ballpoint

That's the B side.

Russian elections explained:

Why do we say women and children first? So we can have some silence whilst we sort out the problem.

When I was a young boy the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50 it had spread to the rest of my body.

Apparently today is National Librarian Day. They have really kept that quiet!

Pirate goes to the doctor and tells him "I ave a lot of moles on me back aarghhh. The doc has a look and says don't worry they're benign. Count them again says the pirate there be ten.

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

The self-deprecation society is taking applications for new members. I've already put myself down.