ballpoint

The Local sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven", she replies. The sheriff thinks to himself, "That's not what I wanted, but I guess she’s right!" "What two days of the week begin with the letter T?" he asks. "Today and Tomorrow", the blonde answers. The sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a correct answer that had not even occurred to him. "Now listen carefully, who killed Abe Lincoln?" he asks her. The blonde looks a little surprised. She thinks really hard for a minute and finally admits, "I don’t know." "Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wanders over to the beauty parlor, where her pals are waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "The interview went great!" she says. "First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

Groan alert!

That would be worth watching... "Vladimir Putin is likely not to attend the G20 summit in Bali because his spies have told him a foreign leader intends to 'slap him in the face' over the war in Ukraine, it was claimed today." Vladimir Putin could skip G20 summit over fears another foreign leader intends to 'slap him' | Daily Mail Online

He's not in that many movies, but he always has a big part in the ones he is in.

A question I often ask my wife.

Yesterday I woke up with a crick in my back , so decided to try the local massage parlour. I was shown into a cubicle where I disrobed and lay face down waiting for the masseuse. The door opened and in came a young lady who proceeded to rub my back. After a while she leaned down and asked "Would you like super sex?" I thought for a moment and replied "If it is all the same with you, I'll have the soup, thanks."

My bet is the first line would retreat to find the second and third have already fled the scene.

Put a blanket over your head and the Boogaloo Boys won't be able to see you.

The Doctors phone rings and it is Mrs Pearson on the line. "What can I do for you?" he asks. "Oh Doctor", she replies, "it's my Cyril. We were busy in the garden and he took his penis out to have a wee and a bee stung it". "That must be painful", says the Doctor. "Yes", she says, "he's in agony. Can you give me something that will take away the pain but leave the swelling?"