The week that was in Thailand news: Could it be "Pennies From Heaven" for caveman Vern?

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Could it be "Pennies From Heaven" for caveman Vern?

 

 

"A long time ago, a million years BC, the best things in life were absolutely free."

 

So goes the opening lines of an old song that I like to try and sing to my little children. I am a hopeless singer - indeed I have a certified condition called "Karaokephobia" based on my inability to croon. It is also a fear of having to enter Karaoke lounges and be obliged to listen to Thais and other Asians who think they are actually melodic. 

 

'Pennies From Heaven' - that I am sure many of my slightly older readers will recognize  - has lyrics  about appreciating what you have and even if things look bad there can often be a silver lining in the darkest clouds. 

 

For me the song is a mantra for life and while my kids - and my ex students - probably humor me and think in reality I am as barking as the soi dogs, I am sticking to it. 

 

Croaking out the tune to my two year old this week I was musing on money. It is not a subject I like to dwell on too much. I have always had it but I don't crave it like some people though I do agree with the adage that money won is ten times sweeter than money earned. 

 

When I once won US$5,000 in a Scrabble game I was, like the song, in Rooster heaven with my "um - be - rella, up - side down".

 

It would be an understatement, akin to suggesting that there is just one honest Thai cabby handing in money per month, to suggest that the locals are not concerned by filthy lucre. They are obsessed by it.

 

However, having met many rich people in my time I have to say that I generally prefer them to the poor. This flies in the face of the common experience of many but I do really like people who have lots of wedge, as we Londoners say, but who don't flaunt it.

 

Most of the wealthy I have met in Thailand were the parents, and sometimes the children, who I encountered at two of Bangkok's foremost international schools where I taught the Thai language and culture to both locals and expatriates. 

 

One young female student at Bangkok Patana School concerned me with her frequent absence. How was I to teach her to spell the awkward Thai word "patihan" (miracle) if she never showed up? I was soon to discover that she was Tata Young the singer who in a one night gig would earn more than Rooster in a year as a humble khun khru, even at international school. 

 

But when I did see her in class how pleasant and well adjusted she was. The same went for the other singers, dancers and actors I met at the Bang Na school. I also once met Pira Sudham the Isaan author who was nominated for the Nobel Prize for Literature and came to give a talk. 

 

He had got wealthy and drove me to the Shangri-la hotel in his Benz for a very lavish dinner. There were no airs and graces about the country lad made good - he intended to help me plow back his millions into charity projects in Buriram, which is exactly what we started.

 

At my second school Harrow, many of the clientele made Patana parents look like paupers. A female Shinawatra teen came briefly then Yingluck's son was my student until I retired. She gave me an envelope once - some small sponsorship money for a Scrabble tournament I organized for children, I might add. 

 

In my home room I asked all the children for their phone numbers in case of school emergencies. One boy announced his number without batting an eyelid - 07 777 7777. 

 

"Oh and I suppose your sister's is 09 999 9999, right?" I said, mildly irked by the perceived impudence. "That's right," he said. "Mum and dad own DTAC". 

 

I was to grow to really like and appreciate their hard working son as I did another lad who insisted somewhat cheekily on putting "P for Poseidon" in his Thai Studies project on the topic of the A-Z of Thailand.

 

Well who wouldn't when dad owns the famous soapy massage parlor in Rachada? When the boy said teacher must visit one day I made my excuses and moved onto the next student pronto. 

 

At parental consultations I met interesting and very wealthy folk who were concerned about their children's Thai abilities in an international school setting. 

 

One was my all time heartthrob Sinjai Plengpanich who helped teach me Thai through her movies in which she always seemed to be dressed as a uni student. Her equally famous husband Chatchai was at the consultation too and I was trying not to drool at his wife looking rather like the dad besotted by the spunky teacher in the Harry Enfield sketch about daft teenager Kevin. 

 

What pleasant, unassuming and appreciative people the Plengpanich family were. The same went for Bui who as Porntip Nakhirunkanok won the Miss Universe title for Thailand in South Korea in 1988.

 

It was twenty five years later when she inquired about how her son was doing as she was concerned he was brought up in LA and was a bit anti-Thai language and culture. "Not to worry", I said, as I once again checked I was not leering. "I'll bring him round". 

 

I was true to my word and believe me, it is very nice when Miss Universe is grateful. 

 

The point of all this name dropping is that I never found the rich and famous unpleasant, or what an Aussie mucker of mine one said was a nine letter word beginning with the letter A - abnoxious,mate, bloody abnoxious.

 

On the contrary most of the Thais of status that I encountered have been lovely though there were a few who got my goosy gander up. One came to see me in my office and after her initial statements that her Thai son had no need to learn his written language as he would never use it, I smiled my best Thai smile, got up and closed the door so as to keep the conversation private from the teachers craning their ears outside. They knew that something was up when the head of department unusually shut the door.

 

The wealthy Thai retreated in defeat five minutes later after being given a Rooster dressing down for her lack of Thai-ness. Her little luuk continued to learn Thai. 

 

This week on the hallowed pages and screens of Thaivisa it was no surprise how many stories featured the juxtaposition of money and status. But unlike my schooldays' experiences there were many very nasty people vying for our attention. 

 

At the risk of repeating myself ad nauseam the worst of these concerned Musk Melon - I can't bring myself to utter his real name - who came up with more unwarranted slurs against Vern Unsworth the caver. Melon has really done it this time with unfounded 12 year old child bride allegations as Vern threatened lawsuits on three continents. 

 

My favorite comment of the week from "BoganInParasite" said it all: "Musk needs to be liberated from some of his millions". 

 

Comment on the forum continued with some claiming that Vern started it but while he may have said something rude he wasn't libelous. Saying you can stick your sub where the sun don't shine is a far cry from suggesting pedophilia. 

 

Melon has a screw loose which is a decidedly dodgy thing for someone so deeply into advanced engineering. 

 

Another very ugly character in a week full of rogues was "Sia Lop" the murderer of Nong Nurse in Nakorn Pathom. Forum posters took the "playing the field in Pattaya" headline as an open invitation for victim blaming. They can't help themselves and would not realize they had been trolled if someone whacked them over the head with their own bar stool. 

 

While Nurse - like millions of us - has played with fire she does not deserve to be shot multiple times by a fugly scumbag who then thinks he can make demands of the constabulary. Quite rightly they told him where he could go perhaps indicating that he is not as rich as the "sia" moniker would suggest. 

 

Money, or the lack of it, continued to concern the traders of Khao San Road who are now forced to flog their Pad Thai and Fake Student cards only from dusk to midnight. Now there's a crime in the hours of darkness if ever there was one. 

 

Rooster was never much enamored with the place referring to it as a "zoo" during my traveling days and in fact going to the area for lunch just two or three times a year when I had to get 1980s tax clearance from the Banglamphu office. I know they call it a "landmark" these days but I can think of a thousand better places to visit in Thailand. Probably a thousand in Bangkok.

 

It became chic-trendy among young Thais to 'hang out" there but they are fickle and will move elsewhere and probably already have like the nomadic backpackers who they shared the street with for a while.

 

Pocket general and aspiring politico Prayut caused the titter-o-meter to explode this week when he suggested that 24th February (again no year mentioned) was the earliest possible date for something the Thais have probably forgotten how to do - vote. 

 

Many posters were half expecting the general to suggest the 29th but given his dearth of knowledge of anything except how to subjugate subordinates I wouldn't be surprised if next week he didn't apologized saying that due to his"organic road map"  the election would be held seven days after his previous pronouncement - on February 31st. 

 

I can think of something organic for this man and it ain't slightly knobbly carrots. 

 

Also sadly spouting interminable drivel this week were The Nation in their story about how four people might have simultaneously contracted HIV then promptly succumbed to AIDS after getting tattoos. They really should not repeat the nonsensical claims of certain misguided people as though they are fact without a disclaimer to the contrary. 

 

HIV and AIDS' scares used to sell newspapers but have we not moved on in our knowledge? While keeping the issue of the still very real possibility of contracting HIV in the public mindset is important, imbecilic scare tactics should not be employed. We can leave that to the UK tabloid front pages or what, to paraphrase Alan Bennett, the British occasionally refer to as their newspapers. 

 

Meanwhile the Koh Tao rape allegation drama festered on though thankfully Big Joke was readjusting his rozzer radar to expose hapless illegal Chinese workers. People who had shared the Koh Tao "CSI LA" story were rounded up while the owner of the site remained blissfully free in the States. 

 

In my view, Thailand is not a police state but everyone should think carefully before they pick and choose what to like and share online. It is only common sense and anyone, even if only versed in the law of lese-majeste, should realize that self-regulation is an important skill in these click happy internet days when everyone can be traced at the push of a button even by Thai plod. 

 

Reading idiotic posts that repeated Melon's "paedo" libel showed that many Thaivisa posters have a way to go before they understand such sentiments and can claim "netizenship".

 

Top controversy again featured those creatures people seem to love or hate - no not Thai women - soi dogs. Some person in Pathum Thani had poisoned nine of them for "barking at night" and the forum was full of a rather ghoulish praise for the miscreant and an opposite condemnation that the poisoner should burn in hell. 

 

I take my little ones to Hua Hin but there are several dogs on the loose that threaten us on the walk from our preferred hotel to the beach. Despite arming myself with a stick I can't stand this predicament and were anything untoward to happen I would have to resume my holidays in Pattaya.

 

I'll take my chances with the rabid taxi mafia and ladyboys any day over soi dogs. 

 

Years ago - also in Pathum Thani - when a pack of dogs at our estate were causing trouble the locals started grumbling under their breath. On the quiet the Thais had a whip-round and low and behold a week or so later there were no dogs. 

 

My kids noticed and asked where had all the K9s gone to? My answer was very similar to what I told them when their pet chickens - bought for three baht each as fluffy and cute blue and yellow chicks - had grown up, started pooping on my new car and promptly disappeared.

 

"I took them to Korat Football Club", I said, "Or KFC for short". 

 

In many ways it is a pity that most Thais are not dog eaters. One wonders whether the Vietnamese have such a big problem with soi dogs. 

 

And so to a few Rooster awards. My "Dragon's Den" or perhaps more appropriately "Shark Tank" award for entrepreneurial endeavor goes to the businessman in Sri Racha who brought in a bunch of "coyotes"  to dance while men tried to concentrate on fishing for prawns. 

 

Coyotes, while still untamed are so much better than soi dogs. 

 

While the "Torapha and Toraphee Gratefulness Award" goes to the taxi driver in Bangkok who had a go at a motorcyclist who kindly, and gently, closed his flapping boot for him in the traffic. "Don't slam it" the cretin yelled then compounded his rudeness by using the word "seuak" rather than the gentler "yung". Both mean interfere.

 

I know the difference between the two words after nearly getting my ears boxed in though a simple dictionary may confuse the Thai language learner. The taxi driver was lucky that the motorcyclist seemed to be a happy-go-lucky chap and about the only guy on the road without a machete in his underpants and an Itoh knife under his seat.

 

The Torapha and Toraphee reference refers to two father and son buffaloes in the Ramakien (from the Ramayana) who are often used as references in the Thai media and daily life to highlight something that Thais revile almost as much as poverty - namely ungratefulness. 

 

"All The Sevens" award goes to the 7/11 employee at a gas station on Route 7 on Friday 7th who gave birth in the toilets to a baby girl. She had been told by a doctor that she wasn't pregnant, just fat, and had gone into the convenience store loos to have a much needed pooh.

 

And yes, you've guessed it...she called her newborn "Nong Seven". 

 

Finally, to absolve myself entirely from Mrs Rooster's suggestions that I am often ungrateful, I would like to register my gratefulness to a couple of Thai guys I met by chance in the Korat area last Sunday. I had just surprised myself by finishing third in the huge Scrabble championships that were held in The Mall and was on my way to Bangkok as Happy as Larry when my bike conked out about 15 kilometers out of town on a hill. 

 

I was stuck having about as much knowledge of bike mechanics as quantum mechanics. I was soon accosted by a lovely man on a Honda who went out of his way to push me slowly, using his foot on the back footrest, up and over the hill to a repair shop that was thankfully still open in the Sunday twilight.

 

He then waved his smiling farewells saying he must get home to his own wife leaving me in the care of the mechanic who quickly ascertained that the clutch was my problem and got to work. Both men had saved my day and restored my smile and I was determined to reward the mechanic for the time spent.

 

It was the devil's own job to persuade him to accept the small tip that I really needed to give him for my own peace of mind! I was rewarded in kind by the widest of grins and cheery waves as he exhorted me to drive safely all the way back to Krung Thep. 

 

This Englishman will always be grateful to Thailand.

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2018-09-08

[JLCrab]

Regarding the Musk guy referenced above from this NY Times yesterday on his interview 2 days ago:

 

If (Musk) is feeling any insecurity, it was not reflected in his webcast with Mr. Rogan. He appeared at ease, sipping whiskey, and spoke, at one point, about artificial intelligence and how it could not be controlled.

“You kind of have to be optimistic about the future,” Mr. Musk said. “There’s no point in being pessimistic. I’d rather be optimistic and wrong than pessimistic and right.”

 

Edited September 8, 2018 by JLCrab

[villagefarang]

I have to say, I agree with your assessment of wealthy Thais.  I have innumerable stories of being treated with kindness and great generosity over the years, especially when I was young.  They provided introduction and access to elements of Thai culture I could have easily overlooked or not even been aware of.  I can also attest to the pleasant and unassuming character of Chatchai, having worked with him and shared a meal with him many many years ago.

[Inepto Cracy]

I think the only pennies being spent on Vern now, will be the Scots equivalent to being peed on, or needing a pee.. Oh I have to spend a penny.

I do hope Vern has his tail covered from every angle, karma and the past are catching up very fast now.

 

[SunSeek01]

This is a great column, keep it up. Real talent and I appreciate it. 

[George Aylesham]

I share similar experiences about wealthy (as opposed to Hi So) Thais.The first Thais I met and spoke to in school in Asford, England 60 years ago hugely impressed me with their courtesy and friendliness. Subsequent meetings with senior Thais around the world have simply served to confirm my first impressions. At the same, and I'm not sure if this is a Chiang Mai characteristic, the helpfulness of ordinary Thais in shops and offices always gives me a warm feeling - how else in LOS?

Signed a happy farang immigrant

[kentrot]

Having taught in 2 of Bangkok's top-tier International schools, I agree that those of Thai heritage and who have had great success financially, are of kind hearts.

 

I have seen them repeatedly open their wallets/purses to take care of the underprivileged. And now - retired - I see many Thai's who are married to well-off farangs but who take every opportunity to share with strangers  and take care of the needy as their budgets permit.

 

 

[anon789561]

an interesting sunday read. being the shallow prick i am, all i got out of it was you fancied and probably still do drool over chatchais mrs. oh and you like the uni uniform, don't we all 555. but it's good to get it out there ?

[rosst]

What an excellent and entertaining article with a superb turn of phrase, I enjoyed it immensely, keep up the good work. 

[MamaSan]

Absolutely loved this piece wonderful insight! 'Look forward to more.  Thank you.

[Just Weird]

11 hours ago, Inepto Cracy said:

 

I do hope Vern has his tail covered from every angle, karma and the past are catching up very fast now.

 

What "past" is catching up with him very fast?

Edited September 9, 2018 by Just Weird

[lamyai3]

On 9/8/2018 at 5:00 PM, rooster59 said:

"All The Sevens" award goes to the 7/11 employee at a gas station on Route 7 on Friday 7th who gave birth in the toilets to a baby girl. She had been told by a doctor that she wasn't pregnant, just fat, and had gone into the convenience store loos to have a much needed pooh.

 

And yes, you've guessed it...she called her newborn "Nong Seven". 

This was a great story. And Nong Seven does have a certain panache to it, a much better choice than Nong Hong Nahm...

[TPI]

2 hours ago, lamyai3 said:

This was a great story. And Nong Seven does have a certain panache to it, a much better choice than Nong Hong Nahm...

555555555!

[Lucky mike]

Heard that Karioke was a practical joke from the Japanese that the Thais didn't get !

[Commercial Diver]

Go Rooster - you understand everything .. ?