habuspasha

She was 32 and I was 73: I couldn't take my eyes off of her; she thought I looked kind. The old Thai man at the museum ticket counter looked at the two of us and asked me how old I was. I said "36." She was 34 and I was 75. I asked her if her mother or sisters asked what she was doing with such an old guy. "They all said all that matters is if you're a good person," she told me. Her father said she would have to take care of me when I was too old to take care of myself. After I bought her a car, she said she might eventually need a larger one to carry a wheelchair. She was 36 and I was 77. I slipped on the stairs and she forever after pointed out the way as if I were blind. I told her to stop. I exercised more often and lost some weight. She was 38 and I was 79. The lady at the clothing shop in Pattaya pointed to me and asked her something about her "customer." We both determined never to return to Pattaya. She is 40 and I am 81. She is exercising to get down to 45 kg and raise her bum for a new bikini. At 160 lbs, I'm 40 pounds lighter than when we first met. My male friends are envious, my sisters supportive, my current wife oblivious in late dementia, my first wife called me a dog when I revealed her age but we are still friends.

I compared Thailand with the U.S., not Manhattan. I was rounding off the figure of 38% which I saw recently in global comparisons of countries. Manhattan might be close to 10 times the cost of Thailand is some areas like rent (average in Manhattan now $5,000) and labor (massage, construction?). Good dental work is 4-5 time more. Food varies enormously. I recently paid more for a mango in Patong than I do in Manhattan. (Actually my GF did so it wasn't the full falang mark-up.)

I have lived in Manhattan for almost fifty years (at various pay-grades, but always happily and comfortably). Now as I start my retirement I hope to split my time between Manhattan and Thailand. For me, the question is: what kind of Thailand? My GF prefers Hua Hin; I like the Andaman. I could never afford beachfront or a half million US for a sinking condo in BK. I'm fortunate in having a nice subsidized apartment in Manhattan and Medicare. But every place has its compensations. NY salaries rise to meet rent costs; Thai gov't jobs cover medical needs. The cost of living in Thailand is a third of U.S. There are always work-arounds if you want something enough. Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia is a horrible disgrace--We Americans should be shamed, perhaps especially those of us who live so much more comfortably. But Kensington Avenue is not the U.S.--anymore than Fifth Avenue.

I agree with the consensus that the physical decline described by the OP is abnormal enough to likely have a cause beyond aging. In fact, I would like to argue against our normal assumption that ageing inevitably equals decline. My own experience is that at 81 I feel at least as fit as I did at 41. My chiropractor agrees. How is this possible? Well, I can think of various interventions that might have brought this about, starting with the chiropractor who I started seeing 40 years ago. She cured my lower back pain almost immediately and then by showing me exercises and by monthly visits maintaining my flexibility. Then about 30 years ago, she finally got me to make exercise a constant part of my life. About the same time (30 years ago) another professional, my psychiatrist, prescribed testosterone, which has boosted my vitality since. The last ten years have been especially important. Since 2013 I have dropped 40 of 200 pounds and fallen in love with a beautiful Thai 40 years my junior. Another factor over the last year has been following the Metformin and supplements regimen advocated by David Sinclair in Lifespan: Why we age and why we don’t have to (2019).

I have been very pleased with the doctors at BIDC (Bangkok International Dental Center) at 157 159 Ratchadaphisek Rd where I have had everything from cleanings to almost a full mouth of implants and caps.

I'm not a statistician but I don't think that is true. Maybe the odds that you will have been in an air crash, but the odds that the plane will crash remain the same. I don't remember anything from my first flights in 1941, but flights I remember from 20 years later were much more turbulent than today. The planes were smaller and flew closer to the ground.

Your Mental Age is: 31 (50 years younger) I said my GF kept me under 50, not 50 years younger. I think taking such a simple-minded test ought to add 20 years to your mental age; believing such results should add at least 30.

Just turned 81, but my 40 yr old Thai GF keeps me under 50.

Kissing, foreplay, flirting, dating only make sense in societies where sex has to be won. Where sexual access can be taken for granted (because of one's status, commercial payment or parental/official arrangement), there is likely no interest is tentative, experimental steps.

This response actually supports the OP's observation: Thai women (right or "wrong") do not generally kiss or engage in foreplay. Either it is culturally unacceptable or redundant. Maybe the question to ask is not "why don't Thai women want to do it?" but "why do Westerners?." OneMoreFarang is right in suggesting that kissing and foreplay have developed as part of the Western culture of romance. Since at least the days of courtly love, Western experience of sex has been filtered through stigma and sublimation.

I would like to read more thoughtful responses to OP's question which I think highlights an important cultural difference I wish I could explain.

What does one do over 85? (Hold the ageist slur please.)

It's a welcome alternative to a very long walk followerd by a very long line at immigration/transfer.

I like QR a lot. Doha terminal is huge, bur Business Class usually offers bus ride from plane to arrival area.

Again I find my experience very different. I was going to start a forum with something like "We not too mut talking" to ask how many of you had wives or girl friends who did NOT talk a lot. My partner goes days, maybe weeks, without talking to her mother who lives in the same house. This may be because of a different Thai trait: fear of words leading to fighting.

My response wouldn't be too different from Will B. Good's; she too chose a chance to break free from constricted life. She also knew nothing of my modest but comfortable financial status. She didn't know and wouldn't care about status points in the West (a college professor and author). She was and is a simple, honest, private girl. And she also has no piercings, tatoos, toxic habits, or promiscuities. I want to correct two prejudices, however. 1. She was a bar girl. At least I met her in a period in her life when she was working in a bar. To support a son, of about 5 when we met. Early on I asked her if she ever thought of getting married again, thinking she had been married to his father. She answered "who would marry me?" with a son to support. A voice inside me shouted "Me, Me, Me." It still does. 2. It is also racially prejudicious to say "There is one upside for the Thai lady to have a foreigner (even an old one) and that is to have a kid with the western genes, light skin, curly hair and all that." Some Thais may think so unfortunately. She did not.

I feel I should say something on this thread since I am something of an outlier--about to turn 81, GF just turned 40. We met 8 years ago so there's some continuity and stability to rely on. We live apart except for my visits every few months. I expect them to become longer in the following years. Eventually we will probably establish a home together in Thailand. Now she lives in a house I bought for her in Bangkok and I live in New York, caring for my dying wife. Maybe I can help clear up some misconceptions about the age difference. First, we rarely talk about it. She said in the beginning that it didn't concern her: what mattered was whether I was a good person. Second there is clearly an unspoken contract of exclusivity for security. Even when I just started supporting her, her mother shooed other guys from snooping around on the grounds that I supported the whole family (which I didn't). Her father told her she should be prepared to care for me when I become unable to care for myself (i.e. she couldn't leave me). She says she wouldn't want to. I put her in my will. But this is not just an insurance policy. For me, and I think for her, it is a love match. For me based initially on her stunning looks. For her, I don't know. I'm no Cary Grant, but I lost my belly and kept my hair. She sometimes says I look handsome. I'm her best friend. She talks to me more than everyone else combined. We enjoy each other's company. Finally, sex is not over at 80. I look forward to many more years and increasing activity. She worries more about "not being a young girl anymore" at 40. But we're both in it for the duration.

Falling in love over 50? I was 73 when I fell in love at first sight. It hadn't happened since I had been about 30. Then she had been 18 and that one lasted about ten years. This time she was 32. Since I felt like I did in 1969, I hoped this girl who wasn't born until 1981 felt the same. When someone says she loves you, it's hard to realize she may not mean what you mean. How much is support? How much is chemistry? What is hansum worth?

I remember cheap courier flights from New York to Hong Kong and to Mexico City in the eighties. Great way to travel light; you could only take a carry-on. Your last sentence above reads like it might be interesting, but I don't understand it. Explain?

I'll bet my forty year older and 40 yr old GF/Wife will eventually take more care of me (but I hope to never know).

I'm here for another quarterly real estate retirement survey. Where to put down roots after retirement this year? December was examining Phuket, now Pattaya, June will be either Hua Hin or Phuket again. Today an ad for a reduction at Patong Tower (I like views) caught my attention and I seemed to remember a high Russian ownership? So I'm asking if there are places that might currently be better deals because they were once great locations in Russian.

You make my point about the two Thailands, 1,000 baht is not much more than 30 baht to you or me, but try telling that to someone who is living on 5,000 baht a month as many in this thread have said is sufficient.

I don't doubt your experience OR that of my GF. Interesting comparison: The White Prince on private rate and the dark Isaan mother on 30 baht. They are two different Thailands. But likely the same Thai nurses. All white foreigners with money welcome!

You, the OP, won't want to read this, and I'm sure I'll be insulted by all the wise cynics on the thread, but I write because I think the view of sharing as stupidity or generosity as weakness has been pushed too far. I give my GF 60,000/month. She then takes care of her parents and her son whom she lives with. They are former Isaan farmers living in BK working making street food and giving motor bike rides. She is a former shop-girl who barely finished high-school. When I met them they lived in a rented storefront where they ate and slept on the floor. I bought her/them a house, and then a better one. Supporting her generously has made me very happy. Now they can afford to take a taxi, see a movie, take a weekend trip to the seashore which they had never seen. Her son now goes to a select school with a modest cost for tuition, fees, and uniforms that she never could have afforded before. He now enjoys school. One poster to this thread said there was little need to pay for health care or insurance because after all, they all had access to a 30 baht charge for any medical treatment. My GF tells me she would never be a 30 baht patient again. She was when she delivered her son 12 years ago. She received nothing from the hospital staff except insult and abuse--not even pain medication or assistance in the delivery. Her father recently had to have a heart operation. If he went as a 30 baht patient, he would have to wait indefinitely. With my support for a private room, he was able to make it happen right away. Other posters seem to pride themselves on refusing these expenses. They resent being asked. My GF's father had to be convinced to accept my offering. He refused the operation because of the cost and his pride. Finally when my GF made it clear to him that I wanted to pay for it, he cried and accepted. He is now recovering and eager to get back to work. I am fortunate to be able to cover expenses like this, to raise the family's living standard, and to make their lives more comfortable. In answer to the OP, I think the question to ask is not what does everyone else pay, and certainly not what is the minimum you can get away with. Ask how much you can afford and make them happy. Tune into your own happiness in pleasing her and them.

That's a heart-breaking story, but nothing prevents a man from having a will and putting the GF in it. I have. Of course he could still die poor. Marriage adds legal obligations that might over burden either party. Is mutual aid, sacrifice, or care-giving stronger or more certain when it is obligatory? Is love stronger?