Any Advice For An Idiot?

[farangatm]

Well, as they say, there's no fool like an old fool. I met a woman while traveling through Isaan, and after a week together we were engaged. She is 35, divorced, and has 3 kids. I was introduced to her by her mother, of whom I am very fond, and I promised to return to marry her daughter at the end of this month (Jan. 2007). Now I find that she has been seeing a Thai man while I'm gone -- possibly the ex-husband, and has confessed to friends that she doesn't really love me, but wants money and is willing to move to the States and live with me to get it. I found out all this through a good friend in the same village.

None of this surprises me, although one can imagine my disappointment -- I really fell for her, but here is my quandary. She is planning a wedding, she sent out 300 invitations, arranged for music, etc., and I promised her Mom 50,000 THB for the food and drink, etc. Her brothers are comng from Bangkok w/their families, her sister is coming from Europe with her farang husband and 2 kids (she hasn't seen her in 4 years!). Half the family is meeting me at the airport when I arrive in Bangkok, and then I'll be frog-marched out to the village for the wedding 2 days later.

My inclination is to keep my word and return to Bangkok, and at some point confront her, I just don't want her family to think that I was the "bad guy" and dumped her. I am fairly certain that her Mom doesn't know about the boom-boom with the ex either, because she's been away from the village since I left. However, there are no secrets in the village as you all know, so it would be real strange for me to go through a ceremony knowing all this.

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

[dee123]

yeah ive a suggestion leggit!

[blue eyes]

Well, as they say, there's no fool like an old fool. I met a woman while traveling through Isaan, and after a week together we were engaged. She is 35, divorced, and has 3 kids. I was introduced to her by her mother, of whom I am very fond, and I promised to return to marry her daughter at the end of this month (Jan. 2007). Now I find that she has been seeing a Thai man while I'm gone -- possibly the ex-husband, and has confessed to friends that she doesn't really love me, but wants money and is willing to move to the States and live with me to get it. I found out all this through a good friend in the same village.

None of this surprises me, although one can imagine my disappointment -- I really fell for her, but here is my quandary. She is planning a wedding, she sent out 300 invitations, arranged for music, etc., and I promised her Mom 50,000 THB for the food and drink, etc. Her brothers are comng from Bangkok w/their families, her sister is coming from Europe with her farang husband and 2 kids (she hasn't seen her in 4 years!). Half the family is meeting me at the airport when I arrive in Bangkok, and then I'll be frog-marched out to the village for the wedding 2 days later.

My inclination is to keep my word and return to Bangkok, and at some point confront her, I just don't want her family to think that I was the "bad guy" and dumped her. I am fairly certain that her Mom doesn't know about the boom-boom with the ex either, because she's been away from the village since I left. However, there are no secrets in the village as you all know, so it would be real strange for me to go through a ceremony knowing all this.

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

You say you where traveling through Issan.I assume that you live in the USA.She has been with another man AFTER you are to marry!She is setting up a big todo and the moo ban already knows about her "boyfriend".I would not go through with it.I would not have anymore contact with any of the family etheir.You can put money on it that the whole family already knows what she has been upto.You will NOT be the one to lose face,she will.And why should you care after what you have found out?It really sounds like a case of "catch the farang"and milk him for what you can for the family.

Maybe not, but in my opinion RUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN FAST and do not look back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If not I see a very rough time ahead for you

[NovaBlue05]

Run!! Run like the wind!!! And dont look back!!!!

Lucky you..... finding this out now rather than later

[Padkapow Guy]

If you are serious RUN

and if you are not serious RUN

But common sense would tell you to RUN

If you want my opinion RUN

PKG

RUN

[WilliamCave]

RUN RUN RUN

[Wash]

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

Your word has been exonerated by the acts of this person and in spite of your interest in saving face with Mama going ahead with any part of the program is foolish at best. If you are already making plans to terminate it all even before the marriage is consumated then you are indeed a foolish man if you do not get out of this mess at once. Your word is a terrible reason to go forward with a known disaster for you and in the end going through with the ceremony and marriage will make any friendship with mama impossible in the future.

Common sense is to not spend a single baht on this mess and if you have crazy baht burning in your pocket and must spend it go buy a bunch of blankets and long sleeved shirts and take another trip through northern Isaan and give some comfort to the many people that are freezing every night.

I wish you good luck but that is contingent on getting out of this womans grasp at once. If you go forward you will get what you deserve.

[kayo]

Well, as they say, there's no fool like an old fool.

and after a week together we were engaged.

. Now I find that she has been seeing a Thai man while I'm gone -- possibly the ex-husband,

has confessed to friends that she doesn't really love me, but wants money

I just don't want her family to think that I was the "bad guy" and dumped her. MOOT POINT ALREADY

Ive retouched your post slightly to make it clearer toyourself.

And as my answer can be no more original BUT NO LESS heart felt genuine answer:

Run!! Run like the wind!!! And dont look back!!!!

Lucky you..... finding this out now rather than later

If you are serious RUN

and if you are not serious RUN

But common sense would tell you to RUN

If you want my opinion RUN

PKG

RUN

RUN RUN RUN

(and just as a final touch, you're not marrying the kind mother (who probably knows EVERYTHING her daughter does, and is probably a better actor, due to her age).

But you are marrying the not so sweet, conniving, cheating daughter. )

SO, ermm... RUN.

edit: Just noticed! good Troll! username farangatm!

Edited January 11, 2007 by kayo

[Asian Frog]

Yes, you have to run ...plenty of other women beautiful and more serious.

[farangatm]

Thanks so much guys (still laughing), you confirmed my first inclination. The only problems I face now are: 1) how to avoid her family from finding out who told me, because that person is very vulnerable. She doesn't know that I'm on to her yet, so I have to be careful about timing. I WILL be coming back to Thailand as planned though, because of all the truly wonderful people I did meet. If I can only just avoid her family at the airport...

[lampard10]

ok reread.

Edited January 12, 2007 by lampard10

[NEVADA2]

RUN FOREST, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

[mpdkorat]

Yes, you have to run ...plenty of other women beautiful and more serious.

Change your flight, then you do not have to run........

[my friend I]

I WILL be coming back to Thailand as planned though, because of all the truly wonderful people I did meet. If I can only just avoid her family at the airport...

Easy to avoid someone at the airport - go straight to the departure level & jump a cab. Have a great new holiday in Thailand.

[farangatm]

Is there any way to bow out of this thing a little more gracefully? Here's the problem, one of my best friends is married to her neighbor, and the "fiancee's" family is a lot more powerful in the Moo Ban. I want to make sure that I deflect any blame from them, 'cause I know she's gonna be pissed. It's getting to be a bit like a like a soap opera -- she called me not 10 minutes ago..."Dahleeng, why you no call me?"

How do I get myself into these things?

[typhoon]

Well, as they say, there's no fool like an old fool. I met a woman while traveling through Isaan, and after a week together we were engaged. She is 35, divorced, and has 3 kids. I was introduced to her by her mother, of whom I am very fond, and I promised to return to marry her daughter at the end of this month (Jan. 2007). Now I find that she has been seeing a Thai man while I'm gone -- possibly the ex-husband, and has confessed to friends that she doesn't really love me, but wants money and is willing to move to the States and live with me to get it. I found out all this through a good friend in the same village.

None of this surprises me, although one can imagine my disappointment -- I really fell for her, but here is my quandary. She is planning a wedding, she sent out 300 invitations, arranged for music, etc., and I promised her Mom 50,000 THB for the food and drink, etc. Her brothers are comng from Bangkok w/their families, her sister is coming from Europe with her farang husband and 2 kids (she hasn't seen her in 4 years!). Half the family is meeting me at the airport when I arrive in Bangkok, and then I'll be frog-marched out to the village for the wedding 2 days later.

My inclination is to keep my word and return to Bangkok, and at some point confront her, I just don't want her family to think that I was the "bad guy" and dumped her. I am fairly certain that her Mom doesn't know about the boom-boom with the ex either, because she's been away from the village since I left. However, there are no secrets in the village as you all know, so it would be real strange for me to go through a ceremony knowing all this.

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

Don't be a mug, run Forrest run..........

[britmaveric]

Cancel the wedding and leave it at that. Then run.

[kenk3z]

It would be considerably more clear what to do if you can confirm the indescretion with information from more than one person. Unless you trust that one person totally. There are lots of jealous people to spread vicious rumors in the world. If the situation is not fully clear, you can delay things by being unable to return on schedule.

Just taking an alternate view.

kenk3z

[Neeranam]

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

Sounds good - pay the 50,000, have a good time and leave.

She's out to rip you off - rip her off and don't let them think all farang are mugs.

[stepenwolf1958]

Well, as they say, there's no fool like an old fool. I met a woman while traveling through Isaan, and after a week together we were engaged. She is 35, divorced, and has 3 kids. I was introduced to her by her mother, of whom I am very fond, and I promised to return to marry her daughter at the end of this month (Jan. 2007). Now I find that she has been seeing a Thai man while I'm gone -- possibly the ex-husband, and has confessed to friends that she doesn't really love me, but wants money and is willing to move to the States and live with me to get it. I found out all this through a good friend in the same village.

None of this surprises me, although one can imagine my disappointment -- I really fell for her, but here is my quandary. She is planning a wedding, she sent out 300 invitations, arranged for music, etc., and I promised her Mom 50,000 THB for the food and drink, etc. Her brothers are comng from Bangkok w/their families, her sister is coming from Europe with her farang husband and 2 kids (she hasn't seen her in 4 years!). Half the family is meeting me at the airport when I arrive in Bangkok, and then I'll be frog-marched out to the village for the wedding 2 days later.

My inclination is to keep my word and return to Bangkok, and at some point confront her, I just don't want her family to think that I was the "bad guy" and dumped her. I am fairly certain that her Mom doesn't know about the boom-boom with the ex either, because she's been away from the village since I left. However, there are no secrets in the village as you all know, so it would be real strange for me to go through a ceremony knowing all this.

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

Hi bud...first of all,why you concern any of them why they will hink about you?You know are you bad guy or not and you don't have any benefit for yourself if they will think anything about you.You are just way they escape of poewrty for them and targeted one as their way to try to make their lives be better.I said LIVES because it is more then clear that all of them are involved in your case.Not only she.Few things you didn't make clear here...Way you met her?

[dee123]

another suggestion is lie,....play the game the thais play.......ie.need money as buffollo smashed the tv set......you can say oh my mothers leg got chopped off....and she is trying to get a flight out here soon and you have to stay near the airport ...etc etc...play for time ...make them feel bad that they wont wait for your mother to recouperate...u get my drift?

[stepenwolf1958]

Thanks so much guys (still laughing), you confirmed my first inclination. The only problems I face now are: 1) how to avoid her family from finding out who told me, because that person is very vulnerable. She doesn't know that I'm on to her yet, so I have to be careful about timing. I WILL be coming back to Thailand as planned though, because of all the truly wonderful people I did meet. If I can only just avoid her family at the airport...

They MUST to know time and date of your arrival?if you told them already-change it so they will not know and don't care about that person...dont try to be here romantic and gentleman in tying to protect your insider because you don't know that other one maybe CHECKING you and speak with them all...be carefull mate...

[stepenwolf1958]

I don't know how I'll play this yet, maybe go through the ceremony, take her on a honeymoon then dump her -- I never promised her money or a ticket to the US. Any suggestions?

Sounds good - pay the 50,000, have a good time and leave.

She's out to rip you off - rip her off and don't let them think all farang are mugs.

BRILLIANT IDEA MATE...straight to head...

[old wanderer]

Fron The Nation newspaper in Brief column 10 Jan 2007

The government approved two key bills

1. "allows a fiancee to demand monetary compensation from those who have sex with their partners."

2. "allows those whose spouses are having an affair to demand money from the lover"

You could be a rich man

[chargers2006]

It seems you have a lot invested (money/heart) in this girl. Everyone is telling you to run. Have you thought about hiring a private investigator to check this girl out. I'm sure there are a lot of PI's in Bangkok. Then, if the PI verifies this information, you could use it to explain to your fiancee why the wedding is off without implicating your friend's wife. You'll also be able to talk to your fiancee about this and have some closure, maybe she will have a good explanation.

[dee123]

ohh ....and farangatm if you do decide to meet your gal in bkk book a ground floor room...

[beerchang]

Is there any way to bow out of this thing a little more gracefully? Here's the problem, one of my best friends is married to her neighbor, and the "fiancee's" family is a lot more powerful in the Moo Ban. I want to make sure that I deflect any blame from them, 'cause I know she's gonna be pissed. It's getting to be a bit like a like a soap opera -- she called me not 10 minutes ago..."Dahleeng, why you no call me?"

How do I get myself into these things?

1) Why would you want to be more graceful after she's done the dirty on u? Run dude.

2) Deflecting blame..easy..."Dahleeng, I'm so sorry, I've met someone else".(Nothing to do with your friend). And run.

3) Run.

Life goes on my man and you will meet someone else. Just take a little more time with the 'love and marriage' stuff and get to know the girl. If you go any further with this charade........

[ThailandTony]

I go along with some of the comments about malicious rumours spread by jealous relatives, but in this case it seems there is a credible "friend" trying to do the right thing by giving you the heads up but you feel you have a moral responsibility, not to mention a shed load of guilt. hel_l hath no fury like a Thai with lost "face" my friend and up country there are none of the simple protections like Police who have a tourists interests at heart. You should arrange to meet your fiance at the airport and take her somewhere for a couple of days and have a heart to heart. Don't call her out over the cheating with the ex as she will flatly deny it and thermonuclear warfare will ensue. Tell her you realised you don't love her and that you want to be free and butterfly some more. Have your exit strategy worked out, something that involves a cab, a plane and 1000km would be prudent then give her a 1 Baht gold necklace, her bus fare, and kiss her goodbye. Save yourself a truck load of problems and she saves face by returning to the village with something to show for her efforts that will be traded at the nearest gold shop before you have touched down in your new destination to enjoy the rest of your holiday, fall in love with the first woman that flashes the pearly whites and we see you on here again next month with your latest dilemma.

Act the fool but please don't be an idiot.

Tony.

[ThailandTony]

"ohh ....and farangatm if you do decide to meet your gal in bkk book a ground floor room..."

Wise words indeed Dee123, nothing like a bit of bad news to induce some balcony diving antics!....and find a hotel next to an all night taxi stand!

[britmaveric]

Cancel wedding over phone..change date of flight and stay away from her village! (problem solved)