ballpoint

When my brother fills his road train up. In Aussie dollars (obviously, since it's a road train)...

He was out with the new girlfriend when a mouse jumped out of nowhere, to impress her he picked up a brick and smashed its head in. He's now single. And banned from Disneyland.

My family puts the fun in dysfunctional.

I have a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. I hope it’s not terminal.

*LAWS THAT ISAAC NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT* May be because these things don't always happen but very probable. 1. WORKSHOP LAW OF BREAD: When the buttered slice of bread falls it always falls on the buttered side. 2. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queue, the one you just left starts to move faster than the one you are in now. 3. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch. 4. LAW OF THE TOOLS: Any tool, when dropped, rolls to the least accessible corner. 5. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. 6. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 7. LAW OF THE RESULT When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will! 8. LAW OF BIOMECHANICAL: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 9. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 10. LAW OF EXAM: A book will remain in state of rest or covered in dust until exams time. 11. LAW OF SLEEP: The nap becomes enjoyable when the alarm sounds. 12. LAW OF CHEAPER THINGS You always get the cheaper things once you have bought the expensive one.