Bum Squirter Or Paper

[markuk]

Well heres a nice subject for a Friday morning that just came to me whilst sitting on the throne....

Edited January 19, 2007 by markuk

[PhilHarries]

Wash clean or smear the guano around yer bottle? No question about it, bum squirter every time. Just test the water pressure first

[terry57]

got to go the bum gun mate,

its a no brainer ain't it.

even put one in my dunny at home in perth.

hate the frigging paper now.

its a disgrace that the new shopping centres like the paragon dont have bum guns anymore and the thais must be horrified.

[britmaveric]

both

[pumpuiman]

Both if possible

[Thai-Spy]

Wipe. Spray. Wipe.

[tutsiwarrior]

an old chestnut...see the thread from about 3 years ago...a classic and good for a laugh...

[glenbat]

So............ do you bum squirt then let it drip dry or bum squirt then use paper too?

I always thought it was for the delightful young ladies to freshen up their 'tool of the trade'

[davidjtayler]

Bum gun for sure ... I haven't had grundies in my undies for nearly 8 years now and this is from someone who was skidding off the road daily, back in the motherland ... Tiz a veritable miracle

[Ulysses G.]

Spray, spray, spray!

[Wolfie]

Wipe. Spray. Wipe.

much more hygienic!

[jbsears]

I've never understood how people control where the shit goes when you use the bum gun. I've always thought that the gun was unhygienic since the shit could spray anywhere with the high pressure of the water, therefore possibly leaving shit traces on the balls. Is it really easy to use the gun and make sure all shit goes straight in the water and only in the water? If not, I'll continue with the paper.

Edited January 22, 2007 by jbsears

[Nawtilus]

you continue with the paper...much easier for you to understand where the shit goes then.

[terry57]

I've never understood how people control where the shit goes when you use the bum gun. I've always thought that the gun was unhygienic since the shit could spray anywhere with the high pressure of the water, therefore possibly leaving shit traces on the balls. Is it really easy to use the gun and make sure all shit goes straight in the water and only in the water? If not, I'll continue with the paper.

excuse me mate,

is that a trick question or are you taking the piss.

[glenbat]

is that a trick question or are you taking the piss.

I think he was taking a poo actually

[In the Rai!]

definately both, spray and then wipe.

[jbsears]

Definitely not taking a piss. I was actually hoping for a useful answer. The pressure on those things are so high it seems shit would go everywhere or at least hit your balls or wang. I guess I'm just a clean freak and need a controlled clean up.

[LivinLOS]

A more interesting question would be front firing or tackle lift and rear firing..

[jbsears]

...tackle lift and rear firing..

Ahhh, so that's the key to it. Its the tackle lift.

[markuk]

dont look like any women replied!!

[Nawtilus]

Its in the wrist.....basically ifyou look at your wrist...but first lets get the mechanics down....you should ideally have a quality gun, one you can squeeze and various pressures come out, some do not, they go automatically to high speed penetration....back to the wrist....look at your wrist, the part where if you were going to slash your wrists, you place that against your butt cheek while aiming the gun at the exit point....make sure you keep the nozzle tip far enough away from contact so you do not soil the nozzle, this takes some practice but can be mastered, so the ninjas say....then gently squeeze the trigger, small steps...low pressure on the exit point first, this moistens the rubble and allows it to drop away....forgot to mention, keep your cheeks apart on the throne so as the rubble does not slide through the exit walls, but rather drops through the canyon....this way only the immediate ring at the exit point is soiled....hence with the low initial pressure, you dislodge the rubble in the immediate vicinity and if done correctly nothing is hijacked by the jungle area to the forward area....then when you feel the exit area is clean, you blast it and surrounding areas, incorporating the gonads and any hairy areas around the walls of the canyon.....results, one clean as a whistle that you could get a good rimming on without embarrassment.

[dogblower]

Obviously the paper users don't suffer from piles ... yet!

[alexth]

I usually use both of them...

[davidjtayler]

Its in the wrist.....basically ifyou look at your wrist...but first lets get the mechanics down....you should ideally have a quality gun, one you can squeeze and various pressures come out, some do not, they go automatically to high speed penetration....back to the wrist....look at your wrist, the part where if you were going to slash your wrists, you place that against your butt cheek while aiming the gun at the exit point....make sure you keep the nozzle tip far enough away from contact so you do not soil the nozzle, this takes some practice but can be mastered, so the ninjas say....then gently squeeze the trigger, small steps...low pressure on the exit point first, this moistens the rubble and allows it to drop away....forgot to mention, keep your cheeks apart on the throne so as the rubble does not slide through the exit walls, but rather drops through the canyon....this way only the immediate ring at the exit point is soiled....hence with the low initial pressure, you dislodge the rubble in the immediate vicinity and if done correctly nothing is hijacked by the jungle area to the forward area....then when you feel the exit area is clean, you blast it and surrounding areas, incorporating the gonads and any hairy areas around the walls of the canyon.....results, one clean as a whistle that you could get a good rimming on without embarrassment.

Excellent post Mr Nawtilus and very informative ... to back a few facts up for the mathematically minded when aiming the bum gun at the sphincter one needs to follow the theorums of a certain Mr Pythagorus ... an angle of 70 degrees is preferred (isosceles I believe) at a distance of 8cms from the brown hole.

This gives maximum purchase upon the soiled area causing the said 'rubble' to fall away freely under the hands of gravity into the toilet bowl ... due to the angle of the bum gun none of the potential clinker can fall onto the gun itself or follow the natural contours of the anal cleft.

This eliminates the risk of soilage to the scrotal sac area and also eliminates any possibility of dangerous dangleberries down the line.

All in all a very hygienic method for cleaning a notoriously difficult area to clean providing that the tools of the trade are used correctly.

[terry57]

Its in the wrist.....basically ifyou look at your wrist...but first lets get the mechanics down....you should ideally have a quality gun, one you can squeeze and various pressures come out, some do not, they go automatically to high speed penetration....back to the wrist....look at your wrist, the part where if you were going to slash your wrists, you place that against your butt cheek while aiming the gun at the exit point....make sure you keep the nozzle tip far enough away from contact so you do not soil the nozzle, this takes some practice but can be mastered, so the ninjas say....then gently squeeze the trigger, small steps...low pressure on the exit point first, this moistens the rubble and allows it to drop away....forgot to mention, keep your cheeks apart on the throne so as the rubble does not slide through the exit walls, but rather drops through the canyon....this way only the immediate ring at the exit point is soiled....hence with the low initial pressure, you dislodge the rubble in the immediate vicinity and if done correctly nothing is hijacked by the jungle area to the forward area....then when you feel the exit area is clean, you blast it and surrounding areas, incorporating the gonads and any hairy areas around the walls of the canyon.....results, one clean as a whistle that you could get a good rimming on without embarrassment.

Excellent post Mr Nawtilus and very informative ... to back a few facts up for the mathematically minded when aiming the bum gun at the sphincter one needs to follow the theorums of a certain Mr Pythagorus ... an angle of 70 degrees is preferred (isosceles I believe) at a distance of 8cms from the brown hole.

This gives maximum purchase upon the soiled area causing the said 'rubble' to fall away freely under the hands of gravity into the toilet bowl ... due to the angle of the bum gun none of the potential clinker can fall onto the gun itself or follow the natural contours of the anal cleft.

This eliminates the risk of soilage to the scrotal sac area and also eliminates any possibility of dangerous dangleberries down the line.

All in all a very hygienic method for cleaning a notoriously difficult area to clean providing that the tools of the trade are used correctly.

thats an incredibly technical answer dave and i had no idea that you were a professor in the art of handling and operation of the thai bum gun.

mate,

you have impressed me no end and from now on when im dropping a darkie and grasp the good old bum gun, you will always spring to mind and i will put your knowledge to good use.

top respect my learned friend.

[sfokevin]

I'm a life long paper guy but intrigued by this spray method... One question I have is once you have had a thorough spray what do you do next?... Your ass is dripping wet.. how do you dry off?

[Ulysses G.]

Never had problem with that. If I'm at home, I always take a shower and use a towel. If out and about, use toilet paper to dry up or, if worse comes to worse, the water drips off naturally.

[davidjtayler]

I'm a life long paper guy but intrigued by this spray method... One question I have is once you have had a thorough spray what do you do next?... Your ass is dripping wet.. how do you dry off?

Valid point Master Kevin

Any exterior moisture will either be soaked up by your underwear or evaporate .... excess H2O residing in between the buttocks will automatically be trapped as they clench when you stand.

The posterial crack is primarily a very humid area and normally this humidity consists of sweat and small droplets of faecal matter known as arsejuice which can cause uncomfortable itchiness and a conditon known as 'yellow finger' and 'stench thumb' when relief is manually applied.

The advantage with the excess water residue from the bum gun is that this forms a clean layer within the trench which rejects the formation of high precentages of arsejuice and effectively leaves an almost sterilised and odourless bottom crack.

The follow on effect from this phenomenan is the absence of itchiness and even if there is, both 'yellow finger' and 'stench thumb' are erased upon relief.

All in all, a win win situation

[OlRedEyes]

There are some very useful explanations on this thread. But sometimes they do get a bit technical and difficult to fully understand. A few graphics may help tremendously in making things clearer. Anyone?

Would the bum gun not be useful as well for administering an enema?

[terry57]

I'm a life long paper guy but intrigued by this spray method... One question I have is once you have had a thorough spray what do you do next?... Your ass is dripping wet.. how do you dry off?

Valid point Master Kevin

Any exterior moisture will either be soaked up by your underwear or evaporate .... excess H2O residing in between the buttocks will automatically be trapped as they clench when you stand.

The posterial crack is primarily a very humid area and normally this humidity consists of sweat and small droplets of faecal matter known as arsejuice which can cause uncomfortable itchiness and a conditon known as 'yellow finger' and 'stench thumb' when relief is manually applied.

The advantage with the excess water residue from the bum gun is that this forms a clean layer within the trench which rejects the formation of high precentages of arsejuice and effectively leaves an almost sterilised and odourless bottom crack.

The follow on effect from this phenomenan is the absence of itchiness and even if there is, both 'yellow finger' and 'stench thumb' are erased upon relief.

All in all, a win win situation

ok,

the professor David J Tayler has the correct and totally valid answer, so all you punters out there in TV land listen up, as this man is the guru of the bum gun.

no other human being knows more on the said subject.

thank you very much professor tayler.

your a <deleted> legend Mr Tayler.

respect.