Speaking Thai In Mixed Groups

[Insideman]

I had an issue with a woman I was dating where she and her friends would always speak Thai, even though they could all speak English reasonably well, when I was present. My Thai isn't good enough to be able to follow their conversation and I believe all were aware of that. I can understand the occasional mixing in of Thai, but I was essentially left out of very long conversations and it got to be too much after a while. 

I thought this was just a cultural thing, but I was speaking to my Mother about it and she said it was rude in any culture.

Has anybody had any experience with this? What are your thoughts on the matter?

[Saastrajaa]

 

[futsukayoi]

My wife is from Hong Kong and it happens all the time.  With one or two they speak English to include me.  With larger groups they mainly chat most of the time in Cantonese as that is what they are most comfortable with and occasionally revert to English (or very simple Cantonese) to include me.  Sometimes irritating but the only real answer is for me to improve my Cantonese.  Try to just view it as a good motivation to advance your Thai.  Even though they speak English I am sure it is not perfect and they would probably find it tiring and that they are losing some nuances by all speaking English.

[Insideman]

On 12/10/2016 at 7:16 PM, Saastrajaa said:

 

What is "pat pung"?

 

On 13/10/2016 at 2:16 AM, futsukayoi said:

My wife is from Hong Kong and it happens all the time.  With one or two they speak English to include me.  With larger groups they mainly chat most of the time in Cantonese as that is what they are most comfortable with and occasionally revert to English (or very simple Cantonese) to include me.  Sometimes irritating but the only real answer is for me to improve my Cantonese.  Try to just view it as a good motivation to advance your Thai.  Even though they speak English I am sure it is not perfect and they would probably find it tiring and that they are losing some nuances by all speaking English.

Yea, but I experienced the speaking of Thai with just one other friend present on multiple occasions, so it was quite intimate and therefore more akward to be excluded. I can understand it once the group gets larger, I mean there has to be some cut-off point. And like I said I know they speak English reasonably well. I would have been okay with them elaborating things in Thai, but most of the time I didn't even know what the topic of conversation was. One friend would apologize for only speaking Thai and acknowledge that they should be including me more. I think what was also an issue was if the woman I was dating intended to only speak Thai with her friends, why invite me to come along in the first place. I'm not content to just sit there in silence for an hour or even play around on my phone for an hour in a social setting.

[Mole]

This is actually very common in Thailand and even I do this all the time.

If you really feel left out, you could simply just ask them what they were talking about in an attempt to catch up with the conversation. Most of the time, it could simply be some mundane gossip, that even if you did understand what they were saying, you wouldn't probably know what they were talking about anyway.

[Marcel1]

It's common all over the world and it is dependent of each person. Most of my Dutch friends visiting here will auto switch to English when my thai friends are around but some just keep talking Dutch even though their English is good. Same is vise versa when I'm out with only Thai friends..

There's no reason to be angry or frustrated. I was also at the beginning but it is all integration, if you wanna be part of it then learn it.

[Damrongsak]

It's habit, culture, comfort zone, whatever.  My wife often had "the girls" over for lunch.  Mostly Thai but one or two Malaysians.  They were pretty good about speaking English, but the Thai majority would often revert to Thai, especially the one-on-one side conversations.  When my wife's relatives are here, it's usually all Thai or, worse, Isaan.  My Thai is survival level OK.  I can converse with my wife (she spoke no English for the first few years we were married), but I have a very hard time understanding any of her relatives.  I can converse, but I usually try to direct a conversation to keep things straightforward and simple for me.  If nothing else, I'll say that I don't understand and are they gossiping about someone?  Or make a similar joke. Joke or just zone out.  But I am perfectly happy to go days without speaking to anyone but myself.