Age Gaps In Relationships

[svenivan]

I'm sure it happens sometimes, but it is not so common.. that is for age gaps like 20 years or more..

The best advice is to find someone around your OWN age, & education & go from there.

What do I want with some illiterate, old hag?

I'd rather sleep alone!

:D

[Fun2Fun]

But in many of the cases which works out it is then again based on the fullfillment of mutual needs coupled with lack of choices for atleased one of the parties involved.

Then there are the rare ones transcending age differences and being solely based on love, mutual respect and fullfilment. Which ofcourse is the category all in large age gap relationships here at tv falls into

In same age couples, sometimes the woman is more into security than romance. I wonder how much more often that happens in couples with a large age difference?

In same age couples, the woman sometimes cheats with studly lovers. I wonder how much more often that happens in couples with a large age difference?

More often, probably. Much more often? I wonder.

Well, if the age gap is 30-40 years, there is no need to stray. She just have to be patient in the knowledge that she soon will be a wealthy and beautiful widow

[Colonel_Mustard]

So why is it that these large age gaps aren't so prevalent in relationships between people of the same culture? It seems clear to me that the initial foundation for the majority of relationships where there are large age gaps is something other than love. Of course love may blossom from such beginnings but I suspect that feelings of 'romantic love' are much more likely from the older partner.

Unfortunately we are unlikely to get the views of many of the younger partners of these relationships.

[terry57]

if the age gap is not so important and im not arguing that it is or isnt.

im only offering this observation and maybe someone can provide me with a sensible answer.

why is it that in our own country we dont see older men with younger women.?

when i say younger i mean much younger like we see in thailand.

you will see that sometimes but it is not the general rule of thumb and is very unusual.

any body care to give it a crack.?

[ourmanflint]

So why is it that these large age gaps aren't so prevalent in relationships between people of the same culture? It seems clear to me that the initial foundation for the majority of relationships where there are large age gaps is something other than love. Of course love may blossom from such beginnings but I suspect that feelings of 'romantic love' are much more likely from the older partner.

Unfortunately we are unlikely to get the views of many of the younger partners of these relationships.

I think they are more hidden in western culture, or you just don't hang around in the kinds of circles where much older men have very young girlfriends... there are an awful lot of them, and the same is true back there, power and/or money are present to compensate for the age difference.

[terry57]

So why is it that these large age gaps aren't so prevalent in relationships between people of the same culture? It seems clear to me that the initial foundation for the majority of relationships where there are large age gaps is something other than love. Of course love may blossom from such beginnings but I suspect that feelings of 'romantic love' are much more likely from the older partner.

Unfortunately we are unlikely to get the views of many of the younger partners of these relationships.

I think they are more hidden in western culture, or you just don't hang around in the kinds of circles where much older men have very young girlfriends... there are an awful lot of them, and the same is true back there, power and/or money are present to compensate for the age difference.

thats seems to make sense to me so is it the same rules here or is it true love.?

[Heng]

if the age gap is not so important and im not arguing that it is or isnt.

im only offering this observation and maybe someone can provide me with a sensible answer.

why is it that in our own country we dont see older men with younger women.?

when i say younger i mean much younger like we see in thailand.

you will see that sometimes but it is not the general rule of thumb and is very unusual.

any body care to give it a crack.?

Good questions. And to add to that, how many times do we see younger gals who are well to do marry older gents?

IMO nothing wrong with rationalizing that age doesn't make a difference I suppose, if it makes one feel better.

Edited December 14, 2006 by Heng

[Colonel_Mustard]

So why is it that these large age gaps aren't so prevalent in relationships between people of the same culture? It seems clear to me that the initial foundation for the majority of relationships where there are large age gaps is something other than love. Of course love may blossom from such beginnings but I suspect that feelings of 'romantic love' are much more likely from the older partner.

Unfortunately we are unlikely to get the views of many of the younger partners of these relationships.

I think they are more hidden in western culture, or you just don't hang around in the kinds of circles where much older men have very young girlfriends... there are an awful lot of them, and the same is true back there, power and/or money are present to compensate for the age difference.

I'm sure what you say is true but the percentage of relationships with large age gaps must be much higher here between Western men and Thai women than you would get between Western couples in their own countries. As you say, money is often a compensating factor.

[In the Rai!]

if the age gap is not so important and im not arguing that it is or isnt.

im only offering this observation and maybe someone can provide me with a sensible answer.

why is it that in our own country we dont see older men with younger women.?

when i say younger i mean much younger like we see in thailand.

you will see that sometimes but it is not the general rule of thumb and is very unusual.

any body care to give it a crack.?

younger men in Oz and other western countres in general can offer alot more than young Thai males. Things like stabilty and financial security. Because the young blokes lack it, they look elsewhere. Their choices are generally to be a gik or mia noi to a Thai or girlfiend to a farang all of which are going to offer more in forfilling her needs.

just MO

Edited December 14, 2006 by In the Rai!

[GracelessFawn]

So why is it that these large age gaps aren't so prevalent in relationships between people of the same culture? It seems clear to me that the initial foundation for the majority of relationships where there are large age gaps is something other than love. Of course love may blossom from such beginnings but I suspect that feelings of 'romantic love' are much more likely from the older partner.

Unfortunately we are unlikely to get the views of many of the younger partners of these relationships.

Well, I'm a younger partner/gf/lover..............

First, I just wanna say that I will never be in a relationship if I don't have any feelings towards my partner/bf/lover. If I don't love HIM, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him. Love is very important to me.

My fellow brothers and sisters.... the world is so simple! Love is all around us and it comes in different packages.

To each their own!

[jetjock]

I came across this very interesting topic so couldn't help but weigh in on the matter with my two cents

(1Baht) worth of opinion since I am 65 and my Thai wife is 29 years old. After being with her for the past 3 years, I am of the opinion that factors that are much more important than chronological age for a great relationship are having many of the same common interests, enjoying and participating in common activities, similar health and physical energy, similar educational backrounds, physical chemistry, similar temperments, and the willingness and ability to discuss rationally the issues that come up in everyday life.

If those qualities are there (as they are in my case) I think it can make for a wonderful relationship regardless of the age difference. I have however noticed two major differences due to the age gap in my relationship ! One is that my younger wife needs much more sleep than I do ( I only require 6 hours sleep a night whereas she needs 10 hours. The other is that she does not have the sports endurance than I have. I am used to swimming, playing tennis, and jogging at least 3 or 4 hours every day for the past 50 years whereas she has not had the years of experience to build up that type of endurance so I have to cut her some slack when we are out playing.

My guess is that many or most of the spring--winter type relationships that I see in Thailand do not have these qualities so probably do not have a great future. In my case I was lucky. When I met my wife, she was well educated and had a Master's Degree, spoke fluent English, had a well paying job, was a professional in the scientific field, and owned her own house.

My major concern before we were married was that I would be using up the best years of her life and possibly leaving her a future of being an early widow. She had a great answer to my concern. She told me her mother died at age 48 whereas my mother is 92 and still vibrant and extremely physically active and healthy so if we both live as long as our parents then I should be more concerned about being an early widower !!!

I have never been happier in my life and we now spend much of our time now travelling the world when we are not in the US or Thailand. I wish all of you out there who are in a winter-spring relation all the best of luck as I believe it can be successful.

[markr]

Fair play to ya chap!

Mark

[cobra]

Of course I love you, what's your name again, ...

[tropo]

I am 54 and my Filipina gf is 30. She says she doesn't consider me to be old. I think age difference is considered more of a problem in western cultures than asian. Asian women seem to equate age with maturity and financial stability and tailor "love" around that formula. The subject hasn't been broached in my relationship yet but she does want to accompany me to central Viet Nam when I transfer to site early next year so it's not just a quick fling she's after.

This brings up an interesting point. Although the age gap is a significant consideration, the actual ages are just as important.

Your relationship age gap is 24 years, almost the same as mine (28 years), however your lady is already 30 whereas mine has just turned 19. There is a BIG difference between the maturity of a 30 year old and a 19 year old...especially in the Philippines. A 30 year old Filipina is considered to be quite mature...and her prospects at that age are becoming quite limited, whereas my 19 year old is in her prime in terms of finding a suitable partner.

It think your 30-54 with a Filipina is spot on.

[tropo]

I'm curious to know how many people still believe in love, especially when we're talking about 15, 20, 25 or 30 years of age gap.

I'd just like to bring up some points that maybe the female members could get a little heated over.

The only reason we are having this discussion about large age gaps in relationships is because in some Asian countries we can do it (get away with it).

20/30 year gaps in Western Nations are rare and generally unacceptable.

Men tend to be promiscuous, and when a man marries a woman of the same age, when they are older (say for example 50 years old) the man will tend to be very tempted by the young girls in his community because he is living with an older woman far past her prime.

If a man happens to be single at a more advanced age, then it's perfect to marry a young woman 20, 30 years younger. His temptations will be diminished and the woman can be more content to know that her husband will not be so tempted to stray.

There is a huge inequality in having a girlfriend/wife so young. I'm nearing 50 with a still-teenage girlfriend that is younger than most 50 year old's daughters and in fact I'm nearly 10 years older than her parents. The other guys my age are sporting 50 year old wives and you can see the envious looks on their faces when they see us hand in hand...of course his wife will be bitching about why I am with such a young lady.

My recommendation to any younger single guys out there is to hold off on marriage until you are at least in your 40's and find a wife in her 20's. You'll thank me for this advice when you reach your 40's.

[VanZam]

47 year old with a 19 year old.. yeah sorry but I consider that pedophilia plain and simple.

You're dating a teenage kid.

Edited December 14, 2006 by VanZam

[tropo]

47 year old with a 19 year old.. yeah sorry but I consider that pedophilia plain and simple.

You're dating a teenage kid.

We don't date, we live together in a serious relationship.

There's really no need to apologize as yours is exactly the attitude we get from older married couples. You've summed it up in a nutshell...I find it amusing.

You really should check a dictionary though and learn the meaning of Pedophilia as you are way off the mark..."plain and simple".

Edited December 14, 2006 by tropo

[VanZam]

By definition, thats exactly what it is... an adolescent child(which the WHO defines as anybody up to the age of 19, or as Thailand defines as anybody up to 20) with a man more than 10 years her senior.

I wont advise you to check any dictionary... your morals are another story.

[tropo]

By definition, thats exactly what it is... an adolescent child(which the WHO defines as anybody up to the age of 19, or as Thailand defines as anybody up to 20) with a man more than 10 years her senior.

I wont advise you to check any dictionary... your morals are another story.

Van Zam, you are loaded up with BS. I'm entitled to marry this girl if I wish, as she is over the age of consent which is 18 in her country of birth. Apart from that, the age of consent in my home country is 16...which is the same as in many countries and even some states in the US.

A "child" is a prepubescent person. A "child" is a person between birth and puberty which occurs on average about the age of about 13 in girls. After puberty a person has become an adolescent. You cannot be an "adolescent child"...it's an oxymoron.

Keep it up Van Zam, this will make for some very interesting debate. Could you tell me, are you married to an older woman?

If you are going to start accusing me of being a pedophile, you had better get your facts straight.

Edited December 14, 2006 by tropo

[VanZam]

Yeah what would I know, I'm just a lowly psychologist.

Funny though that many of the reference books I have don't back up your point of view, I'd better write to the authors, they are obviously wrong.

You defend my use of the word "child" which is simply a matter of opinion, yet don't dispute the clinical definition.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing from a legal standpoint, however, your moral judgement seems to be lacking. I pity the teenager you are stealing a childhood from.

[tropo]

Yeah what would I know, I'm just a lowly psychologist.

Funny though that many of the reference books I have don't back up your point of view, I'd better write to the authors, they are obviously wrong.

You defend my use of the word "child" which is simply a matter of opinion, yet don't dispute the clinical definition.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing from a legal standpoint, however, your moral judgement seems to be lacking. I pity the teenager you are stealing a childhood from.

You're an a**hole VanZam. You are publically accusing me of being a pedophile...yet you claim that I am legal. How can that be? I'm a legal pedophile?

You're a fool.

Take your pseudo morality and stick it up your a**. If I need moral counceling, I'll find it elsewhere.

Edited December 14, 2006 by tropo

[VanZam]

Oh dear, it would appear your mental ability is lacking also.

Pedophilia is a mental condition and is defined by internationally recognized standards, regardless of whether it breaks any countries laws.

Calling me names won't change that.

Edited December 14, 2006 by VanZam

[tropo]

Oh dear, it would appear your mental ability is lacking also.

Pedophilia is a mental condition and is defined by internationally recognized standards, regardless of whether it breaks any countries laws.

Calling me names won't change that.

Pedophilia is the condition of being sexually attracted to PREPUBESCENT children, or in other definitions adolescents BELOW the age of consent. ..which is under the age of 18 in almost every country on the planet.

Your point?

I suggest that openly accusing a member on a forum of being a pediphile is a serious matter. In most countries I could take you to court for defamation of characther over such accusations.

You would never accuse a person of such a crime (or mental condition if you like) straight to his face, so stop being a coward hiding behind your keyboard and desist immediately.

Edited December 14, 2006 by tropo

[VanZam]

I don't know where you got that definition from.. perhaps the dictionary isn't the best place to look up symptoms of psychological disorders.

Take me to court huh? I'm just stating facts that can be backed up by every psychiatry journal in history.

Maybe you could take a stand and protest the definition? I'm sure that would go down well

[VanZam]

Given that this flame war is going nowhere and is non-productive, I am retiring.

[fembotfatale]

19 to 47 is over the line really. I would doubt that you are truely committed, but are probably just taking advantage (i'm 21).

[britmaveric]

Over 18 is faire game, and nought wrong with it. Both adults and its nowhere near being a pedo. I forget the correct terminology for pubescent below 18. Anyways VanZam you are clearly offbase and I'm quite sure this will end up closed if you keep making unfounded accusations.

[endure]

Attraction to post pubescent adolescents is called ephebophilia. The personal accusations in this thread are unwelcome. Please calm down.

[tropo]

Attraction to post pubescent adolescents is called ephebophilia. The personal accusations in this thread are unwelcome. Please calm down.

I'm sorry Endure, but when a member comes in here and openly accuses me of being a pedo because I have a 19 year old GF, you can understand my feelings.

[Donz]

some who is 40 plus should date teenagers IMO.

Its wrong in my books. Its close to the border line for me.