Stan42

Most western jokes are too complicated and require knowledge beyond the average Thai's pretty little mind. Hence they resort to slapstick and wordplay which have been around since classical antiquity, and just to be sure, sound effects are added to let them know "This was a joke. It is time for you to laugh and applaud".

It's pretty much like me telling you the following joke:

If you wanted to calculate the area of a 3 dimensional pizza, with "z" representing the radius and "a" representing the height, then the volume of the pizza would be represented by the equation pizza. Because the formula for calculating the volume of a cylinder is pi*r^2*h.

Did you laugh? No, because you don't have a degree in physics. The same applies to Thai's: They didn't grow up watching farang TV or humor. They'd be insulted by George Carlin or Jimmy Carr, thus they find the following humorous because it's simple and easy to understand:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5sTnvHNYl8

Rock

Singha have stopped selling the 630ml bottles. Try other glasses .

We're running out of other glasses to try.

In chronological order:

1.Bangkok, Thailand

2.Bonn, Germany

3.Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea

4.Cairns, Australia

5.Lugano, Switzerland

6.Schaffhausen, Switzerland

7.Singen, Germany

8.Zürich, Switzerland

9.Bangkok, Thailand

Working a 9-5 in Zürich Switzerland.

What's up with this sudden obsession about our sex lives you people have?

All I have to do is wait until my Khun Yai croaks. She owns an estimated 80 million thb of real estate and has four heirs. 80 million divided by four equals 20 million thb per person. Yeah I have full citizenship, so it looks like my future career will be landlord. Until then I don't feel the need to get an extra job as I'm content with my current job, which I consider to be more of a "paid hobby" than a job.

Feels good to be born into a wealthy family and have a secured future doesn't it?

This is why I visit TVF. Oh, Thailand you so silly.

The western average is 10-20. In order to achieve half a grand you'd have to have one night stand's every weekend.

Oh wait I forgot I'm talking to sexpats... now it all makes sense. So the real question should be:

How many sex partners did you have BEFORE moving to Thailand?

Why? How many sex partners are you going to have tonight is probably the more important question. That is why some of us live in Thailand.

Notice how he used the plural form?

Waaaaait a minute! 27 votes for over 101?

Let's say you're 50 and have been screwing around since birth, mathematically that means you change sexual partners every 6 months.

A. This is BS, you lied and suffer from an inferiority complex.

B. You're a pervert.

How horny do you have to be to make it to triple digits?

Poor Stan; the max number should have been somewhere arounf 500 or more, 101 is way too low a number.

The western average is 10-20. In order to achieve half a grand you'd have to have one night stand's every weekend.

Oh wait I forgot I'm talking to sexpats... now it all makes sense. So the real question should be:

How many sex partners did you have BEFORE moving to Thailand?

cutter

One time I was sunbathing at a nude beach, along comes this super sexy blonde, spreads her towel on the sand in front of me and starts to undress. I watched her every move and said to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection..." But in the end, she did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWxUAWmiHvk

The was GREAT! Boy, I wish we could get something like that in Thai. I would delight in showing it to as many Thais as I could.

I am so sick of these flimflam "shamans" peddling their "magic." Of course they never "charge" for their services, but are always handed the ubiquitous envelope by somebody who can least afford it.

Very timely, for me, as my sister-in-law just spent 10,000- baht building a fancy new pedestal (multi-level, tiled) for the spirit houses because some magic guy my brother-in-law brought to the house said the old one was too small and the spirit houses too close together -- unlucky. Well everybody was happy with it for the fifteen years before that flimflam artist showed up. And since the old one was consecrated by the monks way back when it was installed, it was okay with them. What the hell changed?

Why are people so STUPID?

People aren't stupid, they're just very gullible and are too lazy to take a 5 minute break to google the facts and evidence for themselves.

I love the part where the Feng Shui master thinks his microphone is off and says "This still looks like shit".

Waaaaait a minute! 27 votes for over 101?

Let's say you're 50 and have been screwing around since birth, mathematically that means you change sexual partners every 6 months.

A. This is BS, you lied and suffer from an inferiority complex.

B. You're a pervert.

How horny do you have to be to make it to triple digits?

What would I care? I won't be around anymore. Then again, it has often crossed my mind to intentionally fake my own death, secretly attend my funeral and see for myself how everybody reacts.

twisted

This is all psychological.

1. You live in Thailand (willingly) and enjoy your stay.

2. Along comes a bad day where you encounter Thai's behaving badly.

3. You browse TFV daily

On good days you don't feel like posting anything about your day because it's boring. But if you've just had a bad experience, you come running to TVF telling us what happened, warn us and relieve your frustration at the same time. This leaves the false impression that expats are always being treated as you described.

In short: There is more good than bad, but people don't talk about the good, instead they talk about the occasional bad.

I was dating a girl for 3 months and everything was going well until she asked me what my astronomical sign was. How's that for superstitious BS?

Fail

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWxUAWmiHvk

You certainly know how to live Stan:-), or do you just not trust yourself with drink inside you?

Well there have been "incidents", but I drink at home or a friends place mostly because of the cost. 44thb for 500ml of beer vs 70thb (or higher) for a single glass of the same beer. I only drink at pubs when I'm invited and I avoid clubs because I like to see and hear and not shout.

I lived 5 years in the 2nd most racist country in the World. Thailand is nothing compared to Switzerland. That and I have full Thai citizenship.

http://www.vice.com/read/guide-to-european-racist-leagues

Friedrich Nietzsche

My daily wash, rinse and repeat routine:

-I wake up at around 10-11am.

-I go out and have lunch. Sometimes doing the occasional shopping once a week.

-I come back home and work till 8pm.

-Come 8pm I crack open the beer and either: Watch movies/TV shows, browse the internet, or play video games.

-Before the clock strikes midnight I'm already tucked in bed, ready for the next day.

Occasionally I meet with my friends (mostly for lunch), go to the cinema (but only for worthwhile movies), have business meetings, hospital appointments, or feel like browsing the streets of Bangkok. On very rare occasions I go SCUBA diving or visit countries within 2 hours flight distance (I can't stand being enclosed in a sardine can for longer than that).