ballpoint

Me: I need to make a doctor's appointment. Receptionist: Okay, how about ten tomorrow? Me: No, I only need one appointment.

Channel 4 are making a new soap opera set in Liverpool. Shooting has already started... And knifing.

My mate rang me last night from the pub and said..... "I'm in the pub doing the quiz, .....whats the second biggest state in America"? I replied...."Texas". Two minutes later I got a message from him...saying.... "what's the second biggest state in America"?

I just killed a big spider running across the floor with my slipper. I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my slipper.

I finally nabbed the person at work who has been stealing my beetroot. Caught him red handed.

Just taking the Cowasaki for a spin.

The latest from the NSW police commissioner, Karen Webb: "The attacker has been identified as a 40-year-old man known to law enforcement, though police are waiting to formally identify him. He is believed to have acted alone. “If he is the person that we believe, then we don’t have fears of that person holding an ideation. In other words, it’s not a terrorism incident,” Webb said." Also revealed, the female police officer who shot the attacker just happened to be in the area: "The female officer is a “very senior” inspector of police who was conducting routine checks on hospitality venues nearby. She was alone and responded quickly, firing three shots which killed the attacker." Bondi Junction stabbing live updates: Multiple people dead; NSW Police probe terror links (smh.com.au)