Scarpolo

Some valid attempts here to identify and explain the actions, reactions on both sides, and some good advice

First off her biological father although itermittently has been a part of her life, enough that she can evaluate the 'love' he shows toward her and make her choices

You have provided support in many ways, perhaps it is difficut to accept you may be loved as a favourite teacher but not as a real father, she has a real father, sounds harsh, but true. Your daughter can not be expected to transfer the love for her father to you, and ignore him. She may well have dreamt of spending more time with her father, and certainly wondering about him for sure

You seem to be making plans for her future how involved in these decisions is your daughter, perhaps she feels her real father should also be involved, perhaps your idea and her idea of the future are not as well aligned as you expect, maybe she is broadening her options?

So you have only one option, invite the man, welcome him, because he is in her thoughts and is undoubtedly part of her life. If you try and make things difficult it would only serve to estrange you from your daughter, it is all there to see if you look.

She may have asked, and that is fine.

The question is, how meaningful is it to her, as, she may have said this as an emotional wish, not expecting anyone to take her up on it

surely, she asked him herself before floating that balloon on the OP?

or, she just said it as many teens do, and then forgot it

You should attend, however I get the feeling your stepdaughter is asking you to pay for him to travel? Personally I wouldn't do that but you would have to explain this to her sensitively

I agree. that is one step to far.

This has not been raised by daughter, in fact wife and I both agree he pays for all his expenses and he will not be allowed to stay with us. One thing I didn't mention for fear of muddying the waters, and that is he is quite a successful business man in his own right. The daughter does not know of the full and true reasons why her blood parents divorced. There is no need to explain, and if it was divulged, I think daughter would be terribly upset.

You should back out of any discussion on this topic with wife and daughter, and let them deal with it, entirely

a bad hand never becomes a good hand, you have to hope the stronger hand folds without putting anything more in to the pot.

you can only lose in this position

one last thing:

if he does come, and is a successful bizness man,

he needs to be shown the expected expenses of her ongoing education, and shown his expected participation

dont ask

dont get

hey may be delighted to be invited

I think everybody in a way can relate to that concern, now the job is finished and the `effe`r will show up maybe, but like I said before, maybe she has a good reason to want it, maybe she wants some `revenge`? Or maybe she just doesn't want to deny the biological ties.

She is a young woman, and as you know women have a different way of `telling` things.

You mean the effe'r whose daughter was kept away from him for years by the logistics of an ex-wife who moved her all the way out of the country?

Surely some of the guys on here with cross border child custody problems can relate to his situation?

Edit: Maybe the guy's a real tool. I don't know. But if you believe the child psychology people (and I do), the vast majority of who she is- developed before the OP was in her life. But none of that really means anything once she made clear her desire to have her biological father at her graduation.

Agreed, all the hard wiring is done by 9

If he wants to pay to get himself from china to thailand. Let him.

I don't know why you have to feel worried. Why your wife gives a <deleted> about him is a different question. Just let it be, and be the man above it all.

I think it fair to say that my wife absolutely detests him, if you knew the reason for their divorce, you would understand why ! As many have said, and I and my wife agree with, he is her biological father.

However the foundations have been laid, her university days will be very expensive, does anybody think he will assist in paying the bills? I don't think so for one minute. Then there is the flip side of the coin, if I were him, I would be very embarrassed to witness his blood daughters huge step up in life knowing he had nothing at all to do with it.

You put yourself in that position, not your wife, or the daughter.

Had you not asked, she may not have brought it up, and then later not bothered to tell anyone.

My second wife attended my daughters graduation from college, and my second wife attended the graduation of my son from high school, neither kid liked her, and neither kid asked me to pay for their mother to attend,

had she wanted to attend, I would have sat with her, as my second wife most surely, would not have attended, by her choice

Because most Thai girls only cry and bleed for money. And they are more "hungry" for money than girls in about every other country

How many ladies from how many other countries have you known intimately; to enable you to make an accurate statement of the nature of the above?

I have been in a lot of different countries (more than 40) But I am not only talking about girlfriends/wifes here. In no other country so many women have asked me questions related to money. After they have asked you what country and what name I have, the third question is often about my money or salary.

And every time a farang argue with his girlfriend it's about money here.

A Thaigirl can forgive you for not being faithful. But she will not forgive you for not giving her money. Or anything that makes her lose money...

and in many cases, they expect you to be unfaithful.

my g/f noticed I had condoms in my computer bag when I opened it to get something,

she looked at them and smiled, to which I said, they were from before I met you,

to which she said, no, condoms good, implying she didnt care where else I put it, provided it was wrapped.

needless to say, I kept them

A 20 year old girl in our marriage just married last week with a SS of 40,000 Baht. Two days ago she dumped the guy.

Three days ago our neighbour dumped her hubby for the past 9 years because her parents told her to do because he is a Cheap Charley, selling sandwiches.

She is now on Thai Love Links and dreaming to finally own a house. Yesterday she came once again to our house and asked my Mrs for advise as their are three farangs ready to fly down to meet her parents. She is asking for 500k, have a nine year old son and she gambles daily.

Perhaps you can video tape their next business consultation, and post it here?

I am married, i. Meet my wife 6 yrs ago she was 38 married before had 3 children 11, 14, 22. My personal beliefs at the time was no but she from village outside Khon Kaen it is very strong on this matter. I discussed with my G/F and it has a lot to do with saving face and the Mamma impressing the village. I ended up doing a deal to put 400k and some gold in the pot. At first it was a village marriage and the funds are given to the head man who shows the invited villagers and puts it into a large bowl, I did the deal that I get it back next day which I did every single Bhart, part of the deal was that I look after Mamma which we do, give Mamma couple thou a month, pay her power and other small things like buying some food for her etc.

We then got married at the official register office.

We have just negotiated her daughters promised marriage, all our family and the boy friends family they offered 100k I stayed out side my wife kept coming out with the news. She asked my what I thought I said no way 500k she went back in and kept coming out with the up dates then asked me to come in, I did and I started the serious negotiations through my wife we ended going with 300k, every one happy, all shaking my hand.

Other young girl here not living with parents got 10k from the boy friend.

It is all different price ranges.

So you have allowed your step-daughter to enter married life with a huge debt millstone around her neck. You think the boyfriend or his family have 300k Baht in cash ?

Boy: “If I gave you 500k Baht, would you sleep with me?”

Girl: “500k Baht is a lot of money, and you don’t look that bad, so I guess I would consider it”

Boy: “OK, since I don’t have 500k Baht, would you sleep with me for 100k?”

Girl: (outraged) “What do you think I am, some kind of cheap whore?”

Boy: “We’ve already established WHAT you are, now we are just negotiating the price”

You assume the grooms family borrowed the money for the bride bribe?

Met my now ex-Thai wife on Ko Tao. She was en route from NZ (where she lived) to Italy, stopped off in Chumphon to visit mom, hopped to Ko Tao to get dive certified. She was a cute and happy 25-year-old with a hardbody from working out every day back in NZ. (Had some of the best workout form of any person I knew, in fact. Perfect at lifting, hell of a running stride.) University educated, spoke and wrote fluent English, had traveled Europe, then more or less settled in Auckland. I pretty much fell for her, island romance style.

After about 10 days on the islands we reluctantly went our separate ways, then about two months later she flew back from Europe, me from the US and we met up in BKK. Tried to get her a visitors visa for US, but denied because of the fact she traveled so much and had not resided in Thailand for some years. Even though she was from a good family (mother, anyway) with property and bank accounts, US Consulate shut her (us) down on the spot: "You have no reason to return to Thailand", officer said (probably for the millionth time).

She seemed okay until we got back to the hotel room, then she lost it. Got to me. Said the words: "Ying, I will get you to the US even if I have to marry you."

About five months and some major (major) governmental aggravation later, brought her in on a fiance visa and married her. Started the residency process.

Took me about a month to realize there was no way we would go the distance. Just not enough basis for communication. No matter how westernized she was, was just never going to happen. Gym, mountain biking, running, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, eating... If you can't have an interesting conversation once in a while, it's no-go (for me). Good woman, too. Worked for her own money, went to school, took classes to learn how drive the streets of San Francisco and always honest -- at least until I broke it to her we were going to split.

I stuck it out for three years, then after final immigration interview, she had her green card and I ended it.

After her major tantrum (the first and only), busted up some of my picture frames, shattering the glass all over the floor, a while after, anyway, she knew it was for the best.

In short: That was my last and likely final serious relationship with a Thai woman. Seems like even the smart ones, there is always that cultural curtain...

A very poignant post, as it shows, it isnt just the "country" girls

Can WW please forward me her number and a photo ?

Oh for someone that you did not have to talk too...and looked hot and could do all that exercisy stuff

my sponsor to Thailand suggested exactly that,

having a girlfriend that didnt speak the language, but whose body language spoke for her.

There is a price for that, I know,

and it was worth paying,

every week

If you want to take a stab at argument, use the words in front of you, and not your racist anti-racist creative writing.

I said, Mexicans working in restaurants, not expensive Mexican restaurants.

those prollobly have Thais working in the kitchen.

Many of the Thais are sending money to Thailand, as they are first generation immigrants

and they are not out in clubs, although 10% of them, prollobly are

Thai's cannot even say the word probably,

not that they would have to

Of course they are Pro's.

Every girl/woman that want to exchange money for sex is a pro

My grandmother always said no one will buy the cow if the milk is free. Was she a pro?

no,

she was a mamasan

When I saw the title of this topic I knew that it was going to be a very hot topic. Having lived in Thailand for 7 years,although having been gone now for quite some time this subject was one of the many that fascinated me. I refer to it a the "Irrefutable Thai Logic". When you first begin to experience it it is quite amazing. I used to have a lot more examples but two that come to mind was when a Farang was involved in a traffic accident where the Thai was clearly in the wrong . It was determined that the Farang must pay because if he had never came to Thailand the accident would not have occurred.

Another time there was some sort of contest at a hotel bar where tickets were given out with numbers . A Thai girl I knew was leaving and said here you can have mine. Later that night I won , her friends called her and told her that I had won. The next day she saw me and demanded I give her the prize because she had given me her tickets. there was no way to know who's ticket had won but she was convinced that I was cheating her and her friends all supported her position. I scoffed at first on principle that if she had wanted to win a prize she should have stayed. Being the bigger man and to avoid any ongoing conflicts I gave her the prize which was a free night at the hotel or something.

There are other examples but I think you get the point. I even experience this with my Lovely Thai wife of 14 years.

The Bottom line is that their point of view or Thai logic as it seems is the one that supports whatever is favorable for them!

LL

After spending time in CA, the samem can be said about Mexicans.

No one makes more noise in a kithcen, or while cleaning, than a mexican.

at least the thais would say "solly"

Don't you get tired of the racial and national stereotyping after a while?

Do you really think the "solly" joke has anyone laughing.

We are all the same. No one makes more noise or speaks funny. You are only showing your own lack of travel and education.

There are a million Thai people in California. Go tell them "solly" jokes.

Reacting to solly?

have too much to drink last night?

have you ever seen a Thai that can run two RR's in a rrow?

When I saw the title of this topic I knew that it was going to be a very hot topic. Having lived in Thailand for 7 years,although having been gone now for quite some time this subject was one of the many that fascinated me. I refer to it a the "Irrefutable Thai Logic". When you first begin to experience it it is quite amazing. I used to have a lot more examples but two that come to mind was when a Farang was involved in a traffic accident where the Thai was clearly in the wrong . It was determined that the Farang must pay because if he had never came to Thailand the accident would not have occurred.

Another time there was some sort of contest at a hotel bar where tickets were given out with numbers . A Thai girl I knew was leaving and said here you can have mine. Later that night I won , her friends called her and told her that I had won. The next day she saw me and demanded I give her the prize because she had given me her tickets. there was no way to know who's ticket had won but she was convinced that I was cheating her and her friends all supported her position. I scoffed at first on principle that if she had wanted to win a prize she should have stayed. Being the bigger man and to avoid any ongoing conflicts I gave her the prize which was a free night at the hotel or something.

There are other examples but I think you get the point. I even experience this with my Lovely Thai wife of 14 years.

The Bottom line is that their point of view or Thai logic as it seems is the one that supports whatever is favorable for them!

LL

After spending time in CA, the samem can be said about Mexicans.

No one makes more noise in a kithcen, or while cleaning, than a mexican.

at least the thais would say "solly"

Don't you get tired of the racial and national stereotyping after a while?

Do you really think the "solly" joke has anyone laughing.

We are all the same. No one makes more noise or speaks funny. You are only showing your own lack of travel and education.

There are a million Thai people in California. Go tell them "solly" jokes.

If you do not agree that Mexicans working in a restaurant are the loudest at making noise, banging chairs and dishes and silverware, then you havent been in CA long enough to know.

The Thai's in CA, blend in with their surroundings and tend to stay together, in the back of their place of work congregating. They aren't in full view at clubs buying $14.00 drinks

the rest of your post can be reduced by the same ratio as your 1,000,000 thais in CA,

so I give your post a value of 1/10

Been married for 6 years, we have a three year old daughter. Can honestly say were both happy! One thing I think can help is the fact we've been living in the UK for five years. Many Thais get the impression that because you live in the UK etc, you must be rich! Well that was the perception years ago! She now understands the cost of living here,while our wages are much higher, so is everything else. This also reflects on other family members, I have seen so many relationships break up because they think it's they're right to squeeze money out of you, this thankfully has never happened. We are moving back to Thailand within six months, we will be having her Mum live with us, to be honest I'm looking forward to it. I miss the whole family thing!

Bringing the mother in to live with you,

will bring upon you every evil they have lived with their entire lives, including all their superstitions.

what are you thinking man?

In the home country I had a thai girlfriend. She had few advantages in life, but made the most of what was at hand. Her family paid for her brother to attend uni, but not for her. Her own smarts got her admitted to Chula,

and she supported her ed. by playing guitar in cafes. She made it to farangland, where she continued collecting academic degrees and professional credentials. She also acquired, through torturous effort, absolutely flawless, TOTALLY UNACCENTED, English. She works for a state government agency, where she has a private office. Not a soft gal. Not a effusively warm gal. Too much real life experience for that.

She was not capable of having a dishonest.thought.

She said:

"I do not have, nor do I want, any thai 'friends.' They are the sort of people who ask to borrow money without any intention of paying it back. Their idea of having a good time is getting blind drunk, then climbing behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. I don't need the aggravation."

I acquired a mentor in "los." A 83y.o. retired THAI police captain. His advice was:

"#1. Never trust anyone in Thailand. ANYONE!

#2. Thai people care for nothing but money.

#3 It is VERY RARE to find a Thai person who

can put himself in another persons shoes."

(That is, the question 'SHOULD I rip this person

off' would never enter his mind, because it is

completely contrary to both his nature and

nurture.

#4. You must know a Thai woma for at least SIX YEARS

before you think of marrying her.

Please note that these words are not my own, but those of a Thai of vast professional experience on a personal level.

Sadly I was exposed to his wisdom too late to benefit from it.

I was romantically (from my side, at least) involved with two Thai women. Both uni graduates, both with

professional degrees, both Thai government officers. One was a RN who ran a public education project,

The other was an accountant with the Community Development Office. She also did public education,

oversaw village elections, etc.

It turned out that the RN was not really interested in a relationship at all. She was a "player" who saw a

farang she could get some money from. Fortunately that little lesson was only disappointing and humiliating, and not overly expensive.

To my immense regret I trusted the accountant, and ended up marrying her. I spoke to her (yes, TO her,

for this being Thailand, what we farangs know as "conversation" is virtually impossible) at considerable length about what seemed to be likely points of friction, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

All of this was in vain. She later frankly admitted:

"I lied to get you to marry me."

But that said, she now claims that everything is my fault, and not half, but EVERYTHING belongs to her. This is now wending its way through the court system. The only certainty is that win or lose, at sixty-seven

years of age, I am pretty much buggered.

There are many who say that one should avoid the lowly bar girl, and seek out "the better class" of Thai

woman. Everything I have personally experienced, and the vast majority of what I have heard, has led me to conclude that

the prototype Thai woman, from which all others are derived, was a visually appealing, perfidious, manipulative, venomous, and sociopathic skank. The "better class" is imbued with ALL of these qualities, with added "education," and buffing which increase their "face." This additional camoflage renders them

more perfectly suited for practicing the art of deception.

That is the base, the norm. Anyone who over time proves to be completely lacking in those opposite-of-

admirable qualities, and deserves the appelation "decent human being," is an anomaly, an abberation, a freak of nature.

Thai men say: "Thai woman like tiger!"

Bear in mind that every broken, buggered, and embittered farang who was formerly married to a Thai woman once regarded himself as the luckiest chap on the planet.

Is every last Thai woman a CENSORED CENSORED? Obviously not.

But considering the odds, you would probably have better luck playing russian roulette with a automatic!

The problem I see in this is this:

they lie so much, they do not know where the truth is anymore, and, it doesn't matter to them anymore, if ever, as their culture justifies it, just as their culture accepts wife #2, wife #3 and children with many, and support from none.

this is their culture,

it is not about their temples

Met my now ex-Thai wife on Ko Tao. She was en route from NZ (where she lived) to Italy, stopped off in Chumphon to visit mom, hopped to Ko Tao to get dive certified. She was a cute and happy 25-year-old with a hardbody from working out every day back in NZ. (Had some of the best workout form of any person I knew, in fact. Perfect at lifting, hell of a running stride.) University educated, spoke and wrote fluent English, had traveled Europe, then more or less settled in Auckland. I pretty much fell for her, island romance style.

After about 10 days on the islands we reluctantly went our separate ways, then about two months later she flew back from Europe, me from the US and we met up in BKK. Tried to get her a visitors visa for US, but denied because of the fact she traveled so much and had not resided in Thailand for some years. Even though she was from a good family (mother, anyway) with property and bank accounts, US Consulate shut her (us) down on the spot: "You have no reason to return to Thailand", officer said (probably for the millionth time).

She seemed okay until we got back to the hotel room, then she lost it. Got to me. Said the words: "Ying, I will get you to the US even if I have to marry you."

About five months and some major (major) governmental aggravation later, brought her in on a fiance visa and married her. Started the residency process.

Took me about a month to realize there was no way we would go the distance. Just not enough basis for communication. No matter how westernized she was, was just never going to happen. Gym, mountain biking, running, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, eating... If you can't have an interesting conversation once in a while, it's no-go (for me). Good woman, too. Worked for her own money, went to school, took classes to learn how drive the streets of San Francisco and always honest -- at least until I broke it to her we were going to split.

I stuck it out for three years, then after final immigration interview, she had her green card and I ended it.

After her major tantrum (the first and only), busted up some of my picture frames, shattering the glass all over the floor, a while after, anyway, she knew it was for the best.

In short: That was my last and likely final serious relationship with a Thai woman. Seems like even the smart ones, there is always that cultural curtain...

A very poignant post, as it shows, it isnt just the "country" girls

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

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Question occurs: You aren't the type who runs from things, are you? But it's a rhetorical question. No need to answer here, but you can consider what the answer might be.

Have been with my wife for seven years. I'm 60ish, she's 45. Took her to the states for about three years. She got to meet family, see the countryside, attend an English language school for a couple of years, watch, and actually understand, a good bit of American TV. I also tended to shelter her while there somewhat... To keep her away from any situations that might be abusive. Still, the occasional racist will make him/herself known.

Have been living in LOS a bit more than four years now. I speak Thai a bit, but in an American sort of way, of course. She's pretty good at picking my American way of thinking out of the Thai words and understanding me. More so than other Thais, though I can get by speaking with them, mostly.

I have learned to leave cultural judgment at the door, and for the most part, we do. The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way. There is rarely if ever any reason for me to "put my foot down" about anything at all. Just as she knows it's important to see "my side of whatever," so I know it is important to see her side, too.

We do argue sometimes, but almost always, it's about nothing. It's as if we haven't argued for a while, and so need to do so about whatever little thing there is we can find to argue about. Which is to say that really, we don't argue very much at all, and the argument often ends up turning into play. We are not rich, but we have enough. Mostly a country gal, she is generally big on everything family, which is really a pretty good thing. Also pretty big on Buddha the temple happenings. I kinda like the guy, too.

One thing I think may be different for us: having been in different relationships in the past where it has been a problem, and seeing it start to raise its head early on in this relationship, I have refused to play any jealousy games, and have taught her that jealousy is not love, is destructive, and is not required. In fact, we often joke with one another about all her boyfriends and all my girlfriends, none of which exist. Sometimes confuses people at first, but all seem to approve, once they understand. Does she have any boyfriends? Haven't seen any evidence of such at all.

She is my best friend, without doubt, and the relationship I have with her is better than any I've had before, no matter where they were from. There is very, very little work involved in our relationship. Never has been, really. If I'm outside in the afternoon heat building a concrete block wall, she's there with me, either mixing concrete or with a trowel in hand. And I know how to do the dishes often enough, too.

But everyone is different... I know one couple consisting of an older, domineering Scottish madman, and a very jealous younger Thai wife. I'm not quite sure what kind of couple they are, nor how happiness might be defined in their regard. And was reading something somewhere on this site a while back, in which it seemed to me that an American fellow, with (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc., had come to live in Thailand, and was most insistent that his wife, her family, all the family's friends, and the country in general, adapt to his (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc. because hey -- he was in the right, you know? I guess his God had told him so. So yeah... Uh-huh... Like any of that's going to happen anytime soon...

Sometimes, it seems pretty clear that just because a relationship of one sort or another could exist, that doesn't mean that it should. I don't think these things should be forced at all. If it isn't working for some of you, well, that should tell you something, I guess.

Anyway, so much for my 2-3 thoughts...

No. Running is not an option. She's 35 & I'm 47.

Initially when she was still a girlfriend (13 months), living together in Issan (5 mos), I told her "I'm done with Thailand", I needed (more for my brain, well brain food & soul) to go back to America and work again (in my field of expertise). I wanted her to come with me (was so done & tired of the dating scene; & especially the never ending games of BS with American women), so we married. After the dust settled she decided she didn't want to leave her country, short vacations aside to the surrounding countries, but ultimately I'm stuck here & thus my anxiety.

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OP.

you are not stuck,

she is.

I concluded this in my own short relationship,

they are thai, and want it that way.

we can not and should not try to change that

but, if you are american, you will change it.

did she bait and switch you?

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Question occurs: You aren't the type who runs from things, are you? But it's a rhetorical question. No need to answer here, but you can consider what the answer might be.

Have been with my wife for seven years. I'm 60ish, she's 45. Took her to the states for about three years. She got to meet family, see the countryside, attend an English language school for a couple of years, watch, and actually understand, a good bit of American TV. I also tended to shelter her while there somewhat... To keep her away from any situations that might be abusive. Still, the occasional racist will make him/herself known.

Have been living in LOS a bit more than four years now. I speak Thai a bit, but in an American sort of way, of course. She's pretty good at picking my American way of thinking out of the Thai words and understanding me. More so than other Thais, though I can get by speaking with them, mostly.

I have learned to leave cultural judgment at the door, and for the most part, we do. The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way. There is rarely if ever any reason for me to "put my foot down" about anything at all. Just as she knows it's important to see "my side of whatever," so I know it is important to see her side, too.

We do argue sometimes, but almost always, it's about nothing. It's as if we haven't argued for a while, and so need to do so about whatever little thing there is we can find to argue about. Which is to say that really, we don't argue very much at all, and the argument often ends up turning into play. We are not rich, but we have enough. Mostly a country gal, she is generally big on everything family, which is really a pretty good thing. Also pretty big on Buddha the temple happenings. I kinda like the guy, too.

One thing I think may be different for us: having been in different relationships in the past where it has been a problem, and seeing it start to raise its head early on in this relationship, I have refused to play any jealousy games, and have taught her that jealousy is not love, is destructive, and is not required. In fact, we often joke with one another about all her boyfriends and all my girlfriends, none of which exist. Sometimes confuses people at first, but all seem to approve, once they understand. Does she have any boyfriends? Haven't seen any evidence of such at all.

She is my best friend, without doubt, and the relationship I have with her is better than any I've had before, no matter where they were from. There is very, very little work involved in our relationship. Never has been, really. If I'm outside in the afternoon heat building a concrete block wall, she's there with me, either mixing concrete or with a trowel in hand. And I know how to do the dishes often enough, too.

But everyone is different... I know one couple consisting of an older, domineering Scottish madman, and a very jealous younger Thai wife. I'm not quite sure what kind of couple they are, nor how happiness might be defined in their regard. And was reading something somewhere on this site a while back, in which it seemed to me that an American fellow, with (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc., had come to live in Thailand, and was most insistent that his wife, her family, all the family's friends, and the country in general, adapt to his (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc. because hey -- he was in the right, you know? I guess his God had told him so. So yeah... Uh-huh... Like any of that's going to happen anytime soon...

Sometimes, it seems pretty clear that just because a relationship of one sort or another could exist, that doesn't mean that it should. I don't think these things should be forced at all. If it isn't working for some of you, well, that should tell you something, I guess.

Anyway, so much for my 2-3 thoughts...

All this "joking" about boyfriends, and girlfriends, can also be a silent acknowledgement that you will be OK with her, if she does go for the fling.

Not so sure being cavalier with infidelity, is the way to go, unless you havent heard the term,

"as a man thinketh?"

there is also the "we joke about the things we fear most"

and as everyone knows, all that is needed to make fear real,

is to feed it

The thing that us farangs MUST take on board is the very big difference in "thought" between us and Thai folk. It is a big learning curve that I think most of us cannot adapt too (me). I have learned to keep my mouth shut unless is . Doesn't happen often but when it does it usually has something to do with her 25 year old daughter. Must confess that Mrs.Trans is pissed off with her too but the Thai family thing comes to the fore. Lots to take on board, you only find out about this crap over a period of time.

you only find out about this crap over a period of time.

Actually, thanks to TV,

we have an outlet to the future.

for me, I experienced quite a bit of "what to expect" by living with her for 4 months

I learned all I needed too, and we parted "friends"

I am back in the USA now, and so far, it looks bettter than when I left,

starting withm spring is coming, it is a ntural better time of year

Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences. I have had my share of differences with the wife of 6 years mostly to do with the spoiled younger brother. The rest of her family is OK, but Nong is a 29 year old living as though he were 12. Most recently we (wife and I) had a spat about him as he's staying with us for a month between terms at medical school. I was finally able to show her examples of how every time he comes to visit we have a problem, not just with me, but with other foreigner friends too. She thought about it for a while and finally said, Nong does't know how to interact with foreigners. She said she can't talk to him as he has to figure it out for himself but at least she is now seeing it from another perspective and even said she didn't want him to come with us to the states next time we go as she clearly sees he isn't capable of dealing with non-Thais.

I still find my relationship to be far healthier than any I ever had in the states. I mainly attribute that to my growing up and not running away from the person just because of a problem.

Thus my perception of having a Thai wife is that with work, lots of dialogue and compassion, problems can be overcome.

Recent advice I was given by a friend is that if you're getting serious with a Thai lady the first question should be:

Do you have a brother?

If the answer is yes....RUN!!!

Thats funny because the first question I asked was,

do you have any sisters?

'IsaanUSA' .... (post #254)

"FYI, nothing has changed in the past 6 months in the USA, save the weather"

I'd say deeper in the financial shitter; the ordinary everyday Americans still trying to climb up the pole with copious amounts of Bernanke'a 'tapering quantitative easing' snake-oil being poured over it ...

Please don't take this wrong I am really interested. Why would an Australian male bash American finance on a thread about Thai women? What do you get out of it. I am really curious. I don't mind that you do. I don't live in America but even you must admit you have chosen an odd place to express your views. I just wonder why.

in the face of the velocity of money in many areas increasing at a smart pace, thoughout america

"so many other men are willing to offer her up to 20,000 a day for sex (I've seen the texts)"

From her mates, the oldest trick in the book and you bought it.

Ah no….it was guys from internet dating sites. You want to know what they looked like? I saw their profiles…..mid 50s, officer manager type of look, actually pretty normal which surprised me as why would they have to offer that kind of money? You could see a guy in a wheelchair or disfigured having to ante in 20K but not a normal looking older guy.

A little clue for when you get a few years older. We do not pay them for the sex. We pay them to split and take all that bullshit with em after we bust that nut. I am sure you will figure it out in due course. 20 k is a bit steep but if you have extra cash you spend it as you wish. I am 52 and I usually get away with 500 to 2000 baht. Not fat and I try to be very nice all the way through. Including walking them out and putting them on the motorbike taxi.....

Pretty much sums up the advice I got from my Thailand sponsor,

but, not so sure what you get for 500 baht starting range with 2,000 baht as your max?

I have had the sweetest Thai girls turn into total inconsiderate bitches over night. This has normally been relationships based mostly on money. It is a me me me society for many Thais and money is the driving force. But having said that, I will also say that there are many nice girls who are sweet and honest and would make very good wives but they are not the ones we are normally interested in. It seems that we like the bad girls who dress sexy and who put out the first night. They know how to pull your strings and keep you coming back for more. They are however the same girls who keep in contact with many guys and lie and cheat to make a dollar. Be careful with the company you keep and the girls you date and I think you will have better luck but maybe not as interesting and exciting. But the best advise ever is " never fall in love just enjoy the moment".

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

Or as my buddy who brought me to thailand stated.,

"love them all, marry none"

At 30., posting to a group of older men, about juvenile issues, will get you everything you are looking for, and then some,

but again, at 30?

something wrong here.

you are either disabled emotionally somehow,

or lacked guidance too long.

You might have missed - he was raised by a Thai mother, estranged from his American dad.

Estrangement is a choice,

not the same as abandonment.

perhaps he was highly alienated as a child growing up against his father,'

MY DAD HAS A WHOLE OTHER FAMILY HE HAS TO DEAL WITH, ALONG WITH 6 OTHER HALF BROTHERS AND SISTERS HE NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF. I AM HIS FIRST BORN AND HIS PARENTS DECIDED THAT IT WASN'T WISE FOR ME TO STAY WITH HIM AND MY STEP MOTHER. BOTH WHERE ABUSIVE.

or the marraige a mistake the father made, but he is still a son,

I do not believe that a man who made it to thailand, and had a child, and brought the mother back to the USA was all bad. Perhaps he is waiting for his son to grow a set, and join him in business, or other part of life, rather than get beat up by a female emotionally?

MY MOM WAS NOT BROUGHT HERE TO AMERICA BY "MY FATHER" ... SHE WAS BROUGHT TO AMERICA BY MY HALF-BROTHERS FATHER .... SHE THEN MET MY FATHER YEARS LATER.

STOP ASSUMING THINGS YOU HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT.

perhaps he witnessed this as a child, and has recreated it in his own home?

I HAVE WITNESSED MY MOM GET SLAPPED (BY MY DAD) ALL FOR WANTING TO DRESS ME FOR SCHOOL. SHE ALSO WENT THROUGH SOME ABUSE IN THAILAND AS I STATED IN EARLIER POSTS. I HAVE BE WHIPPED AND ABUSED AS A CHILD/TEEN ALSO.

We dont know the facts, but, regardless of the circumstance, many people get a much worse start in life, and, if the father was truly bad, he would have left them in thailand, no?

think of the advice you gave me, not to have a child in thailand, unless I planned to stay there and raise it?

this is a 30 year old man, thinking like a kid,

I AM 29 YEARS OLD, BEING A GROWN MAN. I HAVE GROWN MAN BILLS, AND PROBLEMS. I SEND MONEY TO MY KID EVERY MONTH I DON'T EVEN GET TO SEE. I HANDLE EVERY BILL THAT NEEDS TO BE HANDLED. ALL MY DEBTS ARE PAID. WHAT I'M SAYING IS, OF COURSE I COULD STAY HERE AND WORK THIS JOB FOR THE NEXT 30 YEARS AND "JUST GET BY" AND BE UNHAPPY.... OR I COULD GO TO THAILAND AND LIVE MY LIFE, WITH MY FAMILY AND LOVED ONES.

that can only mean he has a lot of catching up to do, and needs a mentor, and a purpose,

I have heard, no such purpose from him,

I have heard, and we all have heard, some very bad things from him though,

and there are so many places to bury a person in Thailand, I wouldnt want to be the girl that he hits when drunk, because she reminds him or some significant other, who wronged him. The thai's stick together and will kll for each other, especially to protect a girl

LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU DEAD SERIOUS? I AM THAI. MY BLOOD BLEEDS THAI. IF ANYBODY IS GETTING BURYED IN A GRAVE IN A RICE FARM IS BECAUSE THE FAMILY HAS THE MONEY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. I'M NOT A FOREIGNER GOING TO THAILAND FOR THE FIRST TIME, WITH NO CLUE, AND PLANS TO BEAT EVERYTHING IN SITE. YOU <deleted> IDIOT.

His mom lives in a bad area?

SHE LIVES ALONE IN A NOT SO GOOD AREA. YOU WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT YOURS IN THE SAME SITUATION?

shouldnt that be the priority then, according to him?

or is his abusive girlfriend, the reason the mom lives in an unsafe place?

shouldnt he be working 3 jobs to get him and his mother, into a better place in life?

WELL I CAN'T DO IT ALONE, SHE HAS TWO OTHER KIDS WHO MAKE WELL INTO 70-80K A YEAR. WHO DO NOTHING TO HELP WITH HER BILLS OR ANYTHING AT ALL. YET THE POOREST KID OUT THE GROUP HAS TO PUT THE WORLD ON HIS SHOULDERS?

YOU ARE THE BIGGEST IDIOT ON TV. HONESTLY. ALL YOU HAVE DONE IS ASSUMED.

EVEN AFTER ALL THE INFORMATION I STILL HAVE PROVIDED.

It is truly difficult to read you, thru and thru,

I just wonder,

why would you need us, all foreigners, for advice on Thailand, when you would clearly know more than many here, starting with me, who only had 6 months in?

I dont want to say you have answered all your own questions, with our help,

but,

you have.

all you need now then,

is a plan.

I hope you make it,

If you feel dead ended here now,

you already know you are.

I wish I had your advantage of being half thai

it would make things a whole lot easier for me

FYI, nothing has changed in the past 6 months in the USA, save the weather

Well there was ice and snow on my car this morning,

90 degrees in bangkok,

20 degrees here,

not what I had in mind,

but tomorrow 40 degrees

I can deal with it,

but lord have mercy,

the fattest women in the USA have to be in Wisconsin

At 30., posting to a group of older men, about juvenile issues, will get you everything you are looking for, and then some,

but again, at 30?

something wrong here.

you are either disabled emotionally somehow,

or lacked guidance too long.

You might have missed - he was raised by a Thai mother, estranged from his American dad.

Actually I wasn't raised by either.

I was raised by my dad's mother and father.

I basically reconnected with my mom full time since 19. When she asked me if I wanted to visit Thailand with her, I finally agreed.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

That doesn't sound disadvantaged in any way then,

in fact, more stability than with regular parents, in many, many cases.

You need goals and a mentor,

Anyone can be a wandering generality,

but to live a life of purpose, will bring you the meaning you seek,

go west young man,

not east