off your chest, clear your mind and later come to your own conclusions?

Your right thats what i love about this forum you can say pretty much what you like, very cathartic (i believe to be the right expression), although i do occasionally cringe at what i'v written afterwards!

Quick thought regarding this subject; i still don't know for sure if my wife is bad'un or not or just very misunderstood by myself?? This is what is preventing me from doing anything rash.

Women are hard to understand at the best of times but Thai women....i just don't get her.

Love is Blind

[kurgen]

Love is Blind

So's Ray Charles

[mark henry]

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

It's interesting I am just reading a book regarding parents staying in the relationship for the childrens sake. It makes the point any break up is going to more damaging the older the child is. At 18 months they are less aware and less likely to blame themselves. This is not my field, but the book is by a supposedly well known psychiatrist.

Anyway, it may be the best value of these forums is simply to vent, get it all off your chest, clear your mind and later come to your own conclusions?

Your right thats what i love about this forum you can say pretty much what you like, very cathartic (i believe to be the right expression), although i do occasionally cringe at what i'v written afterwards!

Quick thought regarding this subject; i still don't know for sure if my wife is bad'un or not or just very misunderstood by myself?? This is what is preventing me from doing anything rash.

Women are hard to understand at the best of times but Thai women....i just don't get her.

Love is Blind

That it is.

In case any ones interested i'll let you know how it turns out end December time when i get back from LOS, assuming of course i'm around to tell the story ho ho

[kurgen]

If she gets all fruity one night and says she wants to kink up your sex life up by cuffing you and putting a bag over your head, take my advicemate, RUN LIKE <deleted> !

[warriors]

Looks like Love is very blind.

My thoughts right or wrong are, she married you for your money, at the time she didn't know how much you had. You got the right papers sign when you got married so that you could bring her back to your home country. She may have been smart then to make sure the papers stood up in the uk court.

Not sure were you met her you have not said in this thread if the bar then most other stories that go before yours will fall into line in another case of bad judgement.

I think that she has been playing a game of the 3 years to get her residency and is getting advice from either Thais in Thailand or her so called Thai friends over in the U.K. As how to milk the fharlang. Maybe the folks in Thailand are not getting what they really expected when you first married there daughter (maybe they thought you were rich)

When she got to UK she saw you as you really are a normal working guy and didn't like it.

Then she changed to who she really was and with held favors and affection.

I am afraid to say your time has run out in this realationship she wants to move on and find a richer fish to fry. Sure you can try a counselor but I bet she will not want to do this.

She is on a mission and I think she has it all planned out allready a trip back and a nice short holiday and then gone.

Think as if she's gone allready and what would you first do? Why the bank accounts and stuff like that.

As I said up front they are only my thoughts right or wrong.

Do the right thing for you and your son and your parents. Do not go to Thailand send her and watch the fire works from a safe distance.

[ThaiPauly]

OK..Sorry I have read enough of this.

You are a Fukcking IDIOT if you think coming to Thailand is a good idea.

You ask for advice and I do not think that one person has said "Yeah Come on over"

So if you are serious about this then PAY ATTENTION to what has been posted here.

It seems to me that you have already made up your mind that you are coming anyway, so thats your call..and we can all stop wasting our time telling you not to come.

YOUR LIFE, YOUR FUTURE YOUR SON...YOUR CALL.

Sorry to be so harsh but reality bites

[ColPyat]

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

My wife usually makes these rather hurtful comments ("i'll loose you in Thailand") when she's pissed with me and i being a bit soft take it to heart.

Anyway i take on board whats been said and think i'll just be careful and look for signs that might be of concern (like a knife in the back) and if things don't look good i'll grab the passports/tickets and get out with my son early back to Blighty.

cheers again.

Listen to your mum.

You can't just grab your son, passports and tickets when you handed your son to your wife's relatives and he is not in your care anymore.

You position about this holiday leads me to the question: what is more important to you - your holiday, or your future with your son?

Nobody is going to be able to help you if you don't listen to advice, and do anyhow what you want.

[Mike45]

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

My wife usually makes these rather hurtful comments ("i'll loose you in Thailand") when she's pissed with me and i being a bit soft take it to heart.

Anyway i take on board whats been said and think i'll just be careful and look for signs that might be of concern (like a knife in the back) and if things don't look good i'll grab the passports/tickets and get out with my son early back to Blighty.

cheers again.

Listen to your mum.

You can't just grab your son, passports and tickets when you handed your son to your wife's relatives and he is not in your care anymore.

You position about this holiday leads me to the question: what is more important to you - your holiday, or your future with your son?

Nobody is going to be able to help you if you don't listen to advice, and do anyhow what you want.

The only thing I do know:

YOU can not MAKE someone else do what you want.

You can only control YOUR actions.

It's really up to you

Best of luck

[udon]

OK..Sorry I have read enough of this.

You are a Fukcking IDIOT if you think coming to Thailand is a good idea.

You ask for advice and I do not think that one person has said "Yeah Come on over"

So if you are serious about this then PAY ATTENTION to what has been posted here.

It seems to me that you have already made up your mind that you are coming anyway, so thats your call..and we can all stop wasting our time telling you not to come.

YOUR LIFE, YOUR FUTURE YOUR SON...YOUR CALL.

Sorry to be so harsh but reality bites

Amen to that.

[wasabi]

OK..Sorry I have read enough of this.

You are a Fukcking IDIOT if you think coming to Thailand is a good idea.

You ask for advice and I do not think that one person has said "Yeah Come on over"

So if you are serious about this then PAY ATTENTION to what has been posted here.

It seems to me that you have already made up your mind that you are coming anyway, so thats your call..and we can all stop wasting our time telling you not to come.

YOUR LIFE, YOUR FUTURE YOUR SON...YOUR CALL.

Sorry to be so harsh but reality bites

Amen to that.

You asked for advice but keep come back with these Cheery yea yea guys ok the vacation in LOS will sort it out. This is a dangerous and stupid thing to do. You could end up without your son, beat up or yes even killed. I doubt you speak Thai and when she's rattling off to a group of relatives and friends about what a bastard you are you won't even know what's happening. Given that you don't know the lay of the land, who these people are or what they'll be saying about you how will you be able to prepare yourself for anything? Admit defeat, and that you will be out of your element in Thailand. If you go to Thailand you seem to be asking for trouble. If things have been bad here why would they magically get better in Phuket? Yes a positive outcome is in the realm of possibility but do you really want to gamble on such unlikely odds with your life and your son's welfare? You are coming across as a crestfallen sucker. You need to be a man and take charge of this situation and that involves getting her to go back to LOS without you.

Edited November 6, 2006 by wasabi

[kurgen]

yeah go for it.

a holiday in LOS is what you need.

I can post stoopid 1 liners about you being a <deleted> when they find bits of your body laying around

P.S. got any pics of ya wife ?

[roguegirl]

There is nothing more painful than to think about not being able to see the child you love so much after a divorce...

Get counselling... get a lawyer's advises... check out your options...

Gee, guys... sorry to hear you guys are being treated in such a way. The gals don't seem to lose anything in whatever decision they make...

A good woman, like a good man, is like a needle in a haystack, no? Pity... good guys get bad gals and good gals get bad guys...

*sigh*

But some people still never learn...

Edited November 7, 2006 by roguegirl

[Rajah]

funny..but it has crossed my mind, she has got a "hot heart"

My family are concerned about me, there are aware of the situation and have told me to be careful in LOS!

I thought, mine had a good heart, too. An "ex-"wife can be a real bitch in LOS, when the relationship breaks up. Mine threatened me and even tried to kill me. As well as her brother. Watch out!

Edited November 7, 2006 by Rajah

[pumpkin_pie]

funny..but it has crossed my mind, she has got a "hot heart"

My family are concerned about me, there are aware of the situation and have told me to be careful in LOS!

I thought, mine had a good heart, too. An "ex-"wife can be a real bitch in LOS, when the relationship breaks up. Mine threatened me and even tried to kill me. As well as her brother. Watch out!

wow....... seems that if they are nice, they can be very nice and sweet like an angel to u but when they are nasty, they can threated and be like a devil..... wow...... guys ...... I hope u know what u r looking for when u landed on this so call land of smiles..... the smiles can mean a lot of things.......

generally, after reading abt the few threads of marrying thai wife and now facing marriage problems..... i really pity ur guys.....

I hope u think thru carefully next time when u meet someone fist time that may look sweet and innocent on the outside ...... some may have motives...... i know not all are nasty and bad..... just have to be more careful.....guys......

[phibunmike]

Come to Thailand with your wife and child, check in to a hotel.

Leave with your child and head back to UK.

Cancel your wife's ticket.

[udon]

You are truly an amazing guy Mark Henry.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=91194

[ThaiPauly]

You are truly an amazing guy Mark Henry.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=91194

If I were in your shoes Udon I would be preparing to hit the big red "B" Button....he is discussing two different aspects on two different threads and wasting everyones time......

At the end of the day he ain't gonna listen to anything we say..seems to me he deserves everything he gets

[udon]

No more big buttons, I spat the dummie a while back..... It's more fun down here with you commoners.

[ThaiPauly]

I never even noticed Udon..

you can take that standard issue Moderator hat off your avitar now then !!!!!

[mark henry]

Hi guys

Just read the last few posts (don't have a computer, use works!). Bit harsh are'nt you? I am listening to your advice and take on board your concerns (if thats what they really are?). Apologies too if you think i'm wasting your time, i don't consider i am, of course if you do then go read another post!

I have made my descion in that i'm going to go to LOS and i'll be careful and get out if it looks threatening in any way. My goal is to try and save my marriage if i can for the sake of my child (and my happiness). Despite everything i'v said about my wife's behaviour i like to believe/hope she'll realize what she got here in the UK compared to what she had in BKK and perhaps she may make some changes, can but try. Of course i also need to show some fexability, understanding towards her.

Reakon there's always an inbalance in a relationship and perhaps one of you needs to be the "adult" and lead the way?... maybe.

[mark henry]

If she gets all fruity one night and says she wants to kink up your sex life up by cuffing you and putting a bag over your head, take my advicemate, RUN LIKE <deleted> !

Thanks for that, made me laugh. some way off hand cuffs and the like she still insistis on the light being out!!

[mark henry]

yeah go for it.

a holiday in LOS is what you need.

I can post stoopid 1 liners about you being a <deleted> when they find bits of your body laying around

P.S. got any pics of ya wife ?

Got some pics on my yahoo photo file but would'nt know how to put them on here?