ballpoint

I'm trying to think of a good come back.

The camel you rode on in.

The whole thing's hard to swallow. If his mother looked like that then how did she get pregnant?

As long as you've still got the box you it came in.

This is virgin on the ridiculous.

Bad news for those attending. The stadiums are hot enough as it is, and now half the fans are missing.

What can you say about the Poland squad for the World Cup? One of them is surely going to be your WiFi password.

Following a Brazil match, a little fan runs up to Neymar waving a piece of paper to get an autograph. Neymar says, “Sure, do you have a pen?” The kid replies, “I’ll get one,” and throws himself on the ground and starts rolling around, holding his knee and crying. Neymar says, “You said you were getting a pen.” “Well, it works for you,” replied the kid.

What do you call a Scotsman holding the World Cup? An engraver.

The England team have visited an orphanage while in Qatar for the World Cup. “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Hassan, age 6.

My mate just said to me: “You’ve put a lot of weight on”. "I know", I said, "I’ve had a lot on my plate recently".

A totally inebriated punter gets off of his bar stool in the pub and falls flat on his face. He can't get up and so drags himself home using his elbows. He finally gets home, drags himself upstairs and crawls into bed. Next morning, he's woken up by his wife shouting "How much did you have to drink last night? The landlord's on the phone, you left your wheelchair there".

In my twenties, first thing in the morning I would touch my toes 10 times. Now, I have a cup of coffee and wave to them.