ballpoint

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water. Eau my God.

I hate it when my finger accidentally pokes through the toilet paper mid-wipe. Other then that, I'm enjoying my new job at the old peoples home…..

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange," the woman said. "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see," commented the doctor calmly. "That afternoon, I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were 5p pieces in the bowl," the woman continued. "That night," she went on, "I went again, and plink-plink-plink, there were 50p's. This morning, there were £1 coins!" "You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored. "I'm scared out of my wits!" The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about," he said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Ready for this?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (I'm warning you......) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Still not too late......delete now!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You're simply going through the change!"

The way to kill a French vampire is by a baguette through the heart. It's painstaking.

I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory. I had to send in 2CVs.