Lessons Of Life

[DFCarlson]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[libya 115]

I like that joke. It reminded me of another joke about a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man.......

He walked into his local ironmongers shop and said to the assistant, "A bottle of Methylated spirit please".

The assistant said; "No way, you are a drunken bum, and you will drink the Methylated spirits".

The drunken bum, said; "please, I only want to use it for cooking on my spirit stove."

The assistant said; " are you sure?"

The drunken bum said; " I promise I won't drink it",

The assistant said, "O.K. then" and went to the shelf and gave him a bottle of Methylated spirits.

The drunken bum reached for the bottle and suddenly pulled a face then said:

" Blimey, haven't you got a chilled one mate".

Edited December 7, 2006 by libya 115