Friend has Alzeimers-is alone

[louse1953]

I would advise against getting someone to take care of him at home given that there are no friends or family to keep an eye/supervise.

And taking care of someone with dementia soon becomes a job beyond what one "Thai girl" can do if that girl doesn't have special training or a long-term special commitment to that person, i.e. being a loving wife or life partner.

It will get to the point where he needs someone around 24/7 to supervise -- make sure he doesn't wander off, help with toileting (people forget how to use the toilet and/or develop incontinence) get him ready for bed, help with feeding, etc. Once it's to that point it's necessary to employ three people to avoid burnout. Plus have someone to supervise the three employees. And, depending on the type of dementia, he may develop gait and mobility issues where it becomes necessary to have assistance in moving around. Then you need to have two strong people to help with the simplest of tasks like getting out of bed in the morning, taking a shower, going out in the car to see a doctor, etc. Small women may not be suitable as caregivers.

Once it's to the point where full-time supervision is needed, it's usually cheaper for the person to go into a care home like Dok Kaew Assisted Living.

There is going to be a huge increase in expats needing care in the coming. years,not just for alzemiers.We are our own worst enemy.Most expats and immigrants in western countries have their own clubs and associations.I don't like lumping "farang expats"all under the same banner but what have we got to help ourselves.Not much out there,but i really don't know.

[louse1953]

Is he a sufficiently good friend that he might sign a power of attorney over his finances to you (or to another trusted fellow countryman) This way at least his finances could have some protection. His GF may just have been too scared to deal with the illness or worse still may not have understood it, on the other hand the fact that she up and left makes it likely that she, or perhaps her family, might try to milk his income. This way he could have a degree of protection while the other options are examined. If you or someone had full power of attorney then, if he has gone past the point of making a lucid decision, you would be able to select the best option for him. No matter what happens it is a truly sad case and you may have to be true to your friendship. good luck

I don't know about Thailand but in Australia,POA and living will.all has to be done,before the diagnosis of alzhemiers.Latter on you are seen as not a fit person to sign anything.Big call in a foreign country when you haven't been here too long.

[puukao]

It's hard because we probably need to know more about this guy's personality before his condition got worse. I say this because a relative was in a nursing home and always very ALONE. yes, there are people there all day, but they forget and the "sundowning" makes it difficult when nobody is there at night. If they complain about being alone, i recommend a live-in caregiver. expensive, yes, but i think worth it. it's a horrible disease; no driving, memory can be OK and then absolutely gone.....

i also recommend bringing up one great story they love to tell......then listen to it 1,000 times.....it's OK.

another good friend was in a lock-down facility for 6,000 USD a month and he escaped!!! day-by-day took apart the gazebo and crawled out. very funny, and very not funny.

just have a ton of patience and remember that there are limited years or months left....so make them good.

i have a feeling in 30-years I will ask my cat if she is my grandmother.....i can only laugh, cry, and laugh some more.....

[craigt3365]

I saw a documentary about some Scandinavian country doing this. Up in Chiang Mai. It wasn't cheap. But, cheaper than back home!

It's really important to have relatives close by so you can keep an eye on them. Having somebody here all alone, with nobody who can make (trusted) financial decisions, is really tough.

Families are the worst skimmers.

Maybe for skimming, but for out right scams, that's not true. I know of many, many, many stories about this. I'll take a family member any day.

[elgenon]

Good to hear from you NancyL

Thanks to all for taking the trouble to care.

[dddave]

"IMPORTANT: he needs to appoint someone Power of Attorney to handle his financial affairs and also make medical decisions for him, this is very, very important. It could be you or other close friend, or family back home, but it needs to be someone and as soon as possible."

This: more than any other thing.

[jaaaason]

I have been told by friends that in Chiang Mai there is a place called Maclaren that is reasonable and has many senior expats living there. It offers a variety of programs from 24 hour care to daily meals and "assisted" living .

[craigt3365]

I have been told by friends that in Chiang Mai there is a place called Maclaren that is reasonable and has many senior expats living there. It offers a variety of programs from 24 hour care to daily meals and "assisted" living .

I'm sure others know more about this, but problems can arise with Alzheimer's patients. My friends mother was kicked out of an assisted living facility as she was too hard to care for. They had to put her in a nursing facility, at a much higher monthly cost.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted_living

[elgenon]

Thanks so much everyone for caring and taking the time to respond. I talked to him and he said he prefers to stay where he is.

I got in touch with the VA and they quickly responded. The Commander said the wives club will take care of his immediate needs and that he is researching what benefits my friend is entitled to and that he has already talked to him about long range planning.

Also a TV member whose sons are pilots has offered to visit him and have chats with him and see what he needs.

Great stuff. I feel he is in good hands.

[elgenon]

Sorry, I made a mistake that NancyL corrected. I contacted the VFW not the VA.

Thanks again everyone.

[NancyL]

I have been told by friends that in Chiang Mai there is a place called Maclaren that is reasonable and has many senior expats living there. It offers a variety of programs from 24 hour care to daily meals and "assisted" living .

The place in Chiang Mai is McKean Rehabilitation Center, but it's pronounced like it should be spelled McCain. They offer the complete spectrum of care from their Dok Kaew Assisted Living Center with a wing for those who are semi-independent and a wing to those who need 24/7 supervision. There is is nursing home for those who require a skilled nursing facility (SNF). That's in the hospital portion. It's also a great place for post-discharge stays for people who live alone but can't be on their own for a couple weeks after a major orthopedic procedure. There's a very good physiotherapy and occupational therapy department. It's really quite an amazing place.

There are even some low-cost cottages on the grounds for folks who are very independent, but just need someone to check them every day for medications, maybe check blood pressure and blood sugar. Some of those guys come and go on their own and lead fairly independent lives but like the security of knowing someone is checking them every day.

[rhodie]

Sorry, I made a mistake that NancyL corrected. I contacted the VFW not the VA.

Thanks again everyone.

Good luck. Just maybe lucky he has a good friend like you. I hope it all works out.

[GOLDBUGGY]

I think he will need care from a Care Home. If he has no family back home maybe you can find him a place in Thailand which deals with this and talk to them. What he has is an incurable disease which does get progressively worst over time.

Personally I would sooner be dead than have this disease, but then this is easy for me to say as I don't have it.

[craigt3365]

Z Breeze can probably setup a home caregiver for 20-25k/month if they have a nurse available. The last one we had just graduated from college and spoke a bit of English. Great lady.

[watcharacters]

I have serious thoughts and personal experiences about this topic and rather than hijack or dilute it, I'll start a new offshoot of it in a few days.

I think NancyL deserves special commendations for her contributions as well as Sheryl. We are lucky to have these two esteemed individuals as members of TV.

Edited July 25, 2016 by watcharacters