ballpoint

When the cabin boy's unavailable...

Can't resist saying it. Perfect for a wine and cheese evening.

Translation for the terminally confused: A gentleman shopping in the Cumnock (a town in Scotland, and not an invitation or an inuendo) branch of the popular patisserie chain named "Greggs" complained that the sausage roll he had just purchased from that very boutique was "stone cold". The shop assistant agreed that it was indeed "stone cold", but was in fact an eclair, not a sausage roll. Therefore, as eclair's are meant to be consumed cold, nothing was the matter. You're welcome.

The video title says it all. A Russian journalist makes fun of a rather damaged tank - supposedly equipped with explosive reactive armour, which turns out to actually be common bricks. He thinks it was a "tank of f***ers", before realising it's one of theirs. At which point he repeats the first syllable of the blanked out expletive. The turret, planted in the ground by its gun, is weird. Must have been a massive mine that it hit.