Words That Should Exist

[baabaabobo]

Cashtration: the act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent indefinitely.

Ignoranus: a person who's both stupid and an ######.

Intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your own money all along.

Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone: the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the future.

Foreploy: misrepresenting yourself in order to get laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high up.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.

Decafalon: the gruelling event of getting through the day while consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: all talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit: the frantic dance performed when you accidentally walk into a spider's web.

Beelzebug: the mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor: the colour you turn after finding half a worm in your apple.

Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.

Words that do exist where the meaning should be changed:

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Flabbergasted: being appalled at how much weight one has gained.

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Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

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Esplanade (verb): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

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Willy-nilly: impotent.

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Negligent: absentmindedly answering the door in a nightgown.

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Lymph (verb): to walk with a lisp.

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Gargoyle: olive-flavoured mouthwash.

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Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.

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Testicle: a humorous question in an exam.

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Rectitude: the formal and dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

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Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish.

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Frisbeetarianism: the belief that after death the soul flies up on to the roof and gets stuck there.

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Circumvent: the opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

[Tony Clifton]

Pattayanoia: The state of mind your female partner will go into whenever you mention going to or being in Pattaya.

Mianoia: Usually caused by the state of mind mentioned above, causing her to truly believe the mia noi does in fact exist, whether you have actually met the person or not.

[Soju]

I've got one...

Libyan: An extremely lame joke. Any joke that nobody gets.

[PhilHarries]

Tripewriter : a device used for writing US Presidential speeches (only recently came into common usage).

[baabaabobo]

Here's one for the season:

TREVEL

1. a. (n.) Merry-making while on the move.

2. b. (v.in.) To indulge in boisterous revelry whilst going from one place to another.

Merry Christmas to one and all