A Multitude Of Agony Aunt Postings In The Ladies Forum

[fruittbatt]

I don't imagine anyone wants to stop men from posting in this forum. However, if it is a "ladies' forum", surely women have a right to decide about appropriate topics? I vote that men seeking women's help to find dates or talking about m/f "war" is mere trolling, and quite inappropriate.

For months i did not enter this forum because the sponsor banners led me to think it was a dating site for men. I believe the forum offers women a worthwhile space to compare experiences and views. Some men have also made thoughtful and appreciative contributions. Moderators know the trolls and can deal with them as they see fit.

[The Dude]

I don't imagine anyone wants to stop men from posting in this forum. However, if it is a "ladies' forum", surely women have a right to decide about appropriate topics? I vote that men seeking women's help to find dates or talking about m/f "war" is mere trolling, and quite inappropriate.

For months i did not enter this forum because the sponsor banners led me to think it was a dating site for men. I believe the forum offers women a worthwhile space to compare experiences and views. Some men have also made thoughtful and appreciative contributions. Moderators know the trolls and can deal with them as they see fit.

The Dude can dig all of that.

[bkkmadness]

The sponsers are the descision of admin, so pls contact them direct to discuss their reasons for allowing them.

Nobody's complaining, SBK made a post about these troll posts and we suggested that the sponsors may have something to do with it so it's not us who has to contact them if need be.

[mark henry]

Personally i'd always opt for a female to discuss affairs of the heart. Stereotyping or not i find women are just more empathic than us guys.

Only way around the OP is to not have a womens forum! Why do you want one anyway?

Mark

[Jersey_UK]

I access threads through "view new posts", if a thread title seems interesting I will click in, and if the posts interest me I may chip in. I never really pay much attention to what the section is. It is not as if this Website lacks Moderators or a willingness for them to chip in............

If females want to exclude fellas then they should have a private forum, that is not accessible or viewable by others - whatever makes them feel better / comfortable doesn't really bother me.

Or perhaps just rename the section "Wimin's problems", should keep the fellas well away :

[November Rain]

As fruitbatt said extremely clearly, no-one (that I've read) has said they don't want men reading or contributing. But I agree with sbk's OP that the forum shouldn't be an "agony aunt" forum for men. I'm sure everyone using it (male & female) has better things to do than sort out a myriad of men's love lives for them! And that's giving them the benefit of the doubt & assuming they're all genuine...

[JacknDanny]

As fruitbatt said extremely clearly, no-one (that I've read) has said they don't want men reading or contributing. But I agree with sbk's OP that the forum shouldn't be an "agony aunt" forum for men. I'm sure everyone using it (male & female) has better things to do than sort out a myriad of men's love lives for them! And that's giving them the benefit of the doubt & assuming they're all genuine...

Which confirms my point from earlier.... Just ignore the post and dont reply.

As a previous poster said, there are sufficient moderators online. I am sure if something is found to be unacceptable, then the appropriate action would be taken

[donna]

i like the mens point of view here. i find it helpful on many topics, and i am sure that the men find our point of view helpful, otherwise they wouldnt ask for it.

but to answer the question about what to do with the troll posts, i would delete them.

posts which are by men searching for a wife should be either directed to one of the dating sites, or moved to the general section.

we are not a dating service.

[sbk]

Well, that certainly got enough reaction from women and quite a few guys who, as anamore has rightly pointed out, can't understand what they read

Peaceblondie has suggested renaming the forum "For Ladies in Thailand". A simple yet, perhaps effective change.

I am open to suggestions from all sexes on how to keep this forum going in the direction we want it but am not willng to put up, yet again, with men complaining about a forum just for women. Any further posts along those lines will be deleted. A perusal of the general forum and farang pub will find women's topics and posts outnumbered by mens in overwhelming numbers. I think it only fair that we have one small section available to us and our concerns. Of course, men are welcome to post here, and their opinions are (usually) welcome but if one looks over the new threads they have become overwhelmingly started by men looking for advice on how to find a woman or keep one.

I am happy to help the occasional troubled soul but find this proliferation of these kinds of topics highly suspicious, a bit too much all at the same time, if you get my meaning.

So, it is move and delete, then? Also, what does everyone think of Peaceblondies suggestion of the simple change "For Ladies in Thailand"?

[pumpuiman]

"For ladies in Thailand" could still be misunderstood.How about "women's issues"

Edited November 18, 2006 by pumpuiman

[sbk]

pumpiuman, misunderstood how? Not baiting, just asking, it seems pretty clear to me. So, what would make it obvious to you, as a man, that it was a forum primarily for women?

One thing to remember, George did some pretty extensive research into how searches get ranked and "ladies in thailand" was pretty effective.

[Tywais]

pumpiuman, misunderstood how? Not baiting, just asking, it seems pretty clear to me.

I believe he means it (For Ladies in Thailand) implies exclusivity. That is actually not a bad thing, it would possibly make newbies (males) have a 2nd thought about posting here. Too bad that the board doesn't have some option that forces a member to read the "Ladies in Thailand - rules" before they are allowed to make their first post here.

As for this comment from mark_henry "Why do you want one anyway?", either I misunderstood the comment or it is being very naive not to realize that women have very unique problems/issues that only another lady can understand or appreciate. The same goes for men but that can be handled in the Farang Pub forum.

[LaReina]

For Ladies in Thailand can be mis-interpreted as if you are looking for a lady in Thailand, here is where you come.

I avoided this forum forever as I just assumed it was some online dating, how to find a woman forum. My curiosity is what got the better of me and I am sure curiosity as to how a persons “life can be spiced up”, and as to what exactly the Thai “Love Lounge” is, will always bring certain posters who will post certain questions in pure and complete innocence. Sure there are forum rules, but if you are not posting anything you feel is outlandish, then you will never read them, and thus ignorantly post an unwanted topic. To be perfectly honest, I never noticed the small print in grey which further describes the forum.

So no matter what the forum is called: Women who live in Thailand, Women issues in Thailand, working women in Thailand etc. that nice red ad. of a woman clutching her boob with the “spice up your life” will always stand out more and will give alternate meanings to the forum title.

Edited November 18, 2006 by LaReina

[fruittbatt]

Yes, I do agree, La Reina. The banners do give the wrong message as to the nature of the forum. "For Ladies in Thailand" may also suggest that this forum is a fishing ground rather than a place dedicated mostly to issues affecting women.

Even the reference to "local and foreign girls" in the grey print tends to mislead IMHO, making the forum sound more like a play-girl pen than a place where anything more serious than the odd chipped nail might be discussed.

I entered this forum following threads by posters whose views and attitudes I respect: Kat and Sheryl, SBK, to name but a few. Since participating here I have found that almost every woman and many men have great input. i have learned a lot from many of you. Thank you.

Hope the forum can develop all kinds of new dimensions over time. Throwing the trolls back under the bridge is a good start.

Edited November 18, 2006 by fruittbatt

[bkkmadness]

'For Ladies in Thailand' is not going to make much difference I think, and with those banner pics it's gonna be hard to find something that does send an accurate message.

Also as far as the search engines go I think it's not going to be as effective as 'Ladies in Thailand' and I don't think George will have it or any name change away from that key phrase.

[hansnl43]

And what about: "Ladies in Thailand, but no dating"?

I think it could be misunderstood too. Maybe the best to leave it so and delete the troll messages.

[sbk]

And what about: "Ladies in Thailand, but no dating"?

I think it could be misunderstood too. Maybe the best to leave it so and delete the troll messages.

hansl, I am starting to get that impression too.

[sylvafern]

I don't think changing the name will help - I actually quite like it and think it is appropriate. Like I said, I think the main problem is the sponsors. I liked the idea somepne had of trying to get some sort of spa/beauty place to be the sponsor. I don't know how this sort of thing would be done though. Do the people that work for thaivisa contact potential sponsors directly, or wait to be approached? Can we suggest potential sponsors to be researched by thaivisa staff? In the larger picture, not many people know about this website so I don't think it's likely that potential sponsors would contact the website directly. I work with a lot of foreigners and no one I know has ever heard of this website. I only came across it when trying to find out visa information for my son and it wasn't until many months later that I explored the other forums. Does Thaivisa ever advertise themselves? Today at the Ploenchit fair there were lots of stands advertising farang focused things in thailand ... e.g. shakers and movers, radiobangkok.net, etc. Perhaps a presence at events like this would be a way of finding sponsors (as well as more members).

[donna]

i agree. i dont think that changing the name of the forum will change anything. trolls are gonna find you no matter where you are. keep the name i say.

i also agree with all the comments about miss tittirub on the sponsor banner. not sure if its appropriate for 'our' section of the forum.

i ALSO agree that if we had a spa/beauty/hairdresser etc place sponsor us, and give us a great discount (nudge nudge wink wink tony and guy) that they will do better than miss tittirub.

[sbk]

I think ThaiVisa staff consists of George, Dr PP and Huski

But I will suggest the Toni & Guy idea (good one donna!)

[Jersey_UK]

Just an idea, but what about a New section that is for men AND women to discuss relationships and related issues - basically a mens version of the womens section, but designed to cover the multiple of "sins" that seems to be Mr Farang's lot in Thailand! ie includes a lot of subjects / discussions that would probably be yanked from the womens section.

The purpose being 2 fold:-

1) to give blokes somewhere to discuss these things (otherwise they will post somewhere! and most likely in the Womens Section)

But most importantly:-

2) to have a specific section where threads started in the Womens Section can be easily moved (dumped!), by the Mods as a "no brainer" and it would leave the Womens Section to deal with more specifically women only (boring!!) stuff, but they can of course CHOOSE to post in the Women AND Mens section, if looking for a blokes opinion (Yeah, right!!)

It will mean in practice that the Men and Womens section would be more "rough and tumble", but would still allow those wimin who want to contribute / learn / laugh at menfolk to do so!

Edited November 18, 2006 by Jersey_UK

[November Rain]

That's a really good idea, JerseyUK. Maybe the sponsors would prefer to move their banners there, as well. Sponsoring a relationship forum would seem to make far more sense for them

[taxexile]

that sounds like a solution .

if a man posts about a relationship concern or emotional problem in the pub/ entertainment section he will probably end up having to sift through abuse and humour , some of which might not be very funny , might be amusing for others , but not for the poster.

women do take these things more seriously and as another has said , if i had an emotional or relationship problem i would seek the advice of a woman before that of a man. they usually tend to have a more realistic view of things.

so , a forum thats not the womens forum , but where men will not be made unwelcome should they be seek genuine advice or comment from women.

i pay little attention to the actual forum name when browsing , i see a topic , if it looks interesting i will click on it. i browse through new posts only.

[teacup]

Eventhough I’m a women, but I think….This is a public forum and shouldn’t be exclusively for women participation only, otherwise it should be named....

“Women to Women Forum”.

Sometimes the men can see the issue from diff angle from us with less/without emotional attachment and can offer alternative views in approaching/solving the specific problem. However sometimes in solving a problem women can be too complicated in thinking/ solving/ or offering advices. We sometimes by nature, just can’t answer the question straight to the point but had to explain the whole nine yards of reason and a good deal of hand holdings.

Just like many of the world famous women fashion designers are mostly men, because some men designers can see thing in more simplify ways of every day dressing.

I also agree that the sponsors on our section can be misleading of what this forum is all about. But like many who posted before me, if we don’t like it or if the thread is not appropriate, then we have the choice to move or delete it as we see fit.

[Soju]

Jersey_UK, I agree with you that having a forum to discuss relationships would be a pleasant addition to the board, and have requested such a forum several times, but seems the owners of this board don't want such a forum. As mentioned, I think they'd like such posts to go into the Farang Pub forum, which to me is just totally opposite of where they should belong. I'd personally never make a post regarding relationships to that forum as it seems so out-of-place to me. I'd rather not make a post than to post it there.

[Jersey_UK]

I have come with a good idea? Bl##dy hel_l!!

Actually I can see why the Mods would be very reluctant to start a new Section that would encourage men in Thailand to start posting about their "troubles" in Thailand. I don't think I need to spell out the situations that many of the troubles would involve / originate from and these threads seem to attract those with very strong opinions. No doubt a pain in the backside to moderate and I guess the Site does not want to become (yet another) website involving folk saying "mine's different"

The idea was suggested only as an easy way to free up the Wimins Section. IMO unless the mods have a spot for these posts they will just continue to get put into the (apparently) wrong section.

PS. Mines different

Edited November 19, 2006 by Jersey_UK

[tasasc]

We already had a poll about the name & the current name is how most of the women voted. It is also the most effective way to find this seciton on search engines & the forum description & forum rules I think, explain clearly what this forum is for. The name stays

The sponsers are the descision of admin, so pls contact them direct to discuss their reasons for allowing them.

I agree completely with the posters who've stated that the sponsors are inappropriate for this section. I suspect that a request directly to the sponsors from admin to move them to the Farang Pub section would have a fair chance of being successful; after all, the advertisers want the best return on their investment.

Perhaps this suggestion would carry more weight if it came from a respected mod?

[Sheryl]

Have to disagree a bit re the name -- I think some people truly do misunderstand "Ladies in Thailand" to be a forum for men about women in Thailand...especially since they expect (and want) there to be one, this being to many men a big part of what Thailand is about. "Women's Forum" or "Ladies' Forum" might be clearer.

Of course, only some of the problem posts are due to this misunderstanding. Some are due to trolls who are well aware that this forum is for women and want to either stir up indignation or vent their hostility. Those guys will find the forum whatever it is called and the only recourse is to delete their posts and ban them.

By the way, not all "agony" type posts are inappropriate. I have no problem at all with a man making a serious post about a relationship problem because he wants women's opinions or help understanding the woman's point of view. And from what I have seen of most male replies to these kind of posts, serious relationship questions are indeed better addressed to women. (And for the same reason, I can appreciate why the Mods aren't keen on establishing a relationship forum.....)

It's the looking- for- help- getting- a- Thai- woman and the anti-female diatribes that we need to decrease. The former are a case of mistaken forum identitity, the latter are just trolls.

[bkkmadness]

Have to disagree a bit re the name -- I think some people truly do misunderstand "Ladies in Thailand" to be a forum for men about women in Thailand...especially since they expect (and want) there to be one, this being to many men a big part of what Thailand is about. "Women's Forum" or "Ladies' Forum" might be clearer.

To change the name to either of those would lose too much traffic for the website, 'Ladies in Thailand' is the best search term. The problem is that the term 'Ladies in Thailand' is searched for by men looking for ladies they come directly to this subforum first so they have the immediate wrong impression. But to change the name to something more appropriate loses all that traffic, which may be good thing for this sub forum in a small way but not good for the overall website that relies on these heavily searched terms to get new members/hotel bookings/clicks on adwords etc.

[dantilley]

And what about: "Ladies in Thailand, but no dating"?

A bit pointless and would look weird right next to two dating site adverts.