scottiejohn

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a torch in her earhole.

A laugh is a noise that comes out of your face — anywhere else and you’re in big trouble.

What a beautiful day for dashing out to Trafalgar Square, chucking a bucket of whitewash over the pigeons and saying, ‘There you are, how do you like it?’ (Ken Dodd)

I know where a Chickens wings are but where’s a chicken’s nuggets?

HOW REARRANGED LETTERS MAY LOOK! DORMITORY DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER MOON STARER DESPERATION A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS LIES LET'S RECOUNT (Trump that one!) MOTHER IN LAW WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS ALAS NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO TWELVE PLUS ONE

Blame the missus! Instead you should have asked her if the earth had moved for her too!

According to many sources it is actually much higher! Although some countries are 100% lactose intolerant some are very much lower! "Lactose malabsorption is widespread in most of the world, with wide variation between different regions and an overall frequency of around two-thirds of the world's population. Acknowledging regional patterns of lactose malabsorption is important to guide management of gastrointestinal symptoms." Country, regional, and global estimates for lactose malabsorption in adults: a systematic review and meta-analysis - The Lancet Gastroenterology & Hepatology Asian American, or Hispanic/Latino are more likely to have lactose malabsorption. Lactose intolerance is generally most common in Asian countries, especially in East Asian, where about 70-100% of people show lactose intolerance; it is least prevent in Northern and Central Europe, where only about 5% of the population has lactose intolerance. The ten countries with the highest prevalence of lactose intolerance are: Ghana - 100% Malawi - 100% South Korea - 100% Yemen - 100% Solomon Islands - 99% Armenia - 98% Vietnam - 98% Zambia - 98% Azerbaijan - 96% Oman - 96% Thailand is 84% (Lactose Intolerance by Country - Milk - ProCon.org) The ten countries with the lowest prevalence of lactose intolerance are: Denmark - 4% Ireland - 4% Sweden - 7% United Kingdom - 8% New Zealand - 10% Netherlands - 12% Norway - 12% Niger - 13% Belgium - 15% Cyprus - 16% Lactose Intolerance by Country 2023 (worldpopulationreview.com)

That is one way to post an advert without calling it one!

That's a screech!

That sentence makes no sense! I assume you mean something along the lines of "Yes parents can be allowed to opt out of ALLOWING basic education for their children if they so wish." Even if that is your intended meaning - what education would you allow them to be given?

I hope and pray that what you meant to say was "This is why it’s so important for the schools to NOT divide the children from the parents.

Why p!ss about with nature. Just eat the eggs as mother nature intended!

Thank whichever God/Religion etc you believe in!

To a fruit case! Why do people follow unproven fad diets. Just eat naturally within reason!

LEAKED!

Which means of course they are totally unprotected from any contaminants etc that they will more than likely encounter in transit!

With his lies that his gullible followers swallow hook line and sinker!

It has! It is you! It also has an accelerator which sane people use appropriately. This obviously does not apply to dangerous road hogs like yourself.

And if it is just a little pinkie you finally find then it's an Englishman in disguise! PS's Battle of Pinkie - Wikipedia Little finger - Wikipedia

Man tries to open a bank account. Teller asks him, “Your name?” So he spells it “J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh.” “Oh, you have a bad stutter?” “No, my dad did, but the person, who made up my birth certificate, was a complete moron!”

Jewish Wife: “I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?” Scottish Husband: “Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.”

People treat me like a god. They ignore my existence unless they want something from me.

Three guys are sitting around the campfire exchanging their worst experiences. The first guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was up on scaffold 7 stories high washing windows when the scaffold collapsed and he fell, breaking every bone in his body and he was hospitalized for six months. The second guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was hitch-hiking and a tour bus ran over him, breaking his back and he wound up in the hospital for nearly a year. The 3rd guy was not saying anything, so one of the others asked him about his worst experience. He said in a bit of a high squeaky voice, "Well, I'll tell you about the second worst thing that ever happened to me, I was out hunting one time and I had to take a sh!t, so I stepped behind a tree, dropped my trousers, and crouched down into *the* position." "Yeah? What happened next?" asks his friend. "I got a little too close to the ground and -- WHAM -- a bear trap snapped shut on my wedding tackle." The other guy says, "God! If that was the second worst, what in the world was the worst thing that ever happened to you?" He calmly replied, "Oh, that would be when I ran away screaming and reached the end of the chain."

I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it... They're too fast. I'd never win.

From the kink in the OP; “Among the participants in the Special Military Operation there are relapses of around 0.4%,” he told journalists on Tuesday." How many "participants" have been killed and therefore resulting in the low 0.4% recidivist's figure?