Zyxel

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “You’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says "We're Catholic so we can't use it." The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method." The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer method." "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask. "Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him."

I was invited to a wedding. When I reached the hotel I found two doors. On the doors was; 1. Bride’s relatives 2. Groom’s relatives I entered the one for groom’s relatives and found two more doors; 1. Ladies 2. Gentlemen I went through the one marked for gentlemen, only to find two more doors; 1. People with gifts 2. People without gifts I went through the door for people without gifts and found myself in the alleyway behind the hotel.