ballpoint

Just a quick question. Where did Noah keep the termites?

I just saw a woman on TV being interviewed after appearing in the Guinness World Records for the most clothes on a washing line. They asked how she felt. She said it was a lot to take in.

If someone offered me £1million to become a cannibal, I'd bite their hand off.

Three boys are talking in the playground. The 1st boy says, "My Dad's the fastest man in the world." "How do you know that?" Ask the other boys. "Because he can fire a bow and arrow and run and catch it!" He replies. "That's nothing," says the 2nd boy. "My Dad can fire a gun and run and catch the bullet!". "That's nothing says the 3rd boy, "My Dad works for the Council. He finishes work at 4.30 and he's in the house at 2.00pm."

On a recent family holiday to Butlins, I entered my nan in the saggy boobs competition. She not only won it, she wiped the floor with them!

One of the best ads ever made...

A video filmed by a Russian soldier showing the digging of mass graves for Russian casualties in Donetsk. This is the second time such a video has been released - the first was in November last year. It seems the Russians are burying their dead en masse, rather than sending them home to be properly buried by their loved ones. Better for them to be listed missing than keep the death toll ticking upwards, along with all the awkward questions that would raise back home. The site has been geolocated, confirming it is in Russian controlled territory, and seems to be closely following the guidance of a Russian handbook released in 2022 - "Urgent burial of corpses in time of war and peacetime". This handbook is shown in the video, and described here: https://medium.com/dfrlab/russias-not-so-subtle-policy-update-raises-specter-of-mass-burials-fdd02552bf5d If only the Russian government had spent more time working for the good of their country and less on their deception techniques - both internal and external, they'd have been a true world power.

Years ago people used to tell me that I would never get over my Phil Collins addiction. Ha - take a look at me now.

My brother was born with a rare muscle condition meaning he only had a single buttock cheek. He recently had an operation to correct the problem. They made a complete a*** of it.