ballpoint

Tasmanian (or insert any appropriate region of your country here) Christmas card.

Has he looked down the back of the sofa?

Sign of the times...

Sign at a Scottish golf course:

Modern fairy tales...

I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher. It's my New Year's Resolution.

A limbo contestant walked into a bar. Disqualified.

Pope died and arrived in heaven St. Peter asks who he is. The Pope: "I am the pope." St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book." The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth." St. Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me..." The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church..." St. Peter: "The Catholic church... Never heard of it... Wait, I'll check with the boss." St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God. St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth." God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus) Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?" God and St. Peter explain the situation. Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow." Ten minutes pass and Jesus re-enters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing. Jesus: "Remember that little fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It's still going!"

I was going to give up sexual innuendos as a New Year's resolution, but its really hard to not keep sliding one in.

Help. I've been stuck in Rome for the past 3 weeks. All their roads have this weird design flaw.

Zelensky's response:

Classic stuff. The OP asks a question, and the Republican supporters, while doing all they can to avoid that question, do a very good job of answering it.