Andrew Dwyer

the situation is fellow Men friends do not be naive.
Thai women agenda is very self centered selfish totally money oriented and cruel stealing fathers away from the mixed kids thy have with them initially baited as as a love play for their own benefits cashing out from foreign husbands as per their own patience and grid levels.
So sad explaining why there are so many heartbroken fathers leaving totally mentally ruined absolutely screwed and short of their initial cash........
No dreams the sudden changes arrive unannounced without much reasons......
Though indeed anything they can find against husband is a no welcome back home threat......do not panic go ahead on even legally if necessary.....
Better not to buy a house always being in her name Thai style and to keep a tight budget.....
Be a mongoose and face any cobras proudly.....

If this is what you like most about Thai girls, what is it you don't like ?

Andrew,
You wrote "Communication is the key!"
 
Whilst I do not disagree with that statement, subjectively I find myself agreeing with Thaibeachlovers and that if there was a key I just could not find the right lock.
 
Whatever "communication" was all about it certainly did not extend to an honest financial accounting on anything nor did it make me privy to financial decisions made within the family.I believe that I did not get anywhere near the truth from day 1 to D (departure)Day.
 
I certainly could not opine on the behaviour of the offspring or on any other hangers on that came my way.
 
My perceived role was merely to supply money (smiles,wais) or, if that was refused, escalating abuse.
 
Actually I ended up preferring the abuse to the smiles and wai's because it was more honest than the manipulative superficiality being exhibited by the latter behavior.
 
I simply thought that they stank at relationships on any other level than a monetary one and never communicated honestly with anyone if they thought that they could get away with it.

Yep Ody you are correct , maybe I should have said " honest communication is the key ", as clearly if you are communicating but lying then it's probably worse than not communicating at all.

My ex was a master at communication, unfortunately most of it simply wasn't the truth.
It came as quite a surprise to her when I finally gave in and told her it was over , I think after many years of conning me she truly believed the tales she would invent.
Even to this day she tells me some great "porkies", she can't break the habit.
She will start the conversation, on WhatsApp, by feigning concern over my fathers health but then it steers in the direction of how some relative of hers is struggling etc, I quickly make my excuses and leave the conversation ........................... anyway that's another tale !!

Where did the poisonous brother-inlaw play part.

In my case it was 3 poisonous brothers in law who added to my bad marriage experience, they weren't directly to blame for my marriage break up but they certainly helped divide my ex wife's family which in turn escalated the general decline in my part of the family.

A couple of examples:

Bear in mind that these are working class Brazilian's:

My MIL was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and over a period of 18 months she, for want of a better phrase, literally wasted away. Firstly she became wheelchair bound, then a special breathing mask was needed, her muscles became so weak she had to go to hospital for a " clear out". Near the end she couldn't close her eyes her muscles were that weak.
During this period the 5 girls ( my ex and her sisters) wanted to give her the very best treatment in her latter days.
The FIL had died some years previously and left a workshop, not in good condition but in a prime position in the centre of town. It had stood vacant for years and the girls wanted to sell to generate money for the sick MIL.
This needed a signature from all 8 children, the 3 males declined stating they couldn't sell as the workshop had been in the family for years.
5 days after the MIL passed the eldest son suggested that they could now sell the workshop and divide the profits !
As you can imagine WW3 broke out !!

On another occasion the youngest BIL forged his brother and sisters signatures, mine and 2 other BIL's ( married to the girls ) to obtain the responsibility for the Grandmothers house ( also vacant ) so he could rent it out for his own profit.
He managed to get everyone's id and social security numbers except for 1 American ( married to ex's sister ), no problem he just repeated my documents !!
This was then signed by the towns judge and gave him overall responsibility for the Gmothers house to sell or rent.
When the girls realised what was happening they had a hard time contracting a lawyer who was prepared to go up against the town judge, eventually it was resolved and the police evicted him.

On both these occasions, and many others, I was expected to foot the bill , being the " gringo rico ", my refusal to resolve their family problems made me the " gringo miserable " or cheap foreigner !!
Sound familiar yet ?

Although the thread is titled poisonous BIL's it has developed into general failures of marriage in Thailand and people making their escapes or living with the issues.

As I stated earlier mine is a different case but the overall outcome remains a familiar one tô TV members.

Well said Andrew,
 
We are all free to pick and choose our own life's adventures and the paths we walk down and it is good to "own" our mistakes and move on.
 
What you are seeing here now from me is just a sorting through the debris-the garbage if you will-which is only natural and it is good to do it in a "safe" place mainly free from intolerance.
 
Otherwise I feel curiously free..starting to detach from the irrationality of it all.I am basically up at the hospital seeing doctors and having tests most days and otherwise lead a modest life in a room provided by a good friend,one suitcase,1 mobile and 1 laptop.Life stripped down and free of harassment after six years of the exact opposite experience lifts the mind,body and soul.
 
The most mind blowing experience is a simple one.I am a mobility impaired amputee.People stop for me at zebra crossings.I wave and smile-they smile back and wave me on-I cross in safety-I look back amazed that they would do such a thing..
 
I come to another crossing-yup they do it again-bemused I contemplate life over a cappuccino...

I know this feeling, when I left ( after 20 years of marriage) with my life belongings crammed into 2 suitcases and a backpack I felt a certain amount of freedom even while at the airport waiting for my flight !
I made camp back in Blighty for a while , back to my ageing fathers house, before entering my Thai adventure and the rest is history ( in the making ) !

What is interesting in this thread is that, although similarities exist, no two stories are the same. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.
Advice given is always helpful but can never be followed to the letter, most of us on here realise that .

I know, from experience, that failed relationships can be, and often are, painful and I wish all the followers of this thread the best of luck in their paths to peace and happiness.

I just wonder if you will take any notice of all the stories in this thread?
If you don't, like most, then I agree you will replace someone in a few years time, as it seems you expect to do.
"Going through the motions" is actually understanding what goes on and trying to deal with it, and avoid the traps after many years of experience.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!
Live AND learn.

 
 
 
 

Yes exactly George, this thread has plenty of advice for the newbie to LOS and could almost act as a survival manual for life and love in Thailand.
My story is a little different in that I suffered a similar fate as DL and Ody in a previous marriage but sought solace not in my home country but here in Thailand.
I can sympathise greatly with the tales of woe in this thread as my history ran a very similar course and eventually I had no choice, to regain my sanity, other than flee.
I fully intend not to allow history to repeat itself but we are but fickle beings and the temptations of the flesh are great here !!

Some would say " why buy when you can rent " but that's not my way !, okay I admit renting was okay at first until you find one that will serve you as a keeper !
This last paragraph, for me, is true for both women and accommodation [emoji51]

I do intend to live AND learn, and hopefully I am now wise enough to spot any traps, or to paraphrase " the long con ", and act accordingly.
In any relationship, in any country, there has to be give and take and if one side is a giver and the other side a taker then it surely is a recipe for disaster.
I am not expecting things to go sour as I believe I have enough life experience to keep my relationship alive. I do believe in the " insert any number: year itch " and when complacency sets in it is up to both parties to overcome this and not sit back and let nature take its course.

Communication is the key !!
Talking about your feelings early before it's too late can save the day !!

Anyway, enough of my waffling, that garden won't weed itself !! [emoji4]

Well, glad to see the thread back on track .

Ody and DL , despite their health issues, are moving along nicely and certainly have proven to those who've had enough of Thailand ( not me !, not yet ) that there is chance to return back to your roots and still be happy !!

 

New posters ( to this thread )coming out of the woodwork, enjoying Thaibeachlovers input on the NHS , always good to have remarks from someone with first hand knowledge of the remarkable ( IMHO ) work that our NHS doctors and nurses do. Admittedly there always be horror stories regarding the NHS but from what I've seen recently ( taking my 88 yo father for various treatments, including a pacemaker fitting ) there is still some very good work being done.

 

Rc2702 is still suffering from " poisonous BIL disease " and to add insult to injury has to deal with some rowdy posters, although I think the latest discussion could be more classed as friendly banter than anything else.

 

The rest, OH, Rhodie, AJ, George and Owl ? ( and others )are just going through the motions trying to keep their heads above water !!

 

As for me, I'm just starting out my journey but who knows I might be back in a few years to join the disgruntled lot of you !!

As I said before, I've been there done that ( sorry Rc ) and trying my best not to make the same mistakes again , not always easy.

But, for sure, if my life takes a downward spiral and history repeats itself you, my fellow TV posters, will be the first to hear about it [emoji51]

 

 Those grafted bougainvillea look fantastic. I have seen natural combinations of purple and partly white, but these are absolutely beautiful. 

Came across this " nursery " today in Nakhon Nayok, apparently they are not as uncommon as I first thought !!