ballpoint

My girlfriend asked "Have you ever had sex behind my back ?" I said "Yes, who did you think it was"!

Arriving home, a husband was met by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "The Chemist. He insulted me this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone." The husband drove down to confront the Chemist to demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the Chemist said "Now, just a minute... hear my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late. Without breakfast I hurried out to the car, to realise I'd locked the house with house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.." "Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. About three streets from the store, I had a flat tyre." "When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I started waiting on these people, All the time the damn phone never stopped ringing." "Then I had to break open a bag of pound coins against the cash register drawer to give change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the pound coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bottles of expensive perfumes on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke." "Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me, mate, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!!

I started my new job at the Samaritans last week. Tried to ring in sick today and the bastards talked me out of it!

I can only sleep on a pile of old magazines. I've got back issues.

Multiple applicants required for job vacancy.

Larry? I thought it was Elon.

The aftermath...

A genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy." Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.

I always thought there was something weird about people who wear overpriced plastic sandals...

I agree with your sentiment, but the blood of tyrants has never splashed the streets of Thailand. They either carry on as they were, or leave the country to return later. Indeed, one of Thailand's darkest moments, in October 1976, was due to a tyrant (Thanom Kittikachorn, who was Prime Minister during the 1973 uprising), leaving the country for a while before coming back to an open armed welcome by certain figures. The fact that we can't say more than that here shows just how ineffective the protests, and subsequent beatings and massacre, were. Ironically, given this thread, that same tyrant later became Prime Minister again, and was heavily supported by the US, as a stalwart in their fight against communism. (As he was during his first term). Then roll forward to 1992 and Black May. 200,000 protestors in Bangkok, resulting in around 100 recognised deaths, 700 badly injured and 175 missing. And, despite numerous governments since, these missing have never been accounted for or their remains found. Tyrant deaths? Zero. Then, four years afterwards, many of the elite side were back in government, and now the corruption continues, the elite continue doing what they like, and votes still count for nothing - unless they're for the "right" people. It's all too easy for some to come on here (not you), claiming Thais are cowards, their mentality isn't up to it, they don't know their history (quite ironic, since those who write such comments sure don't know Thai history), blah blah blah, but I'd suggest that Thais are all too aware of their history, and have seen multiple protests over the years viciously crushed, with no gains what so ever. It's one thing to die for your cause; it's quite another to step into the path of a machine gun and be killed, only for the shooter, and his entire chain of command - up to the very top, to carry on as before. Like a ten ton truck squashing a frog on the road and careering on with no change in speed or direction. What does that frog in particular, and the frog population in general, gain from it? Until the Thai people are given hope that their protests, and perhaps, ultimate sacrifice, will actually cause change, then nothing will change.

Some nice dashcam footage at the start. This one includes the bleeped out "commentary" of the car driver...