Elkski

Never a mention of private hospital.  She never says I think to mut.  But I have heard that before.  She wonders why I think about things that have not happened.  She is offended that I think that her family may someday have an emergency and  expect my money. 

I choose the first wife of 26 years with much thought.   It was a success in so many measures. It was painful to have failed at something. But then I had the thought to look the glass as 26 years full when the average is much shorter.  A chance scuba trip on a sudden work delay has now given me these refreshing wonderful SEAsia women to consider.   I just plan fir this relationship to last longer than 30 years to best my last wife. 

The topic and intent of this thread was to learn more about this  Thai thing if siblings sending money home to mom.    I haven't said it is a disfunctional family.   Although it surely is notable for me. But I've only met two families. 

Since beginning to travel to Thailand 3 years ago I have begun to realize how lucky my upbringing and life has been. In fact just the other day possibly due to this thread I called my mom up and told her how thankful I was for how well she raised me, always food ,and a nice home.  But we never had aircon or even a swamp cooler in Denver.  How did I survive.  

I have a rather big family of relatives since my mom had six sisters. but in America you may get support in the help of helping out some chores or construction or something but I don't know of any financial assistance of one relative to the other outside of individual families.  This is all such a strange concept to me.  I like to think I have developed a very open mind and I try to listen and not rigid in my thinking.  I know to many of you the fact that I am thinking in these terms is very unromantic and almost evil.  but let me tell you none of my engineering projects ever failed they were always one hundred percent successful and I had the lowest scrap rate of any engineer. I learned to Do it right the first time called dirtfoot.

DiRTfTS 

One of my bosses added the S for stupid

I'm 58.  many people have given me advice.  that I should just move to Thailand find a place enjoy hobbies relax and see what happens. 

other advice was to enjoy my butterfly years and then not worry about  picking one till I'm 65.  

One more thing this woman has never been on a dating site but I think modern social media let's these women see many instances of foreigner(she never say farang) Thai relationships.  She has a few friends who are married to foreigners and living in different countries.  I think through social media these relationships look amazing. We all know our women post their worst pictures and worst days on Facebook and Instagram.   Not.  

Plus a few careless or rich men have really ruined it for the rest of us.  So now many villagers and family think a Foreigner in the family is a gold mine.  

I know many of you are thinking if I'm thinking like this and willing to cut a woman over this reason it must not be real love. I don't know.  when I was 20 you fell in love and got married because we both had the exact same assets and education. It's different now when I'm older than the woman and the asset difference is vast.   I've read all the horror stories on TV of the men in pain and stuck in relationships usually via a child or destitute. I just think I need to make a smart decision and it's easier to decide now.   This is what I see as the weak link in our relationship.  even before I met this woman I had learned enough about Thai culture that I had budgeted three to five thousand bought a month for family.  It's not like a financial plan for 35 years doesn't have some risk of failure so I would like to have extra padding and anyone who knows financial calculations knows you don't want to deplete your principal early on. Do you think I could teach a Thai woman time value of money?

Yes Geo,. Thai women don't like change or someone rocking the boat. 

Someone said you need to start off firm because it's hard to go backwards. 

I had a saying in my youth " a relationship with a woman is like a slippery slope, you can never climb uphill!  it's just a matter of digging in and sliding down as slow as possible" 

Jafo, I missed your post.  Very good advice and knowledge of me.  I think of your prior advice often.  In fact I did not use a dating site to find this woman.  I saw her in front of emporium taking pictures with her friends of the Christmas display and the magic clicked and I uncharacteristically braved going up to her to talk to her.    Yes she maybe better off to find a man with an extra digit in his net worth column.   

Jay,. As you may be able to tell I have spent to much time reading TV and  know all the TV sayings.  Using the "would you do this at home" litmus test on a prostitute is easy to answer but this is hard to fault her generosity, but the outcome could be just as much a risk to my heart, mind, and purse.   

Her drunken brother probably doesn't drink much more than most. He is a heavy equipment operator when he has work. Supposedly he is not drinking anymore after last summers month long hospital stay and a month at moms recovering, but you know how that goes. Sister has a food catering business of some type.  Maybe I should add that she is the youngest sibling evidently she was very smart in school enter Dad read lots of books to her and tried to teach her English. She was his favorite child. I think he  told her she would be his best child,  not go to bars , not drink, excetera excetera I don't know all for sure.  He passed about 12 years ago.  She doesn't go to bars and has rarely drank.  Her generosity is inspirational but painful and I don't even think she understands. 

Very enjoyable read.  The topic transitions would have made my 9 th grade english teacher swoon.

Frugal, the roster has nothing on me.    

55 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

We give 5k a quarter and send 1250 baht of nourishment foods a month.

 

In the future we will provide care and accommodation to them but not on there terms. I doubt they would want to leave there village and there is zero chance of us moving there.

 

My concern is the sister and her BF. Been together 7 years started to ask questions about pregnancy tests recently. Gotta feeling we would have to take care of the child as both work. Im not against it but the terms of such an arrangement would be interesting to hear.

We are talking about  9-15k a quarter .   But that means I'm thinking 9 and she is thinking 15. 

What supplement food items are you sending?   

I do worry about the family emergency. Sure gets mad because I talk bad about her family when I ask and try to plan for something that hasn't happened. 

I guess the fact that I'm having these conversations with this women is a big red flag. She has admitted to feeling the need to send mom money and has a long history of this on her own. 

I guess this is revealing my selfishness to her and you guys. So be it.   I have thought I should tell her whatever we send your mother we will send mine.  So we will have to eat out 8 times a month less of course I don't like to eat out two times a month so you will be cooking every night.   There are two daughters and supposedly they would inherit the farm.  I want to tell her if she donates more to Mom than her sister she should get more land then her sister. Maybe I should tell her we can make arrangements for the money we send Mom that is more than your sister sendwe buy more land each month. 

This is how my stingy logical mind works.  I guess currently they don't discuss how much each sibling gives mom.   

and I should add it does not appear the amount of money she has given is based on Mom's asking or needs.  It's more a face generosity thing. and when I asked why doesn't the farm make enough money she says it loses money but it provides rice for all the family to eat.  so I will be paying for how many people's bags of rice in the village and family?  But this type of logic doesn't work I'm pretty sure.

I knew of 30 baht health care for all.  She never mentioned healthcare.  But I heard sometimes the wait can be lengthy and maybe for some illnesses the outcome maybe better at a different facility do I think sometime people choose a non 30 baht facility.    We are talking about this more. 

I guess she has sent 3000-5000 most months.  I guess that is 3-4 dinners out to sacrifice.    I just find it odd that there isn't communication 

Between siblings about a what they give mom. 

I have better financial and family options but I am trying kety animal pick.  Luckily my brain is still I'm charge of fact finding and the final choice.  

Are those Chinese tourists crackable?  Some days they are the cutest things I see. 

I've got a special gal on my radar.  From Si siket area.  Poor village gal who is 41, has worked at same company in BKK for 17 years.   Company gave us an employment verification letter for a failed visa attempt.  in another thread I asked if I failed Visa attempt is a reason to discard a woman and people laughed at me so I won't go there again.  I think not having 200k+ baht  in savings and her beauty we're probably the reasons. 

I am a cautious man. I may be in love but not blind love.  She maybe special but I know there are many to choose from.  She has lived a very austere life mainly due to sending so much to support mom and or family.  She has 3 siblings,  none have government jobs so mom has no government health care.  It seems my gal is only sibling who gives.  She is a non drinker so it makes me sad to see sister drinking.   And mom.  I have not met two brothers.  But one drinks and Gambles.   He has been real sick 2 times with liver failure.   My logic is that my GF pays for this drinking.  This concept seems to go in one ear and out the other.  Her mom also is generous and has cared for two sets of children who's mother was deadbeat.   I guess my girlfriend has contributed to these kids upbringing as well.  Mom does have a farm and cows. 

My  concern and question is; if I get serious with this gal  and down the road, mom or some family member has s big hospital bill or something am I going to be expected to support all?  Thai people don't seem to understand finance and retirement planning.  If we do a prenup she might know my assets.  I think it would be hard for a woman like this to understand I will need to keep on a rigid  track to my retirement plans.  I have said I will budget some support for mom like 3000 baht/mo.  In USA she may get a job. Maybe she can make 45000 baht here.  but I told her she will have to pay for gas and car insurance if she gets a job.

I just don't want her sending 100% of her income back home because I rather have her unemployed and spending time with me if that is the case.  It's not easy planning for 35 years of retirement given all the unknowns but the big unknown is the black hole that can be an Isaan family.  

Should I bail?  I have told her several times we will not be able to sacrifice our lifestyle in retirement for family.  She has never seemed to say okay,  I agree,  I understand master.  

Any advice would be appreciated.

Yes , I know taking Thai woman to USA violates a major rule.  It's not a done deal.  I'm just researching and exploring all options.  

I guess it is common thing negotiate the sin Sod term beforehand.  Including how much is returned.  

You want your gal to be proud.  You want her mom to make face.  

After we got past the initial greedy crazy ideas , and after Mom was consulted and doesn't want anything she talked evasively

somewhere between 100,000 and 1 mil.     I'm thinking 400,000 for show.

30,000 for mom, 120,000 for wife as security in case I dump her.  250,000 back to me.   Never married, no kids.  New off lot.    

I'm ready to walk over this and she knows it.  But she is very happy I am willing to talk about sin sod.  She hasn't really accepted these terms outright.  It's overall not a very romantic process.  I am doing all this before I have committed or officially asked her to marry me.  Maybe I'm not doing the correct process.  

I had a snip.   A prenup is like health insurance.  Everyone says a foreigner should buy health insurance in Thailand.  Yes getting back sin sod is a very good thing to do but I think a woman may need a little support because she may be quitting her long term job and getting rid of her choice apartment. a man must realize that she needs to think about what happens if it goes south just like a man should.  I can see both sides of a coin unlike many of you.  Unfortunately a prenup will reveal all of your assets and finances to her but if you are going to get your marriage registered so you can bring her to the USA I think you need to get a prenup for sure. Those of you who say don't tell her about your ass that's so then she will not try to sue you in family Court are risk-takers. 

I only read page 1 my question is what percent of posters in this thread are alcoholics?

I think the definition of an alcoholic is anybody who consumes 3 drinks in one session or has one drink more than 4 days a week.  Okay so one night overweight you can't buy booze but the next night after 6 you can buy booze so don't panic everyone you can plan ahead a little bit. 

90000 baht is nothing.  I bet half the guys posting here sent or soent that much on one if their first LOS women. Maybe it was just a test to set up transfer account info?   Thai people transfter money via ATM machine like I have never seen before.   It is like a weeks wages for a teacher.  And remember support  and generosity is love in their eyes.  Even good girls feel this way.

and I can assure you there are family owned  bars in BKK where the family dusters and nieces while run it manage one if the half dozen bars it massage parlors are not in the sex business.  The do have some distant Chinese blood and probably money.     I just don't like to make generalizations because there's always the exception to the rule. you can't say anyone who's worked in a bar or stepped in a bar is bad news and the marriage can't work.  Marriage takes lots of work on both people's Parts.   I don't understand why Sammi and other people are getting butthurt just because you don't say ok!  I'm going to listen  and follow  a or b or c or x person's opinion.  

you sound like you have plenty of caution and a nice brain just go have fun she may turn into the woman of your dreams.  I can't overstate the fact that it is quite rare for a woman to catch a younger man and seven years is a pretty big spread while  a woman 10 years below your age would be nothing.  So she is thinking you can have 25 not 42. 17 yesrs younger.  No wonder she is shy.  Which I'd normal anyway.  She also probably is impressed with your  chivalry that first night.   She probably believes you about nit being a sexpat.   All these must make you look top shelf for her regardless if your finances it education.   Plus they love us AMERICANS  the most. 

Welcome to Thailand the land of they look so young for their age.  I actually prefer a 40 year old woman and puts me in the minority for sure. But I'm 58 so 40 seems very nice to me. I think when a woman at 40 has a very nice body it is very meaningful and will carry on into the next 10 and 20 years of their life. When they are 35 and you do not know which way they may go has their body metabolism changes. Mary men's response would be they just trade them in for a new model but I rather research and pick one for the long term.   But I have a 91 and a 2004 vehicle. it is not uncommon to find a 40 year old virgin in Thailand or to meet women who are 40 who have only had one lover.  However I think the warning about their abilities to be actresses I'm love to be some special DNA ability.   And don't forget people can say they have the best relationship but their time is not over yet.

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Are you trying to corrupt my lower age limit?

It probably is best to fix a leak but maybe it's so slow it will stay filled for another two years ? Isn't modern gas not harmful to the ozone layer?

I am always amazed at how long a conversation will go on between two Thai people and when you ask for a translation you get a  three-word reply. 

24 minutes ago, BTB1977 said:

Who writes this fictional stories? 

Maybe TAT! they have probably seen a rise in flights bookings to Koh Samui.  

Whew,. After reading 13 pages and then hearing the OP requested thread to be closed I was worried I wasted my time.  nCC must be listened to, pravta seems to be a smart man as well as some others. 

Also the man with the 51 year old professional lady who buried herself in her work.   I have met many educated middle aged women who after they got dumped by their Thai husband for a much younger women they dedicated their life to their children their education, and their employment and at 40 or 45 came up for air thinking about the rest of life and not wanting to be alone.  I may be a naive American but I'm sure they tell truth I was the second partner.  Lol. Really?

  I have been coming to Thailand for only 3 years and not as a  paying sex Pat,  I have dedicated almost full-time the study of Thailand and reading about all the pitfalls and traps positive and negative Thailand  women have to offer.  The first trip was for scuba diving but since I have taken seven trips in the last 3 years for about a six-month span total. I think the OP is a very top quality man and he seems very worldly educated even though he is an American which means we are naive.  All you guys must admit he seems to have been up against the ropes and seems very savy,  quite a bit more than 90% of the posters of threads like this. 

I have heard samui is a big Mafia island.  Does she really have full ownership of these bars? Does it really matter? Consider Brown envelopes in your BNB business plan. 

You must know that a woman in Thailand over 40 thinks of herself as being well beyond  her prime. Like desperate.  The fact that she can attract such a self-proclaimed hunk who's only 35 who has more wealth than most farang and thai than she has ever met.   Why wouldn't she have an interest in him and why can't she be a fairly innocent woman and still be a bar business owner? But trust and verify.  how many men would have the desire or gumption to approach a  cute bar owner? How many men does she see who she doesn't think are sex pats?

I think when two people are learning each other and sharing their life experiences many times little financial difficulties arise in conversation  in one person's life or the other,  a car repair or sick Buffalo, I think it's just part of conversation and you don't typically offer to pay for your Western 5-day girlfriend's car repair do you?  I think you should have chosen to ignore and not donate any money. I think it does matter how much money we are talking about? If it was just a 10,000 baht donation then of course why would she really even need to buy something so little?  100,000 you must have deep pockets it a sucker.   I think that since you gave $ and she accepted however reluctantly this is the main cause of most of your doubts. As it should be.  but we have all bought phones and watches and maybe a little bit of jewelry or helped out financially now and again. Don't believe in me Farang who says differently. 

I say she's worth the 2500 bucks or less to go back for 2 weeks enjoy every minute of it,  wear a condom,  both get tested at least for HIV.  I think women are at their sexual prime when they're 40 and can be very attractive and an intelligent business owner like this would be high on my list and far superior to a 25 year old. however a 35 year-old man could easily catch 21 or 22 year-old woman so she is right in saying that you could catch much more beautiful and younger women. Ad a business person she is not likely to just decide to retire in the next 10 or 15 years. So if you are thinking about retiring early she may not be able to free her life up and travel and enjoy life like you plan.   you really got some good advice here and It really wasn't too much negativity  compared to usual and you should not have got so upset and bickered with a guy.  you should have just  ignored Sammy.  But his advice was his experience and sound. 

Elk

There have been some high profile cases of faked beatings lately.  

I am gullible or did you day all Americans are naive.    I'm newish and just a casual user of Instagram,  but I have never seen a person who replies to so many comments as this guy does.  I don't understand the monetization of Facebook or YouTube  or the like because I've never been influenced to buy any products that pop up in advertisements in any of these social media sites.   

Some of you pointed out the stupidity of returning to the scene of a crime to attack the White Knight. Can you attempt to educate me on the thainess involved in this?

Was the guy just so astounded that he was actually confronted by somebody that he had to come back and do something?  

Oh I did read on Instagram that the woman had insurance on her belongings and also there were three Israelis sitting not 20 meters away who didn't even get up off the sand. 

I'm not sure if his injuries are shown on any pictures unless you look on Instagram but either he's into BDSM or he was attacked with people with sticks or whips or ropes or something including his reported stitches and several locations he's actually lucky he didn't fall to the ground and get kicked to death. 

20,000 is 635$usd. So not a small amount.  I think they say average workers SS payment is .1400 spouse ,736$

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.usatoday.com/amp/35436219

I have known Thai women who work like dogd 6 days a week for 20,000.  Plus OP maybe an English teacher or something.   this thread reminds me of the threads about how much does it cost to live in Thailand. Which boils down to the variables of people's upbringing lifestyle and financial capability.  add and the scorned man who have been burned badly in their home country or possibly in addition taken to the cleaners in Thailand.  It is beneficial to here the different stories of how happy men are and if their wife asks for money or not. Like my accounting buddy said when I was about 25,  "with women you pay for it or you pay for it!"

Can't argue with an accountant except he like this s***ty trashy type.  

2 hours ago, sambum said:

"I explain to him what happened and he tells me to come to the station the next day at 10am to tell the police and they will look for the ones who attacked me. SUPER helpful”.

 

Maybe a touch of sarcasm? What's wrong with the police beginning to look for the thugs straight away, instead of having to wait until 10 am the next day?

100%  sure it's sarcasm.  I don't use 110% because that's not possible.

If you are serious and have any  doubt,  is English your native language?  

I think I would be in trouble with three guys my size with sticks and a kayak paddle. If no one's been to Koh phi phi  it's a island with living housing area about the size of 8 rugby fields. So you would think if you found a motorcycle cop and were bleeding and looked injured and you had a woman at your side to verify things you would think policeman would try to help you right then. 

I read all this.  It may have wasted my life some but quite educational and funny. 

To the OP is the 20,000 all hers each month?   Or does she use some of it to buy things for the family needs?

Did she take the 3 young children with her?   I think I read it's 3 but I didn't reread to be sure.  

I would say it's a bit hard to raise 3 younguns and work a job.  As some posts suggested. OP said she made 9,000 before if I trust my comprehension. 

Petrol and amazon coffees and snacks could be 1500,  RT.  you didn't give mpg data.  But I think you said 330 km each way. 

It would be a b**** traveling with three children under 5 as a single mom. 

I guess most of you seem to understand that gifts are in order when she's taking a trip home. For OP's wife this obviously does not occur very often , laugh out loud.

OP doesn't say how big the family is or if she will be going out with  friends or other new mom's to lunch and visit like women do.  

I am interested in one post. 28000 is enough for two UNI mia noi.  Please PM me.  ????

Many seem to have black hole Thai extended families.   Maybe you can offer me some advice. Is there a cure for a woman who is brainwashed by bhudda, family, school or whatever to mindlessly give her last baht to family in need?

Will a woman ever be able to regard her man's nest egg as something she needs to protect for both their long term happiness and well being.  Many men are bitter and obviously many Thai women sucked the turnup dry and now find themselves having to support themselves.  So they didn't know how to plan. 

I guess the OP could ask for some sort of budget accounting post trip report . But I'm learning budgeting is not in the Thai vocabulary or mentality.