Zyxel

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to B&Q and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom tap. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that tap?" The manager replied, "That's a gold plated tap and the price is £500.00. Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive tap. It's certainly out of my price bracket." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the tap.

This is pope Benedict 16. Pope Francis 1 is more tolerant toward gays.

Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."