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ballpoint

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    On this auspicious day, every year, I think about my great grandfather. He served in the trenches, until one day he jumped out and slapped a German with a cream pie. He was shot for desserting in the face of the enemy.
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    I managed to contact the spirit of our window cleaner who died recently. I used a Squeegee board.
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    Superman calls to Lois Lane, "Lois come in here a second! I want you to see something." Lois comes into the room and says, "What is it?" Superman points across the room at their dog, whom he has dressed up with glasses and a tie. Lois says, "... who the hell is that?"
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    Little known fact. There is a patron saint of checking bread rolls before they leave the oven. Saint John the bap test.
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    My missus said to me on our 50th wedding anniversary, "I'd sure like you to do what you did on our wedding day. " "I won't be able to, " I replied, "that bridesmaid died last year. "
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    I just drank a whole bottle of invisible ink. I'm currently in A&E waiting to be seen.
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    Just thought I'd nip over to check on the old lady over the road, and fair play to her at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch. She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer so I'll pop back next year.
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