Zyxel

Also called pi$$ flaps.

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "Were medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think its Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"

A police officer patrolling late at night comes up on a car pulled to the side of the road. He sees two teenagers inside. Coming alongside he notices a strange sight. The boy is reading a book, the girl is quietly knitting. “How old are you two?” he asks. “Well, I’m 19,” says the boy,”and she’ll be 16 in… about 14 minutes.”

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed... Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray... The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister" said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved". "Saved...? how did that come about"...? asked the old nun. "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven"... Did he now"... the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "and Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fitted my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace... Then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock"... "Is that a fact"...? said the old nun even more evenly.... "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved"... "That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years"

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart."