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The week that was in Thailand news: Accidents will happen

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The week that was in Thailand news: Accidents will happen

 

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I know I am a miserable sod but I really don’t see the point in celebrating the passing of another year. What is so goddamn joyous about being 365 days nearer to death?

 

The same also goes for Christmas – though I pretend to be excited for the sake of my young children, being both English and Thai, who I believe should learn how to make merry as well as make merit.

 

At Songkran – as I have documented before – I usually make a trip abroad or hide under the quilt with the air-conditioner turned up to full blast with a few dozen reruns of Blackadder, Harry Enfield and Friends or Catherine Tate.

 

Mrs Rooster usually disappears to the wilds of Loei for New Year and Songkran so I have the house to myself and carte blanche to be as happy, or unhappy, as I bloomin’ well want to be.

 

A great benefit to not going out at such festivals, of course, is that I miss at least two of the seven deadly day periods each year resulting in an added bonus, continuing life.

 

Despite a reasonably strong understanding and appreciation of Thai culture, I am someone who smiles politely when Thais talk about the next life. I’ll put my faith in this one thank you very much and try and extend it as much as is humanly or humanely possible.

 

Which definitely means staying off the roads until about mid-January; and with all the reports of accidents this week it seems like the right decision.

 

In fact it seems like the Thai astrologer – who predicted some bad vibes from Saturn on Monday – is going to be right with his stunning observations that people would have tarmac trauma this week.

 

The forum had a field day of mockdicule and ridery as they panned the Thais for believing in such nonsense with nary a soul mentioning that every western paper there ever was, has a horoscope.

 

Still, the former Royal Astrologer might have tried to predict the day of the election. November? Perhaps.  Or, more likely, delayed until everything is firmly in place to ensure that Uncle Prayut or Big Too remains in situ at least as long as Big Toupee over in Washington.

 

The astrologer story caused much merriment but perhaps the Thais had been having a tipple too many too as it was more than matched by one of the biggest titter-fests of the year from the crazy clowns of constabulary.

 

This one was the brainwave to hand out 45,000 bottles of Brands Chicken Essence and have motorists “sleep with the cops” to stop the carnage caused by dropping off at the “phuang malai” (the Thai word for steering wheel that is, incidentally, the same as garland that invariably hangs nearby).

 

The cops had clearly done a deal with the nice people at Brands though surely they would have gone to Red Bull for a more stimulating beverage but for Boss dragging that poor policeman along half of Thong Lor in 2012.

 

Brands have poured millions of baht in sponsorship into my favorite pastime in Thailand of tournament Scrabble and I have been involved in many of their promotional events as well. I smile and pretend I like their noxious liquid that nevertheless makes the condo balcony plants grow quite well.

 

About a decade ago all the press were invited as I took on a famous “brainy” pop singer on a giant Scrabble board for the press in the atrium at Paragon – it was all a set-up but nobody minded as we played the words BRANDS, SINGERS and SMARTER before tying at 267 points each with my final move of APPLAUD that got the audience clapping as though it was all for real!

 

Another year one of the Brands executives gave a speech in English opening the National Championships in which he referred to his product as “Essence of Children” – I was sure I was the only one in the 3,000 strong audience who heard it!

 

Though with some of the abused children stories we have seen this year maybe it was not a slip of the tongue after all.

 

The Brands road death story also led to my favorite forum comment of the week from “Darcula” commenting on the accident in which a woman driver mistook the accelerator for the brake:

 

“Sticking a bottle of Brands Essence of Chicken under the accelerator pedal might have averted this carnage”.

 

Meanwhile rocker Toon Bodyslam managed to complete his run along the Thai roads from the Malaysian border to Mae Sai without dying once and raised well over a billion baht to really sock it up the junta’s jumper.

 

Thai and Western media yelled that he was the “Person of the Year” stealing His Generalness’s thunder like a raw recruit making off with the howitzer.

 

Doubtless the pair will soon meet at Government House for the obligatory handshakes though with 2018 being a big year for Big Too I wouldn’t be surprised if he smiles and tells Toon under his breath:

 

“Try upstaging me like that again and you won’t be getting up on stage again!”

 

Some end of year good cheer came as the police children and others who dispatched the handicapped bread seller to the afterlife came up in court this last week. All seven – including the female who egged them on – were given 12 to 19 years each for killing Somkiat Srichan in Lat Prao early one Sunday morning in 2016.

 

The prosecutors are appealing for lengthier sentences and they may well get them as premeditated murder does seem likely when you go home to get swords and return to use them on a defenseless person…..

 

Still, the case disproved my least favorite of forum posters – and there are many – who bang on about 500 baht slaps on the wrist and brown envelopes. Tell that to the Ponzi scheme guy who was given 13,000 years!

 

Though, admittedly, it was cut in half due to his helpfulness to investigators and with what seemed like a bit of Thai kindness or miscalculation he ended up getting just 20 years –  in reality the maximum for the offence.

 

And so to a few Rooster observations about the Thailand news of 2017 that tell us much about where we are as a nation!

 

The highest traffic on Thaivisa was not politicians or even cops and robbers, but happened during the stories featuring YouTuber “My Mate Nate”.

 

Both the act and the aftermath of American Nate Bartling’s stunts of the cat fighting the scorpion and laying Thai coins on the railway tracks virtually caused the TV servers to crash.

 

As Bernard Trink would say: ‘Any comment would be superfluous’ – but was I the only one who missed Harold and the Porn Star wife who went their separate ways and were even usurped by “Big-leg” Herr Holst, The Most Hated German in Thailand?

 

Down in QUOTES – the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard -  huge stories were Tony Kenway’s murder in his shiny red Porsche in January, District Chief Naris’s unwelcome intrusion into a British tourist’s short time room in Walking Street on Valentine’s Day, the police claim that visitor’s came to the resort because of the pull of nature and pensioner George who said he was an Aussie victim before he was revealed as a British thug wielding a machete and trying to kill a Thai man who later walloped him in a school car park.

 

Some year round awards are also worth doling out to the deserving.

 

Toon notwithstanding, my “Man of the Year” has to be Apichai Krobpetch who somehow managed to keep a straight face at all times – not an easy thing to do when you are chief of police in Pattaya.

 

While my “Word of the Year” has to be “carnage” – the amount of stories that justifiably used that term is testament to one of the staples of the forum, the appalling state of accidents on the roads that saw the nation named as number one in the world for the worst of reasons.

 

Other stories that generated less traffic but still great interest were Yingluck’s flight of fancy that, the debacle over the increase in alcohol and cigarette tax, the standoff at Wat Dhammakaya, the street food bans followed my Michelin stars in Bangkok and all those mega transport projects concerning billion baht intercity highways, ferries across the gulf, city trams and even bullet trains.

 

They might need to rename the last of those – with the amount of guns in Thailand one wouldn’t want to give railways passengers any smart ideas.

 

With everything from submarines to the underpass in Pattaya, it was quite a year with the political vying with the parochial and Prayut and Prawit perennially prattling from Government House.

 

But for sheer farce and amusement there can only be one “Story of the Year” and for me that has to be the smoking ban on Thai beaches with the potential for a year in jail.

 

Indeed as the D-Day for stubbing out approaches on February 1st we can expect the story to run and run until, like a thousand ill-conceived Thai initiatives that have gone before, it is, like the butts should be themselves, cast into the ashtray of history.

 

To be reignited whenever foreigners who love Thailand gather to enjoy a joke at our hosts’ expense even though we know they don’t mean it and perhaps they never did!

 

So here’s to more of the same in 2018 and my own astrological prediction for the coming year:

 

The planets will continue to align to ensure that Thailand will always give the newbie and the long termer - and even the Thais themselves - reason to shake their collective heads and appreciate why this is truly the Land of Smiles.

 

Though perhaps for different reasons.

 

Sawatdee Pee Mai Khrap.

 

Rooster

 

 
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-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2017-12-30

Very droll ' Rooster ' - 2017 round-up of not so newsworthy events is appreciated and it appears that I have missed nothing in my efforts to be Thai relative and a HNY to you

no mention of Prawit's watches in your Year End recap...

After all these years, allegedly, you don't understand Songkran?

And deny your wife the chance it share it with you?

 

Bah Humbug!!

And I was just sitting there thinking what a Shame Charlie Brooker has cancelled this year's yearly wipe. But it don't matter because rooster is on the case.


Charlie Brooker cancels 2017 Wipe - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-42150660

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

A great re cap even though you did indeed miss number 2, having at least 7

very expensive watches, even though he straight faced said one belong to his

millionaire or billionaire friend. 555. He fibs so well. Have an excellent 2018

Rooster , it should at least be a dog gone good year

Geezer

A great re cap even though you did indeed miss number 2, having at least 7
very expensive watches, even though he straight faced said one belong to his
millionaire or billionaire friend. 555. He fibs so well. Have an excellent 2018
Rooster , it should at least be a dog gone good year
Geezer


Maybe you mean "He fibs so much". In fact he fibs badly, not well - most people, even Thai people, don't believe the unbelievable.

Sent from my F3116 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

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