My Thai girlfriend got pregnant (4.5 months) - we've thought this through and think adoption is the best option

[Christiano9321]

I ask you to be respectful about the following I'm about to share in this thread. This is not an easy time for us. Here goes:

 

My Thai girlfriend is pregnant. 

 

We are both in our twenties and have been together for just over 2 years. 

 

When she started showing symptoms 2 months ago we immediately did a test twice, and it showed that she was not pregnant. 

 

Couple weeks later it turned out she was in fact pregnant.

 

My heart sank. We aren't ready for this at all and it would be devastating for us to raise a kid now. We haven't told either of our parents.

 

The baby is healthy.

 

I truly want to do whats best for this baby girl (we just learned its gender) and I wholeheartedly believe us raising this baby together wouldn't be best for both the kid nor ourselves.

 

I take full responsibility for this mistake and will never run away from it, but I believe adoption is the best way to move forward. However it is very important to us that we find the right family. 

 

I want to make sure the kid gets raised by people I trust and respect, and I'm not sure if there's a way to choose parents or if you have to go through the local Thai establishments and hope for the best. Something I definitely want to avoid is having this kid grow up in a local orphanage for a long periodsof time.

 

I'm a European business owner (caucasian) in my twenties, physically fit, healthy etc.

 

Does anybody have any advice regarding this issue of finding adoptive parents? I've read its fairly challenging for foreigners to come out here and adopt a baby? Would it be smart to go around that by looking for parents myself? Anything I should set up legally as soon as possible? I absolutely do not want anyone back home to know about this even though I will support the mother all the way.

 

My girlfriend will find it very challenging to let go of her baby but she also feels it is the best option.

 

Our preference would go out to a loving and financially secure foreign / mixed couple with an intense desire to raise a baby.

 

Any support would be much appreciated.

 

Sharing this on a forum is a big step for us. We understand we have been foolish to make this mistake so I'm not necessarily looking for a lecture but would genuinely appreciate any advice we can get on how to move forward with this intelligently.

[swissie]

In such situations, the kid will be raised by the parents of the Lady. A certain amount of money will be paid to the parents that raise the kid.
= IT'S THE THAI-WAY and nothing unusual.
Cheers.

[Christiano9321]

15 hours ago, swissie said:

In such situations, the kid will be raised by the parents of the Lady. A certain amount of money will be paid to the parents that raise the kid.
= IT'S THE THAI-WAY and nothing unusual.
Cheers.

 

Thank you for your comment. That's not an option for us.

[sammieuk1]

Wonder if your parents ever had such a dilemma with you?

[Maradona 10]

Why are you asking complete strangers about this. Get a life man.

[brewsterbudgen]

While abortions are not strictly speaking legal in Thailand, they can be carried out legally under certain circumstances. 

 

http://site.pda.or.th/e_index.htm

 

 

 

[NCC1701A]

your girlfriend does not want the baby? usually Thai girls love the idea of children, especially with Farang DNA.

 

Thai families raise 2-3-4 kids on 15000 baht a month. Can you leave the baby with its mother or maybe a sister and pay 6000 baht a month?

 

 

 

 

[NCC1701A]

"I take full responsibility for this mistake and will never run away from it, but I believe adoption is the best way to move forward."

 

putting the child up for adoption is running away from the responsibility. maybe not as dramatic as just disappearing.

 

anyway good luck this is not a easy decision.

[Frogmountain]

Many families, in and out of Thailand, would be thrilled to adopt your baby. You must go through the Thai adoption agency. Private adoption is illegal as there is too much potential for abuse.

Research open vs. closed adoption and think about whether you would like your daughter to know who you are or be able to find you later. 

Best of luck. 

Contact info: 

Child Adoption Center
Department of Social Development and Welfare
255 Ratchawithi Road
Bangkok 10400 Thailand
Phone: 02-354-7500, 02-354-7509, 02-354-9234 ext. 412-419, 
02-306-8834-35
Email: [email protected]

Keep trying the phones if they don't pick up on a particular day. You can also stop by the office during business hours; there is always someone who speaks English. 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

How can you be respectful with a topic like this?

 

Perhaps you should think this through as feeling like a complete loser and failure until the rest of your life is surely not worth it.

 

Unless, of course, you are a psychopath.

 

Or a troll.

[Cadbury]

Man up and accept your responsibility for getting her pregnant. She deserves someone better than the likes of you. 

[sirineou]

If you are real about this, it is something that you will have to resolve by your self, but let me tell you this, it will be with you and your GF for the rest of your lives.  I have what is now a 21 year old daughter and let me tell you, it was not easy but it was the best thing that ever happened to me, I would never trade it of anything. Think about what you will be giving up.

[sanemax]

8 hours ago, brewsterbudgen said:

While abortions are not strictly speaking legal in Thailand, they can be carried out legally under certain circumstances. 

 

 

 

   You are suggesting that he should kill this ?

[jenny2017]

OP, I was in a similar situation many moons ago and decided to drive to a neighboring country for an abortion.

 

    And even now after 35 years, it's still something that somehow hurts me and I know I shouldn't have done that. 

 

  An abortion and giving the baby away are two different pairs of shoes, but there's one similarity. You sound like it's only your decision what will happen to the daughter of your gf., but she'll have to carry out the baby and then give it away? 

 

I thought that my decision alone would be enough that having a child wasn't possible for certain reasons. That was the point where I was so wrong. When I got married in LOS, it turned out that my wife couldn't have any more kids and I think it's my Karma that followed me. 

 

That's totally against the nature of a female and it seems that your gf is afraid to let you know that she'd keep it. I don't believe your words that you take full responsibility. If you would, you'd let her choose what to do. Now it's not about you, your plans as a businessman, a guy who doesn't want to get married and have a family. 

 

Let your gf decide and you can sleep much better, believe me. Such things can easily hunt you, even 20 years later when you find out what a mistake you've made. If you do it, please don't come back into her life when she's an adult to show her around. 

[kannot]

Im not  sure  your girlfriend is being completely  honest with you but only you or her will really know this.

My Wife was unable to have children and we did want one but left it too late preferring financial stability over children. Youre  still young and have the time and abortion is an option if thats what she wants, have no regrets in it, its your lives, any child will know nothing of this even at 20 weeks...........ask yourself what your earliest memory is.

[kannot]

28 minutes ago, sanemax said:

 

   You are suggesting that he should kill this ?

If thats their choice  then ..yes

[sanemax]

2 minutes ago, kannot said:

If thats their choice  then ..yes

The babys life is over , before it began .

You can feel the foetus kicking at that age .

Why not wait until the baby is born and then drown it ?

[jenny2017]

13 minutes ago, kannot said:

Im not  sure  your girlfriend is being completely  honest with you but only you or her will really know this.

My Wife was unable to have children and we did want one but left it too late preferring financial stability over children. Youre  still young and have the time and abortion is an option if thats what she wants, have no regrets in it, its your lives, any child will know nothing of this even at 20 weeks...........ask yourself what your earliest memory is.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree. When we drove to Holland because an abortion was illegal in my country at that time, it turned out that she'd have gotten twins. Having a twin brother made the decision even harder and she's at the end of the fifth month. Please see how developed these embryos are, nothing to do when our memory starts. 

[BestB]

For the life of me i

do not get what is so wrong about someone in his twenty’s , healthy , fit businessman to raise a baby?even more so after being together for over 2 years with a gf

[jenny2017]

12 minutes ago, BestB said:

For the life of me i

do not get what is so wrong about someone in his twenty’s , healthy , fit businessman to raise a baby?even more so after being together for over 2 years with a gf

R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y     ?

[fanjita]

On 8/11/2018 at 1:04 PM, Christiano9321 said:

I take full responsibility for this mistake and will never run away from it, but I believe adoption is the best way to move forward.

By having the baby adopted then you are most certainly running away.  Apologies for being so direct but this is the reality.

 

And the best way forward for you by the sounds of it, OP.  

 

Lot's of growing up for you to do and mighty fast by the sound of it.

[SheungWan]

Let the GF and family bring up the kid if she wishes and provide some child support. Duty calls.

[jenny2017]

39 minutes ago, fanjita said:

By having the baby adopted then you are most certainly running away.  Apologies for being so direct but this is the reality.

 

And the best way forward for you by the sounds of it, OP.  

 

Lot's of growing up for you to do and mighty fast by the sound of it.

Considering that nobody at home may hear of his misfortune, the OP needs some more years to grow up and fully understand what he's doing. It's so obvious that he sees the baby as something unwanted that he wants to see gone. Even when it's his own flesh and blood. He should let the mother of the baby decide, who knows how long this relationship's lasting with such a guy who doesn't want any responsibility for his actions. 

[Kadilo]

15 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

Considering that nobody at home may hear of his misfortune, the OP needs some more years to grow up and fully understand what he's doing. It's so obvious that he sees the baby as something unwanted that he wants to see gone. Even when it's his own flesh and blood. He should let the mother of the baby decide, who knows how long this relationship's lasting with such a guy who doesn't want any responsibility for his actions. 

He has already said in his opening post :

“My girlfriend will find it very challenging to let go of her baby but she also feels it is the best option.“

 

so it it seems they have decided together. 

[jenny2017]

Just now, Kadilo said:

He has already said in his opening post :

“My girlfriend will find it very challenging to let go of her baby but she also feels it is the best option.“

 

so it it seems they have decided together. 

Not really when you read "between the lines." My gf will find it? What does that mean? 

[Kadilo]

2 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

Not really when you read "between the lines." My gf will find it? What does that mean? 

She will find it very challenging.....

 

You don’t know what that means? Why dont you read it all instead of reading “between the lines”

[jenny2017]

8 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

She will find it very challenging.....

 

You don’t know what that means? Why dont you read it all instead of reading “between the lines”

 When somebody's using the future tense, then...okay let's stop here. 

[Kadilo]

2 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

 When somebody's using the future tense, then...okay let's stop here. 

You got it wrong. It’s not hard to accept. It doesnt make you a bad person. 

[Canuckabroad]

It sounds like you have a tough decision to make, OP.  If you decide to go with adoption then make a list of your options:

 

- Give the baby over to Thai social services.  She nay be adopted (perhaps very likely if healthy and half Caucasian).  Might also end up in ophanage, or shuffled through series of adoptive parents.  Or abused and exploited.  Keep in mind you’re thinking about dropping your baby daughter off into a developing country’s social welfare system.

 

- Find a private adopter.  It’s best you do this in advance of the baby’s birth, then maybe you can all go to a country where private adoptions are legal, give birth, and sign her over.  (If that’s allowed, especially for non-citizens.)

 

- Do an unofficial adoption.  You give the baby over to close relatives, friends, missionary couple, whoever, to raise for you.

 

- Visit a country that grants citizenship upon birth, have the baby there, and turn the child over to social services.  Presumably you’d pick a country where you thought the balance of probabilities are an orphan child has a better chance there than an orphan in Thailand.

 

Not saying I agree with all of these, or if any or all are feasible, but you asked for help and these adoption scenarios are what sprang to my mind.

 

Good luck, and don’t pressure your girlfriend into doing what you want.

[gk10002000]

3 hours ago, Frogmountain said:

Many families, in and out of Thailand, would be thrilled to adopt your baby. You must go through the Thai adoption agency. Private adoption is illegal as there is too much potential for abuse.

Research open vs. closed adoption and think about whether you would like your daughter to know who you are or be able to find you later. 

Best of luck. 

Contact info: 

Child Adoption Center
Department of Social Development and Welfare
255 Ratchawithi Road
Bangkok 10400 Thailand
Phone: 02-354-7500, 02-354-7509, 02-354-9234 ext. 412-419, 
02-306-8834-35
Email: [email protected]

Keep trying the phones if they don't pick up on a particular day. You can also stop by the office during business hours; there is always someone who speaks English. 

I think the original post is a troll, because so many new posts are always extreme situations, for example the OP says 4.5 months, which is right at the 26 week time frame where many states or countries forbid abortions.  Anyway, thank you for posting the official Thai Agency for adoption situations