The bad news; my dog bit my wife so I had to have her put down.
The good news; I can walk the dog to the pub now without getting nagged when we get home.
I met this girl at the weekend and took her home to meet my dad. He whispered to me, "Where the fek did you get her from son? She's cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she's got no teeth!"
I replied, "There's no need to whisper Dad. She's deaf as well!"