cdnvic Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 Thai Drivers' Licence Test (English) Driving in Thailand is much like going into combat. The first time you likely soil your pants, after that you slowly become numb to the violence and only a few nervous twitches and occasional scream in your sleep is any indicator you've even been there. In order to improve your survivability on Thai roads, the SPF (Society for Preservation of Falungs) has commisioned a short test to guage your ability to drive in this country. 1. In Thailand, you drive a- On the right b- On the left c- Usually on the left 2. You apply the front brake and feel a strong vibration, your motorcycle needs a- New brakes b- A new wheel bearing c- A cool new sticker and a muffler that sounds like soup cans mating. 3. You are in peak hour traffic on a motorcycle. The safest place for your two year old is a- At home on the sofa b- On your lap c- In the arms of one of the 3 adults riding pillion 4. (Males only) The size of your genitalia is determined by a- DNA b- A series of weights and pulleys bought from an ad in a dirty magazine c- How many people you pass on the way to a red light. 5. A red light means a- Stop b- Go c- Watch for cross-traffic 6. A Yellow light means a- Prepare to stop b- Nice day isn't it? c- Watch for cross-traffic 7. A green light means a- Go b- You still here? c- Watch for cross-traffic 8. Your girlfriend is riding pillion side-saddle with an armload of books. Its important to remember that a- The wieght and balance difference has affected your steering and braking b- She has a very tenuous balance c- Rapid acceleration makes girls really hot 9. A sure sign of impotance is a- Lack of erections b- Lack of desire c- Giving people right-of-way 10. You are travelling down the Superhighway in Chaing Mai and up ahead you see a police roadblock where they are strictly checking for drunk drivers, unlicenced drivers, and unregisterd vehicles. This is a sure sign that a- Road safety is taken very seriously here. b- Your tax dollars are well spent. c- You're dreaming. WAKE UP BEFORE YOU CRASH! ANSWERS: The answer to all is C. If you answered a or b to more than three question, please attend one of our "Throwing logic and common sense out the window" seminars before taking a re-test. If you passed, then congratulations! You now have more driver training than most of your fellow motorists and may drive on any road in Thailand where they do not check for licences. (Most). You also have the right to be scared out of your wits that a Thai licence is probably valid in your own country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 I passed Vic...but I still soil the pantaloons in traffic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Up2U Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Thai driving is relatively safe, compared to many Middle Eastern and North African countries, with the exception of idiot motorcyclists without crash helmets. In Libya a few years ago, one put down a deposit to buy a car. 100% of the estimated value. If you were clever you did not specify make or model. About twice a year cars would be imported, mainly from Japan. You then went with your receipt and asked for a car. If your receipt said Mazda and the import was Honda - tough tittie, you waited longer. If your receipt said Mazda 323 and the imports were 626s, tough - you waited longer. If you were allocated a car, you then paid the difference between the 100% of whatever and the actual price determined by the government official sitting on the other side of the desk. Did I mention that you had to be Libyan, foreigners could only drive company cars, specially imported and not allowed to be exported? Anyway, although cars were imported, spare parts were not. Due to all this work by the Socialist Peoples government on behalf of the Libyans, there were an awful lot of twenty-year-old Peugeot 405 station wagons on the road, driven by half-blind bedouin grandfathers, with favorite grandson sitting on lap (living air-bags), wheel arches (wings) flapping where they were rusted through the mountings, sheep in the goods area, number one wife in back seat with number two wife, several kids. Other kids in the front passenger seat. Thirdand fourth wives in goods area with sheep. Coming up out of the desert to get on the road - finding it had a median barrier, so they had to drive down the wrong carriageway against the flow of traffic for 20 kms. This happened not once, but every hour of every day of the ten years I worked there. Also, for those of you not having passed the Iranian, Saudi and Libyan driving test, please remeber that when you want to do a U-turn in a dual carriageway, you must pull into the inside (slowest) lane, signal your intention of pulling a U'ey, and turn. There is no statement that you should wait for a gap in the traffic, so no one does. Drive along at 80-100km/hr, signal right (for slow lane), switch signal to left (for turn) and turn across the four lanes of traffic on your side, plus the four lanes of traffic going the opposite way. You have now accomplished a critically correct U-turn. I can go on, and on, and on ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dutch Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Any body interested in traffic rules/behaviour in Indonesia? Compared to Thailand it is a horror story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Any body interested in traffic rules/behaviour in Indonesia?Compared to Thailand it is a horror story. Not much worse than getting cought on the inside lane of that central roundabout in Cardiff, Wales! I like to never got outa that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artisan Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Try driving in Portugal and you will think that driving in Thailand is sublime. The road manners and competence of the drivers in Portugal are the pits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astral Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Any body interested in traffic rules/behaviour in Indonesia?Compared to Thailand it is a horror story. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> India is worse!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuketsiam Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 you should try Athens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 you should try Athens <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Too many Greeks there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 It is so bad here that my contract states that I will not drive a vehicle in this country (East UE). I wish that the horn was never invented Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chang_paarp Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 you should try Athens <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I have driven in Melbourne, not that much diffeence is there? After driving through KL I wanted to get a bumper sticker made Siloette of bike and rider = picture of speed hump. Was advised that that would not be taken in the manner it was intended, I responded that was the message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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