Zyxel

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly."Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van (shag carpets, big double mattress in the back... ) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!" The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the aerial off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy. About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did. Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring, you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen!"

I laugh in the face of death. I’ve been asked to leave many funerals.

A Pastor noticed that the wealthiest man in the community had never donated to the church. One day, the Pastor decided to call him. "Good day," the Pastor began, "I've heard that you make millions of dollars a year, and we were wondering if you'd consider donating to our church." The man replied, "Pastor, did you know that my mother is suffering from a chronic illness and can't afford her medical bills?" The Pastor stammered, "No, I didn't..." "And did you know that my sister's husband passed away, leaving her broke with four children and no job?" the man continued. "I'm so sorry to hear that," but the man interrupted. "Or my brother, a disabled veteran confined to a wheelchair, facing long wait lists at the VA just to see a doctor?" The Pastor was left speechless. The man then said, "And I don't give any money to them, so why the hell would I give any money to you?"

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."