habuspasha

Another Professor of History. Also specialized in teaching undergraduate courses--in my case, world history. Wrote textbooks to figure out how to do it. Now 60 years later it's time to retire and enjoy Thailand at least half-time.

No sane person imagines we can will anything to happen. I just argued that when we talk about facing "reality" we might distinguish between "what's real vs. what's becoming real and what we make real." Otherwise we are defeatist victims, bound to continually replay the past.

Thank you. See what you mean. It does seem close to going off the rails in the beginning, but the rest is more traditional and still beautifully done. Don't know the orchestra. You Tube offers the sound of a Bernstein and New York Phil performance from 1959 but it is not this one: In 1959 Bernstein did not have gray hair and it is not quite as fast in 1959.

I started off with Mahler in 1959. I knew no classical music and cared less, but I found myself in the college chorus preparing for a set of 4 performances of Mahler's 2nd Symphony with Leonard Bernstein and the New York Philharmonic in Carnegie Hall. After sitting on the stage behind the orchestra, watching Bernstein conduct, through a week of rehearsals and concerts (and singing along for the last 15 minutes), I could conduct the symphony by myself without a score (of course, exactly as Bernstein had) and became addicted to classical music for the next 60+ years.

Some of this I've addressed: what's real vs. what's becoming real and what we make real. I don't understand much of the rest. The fact that we see elder falang with young wives and children shopping "just ain't right"? according to Thais?, most other shoppers?, You?, Us?, all in god's kingdom? I detect an ageist prejudice here. I also did in your 1/24 post when you said you had an opinion about age differences that you didn't state. Finally, the continual relevance of a bell curve does not suggest that everyone isn't living longer. In any case, we measure populations with pyramids, not bell curves, and they become more rectangular as populations age.

I agree entirely. In fact I thanked posters for their info on immigration and US social security. I didn't suggest that they were "waiting to die" or as I actually said, declining as if following a script. When I wrote that we should consider modern life expectancy and our attitudes towards aging when we talk about "realities" of aging, I was responding to GinBoy2 on 1/24 when he posted "looking at how long you will live. 80 is a pretty good innings already. Don't mean this in any way to be mean, but just looking at reality." I had written: "I would urge you to add two factors to your view of "reality." One is the degree to which life expectancy has grown over the last 50 years thanks to miracle medicines and biotics, and greater health/nutrition awareness. Equally important in my mind is an awareness of how we shape our own reality. I've become particularly aware of how people my age follow an aging script which has them gradually slump over, do less, and imitate their grandfathers. If you think you only have a few years left and your life in narrowing down, it will. If you think you're still on the upswing, who's to say you're not."

Wasn't Nov-Dec T&G just Phuket, and is this anywhere?

Do you mean you can do he Test and Go anywhere? It is not limited to Phuket and Ko Samui?

Am I correct in assuming the Test and Go again applies only to Phuket (and Ko Samui) and none of the other Sandbox destinations, but that you can arrive at BKK for the first night (as I could in December)?

Meeting at 32 and 73, I'm sure we both had plenty of negative expectations. Enough to wonder: what could possibly go right! But that was a delightful seven years ago. In that time we have not only grown closer, we've also made each other happier, healthier, and more attractive.

This would be good advice if the appearance of marriage was all that mattered. But we already project that, even down to giving her parents a house and a car. I think it's the legal reality that matters for what I want now: easy travel for her between the US and LOS, possible US residency or citizenship, and survivor social security. Thanks for pointing that out to me.

I would urge you to add two factors to your view of "reality." One is the degree to which life expectancy has grown over the last 50 years thanks to miracle medicines and biotics, and greater health/nutrition awareness. Equally important in my mind is an awareness of how we shape our own reality. I've become particularly aware of how people my age follow an aging script which has them gradually slump over, do less, and imitate their grandfathers. If you think you only have a few years left and your life in narrowing down, it will. If you think you're still on the upswing, who's to say you're not.

No, she hasn't been to the US, in fact she hasn't been anywhere except LOS and Luang Prabang (with me). So I figure marriage and the immigration visa makes the most sense. And I just checked and she would be eligible for a spousal survivor's social security benefit, even as a non-citizen, but not until she's 60. So I have a lot of living to do. Fortunately, I'm on the 140 year plan.

Thank you. That never occurred to me. That's Survivor or Spousal SS?

32 and 73 actually. Love at first sight for me. I wouldn't presume the same for her, but she said early on she found me kind and with a good heart, and later handsome and she loved me. There's a story there about our first anniversary.

Thank you. That sounds like the answer. I have no problem with the financial ties of marriage. She is already in my will and my US family are aware of my commitments. Her Thai family consider us already married. I support her and even got them all a house which they may think a sin sod. (They don't know I'm already married.)

I have never been made to feel as old as I have reading how many of you latched on to my age as the critical issue here--a fact I mentioned only to explain we weren't interested in starting a family (actually she's less interested than I am). Have none of you heard "80 is the new 40?" I almost believe it, and the believing helps make it so. My questions would not have been very different 40 years ago. Less mature, confident, and optimistic: that's all.

I completely agree if by "best behavior" you mean most free and unforced. Love or friendship can not be directed.

I would like the two of us to be able to spend half the year in our future home in Thailand and half the year in my home in the US. She would probably like that too, at least while I'm alive. She also has a home and family in Thailand that she would probably return to when I'm gone.

Does she apply for a tourist visa if we are married?

I remember one recent OP writing that he asked a visa official (I think at the American embassy in Bangkok) how he could bring his GF to the US for a visit, and the official said "marry her."

The disease is an unparalleled savagery. I lose her in pieces. It breaks my heart, continually again and again. I am extremely fortunate in being able to keep her at home with excellent care.

I assume this is supposed to be funny rather than helpful. I can't help it that I'm 80, nor that I haven't been able to marry my GF for the 7 years I've known her. I didn't rush into marriage the first time in my 20s or the second time in my 50s. In fact, both times I stalled as long as I could. And it worked out fine.

“In America that means we’re married,” I said. She had just moved the ring I bought her to the fourth finger of her left hand. “In Thailand too,” she responded. That was seven years ago. Every year since, we spend a few months together. Then I return home to work and to care for my ailing wife. This year I’ve retired and the Alzheimer’s has almost finished its damage. Soon I will be able to get married again, this time in Thailand, for real. I ask myself if we would be happier being married. I ask you, so many of you who have had Thai GFs and wives, what you think. I’ve never had a positive view of the institution of marriage. Even experienced it twice as a passion douser. We’re too old to start a family at 40 and 80. On the other hand, I want to live with her, and marriage might make it easier for us to travel back and forth between Thailand and New York maybe a few times a year. Any thoughts?

Some of her English errors are almost too delightful to correct. I prefer the directness of "next tomorrow" to "the day after tomorrow," for instance. And I like the sound of "neptune" more than nephew. "Sister-mom" solves some of the English pronunciation problems with Aunt and the wider Thai use of Auntie and Oncle. I am more confused by the absence of the verb "to be" as in "we not talking" and the absence of future or past tense: "So you did it? Or you are going to do it" "I do!....Next tomorrow."