observer90210 Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 21 hours ago, vogie said: Ed Sheeran has agreed to stand in for Prince Harry for the unforseeable future. Oh Dear !...how could he have traded her in (and out) for Diana ?....she must be a great saucisage cook.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 (edited) THE THREE FOOT BROTHERS There were three Foot brothers named Bob, Richard and Joe Foot. One day Bob said let's all go swimming in the river. They all agreed, however poor Bob got into difficulties and drowned. (he could only bob down not up!) The day after their brother's funeral Richard went to see Joe and said let's go swimming, but Joe replied "You must be joking, we already have one foot in the grave!" Edited January 25, 2020 by scottiejohn 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted January 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 25, 2020 Two tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybaarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole, they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?” The blonde waitress leaned over and said, “Pppiiii-zzzaaa-Hhhuuttt...” 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted January 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 25, 2020 9 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said: In breaking news, Corona are so concerned about being associated with the Corona virus that they have renamed their beer: 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted January 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 25, 2020 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted January 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 25, 2020 Did you hear about the circumcisor with the shaky hand? He got the sack 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metropolitian Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 A man in a wheelchair dies. In his last will was said that he want to be buried with his wheelchair he needed in this life and wanted it for the afterlife. So it will be. A blind man dies. In his last will was said that he want to be buried with his walking stick he needed in this life and wanted it for the afterlife. So it will be. A deaf man dies. In his last will was said that he want to be buried with his sign language interpreter he needed in this life and wanted it for the afterlife. So it w... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, ballpoint said: Did you hear about the circumcisor with the shaky hand? He got the sack B*llokcs. I am sure that story is a load of balls! Edited January 26, 2020 by scottiejohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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spinner2020 Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 On 1/24/2020 at 3:52 PM, WorriedNoodle said: Absolutely love McLachlan's work! Here's another: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 26, 2020 A history teacher is discussing George Washington with his class. "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree," the teacher explains, "but also admitted to doing it. Does anyone know why his father didn't punish him?" A large lout at the back of the class shouts out, "Maybe because George still had the F*-&ing axe in his hand?" 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 26, 2020 Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to take a tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of water, he asked President Clinton if he could use the bathroom in the Oval Office. He was astonished to see that the president had a solid gold urinal installed. That night, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I'm president, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!" Laura had lunch with Hillary Clinton on her tour of the White House and told her how impressed George had been with his discovery of the president's private bathroom and gold urinal. "Bill doesn't have a gold urinal," Hillary told Laura, "but that explains who peed in Bill's saxophone." 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Drive-Thru Confessional ------------------------- The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "I now agree that it was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now." The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock'n'roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the heavens." "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth." "All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "but I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional." "But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!" "Yes," replied the elderly priest, "and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post WorriedNoodle Posted January 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 26, 2020 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post Crossy Posted January 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 26, 2020 1 hour ago, WorriedNoodle said: You really need to be of a certain age ... 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, Crossy said: You really need to be of a certain age What age/culture is it as just I don't get it! PS; I am actually being serious. PPS; I am back to not being able to add smiley/emicons as the whole thing freezes when I try. Edited January 26, 2020 by scottiejohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Crossy Posted January 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 26, 2020 2 minutes ago, scottiejohn said: What age/culture is it as just I don't get it! PS; I am actually being serious. PPS; I am back to not being able to add smiley/emicons as the whole thing freezes when I try. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fasteddie Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Monday my Grandad goes to the Cobblers to collect his shoes: The cobbler says. ''When did you fetch them in mate?'' Grandad says. ''Wednesday, March the 10th 1949.'' The Cobbler says. "You're having a laugh mate, this shop has changed hands 17 times and we don't keep records anyway where's your ticket?'' Grandad opens his wallet and produces the ticket in perfect condition. The cobbler can't believe it, but goes down the cellar stairs and searches an hour for the shoes, He comes up the stairs all covered in cobwebs with a pair of shoes and says to grandad. ''Is this ''em?'' Grandad says. ''Yes.'' All excited. . . The Cobbler says. ''They'll be ready Friday!'' 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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