ballpoint

I’ve just joined a dating group for arsonists. It’s great; they send me new matches every day.

Just watched a film about anal bleaching. All things considered, it wasn't a bad film, on the hole.

The Russians just can't stop lying. Calling Piers Morgan a journalist. Ha!

McMuppets at that.

Exactly

This guy is quite famous amongst a certain crowd, and self advertises that he has helped many millionaires reduce their taxes by relocating to other countries. He has a book which I read once, however it put me off him and his YouTube channel, as it is full of him bragging about how much money he makes. I also got the impression that it's written for the credulous types, who haven't done much travelling - certainly to the places he mentions in the book, and I caught out a number of "exaggerations" (to be polite to him, or downright untruths to be blunt) on countries that I have lived and worked in. If someone tries to pull the wool over my eyes regarding things that I know about, I no longer trust them to inform me about those I don't.

Having "the looks" would rule that out. (Unless "the looks" are the looks of an elderly matron).

Apparently, they were a popular type of ecstasy tablet in the UK back in the 90s. Edit: And Australia too it seems. The Rise and Fall of 'Red Mitsubishis': the Pill That Terrified Australia (vice.com)

If Trump had really wanted to lock Hillary up, all he needed to do was to give her a job, or put her in his camp of followers.

Bin Ladan taken out on Obama's watch, Ayman al-Zawahri on Biden's. All Trump did was coddle up to the Taliban.

Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help. "Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped" says the Minister. "No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight".

Little Johnny comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played football and then he proposed to Betty, the next door neighbour and they are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask him, "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mum and Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."

I've ordered some German food from Lazada. The sauerkraut has arrived, but the wurst is yet to come.

I think my doctor likes my new trainers. When I wore them to my medical recently, he told me I had some serious healthy shoes.

My wife said to me the other day. "Did you eat that chocolate in the fridge last night?" "No" I said, "l had it at the kitchen Table."

I told my son, "I saw a deer on the way to work this morning". He said "how do you know he was going to Work?"

My wife tried making a fool of me in front of her two sisters by telling them that I was no good in bed. I got the last laugh though, when they both disagreed with her.