Zyxel

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the KuKlux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.” No one moved. The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.” Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the KuKlux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. While in the lounge, I notice Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac. I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late. Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how much I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "hello Chris" at me when I was with my client. He agreed. Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, "Hi Chris, what's happening?" To which I replied, "F... off Gates, I'm in a meeting."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple vodka. He downs it in one, and orders another. He downs that in one and orders yet a 3rd one “Before you get too drunk,” says the barman, “do you not think that talking about your problem might help?” The guy sighs, “I suppose you’re right. Here goes - I got home early from work and caught my wife in bed having sex with my best friend.” “Ouch! Not cool.” says the barman, “What did you do?” “I lost my temper, I called my wife every vile name I could think of, told her to pack her bags and get the hell out of my house, I’m filing for divorce.” “And how about your best friend? What did you do to him?” “I rolled up the newspaper, whacked him on the nose and said ‘Bad dog, Rover, bad dog,.